amkxoxo Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 My boyfriend and I started out as casual dating about 5 month ago. We broke up many times. I wasn't sure what I wanted. He isn't my type, but I care about him so much. He wouldn't let me go. A month ago we became an official relationship. Things have been pretty happy since. We argue once in a while, but never stay mad. Recently he has been saying things like "Go to sleep Love." and "Bye Lovey" Its strange. Then he will keep stressing to me "You don't know how much I care about you", and "You have no idea how much I like you." I think he has been trying to hint to me that he loves me. Without actually saying it. He is terrified he will scare me off. He keep stressing things close to love and trying to express that he cares about me way more than I know. Last night we were cuddling and I think he was trying to tell me he loved me, but he was so afraid. I kept asking him if he had something to say, because he seemed to. He said yes, but said he didn't want to freak me out. I begged him to tell me, and he dabbled with it for a while. He almost outright said it at one point, but stopped before. I feel horrible because I do not feel the same way. I care about him deeply and I like him a lot, but I do not feel love yet. I know they say people feel things at different times and that is normal, but if he says it, I don't think I can say it back. If he does say it, I feel obligated to love him. I know he doesn't want that. I am a slow mover. I move slower when it comes to feelings. I protect myself. I am not sure what to do. Can anyone offer some advice??
introverted1 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Can anyone offer some advice?? Yes. Stop doing this: Last night we were cuddling and I think he was trying to tell me he loved me, but he was so afraid. I kept asking him if he had something to say, because he seemed to. He said yes, but said he didn't want to freak me out. I begged him to tell me, and he dabbled with it for a while. He almost outright said it at one point, but stopped before. Why would you beg him to tell you he loves you if your response is going to be to tell him that you don't love him? I feel horrible because I do not feel the same way. I care about him deeply and I like him a lot, but I do not feel love yet. I know they say people feel things at different times and that is normal, but if he says it, I don't think I can say it back. If he does say it, I feel obligated to love him. I know he doesn't want that. I am a slow mover. I move slower when it comes to feelings. I protect myself. I am not sure what to do. Do you think you are on the path to loving him? If so, there is nothing wrong with needing more time But if you know for sure that you can never love him, then cut him loose. There's no reason you can't initiate the conversation. 5
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 If you don't love him stop begging him to tell you. If he says it & you don't say it back you will devastate him. I your shoes, I'd be gently dissuading him from saying the L word at all other than perhaps I love ice cream
Versacehottie Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Yes. Stop doing this: Why would you beg him to tell you he loves you if your response is going to be to tell him that you don't love him? Yep 100% agree. Tortured. Needy and dramatic of you OP
stillafool Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 If you don't love him and you know he loves you break up with him. Don't continue to lead him on. Why would you want him to say he loves you when you know you don't love him back. Sorry dear, but you sound ulta needy. 4
hippychick3 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 If you feel this way after 5 months, he's not the one for you. Let this guy find someone who can truly love him back. He deserves better. 2
candie13 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 sounds like you do have feelings but are fighting them back and not accepting them. if you truly didn't care for him, you'd be much colder and dread him telling you I love you. Looks like this at least boosts your ego and gives you a nice smile. Think about it. 2
Httm Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Broke up multiple times? Time to move on. I learned very early, that if you break up once, it is over. Unless something life changing occurs, the same issues will always keep popping up. As for you begging him to tell you something that you know you will reject..well, that is disgusting.
candie13 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 beginnings are tough, I am not judging. Just decide on which side you're playing - do you want to invest in the RS and be in a happy couple or are you still on a fence and starting to look at the door - in which case, the dude should know you're not really in it.
Author amkxoxo Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 We have gotten through many of the issues that caused us to break up a few times. Those are not the ones that we have now. We continue to grow which is good. I do care for him deeply. I worry because we are not the same race, and I think it will cause issues in the future. My family knows, but I constantly worry about their true feelings towards it. The judgement will kill me. I love my family more than anything. I begged him to tell me at first, because I did not realize he was trying to saying Love. I thought he was teasing me by keeping some secret so I was being playful back. I did not beg him intentionally. As soon as more realization hit me, I stopped right away and changed the subject away. Inside I feel like I am fighting these feelings. I am so scared of this.
Ami1uwant Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 A few things..... 1. Why don't you feel the same ? Are you sure about that? What is love to you? Are you looking for some sort of butterfly feeling and it isn't there? 2. Why the break ups before...what were the issues??? Some peoe confuse what love is vs lust. 3. Why were you insisting on him say those words if you don't feel the same???
Versacehottie Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 If you don't love him and you know he loves you break up with him. Don't continue to lead him on. Why would you want him to say he loves you when you know you don't love him back. Sorry dear, but you sound ulta needy. Sorry, I thought you reminded me of this other poster--so similar. And it is because you are the same poster. The neediness was soooooooo familiar. Loves drama. ok, I can't. Broken up many times in 5 months. OMG. get real 1
Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I think he's building the act of finally making the statement horrifically. He's already put love in sentences in forms of adjectives and nouns ("lovely", "love", etc). But he hasn't said "I love you", and he's dulling the strength of the word using it so much outside of the statement you're waiting to hear.
candie13 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 OP, that's what's holding you back - the race. I've dated a man outside my race and it was a problem for me - for the first month or so. After the second month, it's like I've completely forgotten it. I was seeing him, the man I loved... and yeah, my parents werent crazy about it, but they care deeply for me and want me to be happy. It also helps that I'm in my mid 30s and live in a different country... so... up to you to figure it out, OP. It's a tough call. I understand why you are stuck.
stillafool Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 We have gotten through many of the issues that caused us to break up a few times. Those are not the ones that we have now. We continue to grow which is good. I do care for him deeply. I worry because we are not the same race, and I think it will cause issues in the future. My family knows, but I constantly worry about their true feelings towards it. The judgement will kill me. I love my family more than anything. I begged him to tell me at first, because I did not realize he was trying to saying Love. I thought he was teasing me by keeping some secret so I was being playful back. I did not beg him intentionally. As soon as more realization hit me, I stopped right away and changed the subject away. Inside I feel like I am fighting these feelings. I am so scared of this. If you don't love him and you know your family will have a problem with his race break up with him so he can find someone who wants him.
Versacehottie Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 If you don't love him and you know your family will have a problem with his race break up with him so he can find someone who wants him. She has been debating this the entire time they've been "together" which she is now exaggerating into 5 months. Look up her past threads. Biggest eye roll 1
organizedchaos Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 My boyfriend and I started out as casual dating about 5 month ago. We broke up many times. I wasn't sure what I wanted. He isn't my type, but I care about him so much. He wouldn't let me go. A month ago we became an official relationship. Things have been pretty happy since. We argue once in a while, but never stay mad. Recently he has been saying things like "Go to sleep Love." and "Bye Lovey" Its strange. Then he will keep stressing to me "You don't know how much I care about you", and "You have no idea how much I like you." I think he has been trying to hint to me that he loves me. Without actually saying it. He is terrified he will scare me off. He keep stressing things close to love and trying to express that he cares about me way more than I know. Last night we were cuddling and I think he was trying to tell me he loved me, but he was so afraid. I kept asking him if he had something to say, because he seemed to. He said yes, but said he didn't want to freak me out. I begged him to tell me, and he dabbled with it for a while. He almost outright said it at one point, but stopped before. I feel horrible because I do not feel the same way. I care about him deeply and I like him a lot, but I do not feel love yet. I know they say people feel things at different times and that is normal, but if he says it, I don't think I can say it back. If he does say it, I feel obligated to love him. I know he doesn't want that. I am a slow mover. I move slower when it comes to feelings. I protect myself. I am not sure what to do. Can anyone offer some advice?? Stopped reading at the bolded part. None of that should be happening 5 months in to a relationship.
stillafool Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 We have gotten through many of the issues that caused us to break up a few times. Those are not the ones that we have now. We continue to grow which is good. I do care for him deeply. I worry because we are not the same race, and I think it will cause issues in the future. My family knows, but I constantly worry about their true feelings towards it. The judgement will kill me. I love my family more than anything. This is why it will never work. You know your family won't accept someone of a different race, you don't love him; so stop making threads and break up already!
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