Coolwhip Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 So first off, thanks for taking the time to read this. Basically, I was a friends party this past weekend and really hit things off with this woman. After talking to her some more now and texting a little. I invited her out again and she seems to be opening up to me a little. Basically I get the feeling that she doesn't think highly of herself. I really want her to feel about herself the way I see her. At the party she was a blast. But she says that she has no friends and no life. I really wanna do something for her to show her how incredibly wrong she is. But I don't know how to go about showing her that. Has anyone else had experience with someone like this? 1) Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet 2) Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet 3) Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet 4) Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet I'm trying to keep the mood light but be supportive. Do you guys think that this is the right thing to do? Am I ignoring a bigger problem?
losangelena Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Did she explicitly accept your invitation? Because those sound like the texts of an uninterested woman. OP, you are not responsible to make her realize anything about herself, and she probably won't repond well to you trying to goad her into self esteem. She sounds like Eeyore. You can't change that.
Buddhist Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yes. There's a bigger problem you're ignoring. You're her potential love interest not her therapist. While your intentions are well meaning you can't cure her distorted view of herself. She needs to choose that on her own. Stick to being her date/boyfriend/lover 3
ExpatInItaly Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Did she explicitly accept your invitation? Because those sound like the texts of an uninterested woman. OP, you are not responsible to make her realize anything about herself, and she probably won't repond well to you trying to goad her into self esteem. She sounds like Eeyore. You can't change that. I was about to say the same thing. She sounds lukewarm, at best. Don't try to "fix" her, OP. She will get irritated quickly. Back off a little and see if she initiates.
Author Coolwhip Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Did she explicitly accept your invitation? Because those sound like the texts of an uninterested woman. OP, you are not responsible to make her realize anything about herself, and she probably won't repond well to you trying to goad her into self esteem. She sounds like Eeyore. You can't change that. Yes, she accepted my invite. And she has invited me over a couple of times to her place as well. One or two times I was working and couldn't go. Imgur: The most awesome images on the Internet I guess its not a huge deal. I guess I can just agree to disagree with her on things like this Thanks for your input.
Author Coolwhip Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Yes. There's a bigger problem you're ignoring. You're her potential love interest not her therapist. While your intentions are well meaning you can't cure her distorted view of herself. She needs to choose that on her own. Stick to being her date/boyfriend/lover Yeah I understand that, but If I intend to actually be with her, I feel like it is my job to comfort her and support her. Its hard to sit by and watch someone you care about beat themselves up. And that's more or less what I was getting at by posting on here. Its not that I want to fix her, its more or less a question of "how can I contribute positive experiences" when she talks like that. If I ignore her, I might come off as uninterested. If I try to encourage her (I seem like I'm goading her, and worse, it seems like I believe her. Which I don't) I guess I can just simply disagree and do my best to change the subject.
losangelena Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yeah I understand that, but If I intend to actually be with her, I feel like it is my job to comfort her and support her. Its hard to sit by and watch someone you care about beat themselves up. And that's more or less what I was getting at by posting on here. Its not that I want to fix her, its more or less a question of "how can I contribute positive experiences" when she talks like that. If I ignore her, I might come off as uninterested. If I try to encourage her (I seem like I'm goading her, and worse, it seems like I believe her. Which I don't) I guess I can just simply disagree and do my best to change the subject. "Comfort and support" are different from "change." My ex used to call himself a f*ckup. I hated it, because I was like, you can do f*cked-up things or make mistakes, but that doesn't make you a "f*ckup." So when he said things like that, the only thing I could do was say, "it was just a mistake, it's OK, you're not an idiot." And that's all you can do. You can't indulge in some grand gesture that will get the other person to see themselves differently. It doesn't work that way, and the risk you run in trying to do that is that, if you put in effort, and she doesn't change, then you could start to resent her for being down on herself, and simultaneously, she could resent you for wanting to change her. I think that's what we're saying.
deadelvis Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yeah, best bet is to direct the conversation away from that topic
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