CBA Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Hi everyone! I'm new to the site (and new to dating in the real world outside of college). I'm 22, I've gone on four great dates with a girl I met online. The fourth date was an all day experience which we both really enjoyed. We have very similar backgrounds family-wise, upbringing-wise and educationally. I definitely want to keep seeing her to find out where things go. One issue that has left me perplexed has to do with housing. Me are both employed in good jobs in Manhattan (NYC). She lives in Manhattan (she's not from the NYC area) in a very small studio (doesn't even have a full kitchen) and I commute from my family's home about an hour away by train in the suburbs. Now, before you judge me for this, I should explain that 1) I have a great job at a prestigious company right out of college, so it's not like I'm jobless and living off my parents entirely, 2) housing is absurdly expensive in NYC and while this job is highly respected, the pay could use serious improvement, and 3) most young people from my hometown who return to jobs in NYC after college, they're also commuting. It just makes sense. The reason why this is affecting my dating efforts, in case it isn't obvious, is that I can't ever invite this girl to "my place." Maybe some weekend my parents will go on vacation, and perhaps when things get serious enough, she'll come over for dinner, but that seems like the extent. We spent about an hour at her place last time watching a tv show, drinking wine and cuddling. We've made out each date since date 2, but she has voiced her strong feelings against PDA. This all means that her place is not only the only place we could ever take things further in a physical sense, but also means that it is arguably the only place she'd be comfortable even making out. How do I steer things towards us going to her apartment? I need to avoid sounding like I'm "inviting myself over" and also avoid putting her in a position where by inviting me over, she feels like she's making too obvious of a statement that we're only going there to escalate physically. Inconvenient issue but I think maybe all we need is to be open with each other about the obvious fact that her apartment is the only place we can be alone. What do you think? A separate question with this girl regards her busy schedule. Her job requires frequent night work, and honestly she seems to have an enormous number of friends who she is always making plans with. Many of her college friends ended up in nyc, mine didn't. So I also want to tell her that I'd like to see her more than just once a week (which is the current frequency). She cancelled our third date twice, but both times apologized profusely and offered alternative days. I think she does genuinely want to keep seeing me, but she's much busier than I am, and I don't want to make it seem like I have no social life outside of our dates (I have one but not nearly as active as hers). Any advice for this novice?
carhill Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Given her 'strong feelings' against public displays of affection, I'd suggest a nice walk in Central Park in the autumn colors to test those limits. If she's really interested in you and trusts you and wants to make out with or have sex with you, she'll invite you to her apartment. In lieu of that, from my actual stays in NYC, I know there are inexpensive yet clean and safe hotels that you can be 'alone' in. You're adults. It's OK. Adults show affection for each other and have sex with each other. Other adults know this, like folks in her apartment building and the clerk at the hotel and, yup, your parents. Sex was how you got here. Heh. Welcome to LS
Author CBA Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 You don't think it could be perceived as sort of creepy to get a hotel this early? Early as in, if we're in a LTR, a romantic night at a hotel would be nice but now maybe a little weird?
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