Men over 30, what's life like never married? What to expect as a tenured bachelor?

October 28, 2015

So I recently turned 29, and as 30 approaches, I find my outlook on dating hasn't changed much since I finished up uni at 24/25.

I usually prefer to be outside of relationships, though I am capable of seeing a woman exclusively. I did date someone exclusively for about 7 months this year, but broke it because she wanted something more serious than I could give her. She was a good girl too, but we were just too different for the long road.

That said, I haven't been in a real boyfriend/girlfriend call-it-like-it-is relationship in about 6 years. The two real relationships Ive had in my life had pretty bad breakups, and in my time dating as a single guy and growing as a person, Ive learned a lot about myself. I've learned not to compromise on what I want either.

Some people think Im picky, and sometimes I think I am picky myself. But honestly, I just think there aren't too many women out their compatible enough with me in order for me to be comfortable committing to them. I'd say my being single for so long (despite a few periods of exclusive dating), is a combination of my being "picky", my location not having enough high quality women in my age group to go around, and some trust issues.

I sit back and kinda feel I may likely never marry. And it doesnt bother me at all. At least not yet. Maybe some time in my 30s Ill get the paternal itch and want to settle down. Or maybe Ill meet a girl who's so fantastic and right for me that she's too good to let pass by. Who knows.

Anyways, to sum this up and ask my main question. For those guys over 30 who've never married or havent been committed in a long time....what's your dating life like? And what kind of response do you get from women when they find out you've never been engaged, married, and have been single for a while.

Oh and for the record...Im smart, college educated, in good shape, have all my hair (thank god), a goofball, and pretty much a regular dude. I dont make stupendous loot, but I take care of myself ok despite recently switching careers. Just a little information in case anyone was wondering what I bring to the table.

Edited October 28, 2015 by kaylan

October 28, 2015

My husband was 34 & never been married, no kids when we met. He seemed to do just fine.

I was thrilled to find somebody with no baggage just like me. I had given up hope that such a man existed.

My EX who I had been with for 10 years remains unmarried & is over 50 at this point. He's always had woman falling at his feet, many 1/2 his age especially now.

In your early 30s you will be just fine. If you get to 40, more eyebrows may be raised especially if you never had an LTR

October 28, 2015

Honestly - it depends on the guy. I'm 34 and didn't start seriously dating till my late 20's. Have had two LTR's - 2 years (was engaged) & 1 year. I believe firmly that I'm wiser, smarter, more balanced, and more experienced. I don't have problems finding woman now that I'm older and more confident. I want to settle down and just hope I can find a woman in her late twenties or early thirties who isn't carrying too much nasty baggage. I mean we all have it, no one's life is perfect - but just enough.

I think if you're confident, have good self-esteem, and have learned through mistakes (and are honest with people) it's no different than being in your 20's

October 28, 2015

Well, I'm turning 37 in a couple of weeks and I match your description.

Never married, no children.

What's my dating life like? Well, firstly everyone's experience is different, but I'll tell you my own thoughts.

Once you hit your 30's the fun and games are over. People are playing for keeps at this age and I can completely understand that.

There's a lot of pressure to know what you want and quickly. A lot of people are running on the clock.

Many of the people you'll find are damaged. Hell, I'm damaged. You can't get this far without picking up your share of scars.

The natural opportunities to meet and mingle with singles begin to feel more forced. I spend a great deal of time at work, or at home. There's not as much energy these days to get out and mingle.

I don't know man, I guess I'm painting a bit of a grim picture, but it is what it is. Many of the great, commitment minded women will be married. Not all of them, true, but many of them.

What you'll find a lot of in your 30's consists of single mothers, divorcee's, career women or people with commitment issues.

That's not to say that there's anything wrong with the above. I've met some lovely women in each of those categories. But you have to be willing to meet them where they are. Nothing is as shiny or as easy as it was when I was in my 20's.

But you know what, much like yourself, I've just never met someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, who felt the same about me.

Being single is better than being in a loveless marriage, waiting to find your way to a pine box at the end of a very unhappy road.

Being single gives you a lot of freedom. A lot of room to live life however you see fit. There's a lot of personal power and satisfaction in that.

But it can be lonely at times. You can feel like the world is passing you by. You can see your friends married off, starting families, while your own life seems static.

In the end, this life is what we make of it man. Having someone to share it with is just an optional (if rewarding) extra.

October 28, 2015

Nothing is as shiny or as easy as it was when I was in my 20's.

I like this quote. I think it is very much true, but kind of a good thing. I no longer feel like I could ever feel head of heels for anyone as I did in my 20s - blindly falling in love is out of the question. But I think knowing ppl have a story, history , maybe some baggage, allows you to make better decisions. You are thinking more with your head than your heart.

31 - woman

October 28, 2015

I never married until I was 33. My dad was also a lot older than my mom. They were married nearly 50 years before he died.

You have a lot of time.

Don't rush into it. If you are a good guy, one will come. There aren't a lot of quality women out there anymore, it is sad, but true.

Women with morals, true values, sincerity, honesty, and not poisoned by toxic men are all definitely scarce nowadays. I work in a large and busy home building supply company building, and meet with the general public on a regular basis. I see what is out there (in this area). I would not want to be associated with more than half of those women.

If you have a high standard, keep it.

The ONLY woman that has been consistent in my life was my first very serious girlfriend. Even we had some arguments, but for over 25 years now, we still talk and are friends (although she is married, we both know it and I respect it fully, so no lines crossed). I met her at a church long ago.

Just be open, size up any possible matches, and don't settle for what you know is less, but give a decent one a chance.

You are young, I am older than you, but that doesn't mean I will be in any rush to find someone decent. I already know I will because of what I have to give. You should also never forget who you are

October 28, 2015

Once you hit your 30's the fun and games are over. People are playing for keeps at this age and I can completely understand that.

Agree with the games being over, totally disagree that the fun's over - sure, you can't string people along any more, but was that ever really fun? No games, almost instant sex...sounds like fun to me...

October 28, 2015

Well, I'm turning 37 in a couple of weeks and I match your description.

Never married, no children.

What's my dating life like? Well, firstly everyone's experience is different, but I'll tell you my own thoughts.

Once you hit your 30's the fun and games are over. People are playing for keeps at this age and I can completely understand that.

There's a lot of pressure to know what you want and quickly. A lot of people are running on the clock.

Many of the people you'll find are damaged. Hell, I'm damaged. You can't get this far without picking up your share of scars.

The natural opportunities to meet and mingle with singles begin to feel more forced. I spend a great deal of time at work, or at home. There's not as much energy these days to get out and mingle.

I don't know man, I guess I'm painting a bit of a grim picture, but it is what it is. Many of the great, commitment minded women will be married. Not all of them, true, but many of them.

What you'll find a lot of in your 30's consists of single mothers, divorcee's, career women or people with commitment issues.

That's not to say that there's anything wrong with the above. I've met some lovely women in each of those categories. But you have to be willing to meet them where they are. Nothing is as shiny or as easy as it was when I was in my 20's.

But you know what, much like yourself, I've just never met someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, who felt the same about me.

Being single is better than being in a loveless marriage, waiting to find your way to a pine box at the end of a very unhappy road.

Being single gives you a lot of freedom. A lot of room to live life however you see fit. There's a lot of personal power and satisfaction in that.

But it can be lonely at times. You can feel like the world is passing you by. You can see your friends married off, starting families, while your own life seems static.

In the end, this life is what we make of it man. Having someone to share it with is just an optional (if rewarding) extra.

Pretty much this.

October 28, 2015

So I recently turned 29, and as 30 approaches, I find my outlook on dating hasn't changed much since I finished up uni at 24/25.

I usually prefer to be outside of relationships, though I am capable of seeing a woman exclusively. I did date someone exclusively for about 7 months this year, but broke it because she wanted something more serious than I could give her. She was a good girl too, but we were just too different for the long road.

That said, I haven't been in a real boyfriend/girlfriend call-it-like-it-is relationship in about 6 years. The two real relationships Ive had in my life had pretty bad breakups, and in my time dating as a single guy and growing as a person, Ive learned a lot about myself. I've learned not to compromise on what I want either.

Some people think Im picky, and sometimes I think I am picky myself. But honestly, I just think there aren't too many women out their compatible enough with me in order for me to be comfortable committing to them. I'd say my being single for so long (despite a few periods of exclusive dating), is a combination of my being "picky", my location not having enough high quality women in my age group to go around, and some trust issues.

I sit back and kinda feel I may likely never marry. And it doesnt bother me at all. At least not yet. Maybe some time in my 30s Ill get the paternal itch and want to settle down. Or maybe Ill meet a girl who's so fantastic and right for me that she's too good to let pass by. Who knows.

Anyways, to sum this up and ask my main question. For those guys over 30 who've never married or havent been committed in a long time....what's your dating life like? And what kind of response do you get from women when they find out you've never been engaged, married, and have been single for a while.

Oh and for the record...Im smart, college educated, in good shape, have all my hair (thank god), a goofball, and pretty much a regular dude. I dont make stupendous loot, but I take care of myself ok despite recently switching careers. Just a little information in case anyone was wondering what I bring to the table.

People find love at all sorts of ages, the problem is all those men who found a compatible woman at your age or older probably aren't this site. So keep that in mind, the stories you hear on here don't paint a whole picture. People say different things, but I think there is nothing worse then being with someone that makes you miserable. I also hear when you stop giving a **** and stop caring, that's when you find someone worth committing too.

October 28, 2015

I am 29 and so is my boyfriend. ....both never married and no kids. ..

He'd also been single for 6 or more years. ..

It's honestly rare that neither of us have kids. Nor have we been married or even engaged before. MOST people in their late 20s or 30s have baggage as you already can attest to.

.... I'd been single for a year...We had both give up on finding the right chemistry with a compatible partner; we knew it'd happen but we thought it would happen a lot later in life.

Kaylan, men like you are smart. You aren't settling down with a woman who you're not crazy about. You have experienced the right kind of chemistry before and now you won't settle for less than a lady wbo really lights your fire (in addition to being compatible )

If you're after TRUE love, it is surprising RARE to come accross. In my entre dating life, I've only had that burning, intense chemistry and emotional connection TWICE (mutuality ) in TEN years...... the rest were shallow connections with the intense chemistry (but devoid of any emotional, mental or intellectual connections) Make no mistake.......Falling head over heels about a lady who you just feel like ripping their clothes off AND whois actually a quality woman with whom your compatible with, is as rare as gold. ..................

It's going to take most people the better part of their lives to find the inense chemistry AND good compatibility. Almost ALL married couples settled for mediocre chemistry/high compatibility, or low compatability with the love of their lives.

The absolute love of your life (who you just FEEL) the most intensely about, is rarely super compatible with you.....

Whatever you do Kalan, NEVER settle for compatability without having that "they could be:are the one" kind of chemistry /feeling.

The good thing about dating in your late 20s and 30s and beyond is that people KNOW what it feels like to be totally nuts about someone. And you don't have to settle for less. Where as the 24 year old Leigh settled for that ANDREW @sshole, who I wasn't crazy about but who I became co dependant on.......... .Not being mutually head over heels never works really. One or both people outgrow the relationship in absense of intense feelings. ..........

October 28, 2015

I have nothing useful to add but I love the phrase "tenured bachelor." Women need something similar. :laugh:

October 28, 2015

Depends on where you live. Where I live most people haven't married by 30. I am late 30s and 1/3 of my friends are married at this point. Most never married......

In the big metro areas, 35 is really the marrying time....and even a bit later!

October 28, 2015

My BF of 7-8months is almost 38, and I'm his first LTR (because of religious and health reasons).

I can see that he was unexperienced, but I personally find it kind of cute. He is actually a good match for me because of his inexperience because:

1) I also started dating pretty late (27) so I'm not super experienced either

2) I didn't want to date someone with "baggage" (ex wives, baby mamas)

3) In the same time, I'm not attracted to younger men... There is something about the playful youthful attitude that repels me on subconscious level...

So I think you'd have no problems if you're not super experienced in your thirties... It is all about finding the right match (which is universal for older and younger).

So I recently turned 29, and as 30 approaches, I find my outlook on dating hasn't changed much since I finished up uni at 24/25.

I usually prefer to be outside of relationships, though I am capable of seeing a woman exclusively. I did date someone exclusively for about 7 months this year, but broke it because she wanted something more serious than I could give her. She was a good girl too, but we were just too different for the long road.

That said, I haven't been in a real boyfriend/girlfriend call-it-like-it-is relationship in about 6 years. The two real relationships Ive had in my life had pretty bad breakups, and in my time dating as a single guy and growing as a person, Ive learned a lot about myself. I've learned not to compromise on what I want either.

Some people think Im picky, and sometimes I think I am picky myself. But honestly, I just think there aren't too many women out their compatible enough with me in order for me to be comfortable committing to them. I'd say my being single for so long (despite a few periods of exclusive dating), is a combination of my being "picky", my location not having enough high quality women in my age group to go around, and some trust issues.

I sit back and kinda feel I may likely never marry. And it doesnt bother me at all. At least not yet. Maybe some time in my 30s Ill get the paternal itch and want to settle down. Or maybe Ill meet a girl who's so fantastic and right for me that she's too good to let pass by. Who knows.

Anyways, to sum this up and ask my main question. For those guys over 30 who've never married or havent been committed in a long time....what's your dating life like? And what kind of response do you get from women when they find out you've never been engaged, married, and have been single for a while.

Oh and for the record...Im smart, college educated, in good shape, have all my hair (thank god), a goofball, and pretty much a regular dude. I dont make stupendous loot, but I take care of myself ok despite recently switching careers. Just a little information in case anyone was wondering what I bring to the table.

October 28, 2015

OP, your description of yourself sounds a lot like me. But I have to say, I'm 29, and my outlook on finding the right match is as dark as it's ever been. I've been single for 5 1/2 years. I've never really been in a LTR. I encounter very few single women around my age (most of them are married), and the one's I've met who are single have had serious baggage and not relationship material. Dating in my late 20s has been a depressing wasteland, and I doubt dating in my 30s will be any better. I'm beginning to think if I haven't met this girl yet, I probably never will.

Edited October 28, 2015 by oberkeat

October 28, 2015

I went out to lunch with a woman who was saying something similar. She was 28 and noticed all her friends were in marriage and baby mode. I told her most likely within 10 year most of them would be divorced. In my social circle we all married in our early 20s and divorced before 30.

I agree with most of what Neowulf wrote.

I'm in my early 30s and have been dating for the last 5 years. I was starting to feel like a 10 date or less wonder. I have only had 3 people after going on tons of dates where we mutually wanted to see each other past 10 dates. None of those (yet) have been a serious LTR though my current relationship may head into that direction.

Edited October 28, 2015 by Miss Peach

October 28, 2015

Agree with the games being over, totally disagree that the fun's over - sure, you can't string people along any more, but was that ever really fun? No games, almost instant sex...sounds like fun to me...

If you're sleeping with women you have no intention of having a long term relationship with, without letting them in on the fact, then you're leading them on.

I've found, in dating at least, that most of the women I meet are only interested in a committed relationship, with the hope of becoming something long term.

Very little of the dating in my 30's seems to be about the "hook up" culture.

Maybe I'm moving through different circles.

October 28, 2015

42 here and male.

I look around at all my married friends with children, and I think to myself : damn I am lucky. No kids and never married! That is what it is like being single for me.

My married friends are shocked by the concept that I wake up everyday with only myself to take care of. This seems like unlimited freedom to them.

Truth is you can't really win either way. If you marry you will want to be single and free. If you are free and have options you will want a commitment at some point.

October 28, 2015

42 here and male.

I look around at all my married friends with children, and I think to myself : damn I am lucky. No kids and never married! That is what it is like being single for me.

My married friends are shocked by the concept that I wake up everyday with only myself to take care of. This seems like unlimited freedom to them.

Truth is you can't really win either way. If you marry you will want to be single and free. If you are free and have options you will want a commitment at some point.

Pretty much this. There are pro's and con's to both situations. People just tend to lose perspective.

October 28, 2015

My perspective....

I got married in my early 30s. I felt pressure to get married. I had some 6month-1yr relationships in my 20s. I liked the companionship.

I got divorced in my late 30s. I have had relationships since.

When you are in your early 30s it will get harder (depends on where you live). If you live in a city like NY or SF you will probably come across more single early 30s folks than if you were in smaller cities like Nashville , Indianapolis, .denver, etc. many have gotten married so you then you need to look young like 24-27 for available women..

When you get in your later 30s is when people start to divorce usually after the kids are older and more independent thus not needing to be watched over. In your late 30s more people are out in the datng pool.

Dating people in your 30s becomes harder. You don't have the social networking/parties you found people to date in your 20s. Those in their 30s aren't the type to go to bars so meet g them will be harder.

October 28, 2015

31 single female here. Been single since 2012, with dating throughout. I've dated tons but out of however many dates I've been on, fewer than a handful were guys I wanted to seriously date. Of those handful, none ever liked me enough for me to be the only woman they were seeing.

When I was younger I used to think I'd be engaged, on my way to marriage at 25, kids at 30. :lmao:

I look back now and realize that the cookie cutter mold I was basing those numbers on was due to parental pressure, what society expects of women, what was going on with people around me.

I said those things, but never in my heart felt that I WANTED those things.

I would like a serious relationship, yes. But already mentioned on here, once you hit 30, the dating pool shrinks significantly. Especially my experience with online dating, you're really scraping the bottom of the barrel with the single population.

A lot of baggage, guys that just want to be perpetual playboy's. I agree that women in their 30's are looking for substance, but I notice that guys in early 30's even mid to late, are still playing around as long as they possibly can.

At this point, I've given up dating. I was putting a lot of effort into it for these past 3 years, multiple dates a week with only small breaks in between. I've since shut down all my dating profiles and have no intention of going back, way too forced for me and I'm not a fan of the online dating culture.

I haven't been on a date since June. I figure, if something is meant to happen, it will. If it doesn't, I will have cultivated a nice fulfilling life that I can enjoy, stress free, no drama.

October 28, 2015

If you're sleeping with women you have no intention of having a long term relationship with, without letting them in on the fact, then you're leading them on.

I've found, in dating at least, that most of the women I meet are only interested in a committed relationship, with the hope of becoming something long term.

Very little of the dating in my 30's seems to be about the "hook up" culture.
Maybe I'm moving through different circles.

I'm honest with girls about my intentions (hook up) yet they still try to make it something more.

I'm same age as you, OP. I have been in relationships basically non stop from 16-27 with a few months between partners.

I can tell you that my friends that are married (all my age or a few years older) will be baffled at the fact that I don't want to find a woman and marry here RIGHT NOW! And yet those very same people are in relationships that they aren't happy with.

The advantage for you is that younger women are often attracted to a "mature" man. I really don't think your situation is going to deter women from wanting to date you.

October 29, 2015

I'm honest with girls about my intentions (hook up) yet they still try to make it something more.

I'm same age as you, OP. I have been in relationships basically non stop from 16-27 with a few months between partners.

I can tell you that my friends that are married (all my age or a few years older) will be baffled at the fact that I don't want to find a woman and marry here RIGHT NOW! And yet those very same people are in relationships that they aren't happy with.

The advantage for you is that younger women are often attracted to a "mature" man. I really don't think your situation is going to deter women from wanting to date you.

I hear you. You can't control how others feel. If you're up front with your intentions, then what can you do right?

It's not that I'm concerned with finding dates. I'm just more concerned with the time frames I'm now forced to deal with.

I'm not the sort to rush into something serious when first meeting someone. It usually takes at least a year to really get to know someone. At that point, either it progresses further, or it doesn't. When it doesn't, I usually end up taking a break to reset, between 3-6 months before starting again.

You can see at the age of 37, this pattern is very quickly going to push me into my 40's...

I'm working on "dating more" and being less relationship focused, until I find a good match. I'm a pretty reasonable guy though, so a lot of women seem like a "good match" at first.

Just part of the journey I guess.

October 29, 2015

Women are the ones who have to have children by the age of 34. Men are lucky, because all they do is plant the seed and that's about it.

I met someone I wanted to be with, its not realistic. Pretty broken up about it. So I will be with my ex for another two years then move to a different country and start life over again.

So maybe, I *might* be married by 32. Meh. Could always do an arranged marriage.

October 29, 2015

Women are the ones who have to have children by the age of 34. Men are lucky, because all they do is plant the seed and that's about it.

I met someone I wanted to be with, its not realistic. Pretty broken up about it. So I will be with my ex for another two years then move to a different country and start life over again.

So maybe, I *might* be married by 32. Meh. Could always do an arranged marriage.

Sometimes it is good to start over.

I am older than you are, and wiser too.

Fact is, given the right lady and reason, I would sell this house and start a new life with her to the benefit of us both. I just have to consider my 90 year old mom too, and her care.

I was quite ready and eager to eventually do just that with this last girl.

October 30, 2015

42 here and male.

I look around at all my married friends with children, and I think to myself : damn I am lucky. No kids and never married! That is what it is like being single for me.

My married friends are shocked by the concept that I wake up everyday with only myself to take care of. This seems like unlimited freedom to them.

Truth is you can't really win either way. If you marry you will want to be single and free. If you are free and have options you will want a commitment at some point.

Thats what Im saying.

My friends who have kids already, I do not envy at all. Kids can be nice and all, and I do sometimes get paternal instinct flare ups, but for the most part I enjoy my freedom.

I like only having to worry about myself and my parents to some extent (because they are getting older)

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Men over 30, what's life like never married? What to expect as a tenured bachelor?

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