spriggan2 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 So I really liked this girl I was dating and still do. I broke up with her though because she said she lost her attraction to me (physically), she gave me countless signs that she was pulling away, and she was getting kind of harsh and irritable with me. She was going hot and cold as well but essentially seemed content continuing the relationship. However my feelings were deepening for her so I thought best end this now before I really get hurt. But when I called her to breakup things changed a bit. She tried to get me to change my mind. She said I made her happy (which I believe). She said it was business school which was putting stress on her and she was taking it out on me (I’m not sure I believe that). She said when we first started dating she thought I was the one she was going to spend the rest of her life with (I believe this because she’s 27, dated quite a bit and wouldn’t say it lightly, but I also believe she had a change of heart towards the end). Anyway I went ahead with the breakup. Immediately following she sent me a long letter saying she was sorry for how she behaved towards the end. That if I changed my mind she wants to know. Then she texted me 3 days later saying she missed me and thought we gave up too easily. I told her that was possible but I couldn’t handle how cold she was going on me considering how much I liked her, so I didn’t want to keep things going just to get shafted later on (I put it nicely). I said I needed time to try to get over her. This happened about 2 weeks ago. I miss her now, but more importantly I would very much like to get back together with her at some point if she genuinely thinks she could become attracted to me again. The problem is we are long distance and I think if I leave things for too long maybe she’ll move on. She was planning to come to my city in two weeks to see me, but since we’re broken up she’s still coming but she’s staying with her brother instead (who also lives here). I know there’s a no contact rule for after breakups, which I said I wanted to do when I broke up. But should I adhere to it? My goal is to sort of take her temperature and show her that I still care and haven’t forgot about her.
mightycpa Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Your instincts about what you described are usually good while in the relationship but not so good once you start missing them. From her POV, she's 27, and may be feeling she's willing to settle, so that her timeline for marriage and kids can be met. Without you, she faces another 3 unmarried years at best. Probably more, and that's going to cut into her childbearing window. What would be the point of getting back together with you if marriage wasn't the endgame? If you're in doubt about that, ask her. Or better yet, forget it and more forward. From what you describe, I think you did the right thing.
LostOnes05 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I agree with mightycpa. I think you did the right thing. Kudos to you for having the ball sack to break up with her. She was making herself irritated with you in order to give herself a valid reason to argue with you and eventually break up. It probably hurt her ego when you pulled the trigger and she realized what she was losing.
Author spriggan2 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Thanks for the advice. Makes me feel a lot better. I guess I'll have to leave this one to fate.
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