aleks147 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Hi boys and girls, I've just got dumped yesterday for pretty "dumb" reasons, let me explain : We had our first date 2 days ago, for my part it went pretty well even tho we didnt really kiss or do anything like that which, I know, is my fault as this is my first relationship and really havent got any experience with girls. Thing is, after we ended our date, I didnt talk to her during the night cuz I didnt know what to say (My fault again, had to talk to her to see how she felt after the date even tho I was pretty happy). Thing is, one day after that, she came and complained that I didnt come and talk to her, and that she was extremely disappointed by the date and felt uncomfortable as I was not trying to make her feel comfortable, and now, after only the first date, she decided to dump me without letting me another shot. I really don't know what to do, as I'm planning to "NC" her and all that jazz to try and make the situation better, but all I need is your advices to get her back, and "if" she decided to come back what to do for not messing up again, thanks guys
mightycpa Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I think that using the words gfrelationshipdumpedback really overstate what went down here. Let me try: You went out with a girl and liked her. She wanted you to call her after the date as an expression of interest. But you were timid, and you failed the test. Now you feel like this is unfair, but you like her so much, you're willing to forgive and forget, just to be in her presence and good graces again. My advice is to forget her and go try with someone else who doesn't have so many rules. I'm not convinced she actually liked you all that much, no matter what she says. It will be ok. This one's not going to stay with the next boyfriend anyway, whoever it is. 4
Author aleks147 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Thanks for answering mightycpa, actually, what kills me expect the fact that she probably isnt really into me is the fact that she complained about how the date went when I felt it was pretty smooth, considering that she probably didnt want me to hold her hand, or kiss her or whatever couples do. Now that I know what she didnt want me to do, I dont know how the hell she wanted us to look as a couple (as this is what she was complaining about). She was just being like "oh I was the only one talking, u were not trying to make me feel comfortable, I thought I was going out with just one of my friends". This is pretty complicated, and I'll try to think about what you said to me.. Hope other people will give their advices and what they think of the situation
perol Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I think you're not used to being around women, you were nervous, quiet, and it showed. She wasn't into you after meeting you, and she wasn't interested in seeing you again. You see her as being an exgirlfriend who dumped you, and you're going "no contact" as if you've got all this healing and recovering to do, and that's rather odd given the situation which was nothing more than a 1 date meetup. 2
mightycpa Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 You're taking the first date way too far way too fast. You'll do a lot better with the ladies if you take them out and just go have some fun together. Forget all the romantic stuff and looking like a couple. You're not a couple, you're on an interview to maybe be part of one with her. So just go have a great time, lots of talking, lots of laughing, lots of movement. It isn't complicated. It's simple. At the end of the date, if both of you didn't talk a lot, or both of you didn't laugh a lot, or both of you didn't move a lot (dancing, walking, running, playing, etc.), then it wasn't a good first date, even if one of you had a great time. And that's ok too. Not every date goes well. When that happens, there is one word that can help fix it. NEXT! Go get 'em, tiger! 1
Author aleks147 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 The matter is the date went exactly as you said, we talked and laughed and walked for half an hour before chilling, and one we sat we just kept talking about everything (which is what she didnt like as she was expecting something else I guess except the romantic stuff). Now you're probably right, I shouldn't waste my time looking to get back to her, and seeing how she kept on complaining and being extremely disrepectful by calling me a "victim" cuz I kept trying to beg for her forgiveness (i know I shouldnt have), I probably don't need to bother with her
mightycpa Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 See? Movement! You killed the movement by sitting down. A date where you go for a walk and then sit down and gaze into each others eyes while you talk can be fun, but not on the first date. That's kinda boring, if you don't mind me saying so. You really need to do something on a first date. Go bowling, go to a carnival and ride the rides, go do something where you're talking, having fun and moving around. Making fun the focus really helps. My best first dates always were always during the day with a group of friends and lots of things to do. By the time the date ended, at worst, I had a new friend. Worst first dates? A movie, or a meal, or even drinks. They were slow and sometimes uncomfortable. Too much focus on us. Anyway, I'm out of advice for you. Good luck.
Mrin Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 You both sound young. She probably either didn't like the date and you (no biggie - it happens) or she made up a bunch of story in her head because she's insecure. Either way, you kinda dodged a bullet. Onward! 1
Wewon Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Hi boys and girls, I've just got dumped yesterday for pretty "dumb" reasons, let me explain : We had our first date 2 days ago, for my part it went pretty well even tho we didnt really kiss or do anything like that which, I know, is my fault as this is my first relationship and really havent got any experience with girls. Thing is, after we ended our date, I didnt talk to her during the night cuz I didnt know what to say (My fault again, had to talk to her to see how she felt after the date even tho I was pretty happy). Thing is, one day after that, she came and complained that I didnt come and talk to her, and that she was extremely disappointed by the date and felt uncomfortable as I was not trying to make her feel comfortable, and now, after only the first date, she decided to dump me without letting me another shot. I really don't know what to do, as I'm planning to "NC" her and all that jazz to try and make the situation better, but all I need is your advices to get her back, and "if" she decided to come back what to do for not messing up again, thanks guys I say that you dodged a bullet. There's a trope that we all lean on, where we like to see men "work" to impress and woo women. We like to see men jump through hoops, read minds and pass a string of test and if things go well she melts. Most men have been brainwashed into feeling this way and often feel bad when things out of their control goes sideways. This girl didn't really like you if this is all it took for her to walk away and not look back. If you have passed her test, you would have simply graduated to the next one, and the next and so on. 2
Author aleks147 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Thanks to all of you you really opened my eyes and I hope i'll feel better !
Kehv Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Well I don't want to sound to harsh but how can this girl be your gf after 1 date ?
Author aleks147 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 im 16 guess I still have some stuff to learn 1
SoThatHappened Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 im 16 guess I still have some stuff to learn Yeah, just a couple When you're actually in the right relationship with the right woman (at least 10 years from now), do you really think you'll even remember this girl? You will date many women, get your heart broken, and maybe break a few yourself before you've truly "learned" anything. 2
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