Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I met this girl online, we went out and had a great time. Even staying out far later than planned, because neither of us wanted to end it. We make plans next week, while exchanging a few texts in between. (She was certainly still interested). We make confirmations of plans the morning of, but when I call her right before to let her know I was on my way, she doesn't answer? I text her, and try calling her one more time after some time. But she stood me up... I never tried contacting her again, coming to the conclusion she was the type to do such. But almost a week latter, I get a fairly long text from her out of the blue apologizing for not getting together: "Hey, sorry we didn't get together the other day. I had a tough week for some reason. If you still want to hang again I'm still down. I hope you're doing well." I wait hours to reply to imply no hard feelings but I'm in no rush: "It's been and will continue to be a busy week, but I'm doing fine. I hope this week is going better for you." She quickly replies: "Thank you" Which is strong from her because she's certainly a tough girl. I've waited a day, and feel I'd give her another chance. But I want her to be the one to make an effort of actually making a plan. Thoughts on words or actions?
Vintage79 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 You can just tell her that you'd go out with her, but she needs to make the plans because she stood you up. Say it jokingly and in a somewhat fun way, but be serious about it if she says no. If you don't tell her she needs to put the effort in, she may never do it, but if she genuinely wants to meet you and genuinely feels bad about standing you up, she should have no problem putting in the effort. I think it's good to make her do a bit of work because of the effort, but just ensure that she knows she has to.
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I would not have replied after she stood you up. No matter how "tough" her week was, she could have taken 10 seconds to let you know that she couldn't make it. If someone did that to me I would not contact them again, unless they made a damn good effort to explain why they could not have taken 10 seconds to let me know, and they went to the effort of scheduling the next date to make it up to me. But honestly it sounds as though she is simply not interested. Move on. 6
Jejangles Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I would not have replied after she stood you up. No matter how "tough" her week was, she could have taken 10 seconds to let you know that she couldn't make it. If someone did that to me I would not contact them again, unless they made a damn good effort to explain why they could not have taken 10 seconds to let me know, and they went to the effort of scheduling the next date to make it up to me. But honestly it sounds as though she is simply not interested. Move on. Totally agree. I tend to be pretty lenient when it comes to dating - I'm ok with rescheduling if I am given notice for example. But a straightforward stand up like what you described is a dealbreaker and rude. I would not give her another chance.
Author Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 I like your thought on laying out the parameters, but I also think it'll be important to keep it a simple message instead of heading towards a statement document. I don't think making a joke about her flaking on me is something she'd laugh though. A text draft: "Layla, I'm ok with doing something with you again, but I'll let you make plans on when and I'll see if it fits my schedule." (implied enough on she needs to make the effort?) An idea of a reply to whatever her's is to keep up a good vibe: "Vermont's got many places, and plenty of good karma you haven't seen." (She's new to area)
Author Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 I would not have replied after she stood you up. No matter how "tough" her week was, she could have taken 10 seconds to let you know that she couldn't make it. If someone did that to me I would not contact them again, unless they made a damn good effort to explain why they could not have taken 10 seconds to let me know, and they went to the effort of scheduling the next date to make it up to me. But honestly it sounds as though she is simply not interested. Move on. The opposite opinion. My only response hasn't said let's do something. It could just as easily be interpreted as: I've been busy, no hard feelings, have a good life. I could just not respond again after her thank you.
hippychick3 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 She was incredibly rude and unless she was in some kind of accident, there is no excuse for standing you up and waiting a WEEK to contact you. I suspect she was seeing someone else and since that didn't work you, she came back to you. I would not contact her again. 1
Author Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 She was incredibly rude and unless she was in some kind of accident, there is no excuse for standing you up and waiting a WEEK to contact you. I suspect she was seeing someone else and since that didn't work you, she came back to you. I would not contact her again. I'm leaning towards leaving it at "have a good life", but a few facts to point out are she's new to the east coast from the west coast. She got out of a long relationship about a month ago. She certainly wasn't seeing anyone else due to logistics belive it or not. (Works/lives on a boat). But there is no excuse for waiting so long to respond, even if she was embarrassed/ashamed.
hippychick3 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I'm leaning towards leaving it at "have a good life", but a few facts to point out are she's new to the east coast from the west coast. She got out of a long relationship about a month ago. She certainly wasn't seeing anyone else due to logistics belive it or not. (Works/lives on a boat). But there is no excuse for waiting so long to respond, even if she was embarrassed/ashamed. Regardless of whether or not she was seeing someone else (not just physically, but in communication with), what she did was so beyond rude I wouldn't give her a second chance. Nice people don't do what she did. 3
Author Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 With only one out of many thinking it would be worth any time, I guess there'll be no more message from me unless she sends another. Then my response will be along "I'm not down for hanging with you."
TexasMan68 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Remember just because you met her online doesn't mean she has stopped meeting other guys online...could be the reason for the dump. Don't go begging for dates or cater to those that don't have the respect to call you and cancel a date.
Author Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Remember just because you met her online doesn't mean she has stopped meeting other guys online...could be the reason for the dump. Don't go begging for dates or cater to those that don't have the respect to call you and cancel a date. Lol! I haven't held out for her. I've seen two other girls since her rudeness, and even one between our first date and rude. It's not wrong to see someone else after a first date, because you're not in a "relationship". It's a whole different thread, but I believe "Love is friendship on fire." And a first date is making a friend. Then you see where your friendship goes. Know those types that just date the first one that they can? (aka: On rebound) They don't get a relationship from a friend often, they get a relationship with no foundation. It's an unhealthy one unless they can build a foundation of friendship as they are together.
seekingluck Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Who wants to date anyone that rude? I had an online guy stand me up, even though he sent several texts and called to say he was on his way. He wondered why I declined his advances. *SMH* No one who doesn't give you the courtesy of not letting you know they are coming isn't worth your time!
Httm Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Standing someone else is about 10 steps beyond rude. If you needed to cancel, she should have canceled, preferably at least a day in advance. There is absolutely no excuse for her behavior outside of a catastrophe where she was disabled. It takes 5 seconds to message. I'm honestly shocked that you, or anyone, would even CONSIDER ever talking to her again after what she did.
Recommended Posts