RoseWater Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 We've all heard of dealbreakers. But, ladies, what are your dealmakers, the top 5 or 6 traits in a man that make you decide to a 2nd date? For me it's: 1. He's masculine and decisive. He is able to take charge and suggest a venue to meet. He's there on time. He seems confident and comfortable in his skin. He makes sure you've got a drink or food. He doesn't sit there blushing and acting like he's feeling awkward or get overly tongue tied 2. He looks good and smells good. 3. He's interesting. He can carry on a conversation. He makes you laugh at least once during the date. You don't feel so bored that you're half asleep as he drones on about something 4. He is happy with his life, his career and where he's at presently. He may say he has ambitions to do other things, but he's also happy right now. 5. He pay for the drinks, dinner etc on that first date. 6. He makes it clear he finds you sexy but he doesn't push for you to go back to his home with him and at most he just kisses you.
BluEyeL Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 At the first date, I gather information. Of course, he needs to be on time, look clean/reasonably put together. Also, yes, pays for the first date.These are given. -Then, he asks questions and makes strong eye contact, showing he is interested in me. - He appears a good/kind person, he has positive talk about people and life (no bashing-of anyone, no criticism- of anyone,no complaints-about anything, no rants- about anything). - Checking on relationship history right away. LTRs, must have been married before (I'm older). - Has friends, has stable work/career, is generally happy. I do not care what he looks like. I do not care how tall, how skinny, how fat, how bald, none of that matters to me, unless these attribute are at the very extremes of the spectrum. I hope he has all the body parts in the right places and no deformities, and all of his teeth lol Like I said, hair is not required, but appreciated - He asks me out again at the end of the date or within 24 h of the date. 1
Snakechammah Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Wow, you ladies have a long list...! Dealmaker to me, would just be the right planetary alignments. All I need is his birthdate, birthtime and birthplace cos I'm an astrologer. How he looks, his career, his smell, his family background, his mental health comes later!!
Missedsignals Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 1. Conversation is easy and we have stuff in common 2. He has life goals and is working on them 3. He opens doors intentionally (my fave is when they skip ahead to make sure to get the door)
lilmissjava Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 My deal maker would be a guy who is into me just as much as I am into him.
getsmartie Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I'm with you all on ALL of these dealmakers. Let me add he's chivalrous but not over the top where it's disingenuous.
Woggle Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I am a guy but my dealmakers are A strong moral core when it comes to honesty and how she treats people An ability to see things from a man's point of view and have empathy in that direction. Seems to enjoy life and isn't bitter and hateful 1
Ic1 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Many women reading my dealmaker will find it unromantic, but sometimes you have to be because how often is it like a Disney movie? She has to be reasonable! Two examples: -Straight bleach blond hair, intentional 'girly' accent, almost anorexic. She's trying so hard for fashion and to fit the stereotype on TV to be sexy. NO! -The ones that who can only perceive their own perspective. "My way, or the highway". She believes the world revolves around her.
Gaeta Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Dealmakers: 1. He has his teeth 2. He is employed 5
Miss Peach Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) 1. He shows up on time 2. I enjoy his company 3. He shows the character traits I want (i.e., manners, integrity, honesty, etc.) either through his actions on the date or in his stories 4. Has a reasonable amount of time available to date and a similar enough schedule we could see each other. (I've met a few guys who work the complete opposite schedule to me so I let it go since we wouldn't be able to see each other ever. I've also men workaholics and the like who say they want to date but won't make the time to do it.) 5. Has a regular source of income. I don't care if it's high paying, low paying, etc. But I want a guy with his life in order who can support himself. I've been the breadwinner and don't want to have someone THAT dependent on me again permanently. If he had been laid off I want to know what he did to prepare, what he is doing to move forward, etc. 6. I can picture kissing him Edited October 30, 2015 by Miss Peach
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Dealmaker: He has overwhelming respect for me. He is a staunch supporter of equal rights. He has an open mind, but good strong opinions. He is polite and chivalrous, but never patronising or condescending. He is protective, but not smothering. He loves me in the way I know I deserve to be loved. He is well-travelled, curious, articulate, intellectual and well-read. He has a good sense of humour (which means he makes me laugh, as well as me making him laugh). How the hell I'm going to meet the above 8 guys without each of them knowing about the others, is going to be the hard part.... 2
meeji Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Dealmaker: He has overwhelming respect for me. He is a staunch supporter of equal rights. He has an open mind, but good strong opinions. He is polite and chivalrous, but never patronising or condescending. He is protective, but not smothering. He loves me in the way I know I deserve to be loved. He is well-travelled, curious, articulate, intellectual and well-read. He has a good sense of humour (which means he makes me laugh, as well as me making him laugh). How the hell I'm going to meet the above 8 guys without each of them knowing about the others, is going to be the hard part.... Preach it, sista! God luck! Dating it so tough.
LoveRefreshed Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Dealmaker: He has overwhelming respect for me. He is a staunch supporter of equal rights. He has an open mind, but good strong opinions. He is polite and chivalrous, but never patronising or condescending. He is protective, but not smothering. He loves me in the way I know I deserve to be loved. He is well-travelled, curious, articulate, intellectual and well-read. He has a good sense of humour (which means he makes me laugh, as well as me making him laugh). How the hell I'm going to meet the above 8 guys without each of them knowing about the others, is going to be the hard part.... Obviously not meeting the right men if it takes 8 to do this job.. But 2 and 4 are almost (and I stress almost) mutually exclusive.. a hard line to walk.
d0nnivain Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I initially felt that spark / chemistry. I tried dating men where it wasn't there & it always turned out badly. He's intelligent & sharp / quit witted. He can make me laugh. He's a man of integrity / honest.
RedRobin Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 No evidence of anything significantly diverging from what I put on my other list... 1. Similar age as me 2. Shares my values when it comes to intimacy and relationships 3. Physically active and healthy with no history of substance abuse, mental illness or STDs 4. Self sufficient with no barriers to full employment (no criminal record). 5. Whatever I put as the fifth thing I don't care if he pays for the date, as long as he pays his share. A guy paying for my share means diddly squat to me when he is a near stranger. I would rather do something active and free that helps me establish the items on the list above.
StBreton Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 - I can picture kissing him (must have good grooming) - he initiates conversation - he's engaging - he has good grammar - good manners ...good eye contact - he's upbeat ...not a Danny downer - he has a sense of adventure - makes me laugh once - laughs at my jokes /rolls with my sense of humor - generally fit ... Not looking for rock hard abs - elusive chemistry I have such a wide variety of what I think is attractive that all the physical stuff isn't outweighed by personality and chemistry
losangelena Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I only have two. Kindness Sense of humor Everything else is negotiable. 3
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Preach it, sista! God luck! Dating it so tough. Obviously not meeting the right men if it takes 8 to do this job.. But 2 and 4 are almost (and I stress almost) mutually exclusive.. a hard line to walk. Please take my last contribution as qualities essential in any one guy I would date... The comment about 8 guys is humorous and tongue-in-cheek. I AM happily married....
kismetkismet Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 1.) Intelligence and social awareness - i love me a book lover, particularly one who shares my social, cultural and political beliefs. 2.) Enthusiasm - about life, about me, about work, about fun etc. 3.) Likes to party and adventure - because I do too, and otherwise I get bored 4.) Looks good and smells good - because i'm a human with hormones 5.) Is family oriented and good to his friends - because if he's ****ty to other people in his life, he's going to be ****ty to you. Plus i have a huge family and they need to be able to put up with that unfortunately.
joseb Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 He loves me in the way I know I deserve to be loved. Tm, thats a pretty big ask for a first date!
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I find it helps to set the bar right from the beginning. No ambiguity, no wishy-washy grey areas, no misunderstandings. I think a good, no-nonsense list of Terms & Conditions does the trick....
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