smile95 Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I hate him then I love him. How is this possible. I am doing NC and one minute I love this man and remember all the great memories and the next I hate him. I get urges to call and have to stop myself. It really stinks to not be able to tell someone you love them in order for them to figure out things. Has anyone ever done NC and they got over the person before/if they ever called you again?
dgiirl Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I'm not sure exactly what you're asking. If you're hoping NC will help you move on and not want him anymore, or NC will bring the other person back. Regardless, NC is definitely working for me My ex IM me the other day (out of the blue again), and I didnt even cry this time! I know I'm not over him yet, but that's a big improvement for me. So NC definitely heals your heart and makes you stronger. And if it heals your heart, and makes you stronger, you have a better chance of getting them back than if you're depressed and begging them to come back
Author smile95 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 good that answered me. I want him to come back, but if he does not, I want toknow that NC will help my memories fade and to be ok alone again. thanks
dgiirl Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 NC will help with the hurt. It might not take away all the memories nor all the pain, but it will help with that gut wretching feeling you feel when you talk to your ex out of the blue and then you need to run to the washroom and cry your eyes out. hehehe I dont know if NC will bring them back, by the looks of it, no. But neither will begging/crying/pleading. So it's a 50/50 chance
lindya Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 The desire to contact your ex can creep up on you in many different disguises - like the devil trying out different forms of temptation. Initially it comes wrapped in a dramatic red cloak shouting "I can't live without him. He will adore me for taking this emotional risk and having the courage to tell him so!" Then it fades down to "I miss him. He must feel the same - maybe if we talk for long enough we can work it out." Then later still "Maybe the fact that I'm NOT contacting him will make me seem bitter. Would it be more cool to send a short message?" Fizzling down to "It's a little sad that we couldn't stay friends, but he didn't act like a friend - so c'est la vie." And indifference is just around the corner from that.
Author smile95 Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 I hope you are right! Right now, I am in the "I just want to tell him I love him and we can get over this tough spot" But logically, the whol relationship was a tough spot. But I do love him and we have such chemistry. I am afraid i will never find it again. I really hope that I will not care after time.
darhma Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 Beth...I was in a seven year on off relationship and began the no contact 6 months ago. Other than my farwell letter I sent him...mistake. I just recently got my first contact from him...six months ago I would of been dying. Thinking maybe he wants me back etc etc. I can honestly say I feel so strong now. I just feel so good about the fact that I do not to want to email back. NC is the only way to go. I have held my head high and know that he will never look back at me as some pathetic thing. That is worth everything. Without respect no one can love you or look back on your love with desire.
Author smile95 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Posted May 26, 2005 that is awesome that you feel that way now. I hope when the day comes that I hear from him, I will be as strong as you from NC! Was it hard in the beginning? I still look at my phone.Thanks!
loveisallaround Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 It's just been about three weeks of NC for me. Although I hate how trendy it's became on the boards, I admit it's a necessity. Even though I do get hope in my eyes occasionally and I hope this will win him back, I'm ultimately doing it for my own benefits. I need to move on and I am. It's getting better and better everyday. I'm thinking that in about a week or two more, my wound will heal over - although it'll still be there for a while to come. I must admit though I do feel like a big bitch sometimes for doing this while he wanted to remain friends. But then I think to myself, he hasn't tried to contact me. Although his IM is blocked/erased ... my phone number hasn't changed nor my residence or email. I've handled this break up with strength and integrity and if he doesn't contact me, it hurts me to say: His loss. I'm hoping you're right lindya: Here's to indifference right around the corner.
darhma Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 Beth It has been the biggest hell I have ever been through in my life. I used to have dreams every night and watch my phone like a hawk. It still hurts but I am okay. I have not died. I have not weakened. I know in the end I will end up even better than I was before. I know too that he will think about me forever and wonder. I have nothing to wonder about. I did nothing wrong. I have peace of mind if not heart. Stay strong sister...you will make it and I promise you will love again.
Author smile95 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Posted May 26, 2005 i dream about him all the time! I dream my phone is ringing! Will the i hate him/love him thing go away? I did NC for a month before and made the mistake of answering and falling for his charm. I cannot this time to avoid misery. Sounds good at the time, but his promises disappear with time. Is it normal to hate him and then love him?? will that go away?
loveisallaround Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 It will most certainly go away. As ****ing cliche as it sounds: Time heals all. You're no exception. Try to drain any hope from your eyes, accept that it's over and move on. You'll heal faster then with hopes of a reconcilation. And hurry! You have a life and better boyfriend waiting for you!
Author smile95 Posted May 26, 2005 Author Posted May 26, 2005 good to know. I thought I HAD to be the exception. I cannot imagine anyone has felt what I do right now. I would not wish this on anyone. I will try to let go of hope, but because he has done this before and come back again, I guess I think he will do it again. My goal is to do NC, move on, and if the timing is better for us later, we will find each other again. That is if i am not taken-which I hope I am! I thought he as perfect and now that I cannot have him he seems so much more perfect. My blinders are coming off tho! Iwas waaaay too good to him and he walked all over me. Took me for granted and he will never believe it when I do NC. He will freak I think.But maybe not? Ireally want to do this mostly to get him out of my head and my thoughts and my dreams.
loveisallaround Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 You ARE too good for him. You DO deserve better. He's not all that perfect and after a month or so of NC, I'm sure you'll think that too. If he DOES come back, do try to learn from past mistakes. Please. Those who don't learn from their history repeat it. That doesn't mean that in six months time, if he comes back that you can't pursue something. It just means accepting that it's a whole new ball game and things will be different this time around. You'll never have what you have now. Or had then. And if he freaks out on you - who the **** cares? Your only job is to pick up your pieces and move on with your life.
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