mental_traveller Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 As a single guy currently playing the dating game, I've found that the women I've encountered who are 30+ often seem to be a bit guarded when we meet up for the first few times. With women in their 20s, I seem to have pretty open, friendly conversations, even if we don't end up really hitting it off or having strong mutual attraction. It seems like I can get to know them (at least a bit) quite quickly. Whereas I've had women in their 30s who are definitely interested, but seem to hold back with their thoughts & feelings, almost like they are afraid to open up. I almost get the feeling they are following some artificial rule about not opening up too early or giving away too much interest at first. Anyway, quite frankly I find it quite a turn-off, it's like they are putting on an act and not being themselves. I definitely prefer people to act naturally & openly rather than guarded, cautious, or artificially reserved. So for any guys who've seen many women in their 30s, I'm just wondering is this normal or am I just picking the wrong ones! Any hints for how to get them to loosen up a bit? And I'd also be interested in the female perspective, might it be something I'm doing? Am I just being too impatient? I'd like to be fairly open with regard to age, but if this keeps up then I might be tempted to reconsider and just go for women younger than me (I'm 30).
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 you are correct in your observations M_T. this is cause both men and women have been burned numerous times by the mid thrities and this actually gets worse as people get older. see, life generally gets more stressful and there is more to lose the older you get and stakes in most everything get higher. so people tend to be more cautious, of both sexes. one thing i can say is that sex with women in their 30s is the best cause they are more comfortable with their bodies and more experienced and ready to experiment
crazy_grl Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 This is just a guess, but I would think the chances are good that single women in their 30's have gone through more hurt and had to deal with more rejection than women in their 20's. Maybe they're less open as a way to guard themselves. I'm 23, but I know that I'm not as open as most women my age. I prefer to know that I can trust someone before I go dishing out everything personal. In coversations with many 20 something year olds, I often wonder how they feel so comfortable sharing intimate details about their lives with practically complete strangers. If you prefer the type of woman who will dish out her entire life story right off the bat, then maybe you should go for younger women. However, you may find that these women can be a lot less mature in their relationships than older women.
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl In coversations with many 20 something year olds, I often wonder how they feel so comfortable sharing intimate details about their lives with practically complete strangers. well CRAZY_GRL, cause many of them are naive, inexperienced and immature. much like I was 16 or 17 yrs ago.
alicia24 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 i think women over 23 are guarded when it comes to dating, especially if they have been burned in the past.
dgiirl Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I'm still naive and i'm 30 But yah, if the 30 year olds have gone through what I have, I dont blame them for keeping their guard up. And if they're 30 and never been in a LTR, well even more reason to keep their guard up. Who wants to be hurt?
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl I'm still naive and i'm 30 naiveite is age relative. a 40 yr old is usually less naive than a 30 yrs old, and a 30 yr old less naive than 20 yr old, and so on.....
brashgal Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 We are also less likely to want to waste our time - I felt I had all the time in the world in my 20s. I put up with so much crap during my on-again, off-again marriage, I know life is too short to go through even a small amount of crap now.
lindya Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by brashgal We are also less likely to want to waste our time - I felt I had all the time in the world in my 20s. I put up with so much crap during my on-again, off-again marriage, I know life is too short to go through even a small amount of crap now. There's definitely something like that. Also I think that when you're in your twenties you're more likely to assume that other people will be impressed and moved by your most heartfelt hopes and feelings. Later on you realise that people tend to be primarily fascinated by themselves, and you make adjustments to allow for that.
RecordProducer Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 My fiance told me that among the women he met online there were many of them who would be hostile right away. He is an extremely kind person at any moment, he is never rude so I am sure he hasn't provoked them. About being cautious, I guess it's normal after being burnt, although nothing should prevent us from smiling and chatting cheerfully. It's very possible that you look suspicious to women and they feel threatened by you. Maybe you don't seem like a marriage material. Maybe you don't look like a nice guy or a serious guy in person. Maybe you act too immature... who knows? In any case, I get the impression that you prefer women in their twenties rather than in their thirties.
lindya Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 if this keeps up then I might be tempted to reconsider and just go for women younger than me (I'm 30). If you get on better with younger women, then yes - it would make sense for you to stick to dating younger women.
kellyp1 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 I don't see myself as jaded (33) but I do know I am less likely to put up with stuff. I gave more chances when I was younger, being older I question it a lot before someone gets another chance. But I am definately not "bitter party of 1" when it comes to dating. I am open and I hear that is a rare quality in today's world because of how people carry with them what happened in the past. If I did, I would be one crazy chick so I have learned to let the past go and treat every individual situation as that, an individual situation that I personally have not experienced before.
l2hvn Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 i think women in their 20s are much more relaxed and open-minded where as women in their 30s are probably feeling the societal pressures that are expected to them. so, they wouldn't want to waste their time in something that's not going anywhere.
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