sandylee1 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Hi everyone, I'm speaking to some teenagers (15 -18) in a semi formal setting about marriage. What they should look for in a spouse and what they hope to get out of a marriage. Part of the agenda is letting them know that there's a lot to gain from marriage, although there will be struggles along the way. There is a religious connection to this, so I can't (or wouldn't want to) promote cohabiting or other long term relationships, that aren't marriage. I'd ideally like to hear from people under 20, to give me more of an idea what the teenagers are likely to say.* Could you state your age or age range with your response please. The questions are:* What qualities would you seek in a husband /wife? What fears do you have when you think of marriage?* What are your hopes and dreams for marriage?* Thanks in advance for your time.
Qboro90 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Teenagers at age 15-18 shouldn't be thinking about marriage or what they want in a spouse whatsoever. Doing so will give them a false and immature description of what they should be going after at a point in their lives where they are still developing mentally, emotionally, physically, and socially. If you asked me what kind of girl id like to marry and what a marriage should be like when I was 16 I guarantee you it wouldn't be anything like what I'd answer those questions today. Kids that age are just that... Kids. Let them develop and find out what they like in themselves and what they enjoy being around. If you get them to say "I want a wife that will stay home and care for the kids" then they'll grow up thinking that any woman with a career or aspirations is not a possible soulmate for no good reason at all. 1
Keenly Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 Your age range can't even decide what they want for dinner, and you're going to explain to them what they should look for in a spouse? I don't know about you guys, but at 26 I'm almost a completely different person than I was as a teenager. How can they possibly know what they want?
GorillaTheater Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 In a nutshell, this is generally what I've told my kids (the advice tends to be somewhat gender-specific, for better or worse): To my daughters: spend much, much more time thinking about the marriage than thinking about the wedding. To my sons: you'd better be prepared to spend much more time with your wife than with your buddies or your xbox. To all: ignore what your parents and grandparents did, and wait until you're at least 25. 1
bradfordpear Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I understand exactly why you are doing this, OP, as I grew up in a church where we were encouraged to think about our life goals before seriously dating. The old addage, every date is a potential mate, etc. I mean, we encourage kids to begin thinking about what college they want to attend in junior high. That aside, these are my answers: What qualities would you seek in a husband /wife? honesty, kindness, humor, hard working, family-oriented, decisive, affectionate, strong conviction/values What fears do you have when you think of marriage?* fear of complacency, "what if the worst happens", long term compatibility What are your hopes and dreams for marriage?* A partnership, sexual intimacy, mutual goals, commitment, a lifetime of working to become even better
Keenly Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I guess you'll need to emphasize how subjective the desire to get married really is. There is no right answer. But there are plenty of wrong ones.
basil67 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 I've got a 16yo daughter. The only conversation we've had about marriage is 'don't rush into it' However, we have had many conversations about what a good boyfriend looks like. We must remember not to put the cart before the horse.
J21 Posted November 9, 2015 Posted November 9, 2015 There are 15-18 year olds on this forum? Hot damn times have changed.
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