mike_89 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 So, I have been dating this girl for a short time (we met about a month ago and have been on 2 dates since) and I like her: pretty, intelligent, good sense of humour and has a cat and a dog at her parents' place. But.... shortly after our second date (one week ago) her grandfather passed away unexpectedly, he was in good health. She told me this Monday so obviously I offered her to go for a walk and talk about it if she needed it, she told me she had college that evening and that it would provide enough distraction. I haven't heard from her since and I haven't contacted her either, I feel like she would need some space to grieve and that she can not possibly be in any kind of "romantic" mood. I do doubt though, should I contact her? Not to ask her to meet up but just to see how she is holding up. I have very double feelings, on one hand I want to console her because I expect her to be in pain, on the other hand it would just feel weird and insincere because we have only been on 2 dates and it doesn't feel appropriate yet. I am inclined to take her having enough distraction to mean that she does not want my support at the moment. Any insight is appreciated!
Toodaloo Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 If your Grandfather had just died would you like her to phone you up and do something to cheer you up? You answer is the answer to the question you ask. 1
jen1447 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I'd just give her space at this point. Grieving a death is one of the few times when the need for space can be legit, and you're too new to step into the role of primary comforter. Maybe reach out in a week or two just to ask how she's doing. 3
Jejangles Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I agree, you should give her space for a week or two then reach out. I was talking to a guy when my grandfather died and I just let him know what had happened and that we could connect down the road once I was further into the grieving process, and we talked next about two weeks later. I'm a fairly private person and would not feel ready to open up or cry in front of someone after two dates. I would see this as a pause. If she was interested after our second date, she will still be interested in a week or two. You could reach out with a checking in / hope you're ok / thinking of you text at some point so as not to lose momentum, but I wouldn't do anything more than that. 1
Odinani Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 It's fine to text her to offer your condolences 1
theredpill Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Jen is right, give her space, tell her you're there if she needs you. Her emotions will be all over the place, it's your job to be her rock, when she needs you to be - not to get involved and try to cheer her up because there are no words for this right now. 1
Author mike_89 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Thank you all for the input! I'll just wait until she contacts me again or I'll text her in a week or two if she doesn't.
jam.over.jelly Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Leave her alone is the best thing u can do right now. I'm in a very similar situation and I haven't talked to any of the guys I'm talking to simply because I have things on my mind. But I will reach out to them once this crisis is over. I don't want to be bothered, especially since we re not at that level yet. She might feel the same way I do. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Send a snail mail sympathy card with a separate note inside asking her to call you when things settle down because you don't want to intrude.
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