Emma1a Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Hey guys, So I started talking to this guy I met online few weeks ago, we have some mutual friends too apprently. We saw each other the second week and have been texting constantly. We both have busy work schedules and live quite far from each other (70kms). So we didn't get to meet again till last week.... and we slept together. It was great and he messaged me next day and so on. He was texting me late last night (sexually) and arranged to meet again at his place next week. Now, I am not the kinda of girl who sleeps around, only been w one guy for the past few years but I am really attracted to this guy and I like him a lot. My question is how and when should i bring up being exclusive?? I did jokingly asked him how many girls he is sleeping with he said one but who knows. Thanks! Emma
BLND Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 First you have to start meeting him outside of his home. 2
Toodaloo Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Emma - in my book you don't sleep with guys unless you have already had the talk. I think you need to speak to him next time you see him and make it clear that you do not want to carry on sleeping with him if he is seeing others. Be blunt and ask for a blunt answer. If he answers one you look him in the eye and tell him that "one" better be you or you are walking and mean it! I also think that you guys need to "date" and not just shag... This means going out and doing things together. I recently started sleeping with the guy I liked. It was pretty early on (date 3) but we still do things together that do not involve sex and we still go out and have a fun time with out planning sex into the date or staying at each others homes. Make sure you keep it mixed up so you can get to know him as a person rather than just as a sex object. I know its tempting but we girls have to think with our brains and not just our poonanis! Good luck. 2
kpl Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Please don't bring up being exclusive after a couple of weeks. There is too little information to tell what is going on with the two of you but I would just wait a month or so before mentioning. In my opinion you should only bring up exclusivity if you guys are already acting and behaving like a couple that talk should be a formality. 1
lilmissjava Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 My question is how and when should i bring up being exclusive?? I did jokingly asked him how many girls he is sleeping with he said one but who knows. Even if he was sleeping with ONE other, I wouldn't even be jumping anywhere close to his bed. The fact that you are even doubting his answer should be telling you something. Talk to him and suggest things to do outside his bedroom. Do activities and just enjoy getting to know each other with your clothes on. Compatibility must exist on many levels, not just physically.
Jejangles Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I think you've moved too quickly and are in danger of being in a sex only relationship with this guy.Do you want more? Because now you've slept with him, he's sexting you and has invited you over to his place. Sex is what's on offer and seemingly sex only for now. If you are ok with a sex only relationship, I think it is ok to clarify that he is only sleeping with you and to agree that if that changes at any time, you will let each other know. If you are wanting a relationship, I think you need to pull back and make it clear that while sex can be part of it, you are looking for more. That includes conversation that is not sexually charged and dates outside the home. It's tough to pull back when you have already "gone there" but it is doable if you stick to your needs. 1
kendahke Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 My question is how and when should i bring up being exclusive?? That ship has sailed, hon. 1
xcupid Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 You've put the cart before the horse. Exclusivity comes before sex, not after. If he's sleeping with other women then you have a problem.
Author Emma1a Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Thanks guys! I talked to him about spending time outside of his place. So now we are doing dinner and movie 1
meeji Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 You should tell him that want to take it slower and that you don't want to have sex unless you guys are exclusive his way he wont expect sex every time he sees you. Watch out because guys will say that they want to be exclusive and in a relationship just to fast forward to the sex part. Sounds like you want more. I suggest getting to know him first..
smackie9 Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 You should tell him that want to take it slower and that you don't want to have sex unless you guys are exclusive his way he wont expect sex every time he sees you. . Sorry but that ship has sailed.....you don't pull the plug on sex to get what you want. It's not fair.
meeji Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 I'm not saying to use sex as a bargaining tool. I"m saying she should put some boundaries in place and be upfront about what she is looking for. Yes, Emma should have thought about it before she slept with him but she did it and cant take it back. BUT that doesn't she she's obligated to keep sleeping with the guy just because she did it one time. If she makes her intentions clear and say that she got caught up in the moment I don't see anything wrong with slowing it down. Its early in the game. They haven't been dating long and it's not like she's been banging the guy for months and suddenly wants to stop.
meeji Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Sorry but that ship has sailed.....you don't pull the plug on sex to get what you want. It's not fair. I'm sorry but I would not continue to have sex with a man who is sleeping with other women. I have every right to decline if that's the situation, we never discussed it on day one and it is not something that I'm okay with. I think it's totally fair if I"m not looking for an FWB but a boyfriend.
alphamale Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 My question is how and when should i bring up being exclusive?? when you know his last name 1
kendahke Posted November 1, 2015 Posted November 1, 2015 Thanks guys! I talked to him about spending time outside of his place. So now we are doing dinner and movie What about the other chick he's sleeping with? What if she likes for him to do the same thing with her, too? Is he giving her up? Are you going to ask him at dinner about this?
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