nellbell86 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Hi all Well after 4 long months, yep, 4 MONTHS, of endless heartache, contact, completely degrading myself and him just making an idiot of me, I am here, DAY 2 NO CONTACT!! Yeah, I know, isn't much, but I am really proud of myself that I have even made it this far, but my thoughts have come in leaps and bounds lately and I am feeling so much better about myself and moving forward. I guess his attitude lately has really pushed me to this point, and looking back on it, I'm glad I didn't go NC straight away, I'm glad I fought, I'm glad I tried my damn hardest, cos when it has been received with the cold, bitter, selfish, quite frankly disgraceful attitude from him, that has helped me to finally let go, realise he is NOT the person I thought I knew, and start moving on. I think if I'd gone NC straight away, I wouldn't have seen this side of him, so I'd be sitting back in NC pining for the man I thought I knew, while he has changed into a totally different person and I wouldn't have even known it. I saw him last week, chance run in at the doctors, and we had a quick chat, about us, what happened, catching up in a couple of weeks to discuss. He even admitted then that he put on an ACT while we were together, but blames me, saying I wouldn't have liked the "real him" so he had to be that way. Then as we're leaving, I said "OK, we'll have a break and talk in a couple of weeks then, hey?" to which he replied with a sickeningly smug smirk "Yeah sure, if you can manage that". Augh just thinking of that smug look on his face makes me cringe, and that was when I realised, he knows he has me wrapped around his finger, and I NEED to change that!! I can't keep playing these games with this little boy any longer, I need to grow a pair, walk away with my shredded dignity and piece myself together again. A couple of days ago, I was feeling very emotional about it, and I sent him a long, heartfelt message on Facebook (we're not friends, but can still message), I poured my heart out, thanked him for our relationship, I wish he'd given us a chance to work it out, wished him all the very best for the future, etc, and finally telling him I am ready to let him go. I cried whilst writing it, I am not sorry I did, I meant every word of it and for my sake I wanted to let him go with love, no anger, no arguing, just best wishes and love for the future. Although he has not read it yet, I think he will, maybe after I've maintained no contact for a bit longer and he realises I'm actually serious about it this time. Of COURSE I'd be lying if I said part of me didn't hope that he'll read it, go OMG she is such a beautiful, forgiving, loving woman, and I'm really losing her now, and come knocking on my door, begging for me back. But, as I haven't been in the past, I feel I am mentally and emotionally ready for that NOT to happen as well. Yes of course I have my moments, even today, only Day 2 of NC, and I ALMOST text him, but then I stop myself and really think "Why? What would it achieve?" and that helps me get past that feeling, cos at the end of the day, it would achieve, NOTHING. Apart from giving him yet another ego boost, another text to share with his mates and have a laugh ("oh she's so not over me, what a loser" kind of stuff), another chance to ignore me and make me feel bad about myself. And I am DONE with giving him all that power! So it may not seem like much, but I am feeling so much better than I thought I would without contacting him, and although I know that this is going to be a rough ride, I feel confident that I can get through this, and come out the other end in sunshine!
PaperCrane Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Watch out for tomorrow. Just like quitting smoking, day 3 is a doozy. Keep up the good work!
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Did you block him on FB so he can't reply to your message? If so then do it. Seriously, do it. And block every other way for him to contact you, too.
Realitycol Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 (edited) One tip, don't count days. Why remind yourself of pain when you could be thinking of happier things. For example, 'Oh man, that was some awful sleep, ugh. What's today's date? Oh the 28th... bummer, it's been THREE, oh wait a second, TWO? No! Three, I swear, 78 hours and counting since that bastard left me in ruins! Let me double and triple check by opening my "let's break up" text msg from my phone here... with the correct time stamp and even down to seconds. Ahhh, I feel so good being reminded and rereading and reliving that moment of being DUMPED. Let me get my red-marker out and mark the calendar downstairs so I don't lose tract of this douche.' Get my drift? Edited October 28, 2015 by Realitycol 1
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