4 year relationship needs space...again, i need advice please.!.

[WhomiHide]

that is my problem. i have developed a low self esteem. Man, this girl totally, looking back now, took a lot out of me and somtimes i feel as if i deserved it cause i let her walk all over me. i would surrender what i wanted so that she maybe happy. She would never stick up for me, just let her friends think i am stupid because i dont like conversating with them about their important topics.

 

i did my best, i am still in love with here. she did make me happy, but i can't help but to think that me self esteem destroyed us. who wants to be with someone with no backbone, but i must be honest and not hard on myself she did/said things to make me feel like ****.

 

the problem is, i can't move out, i have no where to go. i am eager to know what others have done to either win back their ex with more confident and higher self esteem, or to just let her have her space.

 

she always wants space, and then come back even when she says she will never, now we live together.

before we broke up she started to talk to someone over the phone at work. it was an old fling. the day they spoke we fought, i couldn' tolerate her talking to someone at work.why?

1.because its only at work they talk, makes the brain and heart think why only at work? hmm...

2.she broke up with me and dated this person, they dated and i came back to her when she was all finish.

 

we fought about that person, and then i said to her that i think it is over cause you won't stop it! she then said fine, i was unhappy anway...??!!!

 

what does that mean......wth it turned around but i did it cause i finally wanted to stand up for myself

then, now its been two months, and she acts as if she doesn't care we just ended a 4 year relationship.

i play those stupid songs about im mocing on and she shows no emotions. she is not even sad. wth. she locks herself in her room cause i took the living room. even after we broke up, we slept in the same bed, now i am on a futon!! gesh! and on top of that she still kissess, infact i went out today without saying anything, she called me and i didn't pick up, i didn't want to. when i got back home, whe was all about where i was and gavea me a hug. why?????

 

she said she was unhappy and needed space cause it keeps coming back, which is true cause she always says she needs space. but why....? and then come back to me crying and wanting me back! wth is this all about?

 

i am in love and confused.

she wrote me letter saying she will marry me and love me always. and that how she beleive i am the ONE for her and i will ALways be, now i read them i and hate her more cause she makes me feel those words are real. but if seh feels that way and that was just half a year ago, then how could she be so happy about is breaking up.

does she not know that now we are not together and not going to be. does she not think i am of value or worth?

 

im in dire need of some self respect check! i always have to fight to get to know her or tlak to her,

we have different communication styles but i know she doesn't respect me. and the only reason i think why is because i always let her have her way....

 

what do you think? how should i conduct myself so she knows i am moving on so she can wake up or let this whole 4 years die.

 

what should I do for now...until we move out and do our own thing. she told me that she was unhappy. but i thought she was while we were together, i ask her and she would say yes....

 

whats going on with her!!!

she is so confusing...i need help to understand this, and what should i do so she knows i don't need her and yes i am strong not weak because i had low esteem!!!!

[HotCaliGirl]

What if she still loves you? I think you are acting too weak and not "fighting" for her. She is getting fed up at how you put up with the way she treats you. She is trying to get you to be tougher. Did you ask her why she is unhappy when she said that or did you just get upset and walk away? She may have said that to get you to react, say something back, tell her you care for her, something...instead, you now sleep on the couch and are agreeing to move out when you can afford to do so.

 

Are you telling her that you don't want to move out, that you want to work things out? If she is always leaving you and breaking things off, then coming back to you whenever she feels like it, that causes her to lose respect in you. Do you tell her that's not acceptable and that you won't take her back, so that she doesn't keep doing it? YOua re acting like a doormat, letting her walk all over you, then you get upset that she is unhappy, and you sound like it is coming out of nowhere and you are shocked, since six months earlier she had written you a love letter stating she wanted to marry you and all that.

 

Well, feelings can change minute to minute, with each word and action! There is no guarantee that you can do and act however you want and that you will always have her love. You say she always wants space - for dating that other guy from work? from getting away from the doormat behavior? I think it is hard for her to just abruptly end a 4 year relationship, so it has been ending over the past several months.

 

Usually once a woman stops having feelings for a guy, it seems sudden, but it has been building up to it and there is in my case no negotiating back. if I no longer have feelings for you, it's completely over. So maybe she is now entering that stage and you are confused as to how "suddenly" she can be so indifferent.

 

You have to work on your self-esteem for sure and talk to her, tell her you want to make her happy, LISTEN to her, find out how she is feeling and why. I think she is frustrated that you don't inquire and are just putting up with whatever she dishes out your way. You shouldn't treat yourself so badly by putting up with someone treating you so disrespectfully. Maybe the futon will stiffen your spine a bit .