top 5 things that make you consider dropping a woman

[candie13]

assuming things go relatively well, what would be the top 5 things that would make go mhmm up to considering dumping her?

 

cheers

[Guyouthere]

any lies or misrepresentations

 

hiding a secret opposite sex person in their life

 

change of character (they take off their mask)

 

being absorbed in herself

 

lack of concern for my feelings and needs (what ruined my last relationship)

[CalvinM]

Large amounts of credit card debt/bad credit history, instances of cheating, extreme negativity about their job/coworkers, bad relationship with their parents/family, strong dislike of pets/animals.

[DeeplyMissHer]

I don't think you can make a list to know when a relationship isn't going to work. For me, my ex girlfriend (we broke up last night) had everything I wanted in a girl: a decent job, had lots in common, smart, pretty, etc. but the problem is I didn't have feelings for her that way. I tried to develop a deeper connection for her, but I friendzoned her. So essentially we were friends with benefits who did stuff together.

 

Of course, there are certain things could be dealbreaker for you. Before you get serious with someone, things like bad credit, debt (unless student loans or something) could be a read flag for bigger issues.

[Wewon]

This list is based on relationships that either imploded or had a series of headaches and troubles along the way:

 

1) Lies, manipulation or dishonesty

2) Abusive or cruel behavior. Being hurtful to me or their own friends and family. Finding joy in the misfortune of others. This also in includes a hypocritical attitude of right and wrong and personal boundaries (drives me nuts).

3) General irresponsibility in handling money, family relationships, employment

4) Unreconcilable differences on interest and hobbies, free time in general

5) Different values on religion, family, money, education, children

[Siquijor]

I can't tell you the top five off the top of my head but I can tell you the reasons I've dumped women in the past. Usually because there isn't a spark anymore, although I have finished with one over change of personality (psycho like) and some who just become annoying.

[Haydn]

Jealousy and trust issues.

[boltam]

This happened to me.

 

We did a first date meetup, she was a hottie, well spoken, smart, and we set up a second date, in a park. While laying on a blanket she proceeded to fill me in on her history.

 

First off she pulled out a pack of those cigarettes that look like mini cigars and smoked one after the other. I'm a non smoker - I don't care how hot she is or how well we get along, if she smokes, I'm done. And her profile clearly stated she was a nonsmoker.

 

Then she tells me she was fired from her last job- for stealing. They led her out of the building under escort by security. But it was all a "setup" no one liked her at her job and they had it in for her.

 

She told me she still lived with her exboyfriend but only for reasons of convenience.

 

The next two are more like "yellow flags" but in context with everything else, it didn't do much to win me over, that's for sure. And this thread is about 5 things so I had to add two more even though the first 3 were more than enough.

 

She had a teenage son but they had no relationship, he was a "difficult kid".

 

She doesn't drink because she used to be an alcoholic.

 

I knew there would be no 3rd date. After that second date, she called me and wanted to get together again. When I said thanks but no thanks she hounded me for a while before she gave up.

[deadelvis]

1. Trashy. This includes being an attention seeker, drama queen, hoodrat or hoochy-mama. Straightened-bleach-blonde hair, "love pink" sweatpants, rap music. Using terms like babydaddy, holla-atcha-girl, swag, YOLO etc. No thanks.

2. Lying, manipulation or dishonesty. That pretty much speaks for itself...

3. Extreme promiscuity or history of "sex-work". (more than 100 sexual partners, worked as a prostitute or porn star etc.) It's no judgement on her, I just don't want to carry that baggage. I once went on a date with a woman who had sex with two other guys, in a public bathroom, while on her first date with me. Classy.

4. Gold-digger. Any indication that she's looking for a man to support her. While I'd gladly support my partner (I usually do) I want a woman to love me for who I am rather than what I have. When they start dropping terms like "looking for security" and "financially stable" I walk out the door. I want to be a boyfriend not an ATM machine.

5. Spiritualism. Don't get me wrong, I'm a spiritual person, but when they start talking about "opening their crown chakra" and how much they love reading books by Tupac Chopra and Thick Nut Hand, my interest is gone. I meditate and take yoga classes, but the new age spiritualism mumbo-jumbo makes me want to vomit. That crap is the new scientology.

Edited October 27, 2015 by deadelvis

[J21]

1. Being full of themselves or selfish.

2. Not being honest.

3. No career or lack of aspirations to better themselves.

4. Drug use.

5. STDs

[PaperCrane]

Assuming this is in relation to me making a relationship with a 'normal' girl (non-felon, no STDS, any normal red flag), and behaviors that emerge within a relationship;

 

1. Cheating
   
2. Lying
   
3. Abusive behavior
   
4. Disrespect
   
5. Very low sex drive
   

[salparadise]

Attitude of entitlement in dating or generally

Emotionally unavailable or push-pull dynamic

Lack of reciprocity in emotional or practical things

Ongoing "friendships" with ex's/orbiters

In ability to express feelings, communicate needs

 

Of course there are many others such as honesty, intelligence, integrity, character, sexuality, overall chemistry and attraction, religious orientation, etc., but those five are primary interpersonal issues I've had to contend with since dating again as a mature adult.

 

Another list of five that really need to be there are: Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, Attention, Allowing (the five A's of mindful loving, David Richo)

[deadelvis]

1. Being full of themselves or selfish.

2. Not being honest.

3. No career or lack of aspirations to better themselves.

4. Drug use.

5. STDs

 

Wait a minute. You don't want a selfish, lying, disease ridden, unemployed, drug addict?

Those are the best kind.

[candie13]

guys, these are obvious deal breakers. I mean you've dated her for a couple of weeks and she seemed normal. what brings hell over? Boredom? Too much free time? Another woman?

[SwordofFlame]

guys, these are obvious deal breakers. I mean you've dated her for a couple of weeks and she seemed normal. what brings hell over? Boredom? Too much free time? Another woman?

Abrupt change in personality.

Change in frequency of sex.

[Siquijor]

This happened to me.

 

We did a first date meetup, she was a hottie, well spoken, smart, and we set up a second date, in a park. While laying on a blanket she proceeded to fill me in on her history.

 

First off she pulled out a pack of those cigarettes that look like mini cigars and smoked one after the other. I'm a non smoker - I don't care how hot she is or how well we get along, if she smokes, I'm done. And her profile clearly stated she was a nonsmoker.

 

Then she tells me she was fired from her last job- for stealing. They led her out of the building under escort by security. But it was all a "setup" no one liked her at her job and they had it in for her.

 

She told me she still lived with her exboyfriend but only for reasons of convenience.

 

The next two are more like "yellow flags" but in context with everything else, it didn't do much to win me over, that's for sure. And this thread is about 5 things so I had to add two more even though the first 3 were more than enough.

 

She had a teenage son but they had no relationship, he was a "difficult kid".

 

She doesn't drink because she used to be an alcoholic.

 

I knew there would be no 3rd date. After that second date, she called me and wanted to get together again. When I said thanks but no thanks she hounded me for a while before she gave up.

 

 

I was going to commend her for being honest but then I realised she lied about smoking and she stole from her employer.

[losangelena]

guys, these are obvious deal breakers. I mean you've dated her for a couple of weeks and she seemed normal. what brings hell over? Boredom? Too much free time? Another woman?

 

This sounds more than hypothetical.

 

What happened?

[deadelvis]

eating disorders

uninspiring conversation

keeping orbiters around

bad taste in clothes/music

people who watch TV and care about celebrity nonsense

political views

sexual incompatibility/shy in bed

she looked better before she undressed

talks about herself too much

flirts with others

can't handle her liquor

can't deal with my past

materialistic

too young

too old

has kids

[candie13]

This sounds more than hypothetical.

 

What happened?

oh, rather predictable in my case - he revealed more and more about his ex - first they didn't break up 3 months ago, but one and a half, then she didn't just lie, she tried to get pregnant behind his back, stuff like that. I was the rebound and I had no idea .

 

I'm trying to test my theory - men will get bored of a normal woman not keeping them on their toes / keeping things "exciting" !

[Sarabi]

she looked better before she undressed

 

I read the whole post then read it again and this bit just made me crack up

 

My cousin has an unemployed girlfriend with no aspirations or ambition (other than to have babies)

 

I know someone else whose girlfriend is jealous/has trust issues but he wants to try and make it work at this early stage in their relationship

 

Good for them eh?

[candie13]

I read the whole post then read it again and this bit just made me crack up

 

My cousin has an unemployed girlfriend with no aspirations or ambition (other than to have babies)

 

I know someone else whose girlfriend is jealous/has trust issues but he wants to try and make it work at this early stage in their relationship

 

Good for them eh?

love makes people do a lot of stupid things. if they're happy...

[empresario]

1. Any perceived lies. I have a 180 patterns IQ and my gut is normally right when it comes to recognizing if something's off. I know that sounds like paranoia, but it really isn't. The same reason I know when one of my employees is considering another job (and subsequently why I've never had anyone quit) is the same reason I can tell when my significant other is hiding something. I am transparent when I have those feelings and they are right 99% of the time. But I digress...

 

2. Someone not expressive of their emotions. Goes back to transparency. My love language is primarily through verbal appreciation and affection. I get frustrated if a woman can't give me those things. Just something I had to learn about myself.

 

3. Someone that has no hobbies. I don't have the time to entertain you every night. Along the same lines: someone that I can't respect because they aren't particularly talented at anything.

 

4. When they don't take care of themselves. And don't blow a gasket all you ladies out there. I'm not talking about 10 lbs of weight fluctuation and I'm not talking only about weight. I am honest from the start that health and fitness are important to me and choose to date women that are into the same hobbies. If they lie about that and have unhealthy habits (even if they are thin), I would consider breaking it off.

 

5. No chemistry, both in life and in the bedroom. I've been with women that I find terribly boring but we have great sex. I have also been with women that I could be best friends with and find attractive but the sex sucks. I have learned I need both.

[Sarabi]

love makes people do a lot of stupid things. if they're happy...

 

Trust me my cousin and his girlfriend are very happy...living on other people's money

[candie13]

Trust me my cousin and his girlfriend are very happy...living on other people's money

I swear, this type of people are survivors and not to be felt sorry for !

[candie13]

1. Any perceived lies. I have a 180 patterns IQ and my gut is normally right when it comes to recognizing if something's off. I know that sounds like paranoia, but it really isn't. The same reason I know when one of my employees is considering another job (and subsequently why I've never had anyone quit) is the same reason I can tell when my significant other is hiding something. I am transparent when I have those feelings and they are right 99% of the time. But I digress...

 

2. Someone not expressive of their emotions. Goes back to transparency. My love language is primarily through verbal appreciation and affection. I get frustrated if a woman can't give me those things. Just something I had to learn about myself.

 

3. Someone that has no hobbies. I don't have the time to entertain you every night. Along the same lines: someone that I can't respect because they aren't particularly talented at anything.

 

4. When they don't take care of themselves. And don't blow a gasket all you ladies out there. I'm not talking about 10 lbs of weight fluctuation and I'm not talking only about weight. I am honest from the start that health and fitness are important to me and choose to date women that are into the same hobbies. If they lie about that and have unhealthy habits (even if they are thin), I would consider breaking it off.

 

5. No chemistry, both in life and in the bedroom. I've been with women that I find terribly boring but we have great sex. I have also been with women that I could be best friends with and find attractive but the sex sucks. I have learned I need both.

 

1. I am also good on intuition. I sense stuff, even though I don't always know where they come from. I sense when men hide stuff - and surprise surprise, some time later, the truth comes out. Well, truth always comes out. I really hate to be wasting my time.

 

2.being expressive of their emotions is one thing. Not showing their true emotions or hiding that they are falling out - not talking about what bothers them - that's really bad, in my book. I have broken up with men over that. It's impossible to build a RS with someone who doesn't speak about their emotions - good or bad.

 

3. I understand that people with no hobbies are / can be offputting. But people with no special talents... like... she must be the best at something? Isn't that a bit... demanding? What if what she's good at isn't cool enough..?

 

4. I understand your point about taking care of yourself. People who don't take care of themselves can't take care of others - I want a dependable partner.

 

5. yeah, if there's no chemistry in bed, it's doomed anyway. Some people won't even bother trying...