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Drama King?

Odinani

By Odinani
in General Relationship Discussion

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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

Posted
Posted

I'm seeking advice for my sister. She is 32 and she has been dating a man who is about the same age for just over a month.

 

She likes him but they have not had sex yet and they have not had a talk about exclusivity.

 

In conversation he asked her if she was still using dating sites and still going on dates with other men. She said that she is and she told him she really likes him but it's still early days. He went ballistic. He told her he feels betrayed and let down that she would be swiping on other guys while at the same time going on dates with him, holding hands with him, kissing him and so on. He said he hasn't been on dating sites since he met her. He also said that this happens to him again and again in the past, that it's so hard for him to lock down a girl because they all seem to get taken by other guys in the end.

 

Is it not a bit melodramatic for a man to be like this given the circumstances (only just started dating, no talk of exclusivity etc)?

kpl Established Member

kpl

Posted
Posted

That's not drama it sounds like an anger problem. If he was concerned he could have had a normal conversation. He sounds off his rocker.

  • Like 6
Hopeless1984 Member

Hopeless1984

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Wow! This is a very early warning sign. A relationship with this guy would be bad news. He seems controlling from the get go. I'd jump ship.

  • Like 4
SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
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He might be inexperienced with online dating and doesn't know that multi dating is actually pretty normal.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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It's more than melodramatic, it's psychotic.

 

If she has any self-respect, she should never contact him again.

  • Like 4
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Odinani Established Member

Odinani

Posted
  • Author
Posted
It's more than melodramatic, it's psychotic.

 

If she has any self-respect, she should never contact him again.

 

Psychotic is quite serious. Do you mean that?

  • Like 1
PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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Yes psychotic. He does not have a firm grasp on reality. It is not normal to go "ballistic" when someone you are dating tells you something that is quite normal. If he doesn't understand multi-dating then he should enquire about it in a calm and rational manner, and explain that he does not do that, and would like to meet someone who does not do that either. Going "ballistic" is never acceptable.

 

It's pretty obvious what the reason he can't "lock down" a girl is. He's a total nutter. BAIL.

  • Like 6
Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted
I'm seeking advice for my sister. She is 32 and she has been dating a man who is about the same age for just over a month.

 

She likes him but they have not had sex yet and they have not had a talk about exclusivity.

 

In conversation he asked her if she was still using dating sites and still going on dates with other men. She said that she is and she told him she really likes him but it's still early days. He went ballistic. He told her he feels betrayed and let down that she would be swiping on other guys while at the same time going on dates with him, holding hands with him, kissing him and so on. He said he hasn't been on dating sites since he met her. He also said that this happens to him again and again in the past, that it's so hard for him to lock down a girl because they all seem to get taken by other guys in the end.

 

Is it not a bit melodramatic for a man to be like this given the circumstances (only just started dating, no talk of exclusivity etc)?

 

It is an overreaction for sure. But in the end, he's just a guy who likely only dates one woman at a time and doesn't understand or accept multi-dating and feels threatened by "competition". They just aren't on the same page about dating strategy.

  • Like 3
lilmissjava Established Member

lilmissjava

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Understandably he was upset but the err is on both parties.

 

Expectations of what both were looking for should have been a topic of conversation really very early on. That was the chance for both of them to relay early of their expectations or thoughts about multi-dating, and after some time the exclusivity talk.

 

As it stands, I think it's too late for that.

  • Like 1
GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
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Sounds like between you and your sis you have both managed to find a couple of the kind of men you should absolutely listen to your gut about and run as fast as you can from.

 

Ditch the guys and get out and about together and just have fun (while both doing a bit of reading up to make yourselves aware of how relationships with these types can transpire).

 

Both yours and your sisters situations will not improve, you're both headed down a potentially very dark road if you both keep dating these guys.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I'm seeking advice for my sister. She is 32 and she has been dating a man who is about the same age for just over a month.

 

She likes him but they have not had sex yet and they have not had a talk about exclusivity.

 

In conversation he asked her if she was still using dating sites and still going on dates with other men. She said that she is and she told him she really likes him but it's still early days. He went ballistic. He told her he feels betrayed and let down that she would be swiping on other guys while at the same time going on dates with him, holding hands with him, kissing him and so on. He said he hasn't been on dating sites since he met her. He also said that this happens to him again and again in the past, that it's so hard for him to lock down a girl because they all seem to get taken by other guys in the end.

 

Is it not a bit melodramatic for a man to be like this given the circumstances (only just started dating, no talk of exclusivity etc)?

 

You'd be wise to tell your sister to back off from this one.

 

If he wants all of that, why hasn't he brought up being exclusive with her? If he wants to drop off the dating sites and base it off assumptions and speculation, that's his prerogative. She isn't obligated to do the same unless they've discussed it and agreed to be exclusive. He hasn't bothered to open his mouth til now to state what he wants. Is she supposed to walk on eggshells and play "guess what I'm thinking?"

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
Sounds like between you and your sis you have both managed to find a couple of the kind of men you should absolutely listen to your gut about and run as fast as you can from.

 

Ditch the guys and get out and about together and just have fun (while both doing a bit of reading up to make yourselves aware of how relationships with these types can transpire).

 

Both yours and your sisters situations will not improve, you're both headed down a potentially very dark road if you both keep dating these guys.

 

^^This and I find it interesting that you and your sis have both managed to start dating insecure asshats at approximately the same time.

Edited by katiegrl
Wewon Established Member

Wewon

Posted
Posted

In conversation he asked her if she was still using dating sites and still going on dates with other men. She said that she is and she told him she really likes him but it's still early days. He went ballistic. He told her he feels betrayed and let down that she would be swiping on other guys while at the same time going on dates with him, holding hands with him, kissing him and so on. He said he hasn't been on dating sites since he met her. He also said that this happens to him again and again in the past, that it's so hard for him to lock down a girl because they all seem to get taken by other guys in the end.

 

Is it not a bit melodramatic for a man to be like this given the circumstances (only just started dating, no talk of exclusivity etc)?

 

If the phrase "he went ballistic" is removed he sounds more frustrated and disappointed than anything that he's been investing in someone that is still keeping her options open.

 

May a bit dramatic, but I doubt he'll be showing up like Jack Nicholson in the shining.

 

I've never done on-line dating, but my understanding is, for a man its like panning for gold; multi-convos is doing well, let alone multi-dating. He's probably insecure about getting nexted again.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
If the phrase "he went ballistic" is removed he sounds more frustrated and disappointed than anything that he's been investing in someone that is still keeping her options open.

 

May a bit dramatic, but I doubt he'll be showing up like Jack Nicholson in the shining.

 

I've never done on-line dating, but my understanding is, for a man its like panning for gold; multi-convos is doing well, let alone multi-dating. He's probably insecure about getting nexted again.

 

Yeah but he *did* go ballistic. So what does that indicate?

StBreton Established Member

StBreton

Posted
Posted
Yeah but he *did* go ballistic. So what does that indicate?

 

A. Lack of an emotionally intelligent filter/zero conflict resolution skills

B. entitled/can't manage expectations

C. lack of decorum/Having a bad hair day

D. anger management issues/temperamental

E. all of the above

 

 

 

 

Answer Key: E

  • Like 4
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
A. Lack of an emotionally intelligent filter/zero conflict resolution skills

B. entitled/can't manage expectations

C. lack of decorum/Having a bad hair day

D. anger management issues/temperamental

E. all of the above

 

 

 

 

Answer Key: E

 

Oh I agree. .. :). My question was more for wewon .... as it apperared he was basing his opinion omitting the part where he went ballistic. Stating he was probably just "insecure about getting nexted again."

 

No it indicates much more than that.

 

The fact he went ballistic is very relevant ...as StBreton so eloquently posted above...

 

OP needs to next him!

StBreton Established Member

StBreton

Posted
Posted (edited)
Oh I agree. .. :). My question was more for wewon .... as it apperared he was basing his opinion omitting the part where he went ballistic. Stating he was probably just "insecure about getting nexted again."

 

No it indicates much more than that.

 

The fact he went ballistic is very relevant ...as StBreton so eloquently posted above...

 

OP needs to next him!

 

Ya I know ...just couldn't resist playing a little :)

 

I agree with you ...dated a guy last year who would go ballistic ...about all sorts of things ...saw it immediately for what it was ...next ...cause this behavior is deeper than insecurity ...and it's pervasive

Edited by StBreton
  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
Ya I know ...just couldn't resist playing a little :)

 

I agree with you ...dated a guy last year who would go ballistic ...about all sorts of things ...saw it immediately for what it was ...next

 

LOL @ C. Do guys really have bad hair days?

 

The things I learn on this board..... :bunny::p:D

itsallamystery Member

itsallamystery

Posted
Posted
He went ballistic. He told her he feels betrayed and let down that she would be swiping on other guys while at the same time going on dates with him, holding hands with him, kissing him and so on. He said he hasn't been on dating sites since he met her. He also said that this happens to him again and again in the past, that it's so hard for him to lock down a girl because they all seem to get taken by other guys in the end.

 

I am the only person that wants to know what "ballistic" means?

 

 

For some thats raising the tone of their voice. For other's its restraining orders. I feel like that might be a crucial piece of the pie no?

 

Either way, sounds like this guy needs a bit of help before he starts dating. Not withstanding the ambiguous "ballistic" he went, it does seem that from what he did say... he is insecure. And yes, in totally agreement that you lack emotional intelligence if you can't express them in a calm manner, but a one time occurrence depending on the severity would be noted and watched very carefully for a second occurrence.

 

Bottom line, dude could have had a bad day. s h i t happens. I'm seeing more of these posts as I scrolled down, but still, it should be said. I'm not usually one to next somebody based on 1 occurrence of a bad type of behavior (again assuming its not severe TO ME )

  • Like 1
StBreton Established Member

StBreton

Posted
Posted
LOL @ C. Do guys really have bad hair days?

 

The things I learn on this board..... :bunny::p:D

 

Had to throw a dash of humor in there Katiegrl:)

 

But then again I have 12 & 14 yr old boys who've recently discovered girls ...the primping that goes on ...

 

 

OP ...to stay on topic ...this guy has told your sis who he is ..."I'm emotionally unstable" not in words but in actions ...and you know what they say about actions right?

 

If your sis is into roller coasters ...have her strap in tight ...it'll be a wild ride...but some girls are into that stuff ...meh ...I'll stick with the roller coasters at Magic Mountain

  • Like 1
Wewon Established Member

Wewon

Posted
Posted
I am the only person that wants to know what "ballistic" means?

 

 

For some thats raising the tone of their voice. For other's its restraining orders. I feel like that might be a crucial piece of the pie no?

 

Either way, sounds like this guy needs a bit of help before he starts dating. Not withstanding the ambiguous "ballistic" he went, it does seem that from what he did say... he is insecure. And yes, in totally agreement that you lack emotional intelligence if you can't express them in a calm manner, but a one time occurrence depending on the severity would be noted and watched very carefully for a second occurrence.

 

Bottom line, dude could have had a bad day. s h i t happens. I'm seeing more of these posts as I scrolled down, but still, it should be said. I'm not usually one to next somebody based on 1 occurrence of a bad type of behavior (again assuming its not severe TO ME )

 

 

I want to know what "going ballistic" means as well.

 

Its a pretty subjective term that I would think is meant more to indulge the story than clear up what he did.

Wewon Established Member

Wewon

Posted
Posted
Yeah but he *did* go ballistic. So what does that indicate?

 

You say that he did go ballistic.

 

What does that mean?

 

I've seen people being described that way and they very rarely articulated a point. What the OP described doesn't sound like "going ballistic".

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted

Merriam-Webster defines ballistic as:

 

Extremely and usually suddenly excited, upset or angry.

Wewon Established Member

Wewon

Posted
Posted (edited)
Merriam-Webster defines ballistic as:

 

Extremely and usually suddenly excited, upset or angry.

 

What she described didn't match in terms extreme or unusually sudden excited, when taken in its context.

 

By that definition of ballistic the breakup form should be renamed "The firing range".

Edited by Wewon
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted
What she described didn't match in terms extreme or unusually sudden excited, when taken in its context.

 

By that definition of ballistic the breakup form should be renamed "The firing range".

 

It's defined as suddenly excited, upset OR angry.

 

He got angry, did he not?

 

He should have discussed with her like a grown up.

  • Like 3
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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