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My boyfriend sent me a "love meme"... DOWNLOADED FROM A TART'S FB PAGE

gillian34

By gillian34
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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:mad:

 

If anyone saw my previous thread - I am still with that guy. He promised he would change and has been open to the idea of getting a new job, though still spends all his money on cigs of course.

 

so I am away for a few days with my kids visiting family and he promised he would email me as it means a lot to me to hear his words! In the last three days i have had one email from him, which was a love meme downloaded from facebook. At frst I was like, "well he hasnt written anything like he promised.. but still what a nice thought!"

 

However when i looked where it was downloaded from, it was some girl on his facebook friends list - a girl .....with her boobs out. in every single pic. an "old friend" apparently...... she is 20 he is 46.

 

Then i made the mistake of looking at his other facebook friends and they are mostly young girls in their twenties with photoshopped selfies and...boobs out. He says they are just girls he used to work with and it would be unreasonable of me to expect him to delete them, he is probably right.

 

Also all of his public interests are s and m and satanism and pin up girl sites of women in lingerie :(

 

But would it be wrong of me to delete him from my life over this?

wonderbug111 Member

wonderbug111

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Yes, he sounds like a dirtbag...

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Shock148 Established Member

Shock148

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He's a dick who wont change. Get a clue and end things. If not, expect more dick type moves. Honestly, he's not worth the hassle but if he is, accept his dick moves because plenty of people in the other thread told you to drop that fool.

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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Yes you are both probably right

 

The problem is he always managed to convince me i am the one with the problem.he is telling me it is controlling of me to expect him to delete his old friends off there, even though he says he doesnt keep in touch with them any more. but i am embarrassed dating a man who is nearly 50 who is friends with women less than half his age who get their boobs out like that.... even though i adore him, it is really embarrassing

 

also we get along really well when together!!! he has a brilliant sense of humour and is good company, which i appreciate as i am a very lonely single mom.

 

it really is a dilemma you can't understand unless you have been desperate and lonely :(

 

I do have other men interested in me, who on paper would be a better match, but i really care for this guy and would miss him if he wasnt in my life. HOW can i let go? cos sending me that was really the final straw for me :(

But ive taken him back over worse..

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Yes you are both probably right

 

The problem is he always managed to convince me i am the one with the problem.he is telling me it is controlling of me to expect him to delete his old friends off there, even though he says he doesnt keep in touch with them any more. but i am embarrassed dating a man who is nearly 50 who is friends with women less than half his age who get their boobs out like that.... even though i adore him, it is really embarrassing

 

also we get along really well when together!!! he has a brilliant sense of humour and is good company, which i appreciate as i am a very lonely single mom.

 

it really is a dilemma you can't understand unless you have been desperate and lonely :(

 

I do have other men interested in me, who on paper would be a better match, but i really care for this guy and would miss him if he wasnt in my life. HOW can i let go? cos sending me that was really the final straw for me :(

But ive taken him back over worse..

 

The real problem is that you believe him.

 

None of this is possible without your participation by continuing to let bad behavior slide; you have much more power than you think you do. He's shown you who he is and that he apparently has no intention of changing. The cards are in your hand now.

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mystikmind2005 Established Member

mystikmind2005

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If he has lots of young female friends, that says to me that this guy knows how to charm women - and therefore he has you charmed as well!

 

Try to separate yourself from what he 'says', step back and look at what he 'does'.

 

Actions always speak louder than words... this saying is the Achilles heel of the player

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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The real problem is that you believe him.

 

None of this is possible without your participation by continuing to let bad behavior slide; you have much more power than you think you do. He's shown you who he is and that he apparently has no intention of changing. The cards are in your hand now.

 

oh dear :( i am so rubbish at relationships, no wonder men have no respect for me. i am easy and soft and let any behaviour slide, you are right.

 

i feel completely powerless.

 

what should i do with this power; what would you do? would you tell him clearly and firmly you want a, b and c to change, or would you kick him to the kerb for how he has behaved?? I dont know if his behaviour would be a dealbreaker for most women. a lot of men have tarts on their facebook and share their stuff and it wouldnt be a problem for their girlfriend. i feel i am maybe being too picky and jealous.

 

sorry i have no confidence at all and i know it is pathetic and frustrating..

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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If he has lots of young female friends, that says to me that this guy knows how to charm women - and therefore he has you charmed as well!

 

Try to separate yourself from what he 'says', step back and look at what he 'does'.

 

Actions always speak louder than words... this saying is the Achilles heel of the player

 

really good point. and depressing.

 

his actions tell me he loves spending time with me.. as he spends all his spare time with me. but doesn't really do anything else to make me feel loved or special. even a simple email was too much for him to write, instead he half heartedly sent me something cheesy he had noticed during his daily perv session :(

 

i still dont know if im being hasty dumping him

 

but i told him i was upset about it and he said i was being over sensitive and controlling, and has not spoken to me since. i guess there is my answer

mystikmind2005 Established Member

mystikmind2005

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really good point. and depressing.

 

his actions tell me he loves spending time with me.. as he spends all his spare time with me. but doesn't really do anything else to make me feel loved or special. even a simple email was too much for him to write, instead he half heartedly sent me something cheesy he had noticed during his daily perv session :(

 

i still dont know if im being hasty dumping him

 

but i told him i was upset about it and he said i was being over sensitive and controlling, and has not spoken to me since. i guess there is my answer

 

hmmm... not quite the typical profile of a player actually,, i would say it is more the profile of a guy who is not too highly invested in the relationship, but then you say he spends all his spare time with you, so that doesn't fit either?

 

Perhaps he does love you genuinely but it just comes down to personality?

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gillian34 Member

gillian34

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hmmm... not quite the typical profile of a player actually,, i would say it is more the profile of a guy who is not too highly invested in the relationship, but then you say he spends all his spare time with you, so that doesn't fit either?

 

Perhaps he does love you genuinely but it just comes down to personality?

 

Thanks for your time and help working this out.

 

He definitely isn't a player, he is just a lazy boyfriend and very depraved sexually (but arent we all, we all have our fetishes). That's why his last two relationships broke up, his laziness, he had kids with both girls and i can see why they got frustrated with him as its like having another kid. and he has a roving eye.

 

HOWEVER he comes across doting faithful loving and devoted IN PERSON, it's just that i think i personally need a bit more from a relationship than a man who just "turns up" n spends his spare time perving on young girls when i am running round trying to please him in every way... but dont know if this means i am a spoilt princess with too high standards

almond Established Member

almond

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You deserve better than this, and your child most definitely deserves better than this.

 

End it. You're miserable, and it's only getting worse.

mystikmind2005 Established Member

mystikmind2005

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Thanks for your time and help working this out.

 

He definitely isn't a player, he is just a lazy boyfriend and very depraved sexually (but arent we all, we all have our fetishes). That's why his last two relationships broke up, his laziness, he had kids with both girls and i can see why they got frustrated with him as its like having another kid. and he has a roving eye.

 

HOWEVER he comes across doting faithful loving and devoted IN PERSON, it's just that i think i personally need a bit more from a relationship than a man who just "turns up" n spends his spare time perving on young girls when i am running round trying to please him in every way... but dont know if this means i am a spoilt princess with too high standards

 

keyword "lazy", now it all makes sense! All too common attribute in men.... as is horniness.

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