geronimo Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I can honestly thank LS and NC for clearing my head, this **** actually works. But now that everything is getting clearer to me, its actually kind of worse but it is helping me get over it more. So let me explain myself a little bit. A bit of a back story is my ex and I were together for about 5 years, first loves, but she was 3 years younger than me (now I'm 23 and shes 20). We broke up last year and she pretty much had a guy lined up and jumped into a relationship with him. 6 months later and of NC she msged me again and I was an idiot fell into her trap and got my heart shredded by her. She probably just contacted me to make sure I was still in her back pocket since things were getting shaky in her new relationship. Soon after I figured that out, i went complete NC again. I ran into her at a club a couple weeks ago but other than that I have kept total NC. Anyways when my ex and I met 6 months post BU I just wanted to know the truth about everything, so I asked her if she had ever cheated on me or anything like that and she denied it saying she never cheated and things between us were just going south and thats why we broke up. I also brought up the fact that a year before our breakup there was another guy in the pic and she almost left him for me. I also had found out (from things that guy posted on a blog site) that she had sent him a very intimate text saying things like he makes her want to open up and show pda and give a title to a relationship and all this other stuff that girls want. She said all this to him WHILE WE WERE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP. But in her defence she said she only said all that to let him down easy and in the end of that text she sent him she was pretty much saying bye to him because he wanted more than friendship and she wasn't willing. Now I'm not entirely sure whether she cheated or not, since she denies it and I dont know why she would still do that if she no longer wants to be with me and I told her I don't care I just want the truth, plus its been so long since our breakup. I always thought she was a great girl, and a very innocent and kind hearted one at that. I guess love is f*cking blind. We didn't even have sex because she said she wanted to wait till marriage and I could never see a girl like that being a cheater. I dont even know what to think anymore. Realizing all this does help me get over it a bit more since it reinsures the fact that all the things I thought of her were just my own projections of her and not actually who she is. But at the same time it makes it so much more difficult because I feel like I wasn't good enough or something was lacking in me that made her want to cheat or leave me for someone else. ****ed up part is she would still tell me that she loves me even when we met up 6 months ago.
Author geronimo Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 So yea if anyone of you have any suggestions or have been through anything similar, how do you get past it? It's been a year and I still think about this girl every f*cking day.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 What difference does it make? If she left you for someone else she is more than capable of doing it again. Not to mention the fact that if you took her back you would only look more desperate/needy than before thus increasing her likelihood of cheating/leaving you again. You deserve someone better. Someone who accepts you for you and isn't always looking for a new shiny toy when she gets bored with the one she has. 1
contel3 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Something very similar happened to me. It's incredibly difficult to move past it, but trust me- you will! The first step is cutting off all contact. Don't talk to her, don't meet her, block her on Facebook. Try to make it seem as if she didn't exist anymore. It might sound harsh, but unless you want to keep dealing with her BS you have to. You have to realise some people are not worth your time. She won't give you closure. Second thing that helped me was realising it doesn't matter if she cheated or not. If she did, that's her loss. It just shows what a crappy human being she is. Cheating isn't a reflection of you. It only says something about her. third thing is realising you're better off without her. Healthy individuals don't line up someone else before they break a relationship off. Use this time to improve yourself and make the best out of your single life! You might never have that much freedom again. And of course....give it time....you don't heal over night. Hope that helped:) 3
mightycpa Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I'll tell you what was wrong with you that she couldn't stick around... You only had one body, one face, one pecker and one personality to contribute to the relationship. If you'd been more than that, say 10 or 20 different people, you'd have had a better chance that she'd have stuck around, because at her age in today's world, that's what it takes to keep their interest over time. The world is a big place, and almost every square inch of it is literally accessible to ordinary people today. Not only that, but we have these little screens allow us to become exposed to people we've never met and places we've never been. A human being naturally wants to experience more than one thing, because we're a curious bunch. Oh, and that nonsense about still loving you? I have no doubt she's fond of you and she bears you no ill will. But try borrowing $10,000 and see how that goes. Seriously though, in that context, love is a throwaway word, meaningless in terms of romance. How does that love differ from the way she feels about her best friend, or her pet dog? Would she take you in if you were cold and starving? Yeah, probably, for a while. Would she set up house with you? Probably not. All that this probably means is that you haven't done her wrong yet, and until you do, you're in her good graces. But if you **** up and betray her, I don't think you'll merit the forgiveness that we immediately give those we truly love. So don't sweat it. You're not quite ready to be in touch with this girl. Just keep honing in on who she really is vs. the image that you have in your mind. 2
Author geronimo Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 What difference does it make? If she left you for someone else she is more than capable of doing it again. Not to mention the fact that if you took her back you would only look more desperate/needy than before thus increasing her likelihood of cheating/leaving you again. You deserve someone better. Someone who accepts you for you and isn't always looking for a new shiny toy when she gets bored with the one she has. I know and I wouldn't take her back, atleast I dont think I would if she ever came back, but I just can't help my feelings towards her cuz I do still love her alot.
Author geronimo Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 Something very similar happened to me. It's incredibly difficult to move past it, but trust me- you will! The first step is cutting off all contact. Don't talk to her, don't meet her, block her on Facebook. Try to make it seem as if she didn't exist anymore. It might sound harsh, but unless you want to keep dealing with her BS you have to. You have to realise some people are not worth your time. She won't give you closure. Second thing that helped me was realising it doesn't matter if she cheated or not. If she did, that's her loss. It just shows what a crappy human being she is. Cheating isn't a reflection of you. It only says something about her. third thing is realising you're better off without her. Healthy individuals don't line up someone else before they break a relationship off. Use this time to improve yourself and make the best out of your single life! You might never have that much freedom again. And of course....give it time....you don't heal over night. Hope that helped:) Thank you that did really help! I'm sorry you went through something similar. I have blocked/deleted her off of everything but I still think about her quite a bit, and I don't want to keep dealing with her bs thats why I blocked her, if she really wanted something real with me again she can figure out a way to contact me other than social media. Yea you're right it does show that she was a sh*tty person and I just keep making excuses for her in my head like she was young and wanted experience or is immature and thats why she did what she did but still theres no legit reasoning for what she did. I am trying to make the best out of my single time but the thing is I'm not that good at approaching girls plus my friends are boring so we don't go out much, I wish I could change all that and start going out and meeting people. But I'm also so stuck on it cuz I really thought she was the one (I know she was my first but still) and we did have a very good relationship, sure I got boring after a while but that was due to multiple reasons. idk i just wished this never happened.
Author geronimo Posted November 1, 2015 Author Posted November 1, 2015 I'll tell you what was wrong with you that she couldn't stick around... You only had one body, one face, one pecker and one personality to contribute to the relationship. If you'd been more than that, say 10 or 20 different people, you'd have had a better chance that she'd have stuck around, because at her age in today's world, that's what it takes to keep their interest over time. The world is a big place, and almost every square inch of it is literally accessible to ordinary people today. Not only that, but we have these little screens allow us to become exposed to people we've never met and places we've never been. A human being naturally wants to experience more than one thing, because we're a curious bunch. Oh, and that nonsense about still loving you? I have no doubt she's fond of you and she bears you no ill will. But try borrowing $10,000 and see how that goes. Seriously though, in that context, love is a throwaway word, meaningless in terms of romance. How does that love differ from the way she feels about her best friend, or her pet dog? Would she take you in if you were cold and starving? Yeah, probably, for a while. Would she set up house with you? Probably not. All that this probably means is that you haven't done her wrong yet, and until you do, you're in her good graces. But if you **** up and betray her, I don't think you'll merit the forgiveness that we immediately give those we truly love. So don't sweat it. You're not quite ready to be in touch with this girl. Just keep honing in on who she really is vs. the image that you have in your mind. Damn that really puts things into perspective. It's very true what you said about her interests and etc but I just never thought her to be that way, also cuz I was never like that and the fact that her sis (who is my age) was never that way also. Our family backgrounds and etc were very similar too so that led me to believe she would be the same way but I guess not. It also sucks to know that she is willing to compromise so much more for this guy and gives so much to him (from what she told me when we met up back in June). She would tell me that she now knows what I went through with her and really respected everything I did for her. F*cked up how it works, its always one person giving it their all, while the other person just does the bare minimum to keep the relationship going. The thing that pissed me off when she said that was why would she go through that when she knows what a real man is supposed to treat you like. I know I should just be like its her loss, she's an immature idiot and will get whats coming to her, but it still does not provide any peace of mind.
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