7th date sex

[BLND]

I get the point. A woman isn't obligated to sleep with me just because I paid the tab. I'm saying if the woman never offers to pay past the third date might just be using the guy. That's all.

 

Not necesarily. Most men I know, take it as an insult, if the woman they're taking out,suggests to pay or even worse split the bill. I guess it depends on the upbringing. As most men find a pleasure in being able to wine and dine a woman. If she would suggest to pay for something, it would directly imply they are not capable of financially taking care of the woman.

[RoseWater]

And there's just no chance that the woman is just using the guy...

I'm sure there's no woman alive that would ever use a man....

Right? How cynical am I?

 

Quality women simply don't have time for such antics. With seeing family and friends, holding down a career and possibly raising kids as well, women with lives just don't have the time or inclination to be going on multiple dates with men they have no interest in. This is for the most part a myth put out by those women-haters in the PUA community.

 

After a hard day's work the last thing a well-adjusted woman wants to do is sit opposite a man she has no romantic interest in at all, making small talk, all for the sake of not paying for her food that night.

[kilgore]

Quality women simply don't have time for such antics. With seeing family and friends, holding down a career and possibly raising kids as well, women with lives just don't have the time or inclination to be going on multiple dates with men they have no interest in. This is for the most part a myth put out by those women-haters in the PUA community.

 

After a hard day's work the last thing a well-adjusted woman wants to do is sit opposite a man she has no romantic interest in at all, making small talk, all for the sake of not paying for her food that night.

 

Amen rosewater

[BLND]

Exactly RoseWater. I for one wouldn't go on a date unless there's potential. I usually know right away if I'll be interested or not in the long run. I'd never waste my time accepting a date with someone I'm not interested I .

[RoseWater]

Those who have praised my guy for 'having the patience of Job' 'being such a gentleman' etc are missing the point somewhat.

 

He is enjoying getting to know me and spending time with me, I am enjoying getting to know him and spending time with him. Getting to know means getting to know about each other's lives, our childhoods, our dreams and goals, what food we like, what books we've read, what makes us laugh etc, etc. That's what adults who are romantically interested in one another do. A man is not a 'hero' just because he is happy to continue dating a woman past a month without having seen her vagina yet. This is normal life.

[BLND]

I think both men and women totally forgot anything and everything about courtship. And it rather turned into a "let's hurry and see how we connect sexually together, so we can rush and move on to something else if it doesn't work".

[kpl]

Quality women simply don't have time for such antics. With seeing family and friends, holding down a career and possibly raising kids as well, women with lives just don't have the time or inclination to be going on multiple dates with men they have no interest in. This is for the most part a myth put out by those women-haters in the PUA community.

 

After a hard day's work the last thing a well-adjusted woman wants to do is sit opposite a man she has no romantic interest in at all, making small talk, all for the sake of not paying for her food that night.

 

I know soooo many women who do this. Who I would consider well adjusted. This is like saying quality well adjusted guys don't use women for sex ppl do this it's real. When I hear my gfs say it, it's more like they generally like the guy but don't see long term potential and the guy keeps asking them out so they accept usually their response is "I have nothing else going on." But they have this attitude as he shouldn't expect sex from me or anything b/c he's taking me out.

 

This is not unheard of that a guy could feel used by women it happens all the time. So a guy being weary of a woman using him isn't out of the question. It seems like you are dating good guy who has been respectful who could potentially be something real and there has to be drama a long every step of the way. Just let things progress naturally - this whole should i what should i do thing is lame and is going to ruin what you have in front of you, a good guy who wants to see you.

[RoseWater]

I think both men and women totally forgot anything and everything about courtship. And it rather turned into a "let's hurry and see how we connect sexually together, so we can rush and move on to something else if it doesn't work".

 

Pretty much. That sort of lifestyle is not attractive to all of us though.

[RoseWater]

I know soooo many women who do this. Who I would consider well adjusted. This is like saying quality well adjusted guys don't use women for sex ppl do this it's real. When I hear my gfs say it, it's more like they generally like the guy but don't see long term potential and the guy keeps asking them out so they accept usually their response is "I have nothing else going on." But they have this attitude as he shouldn't expect sex from me or anything b/c he's taking me out.

 

This is not unheard of that a guy could feel used by women it happens all the time. So a guy being weary of a woman using him isn't out of the question. It seems like you are dating good guy who has been respectful who could potentially be something real and there has to be drama a long every step of the way. Just let things progress naturally - this whole should i what should i do thing is lame and is going to ruin what you have in front of you, a good guy who wants to see you.

 

Where on earth do you meet these people?

[kpl]

Where on earth do you meet these people?

 

I don't think there is a person on earth who hasn't at some point strung someone along longer than they should. We have all done some variation of this - maybe it wasn't for free meals but we have all strung ppl along. It's human and "these ppl" aren't bad just taking the easy way out. We all want some kind of validation or companionship it isn't the worst thing in the world, doesn't make it 100% right but doesn't make these ppl the worst ppl on earth either.

[RoseWater]

I know soooo many women who do this. Who I would consider well adjusted. This is like saying quality well adjusted guys don't use women for sex ppl do this it's real. When I hear my gfs say it, it's more like they generally like the guy but don't see long term potential and the guy keeps asking them out so they accept usually their response is "I have nothing else going on." But they have this attitude as he shouldn't expect sex from me or anything b/c he's taking me out.

 

This is not unheard of that a guy could feel used by women it happens all the time. So a guy being weary of a woman using him isn't out of the question. It seems like you are dating good guy who has been respectful who could potentially be something real and there has to be drama a long every step of the way. Just let things progress naturally - this whole should i what should i do thing is lame and is going to ruin what you have in front of you, a good guy who wants to see you.

 

Once again (the 2nd or 3rd time I have clarified this for you now), my post says "if I go to his home does that imply I am willing to have sex?" There is no drama. There is no, to quote you "whole should I what should I do thing". Just a simple question. You can answer the question or not answer. The choice is yours. But all this decidedly odd stuff about women not paying for their own dinner and "drama" is all on you. I didn't ask you to post about that or solicit your views on it. There is no drama in my relationship.

[kpl]

Once again (the 2nd or 3rd time I have clarified this for you now), my post says "if I go to his home does that imply I am willing to have sex?" There is no drama. There is no, to quote you "whole should I what should I do thing". Just a simple question. You can answer the question or not answer. The choice is yours. But all this decidedly odd stuff about women not paying for their own dinner and "drama" is all on you. I didn't ask you to post about that or solicit your views on it. There is no drama in my relationship.

 

You solicited all comments when you asked the question. And I answered yours you can sort through my posts to find it.

 

The post veered - which happens - and I addressed that as well as did you in your responses.

 

I think wondering if a guy who likes you and invites you over is implying sex if you go is drama, especially for a guy you've been dating for 7 dates. You already knew you didnt want to have sex so it didn't matter if it implied that at all. You have this whole scenario wrapped up and you were defensive before anyone could comment properly. This is the epitome of drama to me. Starting issues where none exist. There is no real question here just comments from you and defensiveness to anyone that doesn't seem to go with your point of view.

 

And ppl adequately called you out on it and you got mad. I have nothing left to say about this though, I'm breathing way too much life in this.

[BluEyeL]

She asked a legitimate question. Will going to a man's house be seen by the guy as an agreement to sex? She doesn't want to imply that just yet and doesn't want to be accused of being a tease. It's a legitimate question.

 

I wouldn't go, I would ask him for another place and pay, and say I'd like to do that one at his house soon though. I wouldn't go unless the following time we meet I expect I'll be fine with sex. Not being in public accelerates things.

[RoseWater]

You solicited all comments when you asked the question. And I answered yours you can sort through my posts to find it.

 

The post veered - which happens - and I addressed that as well as did you in your responses.

 

I think wondering if a guy who likes you and invites you over is implying sex if you go is drama, especially for a guy you've been dating for 7 dates. You already knew you didnt want to have sex so it didn't matter if it implied that at all. You have this whole scenario wrapped up and you were defensive before anyone could comment properly. This is the epitome of drama to me. Starting issues where none exist. There is no real question here just comments from you and defensiveness to anyone that doesn't seem to go with your point of view.

 

And ppl adequately called you out on it and you got mad. I have nothing left to say about this though, I'm breathing way too much life in this.

 

Do you have anything you can post that is actually relevant to the thread?

[joseb]

OK, trying to get back on track then

 

OP, in your case, the guy does not sound like the type that's pushing for sex.

 

He also suggested lunch (not Dinner) which would be a more 'sexual' time.

 

I think going is fine.

[BluEyeL]

I don't think there is a person on earth who hasn't at some point strung someone along longer than they should. We have all done some variation of this - maybe it wasn't for free meals but we have all strung ppl along. It's human and "these ppl" aren't bad just taking the easy way out. We all want some kind of validation or companionship it isn't the worst thing in the world, doesn't make it 100% right but doesn't make these ppl the worst ppl on earth either.

 

And so if the guy "gets sex" and then the woman leaves after 15 dates, it makes it OK to be "strung along" or he wasn't "strung along" because he "got" sex? It's sex the end goal for any man and spending time with a woman without getting naked is just a waste of time?

 

I don't think so. I think all men want sex, but not all men see it as the end goal and feel cheated if the break up happens before sex.

[SwordofFlame]

And so if the guy "gets sex" and then the woman leaves after 15 dates, it makes it OK to be "strung along" or he wasn't "strung along" because he "got" sex? It's sex the end goal for any man and spending time with a woman without getting naked is just a waste of time?

 

I don't think so. I think all men want sex, but not all men see it as the end goal and feel cheated if the break up happens before sex.

 

No it's only wrong when one person puts a lot more into the relationship than the other. Doesn't have to be just paying for dates. Could be anything. I did it with the hope that my date would reciprocate eventually when I win them over. Clearly it doesn't work that way. Lesson learned for me. Won't ever let it happen again.

[kpl]

And so if the guy "gets sex" and then the woman leaves after 15 dates, it makes it OK to be "strung along" or he wasn't "strung along" because he "got" sex? It's sex the end goal for any man and spending time with a woman without getting naked is just a waste of time?

 

I don't think so. I think all men want sex, but not all men see it as the end goal and feel cheated if the break up happens before sex.

 

Nope don't think that at all.....Didn't mean to make it sound that way. Just saying ppl string ppl along in different ways. My point was more so is that everyone is trying to protect themselves from situations that didn't work out OR ones in which they felt used or strung along.

[Odinani]

Is 3 Months Too Long to Wait for Sex? The 90 Day Rule from a Man's Point of View | MadameNoire

[fitnessfan365]

RW you've never talked w/him about sex at all have you? I'm guessing no because if you had he'd know you like to wait longer and you wouldn't be wondering what he expects. Since you're in an "adult relationship" communicating about sex is pretty standard. Before you go to his house, you should talk to him about it.

 

But in general, the time table on sex is way faster than it used to be in dating. So if he doesn't know you like to wait longer, he probably figures that six weeks has been enough time for you to feel comfortable. That's why I'm guessing he finally planned a private date. I mean think about it. What's the only difference between lunch out and lunch in. In one you can't have sex, and the other you can.

[jen1447]

^ Ha - if he's 'planning' their first time to be a nooner on lunch date #7 at his place (which I really doubt he is based on everything RW's said) ....well that would be about as lame as it gets. Seriously.

[joseb]

 

But in general, the time table on sex is way faster than it used to be in dating. So if he doesn't know you like to wait longer, he probably figures that six weeks has been enough time for you to feel comfortable. That's why I'm guessing he finally planned a private date. I mean think about it. What's the only difference between lunch out and lunch in. In one you can't have sex, and the other you can.

 

If it was dinner (and a movie/netflix) then yes, I'd say that.

 

Lunch though? It's possible, but unlikely. I mean, maybe a part of him is thinking that way, but I really doubt he's actively trying to push things for sex. Maybe a little more intimacy, maybe he likes to cook.

 

I have a friend that invites girls around to his place for lunches all the time, he like's to show off his culinary skills. He almost never makes moves.

[darkbloom]

Wow. This post escalated quickly.

 

Op-- to answer your original question-- no, I don't think that he is expecting sex. From the way you've described him, he sounds like he is very in tune with you and knows you want to take it slow. Plus, lunchtime is not sexytime.

 

I am also very perplexed by all of the comments you've received on here about waiting to have sex. I agree with your reasoning and your decision making. I think sex is easy, it's everything else that's so damn hard.

 

I'm going to throw in my 2c here as well. Normal, functioning, adjusted women do NOT go out on dates for a free meal or a free drink. Ive only ever met one woman that does that and needless to say, she's broke and a train wreck.

 

Also. Sex is not a bargaining chip. You don't get it just for having a conversation with me over dinner. I didn't realize so many people were using it as a currency.

[LoveRefreshed]

Is 3 Months Too Long to Wait for Sex? The 90 Day Rule from a Man's Point of View | MadameNoire

 

Lol study conducted at Brigham Young.. sure there is no bias. The worst relationship I had I waited 4 months to do the deed. And there was no oral ahead of time.

[BluEyeL]

Nope don't think that at all.....Didn't mean to make it sound that way. Just saying ppl string ppl along in different ways. My point was more so is that everyone is trying to protect themselves from situations that didn't work out OR ones in which they felt used or strung along.

 

Yes, I understand that. Nobody likes to either be strung along OR used for anything. Everyone wants to be liked for who they are.

 

Both genders get strung along and I understand that a man would feel the chances to be used and/or strung along would be smaller if a woman had sex with him than if she did not.

 

I was strung along too by one guy who did not want to have sex with me (or even kiss, after 3 months!) and I did break up with him because, among other issues, he wasn't physical at all so I figured he doesn't like me but needs feminine attention and an ego stroke. So I totally get that point of view!

 

But it wasn't just the lack of physical contact that gave it away, it was everything combined: he didn't plan dates in advance, he asked me to ask him out, he was calling last minute, he was shooting me down when I was asking him out, he wasn't opening up/revealing things about himself, he said he only wants a relationship where he meets the woman once a week, he said he doesn't want to get married. So I get it that lack of physical contact MAY mean they are not into you, but generally it's not just that, it's other standoffish behavior on top of that. If they are otherwise open and advancing the relationship, it is clear that you'll get to sex when you get to sex.

 

Here, what I'm fighting against is this outrage of "what? 7 dates and you are NOT ready for sex? WTF? You probably just want to get fed and/or playing games":confused: Some women (and a few men) are just moving slower. That shouldn't be so hard to understand.