Shock148 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Ok so my ex girlfriend broke up with me about a year and a half ago. I started another relationship in between that time (didn't work out) but I was fine with that break up. During the time I was completely over my ex ex, or so I thought, after being in NC with her for about a year. During my last relationship, I was really over her so I added her back on facebook and had small casual talks with her because I did not care about getting back. For some reason, 3 days ago I just started thinking about my ex ex girlfriend and the cause of why our relationship ended. I saw a picture of her and her new boyfriend and just started getting sad, angry, depressed, etc. I suppose since I am now single again, I realized I was never really over with her? I don't even think about my last girlfriend at all like that and think more of my ex ex girlfriend. It is weird to me and it is not like we are in contact. She barely uses facebook, I barely use facebook, and we haven't talked in about 3 weeks where I texted her how things were with her (as I had no romantic feelings at that time.) What do you guys think I should do? Unfriend her from facebook since me seeing her picture with her current boyfriend caused me to bring back all these old feelings? Or what? Thanks.
Kehv Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I would go with the 'unfollow' option, so you don't see her posting stuff. You could ofcourse unfriend her if you still check her facebook all the time but she might think it's odd you did. Perhaps your ex-girlfriend was a rebound and you only found out now. You never really loved this ex-girlfriend, you know that now. If I understand correctly you already started the 'rebound relationship' while being with the other girl, right? As long as the rebound girl was in the picture you never missed your ex. 1
drseuss Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I'm guessing you haven't been single for that long , if I ever go through a break up all the exs flood back into my mind
Author Shock148 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Been single since May so I suppose not long and I suppose she was a rebound even though I never thought of it that way. I mean I really cared about my ex girlfriend and really had an amazing time with her. I just really had no emotion when she ended things. I was not upset, sad, or anything. I really only cared that it was over too soon for me and I was single again. She rarely ever uses facebook so me following her is not really an issue. I just stumbled upon her profile page of her and her current bf when the emotions that I described started flooding in. I had a sense like it should have been me there.
Kehv Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 OK to be clear: You ended it with the first girl (you have feelings for now) right? The second girl dumped you, it's hard to hear for someone they are not the one. So perhaps you started feeling guilty, feel like checking up on the old ex, right? It's perfectly normal to seek someone familiar when a new relationship ends but then you find out she already has someone else. The 2nd girl simply was not the one for you, you never really loved her (even though you might think you did) and you did not get over the first girl. Because you had girl 2 to lick your wounds, so to speak. This is what worries me in my current situation. My ex left me 4 months ago (6yr relationship) and decided to chase this other guy. My ex wasn't even sure about the new guy, she even went on Tinder after she dumped me, she only knew she did not want to be with me. In my opinion there are two kinds of rebounds: 1. You date someone completely uncompatible and realise soon after it's not what you want, and start to miss your ex. 2. You date someone who is compatible, even though you may not love this new person, you still think you do. These rebounds could take a long time before they end (if ever).
Author Shock148 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 OK to be clear: You ended it with the first girl (you have feelings for now) right? The second girl dumped you, it's hard to hear for someone they are not the one. So perhaps you started feeling guilty, feel like checking up on the old ex, right? It's perfectly normal to seek someone familiar when a new relationship ends but then you find out she already has someone else. The 2nd girl simply was not the one for you, you never really loved her (even though you might think you did) and you did not get over the first girl. Because you had girl 2 to lick your wounds, so to speak. This is what worries me in my current situation. My ex left me 4 months ago (6yr relationship) and decided to chase this other guy. My ex wasn't even sure about the new guy, she even went on Tinder after she dumped me, she only knew she did not want to be with me. In my opinion there are two kinds of rebounds: 1. You date someone completely uncompatible and realise soon after it's not what you want, and start to miss your ex. 2. You date someone who is compatible, even though you may not love this new person, you still think you do. These rebounds could take a long time before they end (if ever). My ex ex broke up with me, thats the one I suppose I still have feelings for. My last ex broke up with me too, but I really did not care much nor was sad about it. I was just like "okay, we can still be friends if you want" type of thing. Just seeing that photo of my ex ex with her current boyfriend just send me a wave of emotion from sad, anger, depression, confusion, etc. which I can only explain by it me being single at the moment and having nobody in my life. My birthday is coming up on halloween, so being alone with absolutely nothing to do might have also trigger these emotions, especially with thanksgiving and christmas/new years coming up and I really don't have family to go spend time with. I dont know, I was really happy and felt good about life in the beginning of this month, but since seeing that picture I have just been in a wave of emotional stress.
Kehv Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 OK so I guess when the Ex Ex dumped you it was really hard on you or not? It doesn't really matter now anyways. Why did the ex ex leave you ? Did she contact you in any way after she dumped you ?
Author Shock148 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 (edited) OK so I guess when the Ex Ex dumped you it was really hard on you or not? It doesn't really matter now anyways. Why did the ex ex leave you ? Did she contact you in any way after she dumped you ? Yes it was really hard on me when she dumped me. She left me because she claimed she was not ready to be in a relationship (we started dating after she got out of a 9 year relationship.) She did not want to be with her ex boyfriend at all and actually hated him. I wanted her to tell him about us but she would always refuse which in turn caused a lot of mistrust and arguments by me. She decided she just wanted to be single, but 2 weeks later after we broke up she started dating her current boyfriend. I felt and was most likely a rebound for her so I immediately began NC her. She would always attempt to contact me either through my sister, friends, or sending me messages on facebook until I told her I cannot nor will not talk to you again until after I am completely over you. After I began my new relationship, which was about a year later, I really did not think about her at all so I contacted her because I felt like I was completely over her and everything was fine. She wanted me to go visit her and hang out with her with her boyfriend and expressed how she was disappointed I didn't text her happy birthday on her birthday and all this nonsense. I told her I would never hang out with you and your boyfriend, but maybe one day I will hang out with you to catch up. She told me she missed me but knew the consequences of losing me once she started her new relationship. I didnt bring up the past or anything, just left it off there. She wanted me to download Whatsup app so that we can chat but I refused stating we have each other's cell number why don't you just text me if you wanted to talk? She didn't because I suppose it would upset her current boyfriend even though she didn't see any need to block her ex when he would text her and I would tell her it bothered me. She thanked me for being there for her when she really needed something and taking care of her when she needed someone the most and thats it. I felt angry when she told me this because I felt used, but at the same time it really was a case of right place, wrong time because she would state she "loved me" but her actions never really showed it. She was afraid of what her ex boyfriend would do to her if he found out she broke up a 9 year relationship with me. There was just a lot of things going on but I did love her and took care of her, but she never showed me the simple things that I wanted like main example telling her ex about us. I just get sad and angry now that I think about her which wasnt the case earlier this month. Earlier this month she texted me asking if I wanted to meet her for lunch (we work about 5 blocks away from each other) and I said "im not sure maybe one day we will." I texted her the following week stating lets go out for lunch and she never contacted me. I texted her the next day "Lunch?" and she texts me at 11pm when she was about to go to sleep that she doesnt have time now because she has a lot of work but she will talk to me tomorrow. We haven't talked since. Mind you this was earlier this month before this unexpected wave of emotion came on me. Now I definitely do not want to see her until I am over this and her again. I am sure she will not be texting me happy birthday on saturday. Probably just send me a message on facebook stating that. I am about 99% sure this will happen so I am also thinking about if I should even say thank you or just ignore it because she has my number. If you want it to be more personable since we have had history and we are at least cordial to each other at the moment, text me it...don't send it via facebook. Edited October 29, 2015 by Shock148
Kehv Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Yeah it seems like you were her rebound... still had a long relationship with her though. But your new relationship shouldn't be a rebound anymore after one year. I suppose it's just that you're single and it you're lonely right now. I don't know why you don't care it's over between you and the new girl though. You obviously went to go and look to see if a more familiar option was available. Anyways I know your pain and I'm afraid of the holidays coming aswell I'll be lonely. How long did you say you were together with that first girl? I still hope my ex would return to me someday...
Author Shock148 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Yeah it seems like you were her rebound... still had a long relationship with her though. But your new relationship shouldn't be a rebound anymore after one year. I suppose it's just that you're single and it you're lonely right now. I don't know why you don't care it's over between you and the new girl though. You obviously went to go and look to see if a more familiar option was available. Anyways I know your pain and I'm afraid of the holidays coming aswell I'll be lonely. How long did you say you were together with that first girl? I still hope my ex would return to me someday... I was with the first girl for a year and a half. With my last girl, I don't care because I knew I didn't want to be with her. I was happy being with her and having someone to care for and have love for....plus I loved the sex, but I didn't see a future with her.
Author Shock148 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 What do you think of this last paragraph I wrote? Earlier this month she texted me asking if I wanted to meet her for lunch (we work about 5 blocks away from each other) and I said "im not sure maybe one day we will." I texted her the following week stating lets go out for lunch and she never contacted me. I texted her the next day "Lunch?" and she texts me at 11pm when she was about to go to sleep that she doesnt have time now because she has a lot of work but she will talk to me tomorrow. We haven't talked since. Mind you this was earlier this month before this unexpected wave of emotion came on me. Now I definitely do not want to see her until I am over this and her again. I am sure she will not be texting me happy birthday on saturday. Probably just send me a message on facebook stating that. I am about 99% sure this will happen so I am also thinking about if I should even say thank you or just ignore it because she has my number. If you want it to be more personable since we have had history and we are at least cordial to each other at the moment, text me it...don't send it via facebook. How should I respond to her? Just say thank you and move on right? If she has a follow up question like what am I going to do just ignore it or just say something vague like "just going to have a great time"?
mightycpa Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Both of you guys need to go out with a bunch of girls, and stop worrying about all this girlfriend nonsense. Your chances of finding somebody truly compatible skyrocket when you start pumping candidates through the pipeline. It's a lot like sales. Don't worry about the romantic stuff. That will come when the time is right. Who cares if you're single for a few years if you're having the time of your life? 1
Author Shock148 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Both of you guys need to go out with a bunch of girls, and stop worrying about all this girlfriend nonsense. Your chances of finding somebody truly compatible skyrocket when you start pumping candidates through the pipeline. It's a lot like sales. Don't worry about the romantic stuff. That will come when the time is right. Who cares if you're single for a few years if you're having the time of your life? I agree with this but unfortunately all of my friends are either with their girlfriends or are really greedy in a sense that if they meet someone they just want to get with her asap and not really introduce them to anyone. This means that I basically have no female friends who are taken or guys who know a lot of friends that are female for me to meet. It's also hard for me to meet girls when im by myself at a bar or something.
Kehv Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 What do you think of this last paragraph I wrote? Earlier this month she texted me asking if I wanted to meet her for lunch (we work about 5 blocks away from each other) and I said "im not sure maybe one day we will." I texted her the following week stating lets go out for lunch and she never contacted me. I texted her the next day "Lunch?" and she texts me at 11pm when she was about to go to sleep that she doesnt have time now because she has a lot of work but she will talk to me tomorrow. We haven't talked since. Mind you this was earlier this month before this unexpected wave of emotion came on me. Now I definitely do not want to see her until I am over this and her again. I am sure she will not be texting me happy birthday on saturday. Probably just send me a message on facebook stating that. I am about 99% sure this will happen so I am also thinking about if I should even say thank you or just ignore it because she has my number. If you want it to be more personable since we have had history and we are at least cordial to each other at the moment, text me it...don't send it via facebook. How should I respond to her? Just say thank you and move on right? If she has a follow up question like what am I going to do just ignore it or just say something vague like "just going to have a great time"? Yeah I don't know. My ex wanted to hang out with me a lot in the first 2 months after she dumped me. There was no intention of getting back with me though she just missed me as a person. About the birthday, I'm not really sure what would be the best thing to do. My ex congratulated me on my birthday earlier this month and because of that I returned the favour on her birthday a couple of days ago. She responded with "Thank you!" "How are you?" "I haven't seen you at all (since she lives near me)" "What are you doing these days?" and "If you ever need any help just contact me if you want". When she congratulated me I just said "Thanks!" and left it at that. But yeah I'm not sure what would be the best in the long run.
Kehv Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Both of you guys need to go out with a bunch of girls, and stop worrying about all this girlfriend nonsense. Your chances of finding somebody truly compatible skyrocket when you start pumping candidates through the pipeline. It's a lot like sales. Don't worry about the romantic stuff. That will come when the time is right. Who cares if you're single for a few years if you're having the time of your life? Yes you are right. I have been on a couple of dates but I did not like any of them. To be honest, I'm just an average looking guy so Tinder doesn't work that well for me or I need to take different photo's Also I'm a little rusty after 6 years of no dating. It doesn't matter to be single for a couple of years but then again I'm 30 now and I really want to start a family someday lol. 1
Author Shock148 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Yes you are right. I have been on a couple of dates but I did not like any of them. To be honest, I'm just an average looking guy so Tinder doesn't work that well for me or I need to take different photo's Also I'm a little rusty after 6 years of no dating. It doesn't matter to be single for a couple of years but then again I'm 30 now and I really want to start a family someday lol. Yeah seriously im turning 27 years old. It's time to stop being single and start thinking about families.
mightycpa Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 All the more reason for both of you to start pumping multiple women through the pipeline. Does it make sense to slow down the tempo now, when the clock is running out? Or does it make more sense to skip the huddles, and keep driving down the field, gaining yardage each time? Go Team! Too many metaphors, I know, but hopefully, you get the idea. 1
Author Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 Just a quick update. So my ex messaged me on facebook a day before my birthday to say "also, a preemptive HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" Couldnt even wait until my actual birthday on halloween to send me a birthday message. Geez a text since she has my number on my actual birthday would have been nice. I just replied "thx" and deleted the message. I won't be talking to her for a long time and I definitely won't bother sending her a happy birthday when her birth date rolls around. Maybe I am reading too much into it and I should not care, but still it's kind of disappointing to me.
Kehv Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 It doesn't really matter what you do since you don't care about this girl breaking up with you(unless something changed the past week?). You shouldn't overanalyze this. My ex also messaged me 'happy birthday!' they just do it so they look nice. Perhaps her birthday is coming up soon and she wants to you to send her something aswell? I don't know why she decided to message you one day before your birthday. Maybe she doesn't want to spoil your actual birthday? Maybe she's playing a game acting like she doesn't know your real birthday? Who knows...
Author Shock148 Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 (edited) She knows damn well when my birthday is since Halloween is her favorite time of the year. Crazy how she couldnt even wait 1 day or at that point like 5 hours until it was actually halloween to just text me happy birthday. She had to go via facebook a day before as if she was going to be too busy on Halloween to remember to send me anything. I dont know, I just feel a little insulted by that even though I really shouldnt care. I let her know too by just saying "thx" I didnt even bother writing out thank you. Edited November 2, 2015 by Shock148
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