Goodbye Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Man I've known for a while randomly asked me to go for coffee. I said something like "when?" and he said "how about now?" It is not something we've done before...I know it was just coffee...but I felt that date vibe going on. It went from easy conversation to feeling awkward. He walked me to my car and asked if we could do "this" (coffee) again (I assume, since nothing else happened). I said yes, but was left feeling completely confused. On "paper" this man has what I think I am looking for: divorced, a little older, educated, career, older kids. I think one of the things that is holding me back from thinking of him in "that" way is that I also know his ex-wife. And as is the case with most divorced couples, they both have very different renditions of the downfall of the marriage. I am not good friends with her by any means, so that isn't what would stop me. I will try to not overthink it. This is pretty new to me even though I'm old. I guess my question is: Did I go on a date?
kismetkismet Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I'd say it was a date! Coffee is definitely a pretty normal date thing and the "do this again sometime" is a pretty classic way to ask someone out again I think. No harm in getting to know the man.
Maggie4 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Ha ha ha... this guy is pretty slick! He got a woman asking, "was that a date?", and he did it all so smoothly, sly dog... 3
Author Goodbye Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Yes, sly I suppose. Or I'm clueless. Could be both. 1
chapter44 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Yes it was a date! He is trying to determine if there is interest on your part so he doesn't feel to vulnerable. As for the ex wife there are always two sides to a divorce so I wouldn't put much emphasis on that. Judge him by how he is with you. Why not just enjoy the process and see where it leads. Let him know you would enjoy seeing him again that may lessen his nervousness and awkward vibe. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Man I've known for a while randomly asked me to go for coffee. I said something like "when?" and he said "how about now?" It is not something we've done before...I know it was just coffee...but I felt that date vibe going on. It went from easy conversation to feeling awkward. He walked me to my car and asked if we could do "this" (coffee) again (I assume, since nothing else happened). I said yes, but was left feeling completely confused. On "paper" this man has what I think I am looking for: divorced, a little older, educated, career, older kids. I think one of the things that is holding me back from thinking of him in "that" way is that I also know his ex-wife. And as is the case with most divorced couples, they both have very different renditions of the downfall of the marriage. I am not good friends with her by any means, so that isn't what would stop me. I will try to not overthink it. This is pretty new to me even though I'm old. I guess my question is: Did I go on a date? Personally, when a guy just asked me for coffee, I viewed it as a "pre-screen" for a possible real date. A real date is a nice evening out for a few hours and a little more flirtatiousness and romancing. Until he invited me for a "real" date, I assumed we were just two nice people having coffee together. If he calls you for another coffee date, I wouldn't expect much going forward. He just wants some companionship. 2
Author Goodbye Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Personally, when a guy just asked me for coffee, I viewed it as a "pre-screen" for a possible real date. A real date is a nice evening out for a few hours and a little more flirtatiousness and romancing. Until he invited me for a "real" date, I assumed we were just two nice people having coffee together. If he calls you for another coffee date, I wouldn't expect much going forward. He just wants some companionship. Yes, this could be true. I think it was some sort of "screening" type of thing...to see if I'm 1) normal enough to take to a real restaurant or 2) to see if there is chemistry. Or both. I don't know...I'm not feeling a lot of chemistry, but it was definitely more than just pals out for a coffee...there was that tension.
kismetkismet Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I don't think the whole coffee vs fancy evening is always true. Probably part of it is a screening thing.. but that's not always the case - for example my current boyfriend asked me to go for coffee as our first date because he didn't want me to think he was trying to get me drunk and just wanted to party/have something physical. Personally I find dinner dates very awkward as a first date thing - I feel like the food is in the way, and movies or shows I find silly because you don't get a chance to talk... but going for drinks can often be code for/or misconstrued as code for lets get drunk and makeout.
Author Goodbye Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 I don't think the whole coffee vs fancy evening is always true. Probably part of it is a screening thing.. but that's not always the case - for example my current boyfriend asked me to go for coffee as our first date because he didn't want me to think he was trying to get me drunk and just wanted to party/have something physical. Personally I find dinner dates very awkward as a first date thing - I feel like the food is in the way, and movies or shows I find silly because you don't get a chance to talk... but going for drinks can often be code for/or misconstrued as code for lets get drunk and makeout. Yes, well the whole "coffee thing" may be because he knows me and knows I don't drink...so that rules out the usual meeting for drinks. I agree about the food making it awkward for whatever reason on first dates. I've known this man for several years though and we share a lot in common. We share probably too much in common including some mutual friends, colleagues and kid's friends...which could make things really crappy if things don't work out.
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