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What would you do? My boyfriend isn't attracted to me.

Ashleighskye

By Ashleighskye
in General Relationship Discussion

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Ashleighskye New Member

Ashleighskye

Posted
Posted

Hey everyone!

Im new here but just a need a tad bit of advice. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now, I have a few health issues (pcos) which has made me gain weight. I am not obese (only a size 10au sizes)* I am not lazy, I have been on a major diet and exersise regiem (30 min run, weight training, and eating only raw veg and white meat.) And I never lose any weight but I'm* really trying. But now its affecting my relationship and sex life. My bf isn't attracted to me. And I dont know what to do! Even if i lose the weight I dunno if i could ever forgive him for that (thinking he obv doesnt love me) we have a perfect realtuonship in every other aspect this is our only issue.

 

He had been watching porn alot and not finishing during sex if we had it. I can see he thinking of something else when we have sex and when confronting him he doesnt deny it. He has said he thinks im fat, but in a nice way.

 

I dont know what else to do I dont wanna give up on us but my self esteem is totally down the toilet i feel revolting. I dont know if i can get passed this. He says he loves me but how could he!?

 

What would you do?

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted (edited)

Size 10 AU is the second-smallest clothing size that can be found in most department stores for adult women (it's the equivalent of size 6 US and size S), and well within the healthy weight range, so it's hard to imagine how any remotely reasonable person can consider that overweight.

 

If your bf cannot be attracted to you due to you being a normal and healthy weight, then clearly your relationship isn't 'perfect otherwise' and you should leave and work on your self esteem. There is obviously a bigger issue than just sex here, either he's addicted to porn, or just plain unrealistic/crazy, or there's a deeper cause for the lack of attraction that you don't realize or aren't telling us.

 

But do seek medical advice for your PCOS as well.

Edited by Elswyth
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Ashleighskye New Member

Ashleighskye

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thank you so much. It is something I needed to hear right now. He has said he is addicted to porn before but I really thought it is just some bullsh*t excuse, i didn't realise it is a real thing.

And as for my PCOS I am seeking treatment, and have just started new medication. Thanks for the kind words.

Elif Member

Elif

Posted
Posted

Size 10au is usualy the third smallest where Im from and correlates to size M.

6au would be XS (34), 8au would be S(36) and 10au M (38). Loads of girls wear that size just because they are tall....

 

If you are working out you probably looked nice and toned which is more important than wighing less.

 

Your bf is not very nice.

Red123 Established Member

Red123

Posted
Posted
Thank you so much. It is something I needed to hear right now. He has said he is addicted to porn before but I really thought it is just some bullsh*t excuse, i didn't realise it is a real thing.

And as for my PCOS I am seeking treatment, and have just started new medication. Thanks for the kind words.

 

He sounds like a real winner. I think you would be much better off without him. He has stated that he has a porn addiction, that usually leads to more and possibly infidelity down the road. Save yourself the years of uncertainty and pain and drop him now. There are so many people in the world and you don't have major ties to him like kids, so run!!!

ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted

Given his behavior and name-calling, it should be YOU who is not attracted to HIM.

 

You are worthy of love and belonging, just the way you are. Move on.

boltam Member

boltam

Posted
Posted

Since you're determined to stay with him regardless of the way he treats you and the lack of attraction, you need to work on the weight. Since what you're doing isn't working for you, you may need to seek consultation with a dietician, and/or exercise more. If you burn more calories, you'll lost more weight, that's a given.

Elisabetta New Member

Elisabetta

Posted
Posted

It is never nice when a boyfriend (someone you trust and are intimate with) makes negative comments about your looks. If you were an unhealthy weight, which you are not because you are exercising and eating healthy food, then it would be healthy for your boyfriend to suggest you work on losing weight. But as things are, it is rude of him to say he is not attracted to you while remaining in a relationship with you.

 

 

Even if a boyfriend says they are not attracted and then later reveals they were joking, this is so painful!

 

 

It's hard to say, since you know your boyfriend better than anybody on this website, but it sounds like he could possibly be (a) looking for a way out of the relationship but does not want to be the one to end it or (b) whether he is not attracted to your looks and thinks he is doing the right thing by being honest with you. Of course, these are just speculations.

 

 

Anyways, what is important is that you are completely honest with yourself and with him.

 

 

Do you want to remain in a relationship with someone who says they are not attracted to you?

 

 

If yes, can you be honest and tell your boyfriend (calmly) that what he said upsets you and lay out why it upset you? (Boys don't always see things the same ways as girls, so it is important that you are specific while keeping your explanation short!) Don't settle for an "I'm sorry" or let him change the subject, because if this is bothering you, it needs to be dealt with maturely.

 

 

If you do decide breaking up is best, or he decides it, there are so many fish in the sea, and you deserve someone who brightens your life :)

xcupid Established Member

xcupid

Posted
Posted

He's addicted to porn and he's not attracted to you. You have low self esteem as a result. You and your boyfriend are incompatible. This is not an 'otherwise perfect' relationship. He's the one with issues, not you.

siriusp Established Member

siriusp

Posted
Posted

What you are experiencing sounds horrible. I am also having problems losing weight due to high prolactin...............eating well and doing lots of exercise but not losing weight and feeling very frustrated about it.

 

So two things: There is you and your low self esteem..... I have found that relationships don't work well when one person doesn't have good self esteem

 

And secondly - what woman would feel good with a man that doesn't make her feel sexually attractive? I hope I am not being too blunt but it sounds like you are not getting a good deal

 

For me - attractive men - love all women regardless or size/shape or whatever.

 

They want all women - the most attractive men. Insecure me will judge and critizise and want the so called 'perfect' woman that doesn't exist. I have often found this type of man to be 'wimpy' and not attractive to me.

 

I hope you are able to look after yourself and move on to someone that really and truly appreciates you - for the person YOU are - and not the body that you come in.

joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted

Since he has admitted to porn addiction, has he tried to give it up?

Clarence_Boddicker Established Member

Clarence_Boddicker

Posted
Posted

You don't have a perfect relationship in all other areas, you just think you do.

 

 

He's lying to you about loving you.

 

 

Dump him & find a better boyfriend. There's plenty of decent guys that would be attracted to you the way you are & be compassionate towards you about your illness.

Male Established Member

Male

Posted
Posted

What would you do?

 

You know what you need to do. You dont need anyone to tell you.

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