Protec Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 It feels like people can't handle the problems in relationships anymore. All they want to be is happy happy lovey dovey all the time and when problems arise: Breakup. What is your opinion? Do people break up too easily these days and try to find greener grass? They are trying to find something too perfect? 3
Meli22 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I think so too. I think a lot of people tend to buy into the Hollywood version of love rather than the real version. People don't communicate about their issues and instead let resentment built up and eventually seek "greener" pastures. Of course not everyone is like this, but from my experience I do think there are a lot of people out there who are looking for absolute perfection and take for granted what they do have. 7
basil67 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 From where I'm sitting, I see a lot of people who stay in relationships where they are very unhappy because they think relationships are hard work and that all couples fight. Having said that, I do get a laugh from those (self described) losers who can't get a date, but won't date a loser from the opposite sex. Just love that type of irony. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I don't know about breaking up too easily when dating because to me if the dating isn't good, what's the point of sticking around. Dating isn't supposed to be that hard. However, I think people treat marriage as more disposable then it should be. The lovey-dovey all the time fantasy hooppla is unrealistic but people don't have the fortitude to stick it out or even work to bring the magic back. 3
Truth34 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Most definitely. I think people, especially my generation (late 80's-early 90's) get so caught up with the "if you aren't happy, leave" "Do you!" etc etc. Not saying you shouldn't do those things, but at the slightest bump or awkward moment you have people flailing their hands up and saying "well, obviously he/she isn't the one" or whatever. The amount of options for us, with a cellphone in our pocket at all times, doesn't help this flighty tendency. Of course, there are a lot of dysfunctional relationships too, where you would think that they would have bailed long ago. And generally for REAL reasons, but nope, someone gets so attached and tries to row the boat themselves while the other person just kinda coasts until they meet someone else. I truly believe people expect to have constant infatuation. Once that fizzles down, it's "not love" to them anymore. 4
Meli22 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Most definitely. I think people, especially my generation (late 80's-early 90's) get so caught up with the "if you aren't happy, leave" "Do you!" etc etc. Not saying you shouldn't do those things, but at the slightest bump or awkward moment you have people flailing their hands up and saying "well, obviously he/she isn't the one" or whatever. The amount of options for us, with a cellphone in our pocket at all times, doesn't help this flighty tendency. Of course, there are a lot of dysfunctional relationships too, where you would think that they would have bailed long ago. And generally for REAL reasons, but nope, someone gets so attached and tries to row the boat themselves while the other person just kinda coasts until they meet someone else. I truly believe people expect to have constant infatuation. Once that fizzles down, it's "not love" to them anymore. I agree with this, especially the bit about phones. In our grandparents generation I think marriage and relationships were taken much more seriously. People made commitments and stuck to it. Fleeing and/or seeing what else was out there just wasn't an option and there was no phones to be sneaky with or check out "better options" on social media etc. In regards to the last paragraph, I agree with that too. I think a lot of people are like that but don't realise it. My ex told me that he thinks after the first year of a relationship, his feelings change and he falls out of love. He said this is likely to happen in every relationship. Whether that was just BS I have no idea but you know what I'm getting at. People get bored and lose interest so they bail, rather than realising what they have and putting some effort in. The cycle just repeats forever. 2
Shock148 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yup. Dated a girl for over 4 months and everything seemed well. We were actually friends for about a year before we started dating. I was in her apartment hanging out when she broke up with me because she didn't have the feelings she saw a character on tv have for her boyfriend while watching a show called "heartland." I just said if that's the case, I don't feel that either and moved on. Wasn't hard at all to move on from that at all, especially with a stupid reason like not having the same type of feelings the main character has for someone on a tv show. 1
Meli22 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yup. Dated a girl for over 4 months and everything seemed well. We were actually friends for about a year before we started dating. I was in her apartment hanging out when she broke up with me because she didn't have the feelings she saw a character on tv have for her boyfriend while watching a show called "heartland." I just said if that's the case, I don't feel that either and moved on. Wasn't hard at all to move on from that at all, especially with a stupid reason like not having the same type of feelings the main character has for someone on a tv show. Wow ha. Ridiculous. 1
candie13 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yup. Dated a girl for over 4 months and everything seemed well. We were actually friends for about a year before we started dating. I was in her apartment hanging out when she broke up with me because she didn't have the feelings she saw a character on tv have for her boyfriend while watching a show called "heartland." I just said if that's the case, I don't feel that either and moved on. Wasn't hard at all to move on from that at all, especially with a stupid reason like not having the same type of feelings the main character has for someone on a tv show. you were lucky she was looking at that episode in month 4 and not in month 12. Wait... you seriously dated a person who watched "heartland" and isn't taking a piss at it? Mate, you need to weed those girls better... 1
candie13 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 it's not about breaking up per se. It's about having some really delusional images about their perfect partner and leaving the real people when they don't exactly match those ideals. It's just people, ya know. Made of flesh and blood and imperfect. To me, it's not even about breaking up too easily. The issue I seem to be facing is this situation where there isn't that much of a RS to be built because most men would lie about their true desires or about their being ready for a RS - I am referring to those 35+. I am yet to meet men who date with honesty and who are able to build a genuine connection. I think fighting to preserve that genuine connection comes second. So in my case it's not that they break up too easily, it's that they don't put in the effort to build or invest. You are either good at leaving RS or at building them, one of the 2. 2
Blanco Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I feel like this question is going to generate a skewed consensus, since most of us are here over breakups that we didn't want. Of course most people here are going to say that people leave relationships too easily these days. There's definite merit to it. Relationships, even the good ones, do take work and regular maintenance. There will be valleys to accompany the peaks. There will be times when things seem rote and routine. However, I see plenty of relationships that continue on for months or years that really shouldn't still exist. For all the people who leave a relationship when things get a little bumpy, there are probably just as many people who will not leave toxic or lopsided relationships. There's sticking it out through rough times and then there's sticking it out through a bad relationship because you're afraid to be alone. I myself stayed in a mostly bad relationship for nearly three years for a lot of the wrong reasons. I look back at want to kick myself for having such lousy boundaries that kept me involved in that relationship for as long as I was. The reality is, some people just aren't good fits. No amount of work is going to change that. I think we, as the heartbroken, want to ignore that. I read so many stories on here where it's clear that the two people were obviously built for a relatively brief relationship and nothing more. Some relationships simply run their course. Trying to artificially extend them just creates more problems. 2
BC1980 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) I think you have to factor in the reality that these days, it's more socially acceptable to get a divorce or to date for a long time without getting married. Back in the day, people were probably more likely to stay married for social or financial reasons, not necessarily because they were happy in the marriage. You also have to realized that decades ago, it was not common for a woman to go to school and to be able to financially support herself. So women really had no choice but be get married or to become a burden to their parents. My own grandparents couldn't stand one another, and I once asked my grandmother why she stayed with my abusive grandfather. She stated that she really had no choice because she never saw going to school or having a career as a option. She found the idea that she could financially support herself as ludicrous and felt she had no choice but to stay in the marriage. How could she raise 4 kids on her own in the 1960s? Our culture has changed, so relationships change with that. I don't think that couples like each other anymore or less than they did decades or centuries ago. I just feel that there are more options for women, and the stigma of divorce/being single has lessened for both sexes. I also wonder if the idea of "working on a marriage/relationship" is a relatively new idea. We need to remember that marrying for love is a relatively new idea in the grand scheme of things. For the majority of our history, marriages were handled as business transactions, so there was no need to work on the emotional aspects of the relationship. That idea would never have entered into the picture as a reason to breakup. Edited October 27, 2015 by BC1980 1
Meli22 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I feel like this question is going to generate a skewed consensus, since most of us are here over breakups that we didn't want. Of course most people here are going to say that people leave relationships too easily these days. There's definite merit to it. Relationships, even the good ones, do take work and regular maintenance. There will be valleys to accompany the peaks. There will be times when things seem rote and routine. However, I see plenty of relationships that continue on for months or years that really shouldn't still exist. For all the people who leave a relationship when things get a little bumpy, there are probably just as many people who will not leave toxic or lopsided relationships. There's sticking it out through rough times and then there's sticking it out through a bad relationship because you're afraid to be alone. I myself stayed in a mostly bad relationship for nearly three years for a lot of the wrong reasons. I look back at want to kick myself for having such lousy boundaries that kept me involved in that relationship for as long as I was. The reality is, some people just aren't good fits. No amount of work is going to change that. I think we, as the heartbroken, want to ignore that. I read so many stories on here where it's clear that the two people were obviously built for a relatively brief relationship and nothing more. Some relationships simply run their course. Trying to artificially extend them just creates more problems. I agree. I myself stayed in a relationship where I lost all of my boundaries to keep him happy and I let it go on for too long because I didn't want to rock the boat and I just wanted to keep him happy, rather than myself. I too cringe looking back. I think the general idea of this thread is about people throwing relationships away due to boredom or losing the spark, rather than genuine misfits or abuse/wrong doing.
candie13 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I think you have to factor in the reality that these days, it's more socially acceptable to get a divorce or to date for a long time without getting married. Back in the day, people were probably more likely to stay married for social or financial reasons, not necessarily because they were happy in the marriage. You also have to realized that decades ago, it was not common for a woman to go to school and to be able to financially support herself. So women really had no choice but be get married or to become a burden to their parents. My own grandparents couldn't stand one another, and I once asked my grandmother why she stayed with my abusive grandfather. She stated that she really had no choice because she never saw going to school or having a career as a option. She found the idea that she could financially support herself as ludicrous and felt she had no choice but to stay in the marriage. How could she raise 4 kids on her own in the 1960s? Our culture has changed, so relationships change with that. I don't think that couples like each other anymore or less than they did decades or centuries ago. I just feel that there are more options for women, and the stigma of divorce/being single has lessened for both sexes. I also wonder if the idea of "working on a marriage/relationship" is a relatively new idea. We need to remember that marrying for love is a relatively new idea in the grand scheme of things. For the majority of our history, marriages were handled as business transactions, so there was no need to work on the emotional aspects of the relationship. That idea would never have entered into the picture as a reason to breakup. marriage is a big big deal. We're talking RS right now.I do actually think that thee are less couples, overall. Those couples I know, I wouldn't really want to be in them.
Shock148 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 you were lucky she was looking at that episode in month 4 and not in month 12. Wait... you seriously dated a person who watched "heartland" and isn't taking a piss at it? Mate, you need to weed those girls better... Never watched the show or knew what it was about but came to realize it's a chick flick so why should I care if she likes to watch it? I found it ridiculous that she used that as an excuse to break it off but I honestly did not care. If she felt that way from a show, I did not want to be with her anyway. 1
BC1980 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 marriage is a big big deal. We're talking RS right now.I do actually think that thee are less couples, overall. Those couples I know, I wouldn't really want to be in them. Hmmm, I think marriages are relationships, so there is a necessary interest in marriage with this discussion. Years ago, dating didn't exist in its current form, so we can't really compare relationships of olden days to current relationships without mentioning marriage. You were also expected to get married instead of dating for several years. Now, it's perfectly acceptable to date for several years and never get married. It's acceptable to live with someone. If you date a person for several years and live together, you have time to see the negatives and more time to weigh your options. There isn't the same NEED to get married that existed 50 or 100 years ago. You can be picky. The ironic thing is that people still stay in bad relationships and marriages for certain reasons. Maybe they stay for more emotional reasons or for more toxic reasons, as opposed to financial/social reasons. So maybe the reality is that our priorities have changed with regards to what we value in a relationship/marriage.
Shock148 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Never watched the show or knew what it was about but came to realize it's a chick flick so why should I care if she likes to watch it? I found it ridiculous that she used that as an excuse to break it off but I honestly did not care. If she felt that way from a show, I did not want to be with her anyway. Funny thing is after she broke it off she basically stopped talking to me. It's like I did something wrong to her lol. Like I said before we were friends before we got together for about a year and when she ended it I was the one that told her that I am perfectly alright with still being your friend. I would invite her out to places and she would agree to go only to cancel. After doing this twice, she told me maybe in two weeks she would be free where I responded, ok I will let you know if im available. She then cut me off saying I was pathetically trying to make her feel guilty for not seeing me. I don't know if she wanted me to feel hurt over her breaking up with me or what but it didn't happen and I guess she got mad? This was the weirdest end of relationship scenario I have ever had.
mightycpa Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 It feels like people can't handle the problems in relationships anymore. All they want to be is happy happy lovey dovey all the time and when problems arise: Breakup. What is your opinion? Do people break up too easily these days and try to find greener grass? They are trying to find something too perfect?No. Life's too short to hang around someone that you have trouble getting along with. It shouldn't be all that difficult, and if it is, then you can do better. In the long run, it pays to be picky.
Wewon Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 It feels like people can't handle the problems in relationships anymore. All they want to be is happy happy lovey dovey all the time and when problems arise: Breakup. What is your opinion? Do people break up too easily these days and try to find greener grass? They are trying to find something too perfect? I see two extremes. I definitely see the people that jump ship at the first frustration, I also see people that stay with some misguided view of relationships. That being said, the people that jump ship typically either pay for it later because the abandoned someone at a temporary low point and it their ex had any quality they wouldn't be single for long (or at least lonely). My heart goes out to the people that stay in a bad relationship too long because they've had the "relationships take work" mantra drilled into their heads. Those people are usually the most frustrated when they look back.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 it's not about breaking up per se. It's about having some really delusional images about their perfect partner and leaving the real people when they don't exactly match those ideals. It's just people, ya know. Made of flesh and blood and imperfect. To me, it's not even about breaking up too easily. The issue I seem to be facing is this situation where there isn't that much of a RS to be built because most men would lie about their true desires or about their being ready for a RS - I am referring to those 35+. I am yet to meet men who date with honesty and who are able to build a genuine connection. I think fighting to preserve that genuine connection comes second. So in my case it's not that they break up too easily, it's that they don't put in the effort to build or invest. You are either good at leaving RS or at building them, one of the 2. THIS. 100%. You took the words right out of my mouth. 1
Author Protec Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 No. Life's too short to hang around someone that you have trouble getting along with. It shouldn't be all that difficult, and if it is, then you can do better. In the long run, it pays to be picky. To me that sounds kind of gambling. "If i take winnings now, i could get 500 euros, but if i try to double it, i could get 1000e or lose it all and start from all over again". I don't need a perfect woman. I have my stantards, yes, but i am the kinda person who is completely satisfied with the 500 euros. Sure, i can't get everything i wanted with that. I mean, i may never reach that 1000e.... it's a gamble. 1
candie13 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 It's not about accepting whom you bump into, it is about truly appreciating the people you meet and staying true to yourself. If deep down inside, you don't feel the connection, it doesn't matter how wonderful or decent the person in front of you is. It won't last. I don't think people break up too easily. I think people don't talk and don't share who they are and what they need/ Look for. If both partners were dating with honesty, the source of their incompatibility would be obvious to both partners... hence the process of breaking up would at least be expected, if not appear natural... 2
BC1980 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 It's not about accepting whom you bump into, it is about truly appreciating the people you meet and staying true to yourself. If deep down inside, you don't feel the connection, it doesn't matter how wonderful or decent the person in front of you is. It won't last. I don't think people break up too easily. I think people don't talk and don't share who they are and what they need/ Look for. If both partners were dating with honesty, the source of their incompatibility would be obvious to both partners... hence the process of breaking up would at least be expected, if not appear natural... I don't think people break to too easily either. If anything, I think that people stay in dysfunctional relationships too long. The reality is that people change over a lifetime, and some relationships just don't last forever.
Meli22 Posted October 31, 2015 Posted October 31, 2015 I don't know about in general but I do think there are some people who get bored easily and stop making the effort.
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