Men over 30, what's life like never married? What to expect as a tenured bachelor?

October 30, 2015

After you're 30, the amount of single women without a lot of baggage and possibly kids reduces drastically.

I'm not single but if my relationship ends, I hate to think how dismal the search for a woman without a huge back catalogue of garbage will be. Makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it!

October 30, 2015

I was single for thirteen years between the ages of 30 and 43. I was just living my life. Neither looking for someone nor a confirmed bachelor. Not dating, no need to, I hadn't met a woman I wanted to take on a date. Lived life my way, on my terms, for me, being who I naturally am, not sweating or worrying about what I can't control, making the best out of the life in front of me on the day.

Some women said I was going to waste, others badgered me to the point of being bunny boilers, some thought I was gay, others, for some bizarre reason, saw my years of being single as a big red flag. I never gave a cr*p what they thought. All that matters is what one woman thinks, the rest can be completely incompatible and their opinion is not important.

At the age of 43, during normal every day life, I met the right one and it's been more exciting, fun and intense than anything that went before. Had I lived the previous thirteen years any different we would not be together. Had I not been true to myself we would not be together. Had I allowed the opinion of society, friends or women to affect me we would not be together. Had I allowed the thoughts, fears, projections, ignorance, insecurities, assumptions and trivial witterings of others affect me, we would not be together. Had I changed myself to fit what many women say they want, we would not be together. Had I allowed the thought of a ticking clock affect me we would not be together. Had I settled, compromised or got with someone for any reason other than who they are, we would not be together. Had anything different happened we would likely have never been in the same place at the same time to meet. Now we are together everything that went before makes sense, for both of us. We met during an argument. Both being true to ourselves, speaking our minds, p*ssing the other off and not giving a rats arse about trying to impress or attract, or giving a damn about dating and its contrived and meaningless skin deep dance of posturing, rituals, banality and analysis.

Keep going. Live life. Be true to yourself. Like yourself. Stand for yourself. Wear scars with pride. Stay open minded. The life you live now is the journey towards who you will meet later. Walk that path false and all that follows will be false. When you meet that right woman you will know it and you'll want to change your life.

Edited October 30, 2015 by Snaggletooth

October 30, 2015

Beautiful. Really perfect advice Snaggle.

October 31, 2015

After you're 30, the amount of single women without a lot of baggage and possibly kids reduces drastically.

I'm not single but if my relationship ends, I hate to think how dismal the search for a woman without a huge back catalogue of garbage will be. Makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it!

Im guessing this is one reason why bachelors without baggage tend to date younger women. Thing is, I very much prefer a woman within a few years of my age. We tend to have more in common and are in similar life stages.

Though I guess that by the time Im in my 30s, a 5 year age gap is not as big of a deal as it was in my 20s. Being in my late 20s, I run into girls in their early and mid 20s who are still very immature and still finding themselves. Or I run into women in their 30s who are in a rush to settle down.

The sweet spot has been women entering their late 20s. They are mature, somewhat established, and not just yet rushing towards marriage and kids. At least this has been my experience.

Edited October 31, 2015 by kaylan

October 31, 2015

Im guessing this is one reason why bachelors without baggage tend to date younger women. Thing is, I very much prefer a woman within a few years of my age. We tend to have more in common and are in similar life stages.

Though I guess that by the time Im in my 30s, a 5 year age gap is not as big of a deal as it was in my 20s. Being in my late 20s, I run into girls in their early and mid 20s who are still very immature and still finding themselves. Or I run into women in their 30s who are in a rush to settle down.

The sweet spot has been women entering their late 20s. They are mature, somewhat established, and not just yet rushing towards marriage and kids. At least this has been my experience.

I wholeheartedly agree.

I've always been involved with women within a couple of years in age to me.

Should my current girl leave me though, I would look for fairly younger girls.

I want to have kids and I don't want to be the father to those of another guys nor do I want to deal with women who have 100 ex's.

October 31, 2015

What you'll find a lot of in your 30's consists of single mothers, divorcee's, career women or people with commitment issues.

I would love to meet a career woman. Unless you mean that career women do not want to meet someone.

October 31, 2015

I was single for thirteen years between the ages of 30 and 43. I was just living my life. Neither looking for someone nor a confirmed bachelor. Not dating, no need to, I hadn't met a woman I wanted to take on a date. Lived life my way, on my terms, for me, being who I naturally am, not sweating or worrying about what I can't control, making the best out of the life in front of me on the day.

Some women said I was going to waste, others badgered me to the point of being bunny boilers, some thought I was gay, others, for some bizarre reason, saw my years of being single as a big red flag. I never gave a cr*p what they thought. All that matters is what one woman thinks, the rest can be completely incompatible and their opinion is not important.

At the age of 43, during normal every day life, I met the right one and it's been more exciting, fun and intense than anything that went before. Had I lived the previous thirteen years any different we would not be together. Had I not been true to myself we would not be together. Had I allowed the opinion of society, friends or women to affect me we would not be together. Had I allowed the thoughts, fears, projections, ignorance, insecurities, assumptions and trivial witterings of others affect me, we would not be together. Had I changed myself to fit what many women say they want, we would not be together. Had I allowed the thought of a ticking clock affect me we would not be together. Had I settled, compromised or got with someone for any reason other than who they are, we would not be together. Had anything different happened we would likely have never been in the same place at the same time to meet. Now we are together everything that went before makes sense, for both of us. We met during an argument. Both being true to ourselves, speaking our minds, p*ssing the other off and not giving a rats arse about trying to impress or attract, or giving a damn about dating and its contrived and meaningless skin deep dance of posturing, rituals, banality and analysis.

Keep going. Live life. Be true to yourself. Like yourself. Stand for yourself. Wear scars with pride. Stay open minded. The life you live now is the journey towards who you will meet later. Walk that path false and all that follows will be false. When you meet that right woman you will know it and you'll want to change your life.

I love this post so much. You have just inspired me to live my life more authentically too.

October 31, 2015

Anyways, to sum this up and ask my main question. For those guys over 30 who've never married or havent been committed in a long time....what's your dating life like? And what kind of response do you get from women when they find out you've never been engaged, married, and have been single for a while.

Oh and for the record...Im smart, college educated, in good shape, have all my hair (thank god), a goofball, and pretty much a regular dude. I dont make stupendous loot, but I take care of myself ok despite recently switching careers. Just a little information in case anyone was wondering what I bring to the table.

I am 51 and married for 20 years now, but when I was your age it was the prime of life for me. I know this will make me look bad and people will cry foul but I had a steady GF and I also had a number of FWBs that would come by the house periodically.

When I was in my 20s I had finally developed physically, socially and in my career enough that I was attracting quality women and had the ability to select and choose who I wanted to be with rather than just accepting whatever woman would have me.

I usually say this to women on these boards but it applies just as equally to men, but never before in human history have people had the opportunity to select their own mates than at this time now and in this country. Throughout most of human history the vast majority of cultures practiced some form of arranged marriage and your mate(s) was picked for you by your family or community/tribal elders.

With that opportunity to choose certainly comes more work and effort and responsibility, but it also comes with a bigger payoff. never take that opportunity lightly nor take it for granted. Don't settle and don't compromise.

Now in looking at your resume' in regards to your health and your education etc etc, you are certainly in a good position and certainly in a position where a good, quality woman to your liking is definitely in the realm of reasonability. We tend to attract what we already are so there's no reason to assume that you could not get a quality mate if you so chose one.

Now will that journey be completely easy with no bumps, potholes, dead ends and detours?? of course not.

As others have mentioned, as we age, our options change and shift. The best looking, high quality, marriage-minded women are going to get snatched up first. No ands-ors-ifs-or-buts about it.

If you want a never-married, no-kids, pretty, hard-bodied, 23 year old college educated, gainfully employed marriage-minded woman to be your wife, you better be getting a ring and getting on one knee and proposing today because someone else is going to be snatching her up any day now and that person could be anyone from her 23 year old college quarterback that was her college boyfriend to a 32 year old corporate executive at her company.

As you age, the numbers of never-married, no-kids, pretty, hardbodied marriage minded women that you have a shot with will decline by the day.

After a certain point the number of women that are divorced, with kids, with stretchmarks and who have baggage will increase by the day.

You are at a perfect age and position in life right now. It will raise a few parents and grandparent's eyebrows but you could date a 19 year old college girl, a 25 year old college grad, a 30 year old career woman or even a 35 year old MILF that just wants some young, firm booty for a night. At this point you have no real restrictions.

But at some point a number of years down the road, you will start to notice doors closing. At some point those 19 year old college girls don't automatically giggle at your stupid jokes and will say that their friends are waiting for them and have to leave. At some point the 25 year old college grad will say that while it's been fun hooking up, she wants to find someone who is serious relationship material. The career girls and MILFs will pretty much always be there but if they aren't your cup of tea then at some point you will have to decide what to do.

November 1, 2015

Actually, the career girls and MILFs won't always be there either. WTH is a 'career girl' anyway? Is that the same as a 'career guy'?

I love threads like this. Supposedly experienced men can't encourage another man without categorizing, labeling, and objectifying every woman and dissecting and negating every little thing about them. Except for the under 25 crowd. They are perfect. Lol. What kills me is that some of these men are parents to daughters. God I hope their daughters have some positive male role models in life who aren't filling her head with this negative junk.

I dunno guys. Are you purposely setting up your fellow men for failure? Because I know plenty of men who hit 40 thinking the world is their oyster, and that they have forever... Who think their star will continuously rise... But find out otherwise. Mostly due to advice like this from other men who are propping up their own egos or engaging in some big fish stories... To the detriment of the men they are seeking to help.

The words of another poster ring more true. To live your most authentic life. Then whatever happens or doesn't happen won't matter because you are living your life according to your own values and purpose.

November 1, 2015

I didn't read all the replies, but it all boils down to this....for men, anyway...

Guys who are.....lets use the age of 35 and over...better have a good career and make solid income, otherwise they better be outstanding looking/body..Like top 5% material....

I've seen regular overweight, haggard, middle aged diner waitresses think the only thing they will accept is a 30k/wk hedge fund manager...

But really....most quality women want a guy that's a solid earner with a good career...And it becomes more important as men age..A friend of mine, who is a really solid guy...Average looks, but very compassionate and caring and even has a fun side to him...His wife passed away some years ago and he's tried dating...As soon as they find out he doesn't make/have much money(he can take care of himself and his kid, btw), they go cold...All of them...

So, IMO, take care of yourself and be in a good position career/finance wise and you can expect much success..

TFY

Edited November 1, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

November 1, 2015

Shortly after I turned 30, I broke up with my Ex-fiancé of 2 years. It was the start of the disco days, was a good dancer, and figure I had sex, when counting BJ's with probably 100 different gals.

For a living I worked with machines, I was a journey men, but still did not make anything like my friends who worked in offices. I did live in large apartment complexes, so meeting new women was easy.

As for teenagers, at age 32 I met my future wife when she had just turned 19. I found there were lots of teenagers her age who were eager to have sex with and older in his 30's man. I did not have to chase them, they let me know, as did my Ex that they wanted to have sex with me.

I was the only one of a dozen grandkids who was capable of passing on the family name, so had a lot of family pressure to marry and start a family. At age 35 I figured if I have to chose just one woman to spend the rest of my life with why not marry the sexiest, hottest of the flock. My Ex was a long legged straw berry blonde, fold out material. It lasted a whole six months.

From age 36 to age 50 I probably had another 100 sex partners. Teachers, nurses, business women, accountants, bankers, software workers, engineers, store clerks and yes feminists.

Many of them were divorced and some with kids, and were just in it for laughs and sex. Nothing serious.

At age 50, second date, first kiss, and I was in love and have been exclusive with her ever since.

November 2, 2015

Shortly after I turned 30, I broke up with my Ex-fiancé of 2 years. It was the start of the disco days, was a good dancer, and figure I had sex, when counting BJ's with probably 100 different gals.
For a living I worked with machines, I was a journey men, but still did not make anything like my friends who worked in offices. I did live in large apartment complexes, so meeting new women was easy.
As for teenagers, at age 32 I met my future wife when she had just turned 19. I found there were lots of teenagers her age who were eager to have sex with and older in his 30's man. I did not have to chase them, they let me know, as did my Ex that they wanted to have sex with me.
I was the only one of a dozen grandkids who was capable of passing on the family name, so had a lot of family pressure to marry and start a family. At age 35 I figured if I have to chose just one woman to spend the rest of my life with why not marry the sexiest, hottest of the flock. My Ex was a long legged straw berry blonde, fold out material. It lasted a whole six months.
From age 36 to age 50 I probably had another 100 sex partners. Teachers, nurses, business women, accountants, bankers, software workers, engineers, store clerks and yes feminists.
Many of them were divorced and some with kids, and were just in it for laughs and sex. Nothing serious.
At age 50, second date, first kiss, and I was in love and have been exclusive with her ever since.

jeeeeeez xD

I do love sex, but Im not this adventurous. Thats a lot of mingling . Im too paranoid for that life, though I have had my casual fun during my life.

Lord knows if pregnancy wasnt an issue and STDs didnt exist, Id be a lot more frisky than I currently am lol

November 2, 2015

I didn't read all the replies, but it all boils down to this....for men, anyway...

Guys who are.....lets use the age of 35 and over...better have a good career and make solid income, otherwise they better be outstanding looking/body..Like top 5% material....

I've seen regular overweight, haggard, middle aged diner waitresses think the only thing they will accept is a 30k/wk hedge fund manager...

But really....most quality women want a guy that's a solid earner with a good career...And it becomes more important as men age..A friend of mine, who is a really solid guy...Average looks, but very compassionate and caring and even has a fun side to him...His wife passed away some years ago and he's tried dating...As soon as they find out he doesn't make/have much money(he can take care of himself and his kid, btw), they go cold...All of them...

So, IMO, take care of yourself and be in a good position career/finance wise and you can expect much success..

TFY

I guess for serious relationships this is true. Several weeks ago I was in the midst of a casual fling with a woman in her early 50s. Really good sex, but obviously not going to lead anywhere.

We both were in very different stages of life. Im still trying to get more established career wise, and also am still growing as an adult. She's been through all of that, raised kids who are now young adults, and is back in the dating saddle after a divorce a couple years ago.

It was fun for what it was, but at the end of things she started seeing a new gent around her age. She definitely longed for a stable guy with a decent enough career where they could enjoy the nice things in life and go on fun dates and trips together. And she preferred a guy with adult children who were no longer "baggage" in any way.

November 2, 2015

I think if you're a man wanting a family, then obviously that influences your options. If however, you are a man looking for a relationship (not necessarily marriage/kids) then that can be found at any age.

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Men over 30, what's life like never married? What to expect as a tenured bachelor?

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