tokyo Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I've been arguing back and forth in another thread about this problem with giving out phone numbers. This is a question for the guys. When you ask a girl for her phone number, would you prefer her to shot you down on the spot with a blunt no or would you prefer to figure this out later on your own when she avoids setting up any meetings with you? What will you think of her when she tells you to your face that she doesn't want to give you her phone number? My personal opinion is that a guy should know that when she is never calling back or making any efforts to set up a date with him, she's not interested. She may have given him her phone number, but that was politeness and if you really want to get a clear answer, ask her point blank for a date, don't make a detour via the phone numbers.
scratch Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by kooky I've been arguing back and forth in another thread about this problem with giving out phone numbers. This is a question for the guys. When you ask a girl for her phone number, would you prefer her to shot you down on the spot with a blunt no or would you prefer to figure this out later on your own when she avoids setting up any meetings with you? What will you think of her when she tells you to your face that she doesn't want to give you her phone number? My personal opinion is that a guy should know that when she is never calling back or making any efforts to set up a date with him, she's not interested. She may have given him her phone number, but that was politeness and if you really want to get a clear answer, ask her point blank for a date, don't make a detour via the phone numbers. The guy in the other thread was right - the overwhelming majority of women (and men, as applicable) are less uncomfortable just being evasive than actually saying "no." I would always rather be told "no" than to be given a positive signal. It's like being dropped out of a plane - the longer you wait to jump, the higher the plane gets, and the more it hurts when you fall out. The nicest rejections I've gotten went something like, "I'd love to, but I have a boyfriend." Or, "I would but I could lose my job." The rejection I respected most was just a flat "no," no excuse or reason. Just blunt without being impolite. I knew she did something that took courage, and it meant a lot to me. Conversely, the worst rejection is avoiding a date by claiming to have other plans, and saying "maybe another time." It can make the guy think that you were genuinely busy, and encourage him to keep pursuing. Revisit the airplane analogy.
alphamale Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by kooky When you ask a girl for her phone number, would you prefer her to shot you down on the spot with a blunt no or would you prefer to figure this out later on your own when she avoids setting up any meetings with you? I prefer shot down up front that way I can move on to the next woman ASAP and not waste any time. What will you think of her when she tells you to your face that she doesn't want to give you her phone number? When I was younger I would brood for days.....now I just think I am one step closer to getting the next number some women are too nice for their own good.
Moose Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I can't think of an instance where I asked for a woman's phone number. I've always found them in my pocket, or console........
d'Arthez Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Prefer to be shot down on the spot. I'll get over it in 10 to 15 seconds.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by kooky I've been arguing back and forth in another thread about this problem with giving out phone numbers. This is a question for the guys. When you ask a girl for her phone number, would you prefer her to shot you down on the spot with a blunt no or would you prefer to figure this out later on your own when she avoids setting up any meetings with you? What will you think of her when she tells you to your face that she doesn't want to give you her phone number? I'd rather her just tell me no right away. Why waste my time? I wouldn't have much respect for someone who is afraid to tell me the truth. My personal opinion is that a guy should know that when she is never calling back or making any efforts to set up a date with him, she's not interested. She may have given him her phone number, but that was politeness and if you really want to get a clear answer, ask her point blank for a date, don't make a detour via the phone numbers. Don't give out the number if you aren't interested. Giving a man your number is a clear indication you want him to call you. Men: black/white Women: gray
BrotherAaron Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 a straight "no" is preferable to the phone call dodging for sure - but a humorous "no" is best. Just don't take it too seriously - any guy can handle being told no when he asks for a phone number. The best rejection I got was when I asked a girl for her number once, and she smiled and said "sorry, I don't have one". It made me laugh. In any case, the sting of being denied the phone number wears off in seconds.
mental_traveller Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I'd prefer to hear "I have a boyfriend", "I'm not interested in dating right now", or "Thanks for asking, but to be honest you're not really my type", rather than a "yes" followed by evasion. But since I only give one call and then give up if I don't hear back within a few days, it's not that big a deal anyway.
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by mental_traveller But since I only give one call and then give up if I don't hear back within a few days, it's not that big a deal anyway. I disagree, M_T, cause most men probably have spend a few days thinkin' bout this chick and that she is a "live one" and they build up their hopes, especially younger dudes. Sure it is just a phone call but what about the week before and after u make that call that you've spent thinkin about this chick and what will i say and will she call back?? it is bullshyt. I mean think about it M_T. When a woman leads a man on like this most guys have to shrug it off but when a man leads a woman on then all hell breaks loose. Talk about double standards! WTF!
Lights Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky I've been arguing back and forth in another thread about this problem with giving out phone numbers. This is a question for the guys. When you ask a girl for her phone number, would you prefer her to shot you down on the spot with a blunt no or would you prefer to figure this out later on your own when she avoids setting up any meetings with you? What will you think of her when she tells you to your face that she doesn't want to give you her phone number? My personal opinion is that a guy should know that when she is never calling back or making any efforts to set up a date with him, she's not interested. She may have given him her phone number, but that was politeness and if you really want to get a clear answer, ask her point blank for a date, don't make a detour via the phone numbers. Just be polite about it. Seriously, that's about it. IMO it's not about blunt vs. evasive--being stood up or having my time wasted pisses me off, but responses like "I don't think so." or "Uh, no." will definitely piss me off as well. Regarding asking out immediately, note that not every man knows where and what the compatible date-spots/date-worthy activities are in his immediate locale. Sometimes a phone number is all one may have to make further contact possible.
Marshbear Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I disagree, M_T, cause most men probably have spend a few days thinkin' bout this chick and that she is a "live one" and they build up their hopes, especially younger dudes. Sure it is just a phone call but what about the week before and after u make that call that you've spent thinkin about this chick and what will i say and will she call back?? it is bullshyt. I mean think about it M_T. When a woman leads a man on like this most guys have to shrug it off but when a man leads a woman on then all hell breaks loose. Talk about double standards! WTF! Right on Alpha Male!! Most guys are going to think about this chick for days and getting her number is just that much more hopeful. Just a polite "no" is preferable.
lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 ...if an attractive girl who you seem to be interested in gives you her number, is it possible he was ONLY flirting and will not call even though he eluded to saying that he would? I know that there are billions of people, thus meaning there are billions of possibilities, but I'm just trying to see the probability. I'm so confused and I'm started to rethink something I was so confident in with this guy who I gave my number to on yesterday. Why does doubt come so naturally? I mean, it's only been 24hrs and I guess I'm just showing a lack of self confidence with these thoughts. It's not that it matters if he was only flirting, but don't take the number if you don't intend on using it, ya know.
Author tokyo Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 :p :p :p I want more answer..... (Damn, this is a conspiration of the LS guys, isn't it?)
d'Arthez Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky :p :p :p I want more answer..... (Damn, this is a conspiration of the LS guys, isn't it?) You only want to hear more answers, in the hope that some guy disagrees with the general concensus among guyst . Perhaps you even want to hold the dissenter as universal standard .
Moose Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez You only want to hear more answers, in the hope that some guy disagrees with the general concensus among guyst . Perhaps you even want to hold the dissenter as universal standard . Actually, I do have a little twist on this. There's been a couple/few times where girls would insist I take their number and insist that I call them back. And I'm telling you.......those girls never heard from me again! I don't know what it was back then, but I'd date a girl for a couple weeks and she'd seem normal enough......then all of a sudden, BOOM! [color=red]"I'm Crazy!!!"[/color]
browneyes22 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky ...ask her point blank for a date, don't make a detour via the phone numbers. Kooky...I guess you refuse to read what I said in my post. I did ask the girl point blank for a date. This resulted in me getting her number. Turned out she made other plans, but said she would be free later that week. That is when I got her number. The last post was about how giving out numbers when your not interested in us is just leading us on...which we don't like at all. Stop trying to look for one person to agree with you. I think it's apparant from this post that the majority of guys like to be shot down right then and there...whether asking for a date or a number.
alphamale Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by browneyes22 I think it's apparant from this post that the majority of guys like to be shot down right then and there...whether asking for a date or a number. Men, in general, like directness and being to the point whereas women tend to be more indirect and beat-around-the-bush. It is a mismatch and there is not much we can do.
NTB Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 as stated before i want a "no" up front than giving me it it's just a waste of time Men: black/white Women: gray this is so true
scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Men, in general, like directness and being to the point whereas women tend to be more indirect and beat-around-the-bush. It is a mismatch and there is not much we can do. This is true, but only applies superficially in the instant case. Can we poll the women here to find out how they feel about meeting a guy in whom they're interested and having him say "I'll call you" when he has no intention of doing so? I know this will be raised, so I'll address it in advance - oftentimes men feel pressure to ask for a number at the end of a flirtatious conversation the same way that women feel pressure to offer it when requested. Even if you don't believe me, assume that it's true for the sake of my hypothetical. I have a feeling that women get annoyed by vagaries as much as men do when the end result is them getting rejected.
faux Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 I have always found that it is best to be up front about certain things, especially in telling a woman that yes, you want to date her. Usually, she is going to know you are talking to her because you are interested in her, but some seem to appreciate it when a man admits to it. I always give people my phone number; if I made a strong enough impression, I know I will receive a phone call. If you really wanted to, you could do the old "My drivers license photo is funny. Let me see yours." trick, memorize as much as you can, and use the information for stalking purposes. I'm joking. Seriously, don't do that.
Author tokyo Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by browneyes22 Kooky...I guess you refuse to read what I said in my post. I did ask the girl point blank for a date. This resulted in me getting her number. Turned out she made other plans, but said she would be free later that week. That is when I got her number. The last post was about how giving out numbers when your not interested in us is just leading us on...which we don't like at all. Stop trying to look for one person to agree with you. I think it's apparant from this post that the majority of guys like to be shot down right then and there...whether asking for a date or a number. You kept telling me I was playing games when I said that I give out my phone number to guys even though I'm not really interested. I've tried to explain my point of view, but that's what you obviously don't get. And my advice to ask for a date directly was not supposed to hint at your thread. I've told you already that this girl very likely wasn't interested in you. So you met someone who either played with your or was too polite to decline your request openly, but what's the point in running around and claiming that all women are playing games when they give out their phone numbers to guys they actually don't want to date?
Author tokyo Posted May 24, 2005 Author Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by faux I always give people my phone number; if I made a strong enough impression, I know I will receive a phone call. That's what I have already suggested, too. I find it easier to offer my phone number to people I would like to see again (not only for dating purposes) than asking people for theirs. And if a girl is interested enough she'll call you, if not you saved yourself the trouble of running after her.
scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by kooky And if a girl is interested enough she'll call you, if not you saved yourself the trouble of running after her. This idea is not in touch with reality. Society has evolved with men initiating contact with women, from the introduction to the phone call to the date. I can think of only one time where a woman called me after I volunteered my number, and there I had first asked her for her number but had no pen and no phone, so she took mine for the sole purpose of calling me with hers. Is that to say that the other women I've dated all weren't interested enough to make the first call? Or, is it more likely that they felt that a man should take that step? What if the female has the same idea that if he likes her enough, he'll call? Faux, one of the most important ways to make a strong impression is to have the confidence to ask for a number, and use it. Most females I know feel that if a man offers you his number without asking for yours are timid or unassertive, and therefore undateable.
lostinlove0479 Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by scratch Faux, one of the most important ways to make a strong impression is to have the confidence to ask for a number, and use it. Most females I know feel that if a man offers you his number without asking for yours are timid or unassertive, and therefore undateable. Well, how does a guy view a girl who approaches him and gives him her number placing the ball back in his court? Men seem alot more simple than women, so I would think that would be flattering...considering society's standards of men doing the approaching.
scratch Posted May 24, 2005 Posted May 24, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 Well, how does a guy view a girl who approaches him and gives him her number placing the ball back in his court? Men seem alot more simple than women, so I would think that would be flattering...considering society's standards of men doing the approaching. It is definitely flattering. And although it's not as natural and likely to be successful as a man asking for the number, it's much better than asking for his. I don't see any harm in it, but don't expect him to call (just as men never should do when they volunteer their number to a woman). If he does call, don't be shocked if he's a relatively passive person, e.g. "I don't care where we go, honey. Where do you want to go?"
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