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I'm much older than her. How should I act around her?

techiedino

By techiedino
in General Relationship Discussion

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techiedino New Member

techiedino

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So here's the story. My parents joined a group and they have meetings every month at each member's house. The group has been going on for a while but recently, the mom in this family told my mom that she'd like to create a chance for me to meet her daughter. Now that sounds perfect but here's the twist: her daughter is 17. And I'm 9 years older than her. Her mom kept complimenting me in front of my mom (asking if I have a gf and stuff) so she must be very fond of me, and she clearly knows my age. Even tho they are the ones who initiate this first, I still feel pretty weird and awkward mostly because she's still in high school (her parents are OK with it so yeah).

 

I do want to meet their daughter to get to know her a bit (There won't be dating or sex or anything like that at least not until she finishes high school). Now the next meeting will be at my house around Thanksgiving so I will see her next month (the meeting in December will be at her house and her mom wanted me to come). It's nothing serious, probably 2 families will just introduce us to each other but this could be a start of a real relationship later so I need some advices on how I should act around her. Some of you may think I'm desperate but the truth is I'd like to be open to any chance, plus her parents turn the green light on for me so why not...

Edited by techiedino
Phoenician Established Member

Phoenician

Posted
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Nothing wrong with tradional marriage if you are a traditional guy ; meening that you want a descent lady ,coming from a similar social level , cultural and maybe religious level ; the question is you :

 

-Are you the kind of person who would take things granted simple , are you low desire ?

 

-Do you look at building a family more important from your personnel happiness ?

 

In traditional arrangements , you take the package as is , no room for enhancement due to socio religious / cultural factors .

 

 

I am just trying to say , you will not be able to know if the girl is compatible with you or not , engagement is a BS regarding this aspect , you can't know ppl unless you live with them , unless they smell your bad breath or you witness them farting .

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
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Something tells me you all are not of the white-anglo-saxon-prodestant variety, correct? I can't imagine handing my 17 year old daughter off to a 26 year old man, unless it was Elvis, and Elvis has left the room. Here in southern the US we protect our daughters from overly zealous cradle snatchers with 12g shotguns. Where y'all from?

 

The Mom is obviously trying to marry her off young. I guess they figure that by the time you go on a few dates and have a brief engagement she'll be 18 or close enough. I guess they see you as a good guy with good prospects, eh? Either that or they think she needs their assistance.

 

Cultures with arranged marriages have some of the lowest divorce rates, and autonomous marriage the highest. If you think she's a cutie and the feeling is mutual, who's to say what's best or right or wrong? Nine years is a lot of difference that that age though, so I'd say you need to make allowances for that if you're actually interested in this arrangement.

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techiedino New Member

techiedino

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Something tells me you all are not of the white-anglo-saxon-prodestant variety, correct? I can't imagine handing my 17 year old daughter off to a 26 year old man, unless it was Elvis, and Elvis has left the room. Here in southern the US we protect our daughters from overly zealous cradle snatchers with 12g shotguns. Where y'all from?

 

The Mom is obviously trying to marry her off young. I guess they figure that by the time you go on a few dates and have a brief engagement she'll be 18 or close enough. I guess they see you as a good guy with good prospects, eh? Either that or they think she needs their assistance.

 

Cultures with arranged marriages have some of the lowest divorce rates, and autonomous marriage the highest. If you think she's a cutie and the feeling is mutual, who's to say what's best or right or wrong? Nine years is a lot of difference that that age though, so I'd say you need to make allowances for that if you're actually interested in this arrangement.

 

 

You're right! we're from south east Asia but we live in the US. I'd say we're pretty modern so it's up to me when it comes to my relationship. But I wouldn't mind an arranged relationship if I like the girl. I honestly still don't truly understand their intention but one thing for sure is her mom wants to hook us up romantically, maybe not now but 1 year from now or so. They probably just wanted to let me know they're interested. Nothing has been made so I guess I need to see them next month to see what's going on.

ManyDissapoint Established Member

ManyDissapoint

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Posted

I think you could pick up some tips from

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RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

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I think you need to reach out to your fellow Asians or others who have been in arranged marriages to get a better feel for this situation.

 

 

I have friends from India who had a kind of mixed approach... some did some dating while in college (kept secret from the family), and accepted their parent's assistance when getting married.

 

 

My guess is that your parents think you are too old to be single and would like you to find a nice girl...

 

 

And the parents of the other girl don't want her to be too old to eliminate her prospects of finding a good guy and starting a family.

 

 

If you are thinking of just 'dating' or not taking this as a marriage-intended situation, you'd best make that clear early on. Your intentions sound more casual in your OP. You'd be surprised how un-modern family members can be... and how un-modern the parents of daughters can be. lol.

 

 

That said, I'm not a fan of age gaps like this, especially at this age. However, I realize that in some cultures, it goes along with the rest of the arranged marriage thing.

 

 

You keep saying arranged relationship. No, I'm quite sure they are not trying to set you up in an arranged 'relationship'. If you aren't seriously looking for someone to marry, then say so up front or you will damage you and your family's reputation with this other family. You must know that, correct?

Edited by RedRobin
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