One_Made_of_Silver Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I hinted at this in another thread, and I thought it deserved it's own topic. I turned to OLD partially because I'm terrible at approaching women IRL. It's just not a skill I've been able to develop. I'd say 80 percent of my dates the last few years have been girls I met online. I find it easier to start and sustain a conversation when I'm talking online, and obviously easier to identify who is actually single, but it's a very small pool where I live. IRL, I'm in a better position than most guys because I have hobbies that put me in proximity to large numbers of attractive women. This one group I'm in that meets once a month, is probably 10-1 in favor of women. There might be two guys in it, and the rest are women. I don't necessarily have approach anxiety. I'm not afraid to approach girls in real life. It's just what happens after I make the approach where I run into trouble. I'll try to start a conversation with a girl, but the conversation doesn't really go anywhere. I'll say something, then the girl will say something, and then the conversation just stops awkwardly. Have any others experienced this? Any suggestions as to how I can make my real life approaches better or smoother? I feel like I'm blowing valuable opportunities to get to know some awesome ladies.
darkbloom Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Why don't you try approaching them as friends first? That way it takes off the pressure and you could always use a new friend if it doesn't work out to date them.
Author One_Made_of_Silver Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Why don't you try approaching them as friends first? That way it takes off the pressure and you could always use a new friend if it doesn't work out to date them. Maybe, but I think a lot of girls automatically assume that if a guy approaches them, it's because he wants a date.
Mrin Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Sure thing dude. It is all about practice. Here's something to do, when you are out running errands, or grabbing lunch at work or out with your buddies, make a commitment to chat up every woman you meet. Older, younger, heavier, skinnier, married, not married.... doesn't matter. Just chat them up - not in a romantic way - just in a friendly way. You'll get into a rhythm... Also, this is a good practice to do prior to one of your meet up events. You'll go in "primed". NOTE: if you're an introvert, this probably won't work
Toodaloo Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Maybe, but I think a lot of girls automatically assume that if a guy approaches them, it's because he wants a date. Nope - hate to burst your bubble but most of us just think he is just being friendly and nothing else. Talk to them as if they were your mother or sister or a cousin. You can hold conversations with them right? Practice practice and practice. Keep it short to start and then build up gradually. Remember they have just as much responsibility as you to keep conversation going. Conversation is a two way thing not just one person talking at another. Try asking questions, opinions, "Oh why do you think that?" is normally a good one in the right context.
Mrin Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Nope - hate to burst your bubble but most of us just think he is just being friendly and nothing else. Talk to them as if they were your mother or sister or a cousin. You can hold conversations with them right? Practice practice and practice. Keep it short to start and then build up gradually. Remember they have just as much responsibility as you to keep conversation going. Conversation is a two way thing not just one person talking at another. Try asking questions, opinions, "Oh why do you think that?" is normally a good one in the right context. LOL! Okay, Tood's is so right. Here's some advice I gave to a friend the other day. You need to ask questions. We men are at a loss here because 1) we don't like to ask questions normally and 2) we ask man questions. Man Questions are questions that can be answered with a fact and usually a very short fact. Examples: Man Question: When is the game on Sunday? Answer: 2pm Man Question: Did you see that new Matt Damon movie? Answer: Yes Man Question: Have you tried that pho place on 14th? Answer: No A woman fines these questions boring and completely unworkable. There is no invitation to share. No opportunity to relate. No possibility of dialog. Here are Woman Questions: Are you excited for the game on Sunday? What do you think of that new Matt Damon movie? Been to any great new restaurants lately? I've been eying that new pho place on 14th. These are things she can work with. The difference between a Man Question and a Woman Question is that a Woman Question is an invitation to share her thoughts, opinions and a bit about herself. 2
Author One_Made_of_Silver Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 LOL! Okay, Tood's is so right. Here's some advice I gave to a friend the other day. You need to ask questions. We men are at a loss here because 1) we don't like to ask questions normally and 2) we ask man questions. Man Questions are questions that can be answered with a fact and usually a very short fact. Examples: Man Question: When is the game on Sunday? Answer: 2pm Man Question: Did you see that new Matt Damon movie? Answer: Yes Man Question: Have you tried that pho place on 14th? Answer: No A woman fines these questions boring and completely unworkable. There is no invitation to share. No opportunity to relate. No possibility of dialog. Here are Woman Questions: Are you excited for the game on Sunday? What do you think of that new Matt Damon movie? Been to any great new restaurants lately? I've been eying that new pho place on 14th. These are things she can work with. The difference between a Man Question and a Woman Question is that a Woman Question is an invitation to share her thoughts, opinions and a bit about herself. Thanks, some really good suggestions here.
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