Jump to content

I'm Dreading Trying Online Dating

CosmicGate7

By CosmicGate7
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
How do you explain all the buff men in Hollywood who are huge sex symbols? Dwayne johnson, Chris hemsworth, etc...?

 

 

I'm not steroid big. People still say I'm healthy and athletic looking.

 

I just know what my female friends like and go for and marry....

Not one has married nor is dating/has long term dated a buff 52 inch shouldered one.

What they told me when they did date short term was he was 'too into himself'. To be fair it sounds like you are. You say you are obsessive with improving yourself and almost do yourself in at the gym.

I'm talking around gawd..er...over 250 female friends and acquaintances here over a 20/30 year or so span.

  • Like 1
  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Dwayne Johnson is the poster child for self confidence. He's hugely charismatic. Sure, it helps that he's buff and good looking, but rest assured, if he was an arrogant prick, no one would give him the time of day.

 

Chris Hemsworth is much the same. Just a very chill, laid back, respectful guy. .

 

...so am I

 

There's nothing wrong with my personality. I work in sales for God sakes. I make money based on making people feel very comfortable around me

  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I just know what my female friends like and go for and marry....

Not one has married nor is dating/has long term dated a buff 52 inch shouldered one.

What they told me when they did date short term was he was 'too into himself'. To be fair it sounds like you are. You say you are obsessive with improving yourself and almost do yourself in at the gym.

I'm talking around gawd..er...over 250 female friends and acquaintances here over a 20/30 year or so span.

 

To be fair, I'm not all that much into average women

 

I'm mainly into women who look like this - http://pwpop.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/jamie-koeppe-10.jpg

 

Somebody like that is going to want a big buff dude

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
...so am I

 

There's nothing wrong with my personality. I work in sales for God sakes. I make money based on making people feel very comfortable around me

 

You work in Sales?

Oh crikey!

 

That along with 52in shoulders..not for me..not for many women I know.

I'm not kidding either.

 

You will find your someone but you need to not be in 'sales' mode or 'I love the gym' mode to find her. Find one similar to you and I could see power struggles.

Your lady is out there, you just haven't looked far yet.

Take the confidence you have in you, allay it and reconvene.

  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You work in Sales?

Oh crikey!

 

That along with 52in shoulders..not for me..not for many women I know.

I'm not kidding either.

 

I'm not a fast talking slick salesman, I'm very chill and very genuine

 

I talk to clients the same way I talk to my parents

 

And my shoulders are 56 inches, not 52. I wish they were even bigger :p

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
I'm not a fast talking slick salesman, I'm very chill and very genuine

 

I talk to clients the same way I talk to my parents

 

And my shoulders are 56 inches, not 52. I wish they were even bigger :p

 

None of this tells me 'normal guy I would date' if I was 18-70 years old.

 

Sorry. JMO.

 

Maybe other ladies on here could step up and argue this point - maybe your style would be what they would look for. It's just mine and many friend's of mine's opinion after all - and we're UK and Australia, not US.

  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted
None of this tells me 'normal guy I would date' if I was 18-70 years old.

 

Sorry. JMO.

 

Maybe other ladies on here could step up and argue this point - maybe your style would be what they would look for. It's just mine and many friend's of mine's opinion after all - and we're UK and Australia, not US.

 

 

 

Did you see the picture I posted? I'm primarily into women very similar to me - buff but natural ones but again, I'm not big enough to where it looks grotesque. I still look very healthy.

 

As far as personality goes, I'm so chill/genuine in real life than I have tons of people who hate salesmen who tell me how much they love me.

Raena Established Member

Raena

Posted
Posted
I was born in a different country

came into America in 1998

Speak 2 languages and understand a 3rd

 

 

I would say that's the most unique things about me. I think I would be an awesome boyfriend but I just don't know how to be a funny/entertaining writer and you either have to be very good at that or look like a male model for women online to give you a chance. Online dating for men is just absolutely brutal.

 

Trust me, it's not just brutal for men. It's brutal for women too if you aren't young and pretty. I've tried online dating at different points in my life... late 20's, mid 30's and now mid 40's. It's a huge difference. The older I get, the less interest I get. First two times I had multiple emails within hours of posting. Now... I think I got one email from some guy who asked me if I wanted to have sex with him several days later. Yeah... that hurts so I've given up completely on it.

 

I would say that you should write it yourself and choose pictures of you that are realistic. Any decent woman who is actually interested in you isn't going to want to see a fake polished up side of you, they'll want to know the truth about who you are.

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
Posted

The fact that you don't have one female friend that you can ask for an honest opinion on why you're failing tells me your social circle isn't as awesome as you say it is. Or maybe you're afraid of the truth and only like to hear good things about you.

  • Like 2
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted

The OP sounds like he's given up before he's even started.

 

The best advice I can give you is not to tell your life story on your profile. Treat it like a movie trailer that leaves some things open ended to give a woman reason to want to get to know you better.

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
Posted
Did you see the picture I posted?

 

No, I didn't.

neowulf Established Member

neowulf

Posted
Posted
...so am I

 

There's nothing wrong with my personality. I work in sales for God sakes. I make money based on making people feel very comfortable around me

 

So, given that you're in sales, explain to me why you don't cold approach women?

 

Also, explain to me why it's such a difficult prospect (other than feeling awkward) to ask for some feedback on what's putting these women off.

 

You're talking at cross purposes. One minute you seem 6'ft and bullet proof, the next you seem deeply insecure.

  • Like 2
  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted
So, given that you're in sales, explain to me why you don't cold approach women?

 

Also, explain to me why it's such a difficult prospect (other than feeling awkward) to ask for some feedback on what's putting these women off.

 

You're talking at cross purposes. One minute you seem 6'ft and bullet proof, the next you seem deeply insecure.

 

 

Let me try to explain this the best way I can

 

I talk to a girl at work (say she works at a totally different department ). I'm very nice to her and we get along well. Still, there's absolutely no indicators of romantic interest from her in 99% of cases

 

I could ask her out blind/unprovoked but won't that lead to rejection every single time? It's like trying to go all in poker blind pre flop

SwordofFlame Established Member

SwordofFlame

Posted
Posted

You're going to get rejected a lot in online dating. You may get rejected after the 1st, 2nd or 3rd dates too. So don't think just because you got a date, that you're in the clear. If you do go forward with online dating, you'll get over your fear of rejection quickly.

  • Like 2
neowulf Established Member

neowulf

Posted
Posted
Let me try to explain this the best way I can

 

I talk to a girl at work (say she works at a totally different department ). I'm very nice to her and we get along well. Still, there's absolutely no indicators of romantic interest from her in 99% of cases

 

I could ask her out blind/unprovoked but won't that lead to rejection every single time? It's like trying to go all in poker blind pre flop

 

Do you ever try and flirt with her? I mean, generally speaking, hitting on women at work is a dicey prospect at best, but yeah, generally flirting with her to see how she responds?

 

If you flirt and she doesn't respond, you've got your answer.

 

How are your flirting skills? With practice, you can eventually begin to see the signs of a woman's interest in you. I've reached the point where I can very quickly pickup on a woman's interest levels. Is it perfect? Of course not, but it's been pretty damn accurate thus far.

 

But even then, she shoots you down.. so what? Seriously, even pick up artists, guys who hit on woman for a HOBBY will tell you they strike out all the time.. like 9 out of 10 times. Yet, they're never lacking female company. You're in sales? How often to customers just shut you down? Do you take it personally every time you fail to close a sale?

 

It's a numbers game, along with learning to detach from the results. You're not picking out curtains, or choosing the names of your children with these women... you're asking them out to get to know them better.

  • Like 2
  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Do you ever try and flirt with her? I mean, generally speaking, hitting on women at work is a dicey prospect at best, but yeah, generally flirting with her to see how she responds?

 

If you flirt and she doesn't respond, you've got your answer.

 

How are your flirting skills? With practice, you can eventually begin to see the signs of a woman's interest in you. I've reached the point where I can very quickly pickup on a woman's interest levels. Is it perfect? Of course not, but it's been pretty damn accurate thus far.

 

But even then, she shoots you down.. so what? Seriously, even pick up artists, guys who hit on woman for a HOBBY will tell you they strike out all the time.. like 9 out of 10 times. Yet, they're never lacking female company. You're in sales? How often to customers just shut you down? Do you take it personally every time you fail to close a sale?

 

It's a numbers game, along with learning to detach from the results. You're not picking out curtains, or choosing the names of your children with these women... you're asking them out to get to know them better.

 

I close 40-50 % with sales prospects

 

I would be ecstatic to close 20% with women

neowulf Established Member

neowulf

Posted
Posted
I close 40-50 % with sales prospects

 

I would be ecstatic to close 20% with women

 

So, why not just apply the same principles to women that you do sales?

  • Like 2
fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

Posted
Posted
Let me try to explain this the best way I can

 

I talk to a girl at work (say she works at a totally different department ). I'm very nice to her and we get along well. Still, there's absolutely no indicators of romantic interest from her in 99% of cases

 

I could ask her out blind/unprovoked but won't that lead to rejection every single time? It's like trying to go all in poker blind pre flop

 

1) Many people, regardless of different departments, don't like to date at work.

 

2) What I find to be funny is that you're in sales and that you don't recognize how similar dating is. You have to create interest. I mean when you're selling your product, you don't just show up expecting them to buy right? You have to pitch the client and charm them. It's the same way w/women. You pitch them on yourself by being charming, flirting a bit, being playful, etc.. You show them that you're a fun guy to spend time with.

 

3) Fortune favors the bold so start taking more risks. It's always better to take a chance and get rejected than to not try at all. Plus, if you never swing the bat, you can't hit a home run. Once again, thank sales. You won't close every person, but if you don't try you won't sell at all. So expect to face some rejection and feel positive over your successes.

 

So, why not just apply the same principles to women that you do sales?

 

Haha.. Man that's eerie. Great minds dude.

  • Like 3
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted (edited)
Let me try to explain this the best way I can

 

I talk to a girl at work (say she works at a totally different department ). I'm very nice to her and we get along well. Still, there's absolutely no indicators of romantic interest from her in 99% of cases

 

I could ask her out blind/unprovoked but won't that lead to rejection every single time? It's like trying to go all in poker blind pre flop

 

 

I get what you are saying. I've been that way...if there isn't a relationship in play I'm fine talking to a stranger...but it's purpose driven.

 

When it comes to asking them out I freeze.. I'm not good on small talk and making conversation.

 

I'm much better where I meet them we see each other around work or somewhere else and gradually talk and talk some more. Then by the 4th or so encounter where we actually talk does dating possibly come up.

 

When I've met someone at a bar I usually needed something to park a conversation...not me walking up trying to start one.

 

For me online dating make it easier to find people who are looking rather than some other place where I can't tell if they are even looking yo date thus not having to deal eith I have a boyfriend stuff.

 

Something like eharmony helps with a structure to start a conversation. If I'm on a profile diet like Match or another site I usually get something off the profile to use to start a conversation.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted
You're kidding right?

 

This is beyond awkward. No way

 

(Re: you asking your friend who owns the salon to find out why the women don't want to date you.)

 

It doesn't have to be awkward at all. If he's your friend, he knows you don't have a girlfriend and aren't dating anyone. Surely sometime when he is out for drinks with these women or whatnot he can casually ask for some input about why they weren't interested in dating you. I don't really see what the big deal is.

 

Because, here's the thing. Every time anyone here makes a suggestion about why you might be having trouble, you shoot them down. No, I'm good looking, a great salesperson, have a huge social circle, everyone loves me, I'm super social, my personality is great, I'm rich, I drive a great car, etc., etc.

 

I hate to tell you, but something is wrong. Because if all of that were true, you would be dating. You would have no problem dating.

 

Now, the problem may just be your level of effort. You seem to want women to pursue you. I hate to tell you, but the women you want to date don't have to pursue you because they have enough men pursuing them. You need to get into OLD, Tinder, etc. You need to make an effort.

 

Because something is wrong, and it isn't something a bunch of people on the Internet can figure out for you, assuming everything you are saying is true. I still maintain that you should move to the city. You can take the train to work in the 'burbs like many people do. Most girls your age are living in the city and won't want to date a guy who lives where you live. It's too far and too much of a pain.

 

I truly believe I'm doing myself a disservice if I don't do professional photos because of how much better I look in real life than pics.

 

All these friends and such an active social life...and not a single picture where you look good? You have to hire a pro to take pictures of yourself for an OLD profile? Sorry, but it sounds strange. If you need a pro to take them, at least make them look like you were out and about and not like they are your senior pictures or something.

  • Like 5
Ami1uwant Established Member

Ami1uwant

Posted
Posted

Talk to me...what did you do when you crashed and burned in prior OLD??? I'm guessing you are late 20s/early 30s. When you did this in your early 20s it's really was hard in that date age group because women don't want young men and thise at your age could find men the usual ways through social networking.

 

You don't need a professional to do your profile or do pics. A lot of people get turned off by that.

 

One thing to do us create a false. Female profile and see what male profiles are like or talk to a female friend to give you advice on what they like.

 

The key thing is what is unique about you...do you have an unusual interest? Is there something different that you are interested in that many make friends aren't interested in ir it isn't their favorite song/book/movie/place to go etc...and explain why.

 

Usually humor doesn't work in online profiles....it can come off in unintended ways.

 

Yes it will take time where you go through many women before a piece of gold is found.

  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
(Re: you asking your friend who owns the salon to find out why the women don't want to date you.)

 

It doesn't have to be awkward at all. If he's your friend, he knows you don't have a girlfriend and aren't dating anyone. Surely sometime when he is out for drinks with these women or whatnot he can casually ask for some input about why they weren't interested in dating you. I don't really see what the big deal is.

 

 

Maybe me and you work on different wavelengths but I don't even know how to express how incredibly awkward this would be

 

Especially since my friend who owns the place is a very masculine dude who doesn't tend to show much emotion. If I told him to ask these girls why they don't like me, he would laugh at me and then make fun of me for [acting like a woman].

 

All these friends and such an active social life...and not a single picture where you look good? You have to hire a pro to take pictures of yourself for an OLD profile? Sorry, but it sounds strange. If you need a pro to take them, at least make them look like you were out and about and not like they are your senior pictures or something.
I posted a couple pictures here where the women said I was very good looking

 

 

...and to me, I still look 100 times better in real life. The goal with the pro pics is not to deceive anybody but to make me look the same way in pics as I do in real life

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language
clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted (edited)
Maybe me and you work on different wavelengths but I don't even know how to express how incredibly awkward this would be

 

Especially since my friend who owns the place is a very masculine dude who doesn't tend to show much emotion. If I told him to ask these girls why they don't like me, he would laugh at me and then make fun of me for [acting like a woman]

 

Well, then I wonder if he's really a "friend." A friend would want to help you out. But surely he's not blind and can see that you rarely (if ever) date and have no girlfriend. How do you explain that? Does he call you a [woman]?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
  • Like 1
  • Author
CosmicGate7 Established Member

CosmicGate7

Posted
  • Author
Posted

 

2) What I find to be funny is that you're in sales and that you don't recognize how similar dating is. You have to create interest. I mean when you're selling your product, you don't just show up expecting them to buy right? You have to pitch the client and charm them. It's the same way w/women. You pitch them on yourself by being charming, flirting a bit, being playful, etc.. You show them that you're a fun guy to spend time with.

 

You think that's really true?

 

I'm a very observant person and I try to pay very close attention to people in general. The majority of relationships I see, the female was fairly interested from the beginning

 

My best friend from example - his last 2 girlfriends, 1 approached him, the other they got to know each other through a couple meetings and started dating but from what I was told, she liked him instantly. Both are good looking females

 

My best friend is my exact personality, minus the success level (he still lives at home with parents) minus about 3 inches in height (he's 5'7). Appearance wise, we're pretty similar. This is the kind of stuff that drives me insane.

 

 

3) Fortune favors the bold so start taking more risks. It's always better to take a chance and get rejected than to not try at all. Plus, if you never swing the bat, you can't hit a home run. Once again, thank sales. You won't close every person, but if you don't try you won't sell at all. So expect to face some rejection and feel positive over your successes.

 

I can't tell you how awkward I feel asking out a woman who is giving me zero indication of any kind that she wants me to ask her out.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...