Bods Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Okay, this is going to be a long post but bare with me. So my now ex boyfriend and I dated for just over a year and a half. During our relationship everything was great. He moved into my house and we got along very well. My family loved him and his family loved me, I couldn't ask for anything better. We got in our little arguments but never had any major fights, and anytime we had an argument we were over it within a half hour and able to talk about it. We had a really good balance in our relationship, he would do stuff for me and I would do things for him as well. Everyone always told us how perfect we were together. However, at the end of August, he suddenly broke up with me. Two weeks before he broke up with me he called my mother and my father and asked them for there permission to marry me which they gave him (I found this out after we broke up). When he broke up with me he did not give me a reason why he just kept saying, " I just can't right now, I love you so much but I just can't right now". I didn't beg for him to stay in my life as I know that usually just pushes people farther away but he did know that was the last thing I ever wanted was for us to break up. I felt completely blind-sided and never ever saw it coming. I talked to his family as well and his parents called me crying saying " just give it time, we know this isn't the end". That is what everyone told me, including his very close friends. Many of his friends and family believe that he realized how strong his emotions were towards me and got scared because we are both only 22. They said that he wants to make sure that this is what he wants for sure. I do understand this as my older brother did the same thing and is now married to the girl he did it to, however I don't understand why he would be willing to fully lose me. When I asked him that he said that he thinks we both love each other so much and that if we are truly meant to be, we will be no matter what happens before we get there. However, it has now been two months, we have gone through periods that we would text for a few days then stop again, and he has stopped at my house three times to see me since we broke up. The past two weeks we were talking everyday and everything seemed to be moving so well and almost seemed "back to normal". He came to my house two nights ago and we watched a movie and talked about how we still care for each other and the night went really well. The following day he messaged me saying how he enjoyed the night with me and I texted him back saying I did too and how I always enjoy spending time with him. Since then though, i sent him another message later on in the day and he ignored it, and hasn't talked to me since... I am very confused. I almost feel like he knew he has me again so he feels he can just take more time for himself again before coming back to me since he knows that I am still there, but I am really unsure. Any ideas?
greenleaves54 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I almost feel like he knew he has me again so he feels he can just take more time for himself again before coming back to me since he knows that I am still there, but I am really unsure. That's exactly what's going on. He's keeping you as a reserve if he doesn't find someone better. Perhaps he doesn't realize it himself, but he's doing it. He's feeling the urge to have other women, he's only 22 after all. I don't think your relationship can ever work again if you two hang out like that. He dumped you, show him how a life without you looks. Don't let him both have the cake and eat it. Cut him off, initiate NC and focus on yourself. It will either result in: 1. You get over him and one day find someone better. 2. He comes back begging for another chance. Then you have control and if you like you can then give the relationship another try. Hopefully he's over his bang-other-girls-phase by that time. Win-win! 2
LostOnes05 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Yea, you've got to cut off contact with him AND his family. There is no reason to be waiting for someone who runs away from the relationship like that. Definitely have to show him what life is like without you. 1
Author Bods Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 I think you both are very right. That's what I had in mind to do is to just not try to contact him and if he contacts me ignore me much like he was doing to me. Because as of right now he knows I'm here and he has the best of both worlds. So maybe when he realizes I'm not just here for whenever he needs or wants it will make him think differently about the situation and be able to realize what life actually would be without me. Thankyou guys! 1
Author Bods Posted November 5, 2015 Author Posted November 5, 2015 I need help again... I may have made things more complicated now am really not sure how to handle the situation I am in. Last weekend, my ex texted me(after 4 days of silence) saying that he really just wants to come over and talk to me. I was out with my friends and had a couple of drinks so at the time I was like yeah sure! So he meets me at my house about a half hour later. He kept telling me how he just wants to be together, and all he wants is me. He was like you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and want to be with you. But at the end he was like just not right now because I feel like we are too attached and need to learn how to be our own person again. He ended up staying over night at my house (first time since we broke up), and he cuddled me all throughout the night. Everytime I would move, he would come closer and made sure to tell me how much he missed this. The next day, a couple of his friends called him and he told them that he was at my house (so he obviously isn't trying to hide it). He stayed at my house until about 1 in the afternoon and everything seemed so good and normal. This was until the next day when I messaged him and he wouldn't respond. So finally I sent him a text message that said, " Can you please tell me why you feel the need to ignore me?" He replied by saying, " I don't want to be dating right now". I responded saying that he told me all this stuff the other night and now he says that, and I was like I never once said that I want to date right now either but that doesn't mean we can't talk. He sent me a message saying he meant everything he said but now isn't the time. I did not reply to that message and he hasn't tried to contact me and its been 4 days... Do you think I should continue to remain silent or should I send him a text saying that I don't want to do this but I can't be apart of his life just as a place to come when he is feeling down so he feels better again, and obviously we both want two different things and thats okay but I can't keep doing what we are doing. My friends think I should just be silent and not message him because that will likely affect him more then me texting him again. I hardly ever just ignore someone, especially him so I'm sure he realized that I am upset, but I'm worried he's just going to forget about me and move on.
quattrob Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 um worrying about him forgetting about you is the least of your worries. I dont know what help you need, people in this post advised that you cut all contact from him. You didnt listen and you let him do whatever he wanted, so you feel even more confused and upset. Too much drama, he broke up with you and does whatever he wants? Your response should be screw that, get him out of your life. Unless you like this rollercoaster ride because im sure he's enjoying it, cuddling you, touching you, sleeping with you, pretty much anything and anytime he wants. Have some self respect and dignity and cut this guy off and say no. 1
mightycpa Posted November 5, 2015 Posted November 5, 2015 You're going to have to tell him that if you're going to learn to be your old independent self again, then you can't do that if he continues to come around. Make a date to revisit the topic in 5 years on a date and time certain, at a specific place. Until then, he is to stay away. It's time to fish or cut bait. Doubts on his part generally mean you should cut bait. "Forever" is a damn long time, and there are some interesting people out there. Just ask your parents about that whole "lifetime" commitment thing. It's not easy, and temptation has a way of finding you, no matter how happy you are.
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