Michellinda Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Hi everyone. Thank you for taking the time out to read my post. I am in the worst state. Last week I blocked the guy I have been seeing since April. He proceeded to hound me.. send me messages on fb and emails asking me why I was ignoring him. He even called me twice at home. If you read my previous texts our dating was taking a toll on me. I was constantly feeling doubtful and he would ask me to be his gf and then claim he didnt remember asking etc. He would insult me but then say he was joking. I felt like he really liked me but then he would do or say something that didnt feel right. Also constantly bring up how he was in a 7 year relationship and it would be reckless to jump into something without at least meeting a few other women. At first I was ok with that but then feelings started getting involved and I started really hating the thought of him with other women. So I blocked him and then he came around full force and begged me for another chance and said he was in love with me and didnt want to lose me. I agreed to give him another chance (this was the second chance) We had two great nights together I could tell he was trying to be on his best behavior. He did even ask me to be his gf and I said I had to think about things. So Thursday night I am out by his place and he texts me and I ask him to come pick me up he says no just to meet at his place. I had been drinking so I got upset because I didnt understand why he just wouldnt come and get me but I proceed to walk to his place when I get upstairs I start arguing with him (I was drunk, have a lot of things on my plate and still have some bottled up anger for him) As we arguing he is telling me to leave he puts the lights on and see that my lipstick is all smeared and accuses me of making out with someone. I explain that i wiped it off. In the morning I end up leaving and he keeps saying that he didnt like the fact that i didnt leave when he asked me to and that he cannot date a girl that doesnt respect when he is telling them to leave (it was 130am and I was drunk). I get home and write him an email apologizing for my behavior and how i have a lot going on and telling him i care about him and dont want to lose him and that I would like to talk to him when he is ready. He doesnt respond he reads it 2am. I sent it Friday at 2pm. Saturday Sunday I dont hear from him. Monday (last night) I see he is active on facebook so I just decide to call him. He doesnt answer and I leave a short message saying I hope we can talk. I am not reaching out anymore. I feel so sad and sick to my stomach that he is ignoring me. Do you think he will respond? Is this his way of being vengful and trying to hurt me? Is this him playing a mind game? Why do I have these feelings for someone who isnt a good person for me? Thank you and please help me understand what is going on. I am really hurt by it all. I need to get my head screwed back on straight. He is 37 I am 33.
Wewon Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I don't mean to be cruel, but to get from this... I am in the worst state. Last week I blocked the guy I have been seeing since April. He proceeded to hound me.. send me messages on fb and emails asking me why I was ignoring him. He even called me twice at home. To this... I feel so sad and sick to my stomach that he is ignoring me. Do you think he will respond? Is this his way of being vengful and trying to hurt me? Is this him playing a mind game? Why do I have these feelings for someone who isnt a good person for me? Is a pretty dramatic swing. Do you think that maybe the fact that he isn't contacting you is a blessing in disguise? This relationship sounds unhealthy. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 The only important question in this entire post was: Why do I have these feelings for someone who isnt a good person for me? You need better boundaries and a good dose of self-respect. He loves the power and attention he gets from you, but he doesn't love you. He's a terrible candidate for a boyfriend. It hurts your self-esteem when he withdraws his attention and affection and you go chasing after it to get the validation again. You get "high" on the breadcrumbs and then it all comes crashing down again. Lather, rinse, repeat. I've done it too. Sure, he'll respond when he wants. And not for the right reasons. But I promise he's enjoying watching you chase him, and that is disturbing. Do you really want an almost-40-year old who behaves like a bratty teenager? Seriously. He's an immature and manipulative tool. He's not ever going to give you the respect and love you're looking for. Time to find your backbone and block him from your life for good. 3
quattrob Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 You guys are in your 30s and both of you are acting like you're in your teens or early 20s. Your "relationship" is toxic and you just forget about him. If he wants to contact you, he will. So just leave him alone. If he doesn't contact you, you have your answer. 2
Shock148 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Hey Michel. I'll pm you my name later for FB. As for now, it is best you don't talk to him. Why would you want to? The relationship is not working out and probably will continue to have issues if you ever do get back together. I think he is just saying words like I love you and I want to be with you. Words are words and actions speak louder than words. His actions from the little that you have written shows he doesn't love you like he thinks or say he does. Don't fall for it. 2
Author Michellinda Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Thank you Wewon for responding. I need these type of responses because I feel like i am going crazy. I know you are right that its better to lose him then find him.
Shock148 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Why do you feel this way over him? You have no self respect thats why. Sorry to say but you seem like a women who cant be single. Let it go because he certainly has and is really only going to contact you again if he wants something from you (a good time, aka sex). You are giving him all the power and telling him that he has you all wrapped up in his finger. He feels like he can say and do whatever he wants and when there is a chance you start to leave, he will tell you everything you need to hear and apologize because he knows that you will be running back to him. Just let it go, trust me there are better guys out there than that loser. 2
Author Michellinda Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 THank you ExpatInItaly I know that Im the one with the problem putting up with all of this. I dont know why he has such a hold on me. I know this is all a game for him nothing more but it hurts because I guess I just really wanted this to work. When it was good it felt right but I know this is an abusive cycle and I need to put a stop to it.
Author Michellinda Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Thank you quattrob and you are right. It is toxic and I just want to stop being all consumed by it. It isnt even his fault its mine for allowing it.
Author Michellinda Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 There is something about him. I honestly feel like I have been drugged or something. I know I have the problem for taking him back and believing it. I know I have to learn to be happy alone but when things are good it feels right but then he starts with the negging and i guess I am used to a man being crazy about me and this up and down roller coaster seemed fun at first but now i feel completely awful and hurt.
Author Michellinda Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Shock148 I should have listened to you and not let him back again and you are right I have no self respect because I am putting up with this Ahole.
Shock148 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Shock148 I should have listened to you and not let him back again and you are right I have no self respect because I am putting up with this Ahole. Like I said, Im here for you. I live in New York City too so we gotta stick together! Just know that once you move on and actually find a better guy who treats you like you should be treated, you are going to start questioning yourself on how you went so long with this guy. It will happen and it will happen soon since you seem like a good woman who is just caught up with this guys bs. 1
Author Michellinda Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 It will happen and it will happen soon since you seem like a good woman who is just caught up with this guys bs. I hope so this whole relationship has got me feeling completely worthless. Thank you so much all of you. I need that tough love to stop feeling sad that he now ignoring me and to move on from this madness.
hippychick3 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 He tried to kick you out at 1:30am while you were drunk. That is unforgivable. If you have any self-respect, block him, ignore him, do not ever let him into your life again. You can't get much worse than this guy. 3
NoLeafClover Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 He tried to kick you out at 1:30am while you were drunk. That is unforgivable. If you have any self-respect, block him, ignore him, do not ever let him into your life again. You can't get much worse than this guy. Im sure many men would do the same if they saw lipstick all over their woman's face which made it look like they had been kissing another guy. Add alcohol and other guys around in the situation and you can see how one can blow a fuse. On the worse guy comment...you must have not heard of guys physically abusing and hitting women. 1
walkingonair Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Going through the same thing as you. Also started ignoring like you did, same results. He is very immature and commitmentphobic, him being mean and hurtful to you is his way of pushing you away when things get too close. I know soooo much about this type of guy, if you want to talk DM me 2
Author Michellinda Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Hippychick3 my mom said the same thing. Reading all of these responses make me feel stronger. Thank you so much. I need a tough love awakening.
Author Michellinda Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 walkingonair i really do need to talk to someone who understands this guys head. i am so hurt and just need clarity.
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