calvin94 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me almost a month ago now because she's young (21) and feels our relationship was stressful at times, too stressful for our age. Im 21 as well. I was shocked and devastated, and still am. We've talked a few times since then, but our conversations just end with me trying to get her back and her saying no and that she needs space. Yesterday was the worst as for some reason I went off trying to get her back and I feel like I just made it a lot worse as she still said she just doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now and wants to be on her own. We talked a few weeks ago saying maybe around December, when I get back from school (I live an hour away) that we could possibly re evaluate the situation and go from there. How do I get her back? Im going to try not talking to her for at least a month. No contact at all and hopefully our situation has settled and that she is willing to give this another chance. Any ideas or suggestions what I should do?
itisdanielle Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 First thing you need to do is delete her number and delete her off all social media so that you don't see any updates from her. Keep busy to try and help keep your mind off her. I started the gym, focused on uni work and forced myself to keep going out even if I didn't feel up to it. There is no way to make her want you back but continuing to contact her and asking her to get back together will just push her further away. She's said that she doesn't want to be with you, so cutting contact shows that you respect yourself. I got dumped recently, and it sometimes helps me to keep telling myself that my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me, if he loved me and wanted a relationship then he would not have ended things, and I also ask myself why do I want a relationship with someone that doesn't want me? 1
itisdanielle Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Also, no contact isn't a tool to make your ex want you back. The purpose of it is to move on from the relationship and eventually become happy without them. If you don't contact her for 30 days with the thought that 'after this she will want me back!' then you will feel as down on day 30 as you do right now. Sometimes ex's do come back. But posts on this forum have taught me that it only happens once you have moved on, and by then you probably won't want her back. 1
Author calvin94 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Also, no contact isn't a tool to make your ex want you back. The purpose of it is to move on from the relationship and eventually become happy without them. If you don't contact her for 30 days with the thought that 'after this she will want me back!' then you will feel as down on day 30 as you do right now. Sometimes ex's do come back. But posts on this forum have taught me that it only happens once you have moved on, and by then you probably won't want her back. Good point, that makes sense. Just still so numb to it all, and I just find myself wanting to do nothing with my days and with my last year of school, this is really hard. I find myself going home a lot to my family since I live so close, because I don't feel as alone there, and everything about my house at school reminds me of her. Is running away bad? I have friends here at school but just I find being by myself numbs it all. Edit: I just can't stop blaming myself for the breakup which I think makes it worse. Edited October 27, 2015 by calvin94
itisdanielle Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) I can relate so much. I am a couple years older than you but in my last year of university. The first few weeks after the breakup I avoided any work that I had to do because I just couldn't face it. I do not recommend this - I'm back into doing work now but I feel so behind. I keep telling myself 'he's ended a relationship with me, he's made me feel heartbroken but I will NOT let him ruin my degree.' Try telling yourself this. If you mess up school because of her, in a few years you will look back and regret letting her ruin it for you. There's nothing wrong with going home as long as it isn't affecting your school work too much. Maybe tell yourself if you stay at school during the week, you can spend the weekend with your family? It's normal to feel numb, don't beat yourself up about that. I know that it's annoying to hear because it annoyed me when it had just happened, but it does get better. I feel better now than I did on day one and it's been a month. I'm still struggling but I'm forcing myself to keep busy and it honestly helps. Why are you blaming yourself? Is there anything in specific you think you did to cause it? From the sounds of the reasons why she broke up with you it doesn't sound like it was your fault. It is easy to blame yourself when you get dumped but usually there probably isn't anything you could have done. If you haven't already read it, I would recommend this post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide Edited October 27, 2015 by itisdanielle
Author calvin94 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 I can relate so much. I am a couple years older than you but in my last year of university. The first few weeks after the breakup I avoided any work that I had to do because I just couldn't face it. I do not recommend this - I'm back into doing work now but I feel so behind. I keep telling myself 'he's ended a relationship with me, he's made me feel heartbroken but I will NOT let him ruin my degree.' Try telling yourself this. If you mess up school because of her, in a few years you will look back and regret letting her ruin it for you. There's nothing wrong with going home as long as it isn't affecting your school work too much. Maybe tell yourself if you stay at school during the week, you can spend the weekend with your family? It's normal to feel numb, don't beat yourself up about that. I know that it's annoying to hear because it annoyed me when it had just happened, but it does get better. I feel better now than I did on day one and it's been a month. I'm still struggling but I'm forcing myself to keep busy and it honestly helps. Why are you blaming yourself? Is there anything in specific you think you did to cause it? From the sounds of the reasons why she broke up with you it doesn't sound like it was your fault. It is easy to blame yourself when you get dumped but usually there probably isn't anything you could have done. I'm trying my best to not let it ruin my school work, I still find a way to get everything done which is good. And since the breakup that is what I've done, stay here during the week and then go home on weekends. It just seems as the days go by, they seem longer and harder. I'm blaming myself because she said the relationship was stressful and it was because sometimes I got mad at her for no reason/she felt like she couldn't be herself 100% while with me, I blame myself for that. She said she wants to be young and do her own thing, and I've told her over and over that she can do whatever she likes as long she she stays faithful to me. I'm not the type of boyfriend to get mad if she's talking to a guy or whatever, because I knew it was meaningless. I guess I'm just beating myself up because I had her and because of some of my stupid actions, like getting upset at random things, I let her slip right away from me. I just can't accept the fact that it might be done for good, because she has been beside me for the past 2 years. I just have it in my mind that there might be a small chance that she just needs a break from me to get back to her normal self and then she will give me another chance because I told her I know what I did wrong and that it will never be like that again.
boltam Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I'm blaming myself because she said the relationship was stressful and it was because sometimes I got mad at her for no reason/she felt like she couldn't be herself 100% while with me, I blame myself for that. Yeah, it will definitely stress a girl out if you get mad at her for no reason. Once they feel like they can't be themselves with you, the barriers come up and rarely go away, more often she just starts shutting down until she finally pulls the plug. Learn from it. Your relationships will always fail if you get mad at your partner for no reason.
TwiztidD Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Trust me man....let it go. She is not coming back. You will not "win" her back. I am not being a downer......I am going through the same thing at age 29. They very rarely ever...."come back". I spend breakfast, lunch and dinner wishing she would....dont do what I have 1
mightycpa Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I'm curious... how many times do you need to be told NO before you catch on? For me, a smart ass question. For you, food for thought. 1
sparkles_and_me Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I think most of us here had gone through or are still going through the same situation as yours right now. My ex had broken up with me almost 2 months ago, did no contact immediately 2 days after the break up and it helped me so much to heal. At first, I really wanted him back but then I realized that even if I was dying in front of him, it would never really change his mind because he had already decided that he no longer wanted me in his life. So now, focus on yourself. Stay NC. Keep yourself busy. Do not put your mind in getting her back but do things to keep her off your mind. I know it is easier said than done but it will only get better in time. Exes may come back but usually it happens when you have already moved on and when it happened, you will be the one to say no to her. I wish you all the best. 2
drseuss Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Well there is no guarantees you can get her back but she has been crystal clear with elwhat she wants so it She wants space so leave her alone until she contacts you and if she is serious you will hear from her in December but waiting will not be that healthy for you so get on with you school work and do you own thing for a while
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