I'm Dreading Trying Online Dating

October 30, 2015

You guys keep telling me to do online pictures with my friends

Here's a picture with my 2 best friends, two all American looking studly dudes. Any online dating picture I do with these 2 will make me look horrible. 99% of women prefer all American looking dudes over some foreigner like me. I got no chance in hell.

http://s27.postimg.org/v143c26j7/IMG_0948.png

Here we go again, I do enjoy the pictures and being able to put faces to names though

People keep telling you it's not your looks, it's your attitude and your view of the world

Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. Nothing is getting through. Another reason why girls don't date you.

October 30, 2015

You guys keep telling me to do online pictures with my friends

Here's a picture with my 2 best friends, two all American looking studly dudes. Any online dating picture I do with these 2 will make me look horrible. 99% of women prefer all American looking dudes over some foreigner like me. I got no chance in hell.

http://s27.postimg.org/v143c26j7/IMG_0948.png

??? The only guy they looks remotely "all american" is the guy in the middle ... Are you the guy on the left?

America is the biggest melting pot ... Just sayin ...many people date whomever they love ...not the color of their hair and skin

October 30, 2015

Here we go again, I do enjoy the pictures and being able to put faces to names though

People keep telling you it's not your looks, it's your attitude and your view of the world

Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall. Nothing is getting through. Another reason why girls don't date you.

I didn't say I was ugly, I just said putting pictures up with my friends is idiotic because my friends are white and handsome. I have to be 10 times better to compete with an equivalent white dude

I guess I'm just horribly incompetent in dating.

October 30, 2015

??? The only guy they looks remotely "all american" is the guy in the middle ... Are you the guy on the left?

America is the biggest melting pot ... Just sayin ...many people date whomever they love ...not the color of their hair and skin

I'm the guy on the left

That's great to hear in theory but it doesn't work out in reality. In reality, majority of women (especially white women) prefer white men by a huge margin. I live in a very wealthy predominantly white area so it's really noticeable here.

I'm not racist BTW - I saw a pretty Asian woman, Blonde and Latina at the bar I was at. I love all women but it's just that I tend to be around white women the most due to my locale - but it doesn't matter, they all tend to like white guys.

I don't get it though, I speak perfect eloquent English, I play in a football league, I listen to country music. Even though i was born in a foreign country, I have assimilated very well to America and i love our country, why am I still not accepted by the females of this country?

October 30, 2015

The fact that you think dating is 100000 easier for women than men

You have to realize where I'm coming from. My sister growing up put in 1/10th the effort to meet someone with 100 times the results. I'm not talking about getting approached by creepy weird dudes - she had tons of attention from successful/intelligent/attractive dudes. She had to go out of her way to avoid male attention

Me on the other hand, I can fight like hell to make the absolute most of myself and I'm probably going to die alone. It is what it is.

October 30, 2015

I'm the guy on the left

That's great to hear in theory but it doesn't work out in reality. In reality, majority of women (especially white women) prefer white men by a huge margin. I live in a very wealthy predominantly white area so it's really noticeable here.

I'm not racist BTW - I saw a pretty Asian woman, Blonde and Latina at the bar I was at. I love all women but it's just that I tend to be around white women the most due to my locale - but it doesn't matter, they all tend to like white guys.

I don't get it though, I speak perfect eloquent English, I play in a football league, I listen to country music. Even though i was born in a foreign country, I have assimilated very well to America and i love our country, why am I still not accepted by the females of this country?

A friend of mine from college married someone from Iraq ...

I'm from a predominantly white middle/upper class neighborhood in Chicago ...lived downtown many years ...people dated people ...I think this is just another excuse. You know there are a few middle eastern neighborhoods in Chicago ...how about going to these if you're impression is white woman won't date you. There are lots of little restaurants and cafés ...go find a girl there. Always excuses with you ...this is the first time you've mentioned white woman won't date you.

FYI ...you're a really nice looking guy ...you and what's in your head are the reason you're having this issue.

October 30, 2015

You have to realize where I'm coming from. My sister growing up put in 1/10th the effort to meet someone with 100 times the results. I'm not talking about getting approached by creepy weird dudes - she had tons of attention from successful/intelligent/attractive dudes. She had to go out of her way to avoid male attention

Me on the other hand, I can fight like hell to make the absolute most of myself and I'm probably going to die alone. It is what it is.

240 posts….. on this…. and no results… nothing.

Take the time you write on here, and work on you somehow.

Just saying

October 30, 2015

A friend of mine from college married someone from Iraq ...

I'm from a predominantly white middle/upper class neighborhood in Chicago ...lived downtown many years ...people dated people ...I think this is just another excuse. You know there are a few middle eastern neighborhoods in Chicago ...how about going to these if you're impression is white woman won't date you. There are lots of little restaurants and cafés ...go find a girl there. Always excuses with you ...this is the first time you've mentioned white woman won't date you.

I can't date middle eastern women - vast most of them are heavily religious (especially their families). I don't care for religion and I especially hate Islam.

There's a question of culture too. All my friends are white guys because that's who I get along with the best - I'm in a weird boat because I can't date middle eastern women and white girls don't seem to like me either.

FYI ...you're a really nice looking guy ...you and what's in your head are the reason you're having this issue.

Thank you very much, I appreciate it

October 30, 2015

OP ...it's past midnight Chicago time ...you're still on this forum ...you supposedly have this high powered job yet are on here all day and into the wee hours ...how do you do it?

Are you who you say you are?

October 30, 2015

Take the time you write on here, and work on you somehow.

bro you gotta stop saying this. I'm an obsessive perfectionist

I wake up the morning thinking about how I can make the absolute best of myself in every way imaginable - I end the night thinking about how I can make the absolute best of myself in every way imaginable. I don't ever relax and I'm never happy with any height I reach in any area.

October 30, 2015

bro you gotta stop saying this. I'm an obsessive perfectionist

I wake up the morning thinking about how I can make the absolute best of myself in every way imaginable - I end the night thinking about how I can make the absolute best of myself in every way imaginable. I don't ever relax and I'm never happy with any height I reach in any area.

then quite honestly, you have a large ego.

The last girl I had, she also had the same. That really destroyed my attitude about her. I tried to live with it, it was too much.

TBH, you might want to get tested for some mental conditions. Just advising in a caring manner, but I will say it like it is for your own good.

October 30, 2015

OP ...it's past midnight Chicago time ...you're still on this forum ...you supposedly have this high powered job yet are on here all day and into the wee hours ...how do you do it?

Are you who you say you are?

I'm off today at 5 and work tomorrow at 1. I can post a picture of a paystub if you really think I'm lying.

I've tried to be brutally brutally honest in this thread. A lot of it has made me look very bad, I'm well aware of this but I'm trying to be as honest as I can be. I could make myself look much better if I sugarcoated things but that wasn't my intention

Overall, I'm just very very frustrated. I love women and I love sex. I think I would be the absolute best boyfriend on the planet with how I go above and beyond to treat people great. It's so frustrating to me that I haven't gotten the opportunity to do that.

October 30, 2015

I'm off today at 5 and work tomorrow at 1. I can post a picture of a paystub if you really think I'm lying.

I've tried to be brutally brutally honest in this thread. A lot of it has made me look very bad, I'm well aware of this but I'm trying to be as honest as I can be. I could make myself look much better if I sugarcoated things but that wasn't my intention

Overall, I'm just very very frustrated. I love women and I love sex. I think I would be the absolute best boyfriend on the planet with how I go above and beyond to treat people great. It's so frustrating to me that I haven't gotten the opportunity to do that.

You're in high level sales ...and you have a set schedule? Interesting

Well OP ...you can see you've come up with every reason/excuse imaginable on this and other threads ...I agree with guyoutthere ...get professional help ...print off these threads you and others have posted on so a therapist can see your looping reasoning. I think that's the only thing that will help you get past this. I wish you the best.

October 30, 2015

You're in high level sales ...and you have a set schedule? Interesting

Well OP ...you can see you've come up with every reason/excuse imaginable on this and other threads ...I agree with guyoutthere ...get professional help ...print off these threads you and others have posted on so a therapist can see your looping reasoning. I think that's the only thing that will help you get past this. I wish you the best.

breton, man the sails, we sail tomorrow. hehehe

October 30, 2015

You're in high level sales ...and you have a set schedule? Interesting

Well OP ...you can see you've come up with every reason/excuse imaginable on this and other threads ...I agree with guyoutthere ...get professional help ...print off these threads you and others have posted on so a therapist can see your looping reasoning. I think that's the only thing that will help you get past this. I wish you the best.

I've thought about seeing a therapist a few times but what do I tell him/her?

I'm happy, I don't feel there's anything wrong with me, I'm not depressed. How do I explain to him/her about my miserable dating struggles?

October 30, 2015

I've thought about seeing a therapist a few times but what do I tell him/her?

I'm happy, I don't feel there's anything wrong with me, I'm not depressed. How do I explain to him/her about my miserable dating struggles?

Print off your threads ...show to therapist. You can't see the bit o insanity in them but it's there for those of us who can see it ...and many here do and have noted such in their posts to you.

I used to interview and hire people ...part of my job in HR ...for high tech companies in Chicago btw (ya not that many people making $500k a year OP) and you don't make sense on these threads.

I'm not a psych person but seriously just go talk to someone ...you say you make boatloads of $ ...invest in a good therapist ... Maybe she can help you with reasoning ...and maybe work on your anxiety and stubbornness ...and maybe role play chatting up girls ...but obviously participation on these threads is getting you no where ...and it's frustrating for others who could be helping others who actually take their advice.

October 30, 2015

breton, man the sails, we sail tomorrow. hehehe

I'm jealous ...now stop being such a tease:)

October 30, 2015

I have to be honest, I went out yesterday and this cute asian girl was giving me indications of interest. She was there with 2 female friends (I know both of them). I talked to her for a bit and she seemed very receptive now that I think about it in retrospect

I'm saying this now because I automatically dismissed her at the time for not being interested.

I think I'm equally parts afraid of success and failure. I've been in this mental prison for so long that it feels like home to me.

October 30, 2015

See a therapist about your fear of failure, rejection...awkwardness.

October 30, 2015

I'm jealous ...now stop being such a tease:)

bring the sails…. the whaler only has a 20 hp outboard

October 30, 2015

Overall, I'm just very very frustrated. I love women and I love sex. I think I would be the absolute best boyfriend on the planet with how I go above and beyond to treat people great. It's so frustrating to me that I haven't gotten the opportunity to do that.

Here's where I think you're missing something: treating someone great doesn't equate to being the best boyfriend/girlfriend or attracting a partner. You're acting as if someone's attraction to you is correlated to your ability to be really nice to them. That's a big oversimplification and typical "nice guy" logic.

In reality, people aren't just looking for an individual who just showers them with gifts and waits on them hand and foot. Anyone with the time resources could do that and they'd all be completely interchangeable. You don't become attracted to waitresses because they bring you food and smile, do you? No. The same principle applies to everyone else.

The basis of attraction is way more biological. You have to generate a visceral feeling in a person for them to be attracted to you. You have to excite them somehow. You have to be some combination of attractive/entertaining/exciting/funny/endearing/etc -- whatever that particular person is attracted to -- to get them to like you. You have to unlock that person's affections and your combination of physical and personality traits may or may not be the right key.

There's nothing wrong with my personality. I work in sales for God sakes. I make money based on making people feel very comfortable around me

I'm sure there's nothing objectively "wrong" with your personality, but it sounds like it's lacking what it takes to excite women. On top of that, "sales" isn't particularly sexy. If you're a nice, vanilla, run of the mill, "basic" guy, then you are exactly like everyone else. Making a girl feel comfortable is secondary. It's a trait to have IF she's attracted to you to begin with.

You first need to excite and generate feeling somehow. I speak from experience, I'm a 5'10", thin, non-male model who's had nothing but success with OLD.

October 30, 2015

That's great to hear in theory but it doesn't work out in reality. In reality, majority of women (especially white women) prefer white men by a huge margin. I live in a very wealthy predominantly white area so it's really noticeable here.

I'm not racist BTW - I saw a pretty Asian woman, Blonde and Latina at the bar I was at. I love all women but it's just that I tend to be around white women the most due to my locale - but it doesn't matter, they all tend to like white guys.

I don't get it though, I speak perfect eloquent English, I play in a football league, I listen to country music. Even though i was born in a foreign country, I have assimilated very well to America and i love our country, why am I still not accepted by the females of this country?

What I'm going to say is not PC, but I'm just being straight with you.

It's true that white men and women are at the top of the dating food chain. Also, very wealthy white people are probably the least likely to date outside their race/ethnicity, especially younger women.

I grew up in the South, and I barely dated outside my race at all in my 20s, for two reasons. First of all, 99% of the men who approached me were white, I suppose because non-white men assumed it would be harder to date a white girl in the South. Second, though I'm a pretty free-thinking person, I was afraid of the judgment from my family (dad, mostly) and society. The one time I briefly dated a non-white guy, my somewhat racist dad and brothers gave me a hard time about it.

I'm not a rich girl. I'm sure that rich girls who depend more on their parents' funding feel several orders of magnitude more pressure to date men their parents and peers approve of, and the fact is that in most cases, that means a white guy.

These are the harsh facts. But let's focus on what you have going for you.

You're handsome, masculine, and financially strong. That puts you at the top of the food chain for men in general, if we leave race out of the equation.

I think you just need to get out of the rich white people bubble that you're in and mingle with a wider variety of ethnicities. Most of the women in your circles are looking for a rich white guy. I think you'll have much greater success going for women more like yourself, those who came to the US at a younger age, have assimilated, and are pretty Americanized. You can find women like this in the wild and on dating sites.

October 30, 2015

What I'm going to say is not PC, but I'm just being straight with you.

It's true that white men and women are at the top of the dating food chain. Also, very wealthy white people are probably the least likely to date outside their race/ethnicity, especially younger women.

I grew up in the South, and I barely dated outside my race at all in my 20s, for two reasons. First of all, 99% of the men who approached me were white, I suppose because non-white men assumed it would be harder to date a white girl in the South. Second, though I'm a pretty free-thinking person, I was afraid of the judgment from my family (dad, mostly) and society. The one time I briefly dated a non-white guy, my somewhat racist dad and brothers gave me a hard time about it.

I'm not a rich girl. I'm sure that rich girls who depend more on their parents' funding feel several orders of magnitude more pressure to date men their parents and peers approve of, and the fact is that in most cases, that means a white guy.

These are the harsh facts. But let's focus on what you have going for you.

You're handsome, masculine, and financially strong. That puts you at the top of the food chain for men in general, if we leave race out of the equation.

I think you just need to get out of the rich white people bubble that you're in and mingle with a wider variety of ethnicities. Most of the women in your circles are looking for a rich white guy. I think you'll have much greater success going for women more like yourself, those who came to the US at a younger age, have assimilated, and are pretty Americanized. You can find women like this in the wild and on dating sites.

Interesting post

Why do you not think white families would be unaccepting of me? One of my best friends dad is a hardcore racist redneck from Ohio and he absolutely loves me - he would adopt me if he could. I've had clients at work who were hillbillies who loved me

And also it is not easy to find people like me - people who came here from overseas who have become extremely Americanized. Most foreigners I meet are still holding strong on to their culture. I prefer American culture over my own TBH

October 30, 2015

OP, you're wasting your time focusing on your race. It's not something you can change. Can it work against you? Sure. You'll just have to try harder than most people.

October 30, 2015

OP, you're wasting your time focusing on your race. It's not something you can change. Can it work against you? Sure. You'll just have to try harder than most people.

Or look elsewhere.

Im asian and I admit I do have a preference for white males because I find I can relate more with them. Back when I was dating, I met a lot of white guys that prefered dating white women only. And that is ok! I didnt stop looking and eventually met someone who liked me.

If you are willing to date anyone regardless of race, then you just need to look past your immediate social circle. Even if you have a preference for a type of race, you will eventually find someone who will like you.

I have a roommate who is white and blonde..her bf of 2yrs is middle eastern like you. Not going to lie, i was a bit surprised since I just assumed she dated a white guy.

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