Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Yeah but you can't control someone's else's impression. So you just do what you think is right and not focus on the message being sent. Worrying about the message puts it on the guy and not on what you want. It's still in the realm of "dating rules" and "game play" - maybe I'm misreading it. But the idea that if I do this it will make you think this is silly. Like some other poster said wearing skimpy clothes doesn't mean you're a whore. So who cares if he thinks its an invitation for sex unless it was said explicitly that his problem. As someone else already stated going to somebody's house may be likely to imply you are ready to have sex with. Given that I do not intend to have sex with him at that time, why would I want to give somebody I care about the wrong impression and confuse him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 You were accusing her of playing games, because, you said that you cannot possibly know when you're ready. I'm telling you, you can estimate roughly, knowing yourself and seeing how things progress. Read my posts again. I did not accuse her of anything of the sort. I merely suggested that assigning an arbitrary time to when she (or anyone) will feel ready *suggests* testing and game playing to some people. Which it does! However, Rose has since clarified that is NOT how she feels. And I thanked her for clarifying. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Counseling because I think sex should be enjoyable and exciting for both parties involved? Because I think men should have a say in their love life? What do I need counseling for? I've heard so many women refer to men as "trainable" in terms of relationships and sex, as if they are the perfect one and the man must conform to their preferences. The whole reason I like sex sooner than later. If she's a dead fish or uncomfortable with her sexuality, I'm not staying around. No, because you're angry. Female sexuality is more complex and female orgasm is more difficult to achieve, this is why you hear that more often. Not because you poor men are being punished. You don't have to stay around. The women who take it slow wouldn't be compatible with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 As someone else already stated going to somebody's house may be likely to imply you are ready to have sex with. Given that I do not intend to have sex with him at that time, why would I want to give somebody I care about the wrong impression and confuse him? That's understandable, but do you get the feeling that is his motive? I mean if I wanted to bang a girl, I wouldn't invite her over for lunch. I'd invite her over for dinner, a time which she probably doesn't have any plans after. If you are curious to get to know him, I'd go over to his house and enjoy the lunch. IF he does try to escalate, there is nothing wrong with being forward and saying no. This is the part I'm not understanding. Intentions or not, you have the right to say no. The rest of the date is still enjoyable for him too, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I've lost track of who said what but somebody in this thread said that it is strange to not be ready for sex after 6 weeks. That's so judgmental. And so weird. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 No, because you're angry. Female sexuality is more complex and female orgasm is more difficult to achieve, this is why you hear that more often. Not because you poor men are being punished. You don't have to stay around. The women who take it slow wouldn't be compatible with you. I'm not really angry at any woman for wanting to have great sex. I am very accommodating to meet her needs. I don't like that mentality as it is a very dismissive and disrespectful statement made ignorantly by women. There's nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade. It doesn't make me angry to do so. It's more of a pet peeve, should everyone get counseling for their pet peeves? Also, that is very much not true. I have been with several women who have multiple orgasms before I get one. Doesn't seem too hard to me, but whateves you need to say to justify the superiority complex in emotions and relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I've lost track of who said what but somebody in this thread said that it is strange to not be ready for sex after 6 weeks. That's so judgmental. And so weird. Yes it is, I 100% agree with you about that! Feeling ready and comfortable is always subjective and determined on how emotionally connected one feels. Some people can feel emotionally connected on the first date, others it might take 100 dates! Rose, again, whenever you (and him) feel comfortable having sex, THAT is when you have sex! It is not for anyone else to determine and none of their business! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I've lost track of who said what but somebody in this thread said that it is strange to not be ready for sex after 6 weeks. That's so judgmental. And so weird. I said it, and it is strange. Two of my twelve waited longer than 6 weeks and one was a virgin. The other was just sexual fish. She didn't even let me perform oral because she was insecure about her vagina. After a few weeks, I know if I'm into someone or not. Another five weeks isn't going to change my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 As someone else already stated going to somebody's house may be likely to imply you are ready to have sex with. Given that I do not intend to have sex with him at that time, why would I want to give somebody I care about the wrong impression and confuse him? Because you can say...hey i really like you but Id like to just hang out and not let things escalate. Maybe this is where I'm stumped....use your words. i think, personally, going to someone's house can escalate things emotionally more than physically (especially if you are looking for that connection)...you might be able to have a more intimate conversation you wouldn't likely have in person, you can see how he lives, pics, etc.. It doesn't have to be sexual to just go over. And you run the risk of treating him like every guy who just wants sex from you. Just b/c you think it might be the wrong impression this guy might be thinking I just want to see you and spend some one on one time with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Because you can say...hey i really like you but Id like to just hang out and not let things escalate. Maybe this is where I'm stumped....use your words. i think, personally, going to someone's house can escalate things emotionally more than physically (especially if you are looking for that connection)...you might be able to have a more intimate conversation you wouldn't likely have in person, you can see how he lives, pics, etc.. It doesn't have to be sexual to just go over. And you run the risk of treating him like every guy who just wants sex from you. Just b/c you think it might be the wrong impression this guy might be thinking I just want to see you and spend some one on one time with you. My gut instinct is that he just wants to show me his place and spend some alone time. And make out. And that he'd love it if we do have sex but he's not sure that's necessarily going to happen. That's my feeling. But it's best not to make assumptions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Crap this thread makes me think I should question the intentions of the guy who I have been flirting with he keeps wanting me to visit his apartment. When I am visiting his town, I will go over whenever it fits in my schedule, and even be open to having drinks there. Not assuming he is trying to have sex with me! We are still getting to know each other! OP, have lunch and go as far as you are comfortable with. Be sure to use your own transportation to get there, so you can leave at any point. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I'm not really angry at any woman for wanting to have great sex. I am very accommodating to meet her needs. I don't like that mentality as it is a very dismissive and disrespectful statement made ignorantly by women. There's nothing wrong with calling a spade a spade. It doesn't make me angry to do so. It's more of a pet peeve, should everyone get counseling for their pet peeves? Also, that is very much not true. I have been with several women who have multiple orgasms before I get one. Doesn't seem too hard to me, but whateves you need to say to justify the superiority complex in emotions and relationships. Whatever floats your boat. You still don't seem to like women very much, but whatever, as long as you're happy. Female orgasm, however, is more difficult to achieve, on average. The Orgasm Gap: The Real Reason Women Get Off Less Often Than Men and How to Fix It | Alternet 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 My gut instinct is that he just wants to show me his place and spend some alone time. And make out. And that he'd love it if we do have sex but he's not sure that's necessarily going to happen. That's my feeling. But it's best not to make assumptions. Ok I see, I get it. So I'll get a little off topic. Does this seem like long term potential? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Whatever floats your boat. You still don't seem to like women very much, but whatever, as long as you're happy. Female orgasm, however, is more difficult to achieve, on average. The Orgasm Gap: The Real Reason Women Get Off Less Often Than Men and How to Fix It | Alternet I noticed that too 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Ok I see, I get it. So I'll get a little off topic. Does this seem like long term potential? yes, definitely, definitely! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 [/b] yes, definitely, definitely! OK cool! I think you'd be better off explaining your concerns to him in a very light hearted way. Just go over see what happens and then if it comes up say I'm not ready yet. I wouldn't explain why at all. Just simply I'm not ready yet. At some point you are going to want to share lives and I think going to his apartment (especially during the day) is a great start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Whatever floats your boat. You still don't seem to like women very much, but whatever, as long as you're happy. Female orgasm, however, is more difficult to achieve, on average. The Orgasm Gap: The Real Reason Women Get Off Less Often Than Men and How to Fix It | Alternet On the contrary, I love women. I hate ridiculous comments to how men are looking only for sex, feeling entitled to a vagina, or are dumb and trainable and how women feel it's okay to say it but in the same breath complain about the patriarchy. The double standards that have followed men around forever. Don't tell a girl you don't want to have sex with a fat girl because that makes us shallow, but it's okay to have your standards on men's heights, for instance. These are things I find annoying. Not that someone wants to have sex with a tall guy or a skinny girl. You miss my complaint. It's the arrogant attitude of some women, not women. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex as a man or a woman. It's literally the point in life. Like without a doubt, the point in life is to procreate and make more of us. There is nothing wrong with wanting to reserve it for wanting to be special. There is nothing wrong with sex from any point of view, unless that point of view is selfish. On the article: Will read, but quick note. One to Three.. I have wanked it 3 times for every single time you have... Makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 My gut instinct is that he just wants to show me his place and spend some alone time. And make out. And that he'd love it if we do have sex but he's not sure that's necessarily going to happen. That's my feeling. But it's best not to make assumptions. I think it's best for you not to go. You aren't ready and making out with him is only going to frustrate him. Why not ask him out some place for lunch instead. If you have to make a thread about a lunch you don't need to go over there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 On the contrary, I love women. I hate ridiculous comments to how men are looking only for sex, feeling entitled to a vagina, or are dumb and trainable and how women feel it's okay to say it but in the same breath complain about the patriarchy. The double standards that have followed men around forever. Don't tell a girl you don't want to have sex with a fat girl because that makes us shallow, but it's okay to have your standards on men's heights, for instance. These are things I find annoying. Not that someone wants to have sex with a tall guy or a skinny girl. You miss my complaint. It's the arrogant attitude of some women, not women. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex as a man or a woman. It's literally the point in life. Like without a doubt, the point in life is to procreate and make more of us. There is nothing wrong with wanting to reserve it for wanting to be special. There is nothing wrong with sex from any point of view, unless that point of view is selfish. On the article: Will read, but quick note. One to Three.. I have wanked it 3 times for every single time you have... Makes sense. Oh dear :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I think it's best for you not to go. You aren't ready and making out with him is only going to frustrate him. Why not ask him out some place for lunch instead. If you have to make a thread about a lunch you don't need to go over there. On the contrary. I am very ready to go his apartment, see how and where he lives and probably make out with him in private. I am just not ready to have sex with him yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 On the contrary. I am very ready to go his apartment, see how and where he lives and probably make out with him in private. I am just not ready to have sex with him yet. Is he used to leaving with blue balls? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Rose, to try to address your original concern as simply as possible, I really don't think that simply showing up at someone's place is some sort of universal, tacit consent to jump on you. So you should indeed go, IMO. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Is he used to leaving with blue balls? Ask him to show you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Rose, to try to address your original concern as simply as possible, I really don't think that simply showing up at someone's place is some sort of universal, tacit consent to jump on you. So you should indeed go, IMO. I'm looking forward to it now. Thanks for your comments x Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 On the contrary, I love women. I hate ridiculous comments to how men are looking only for sex, feeling entitled to a vagina, or are dumb and trainable and how women feel it's okay to say it but in the same breath complain about the patriarchy. The double standards that have followed men around forever. Don't tell a girl you don't want to have sex with a fat girl because that makes us shallow, but it's okay to have your standards on men's heights, for instance. These are things I find annoying. Not that someone wants to have sex with a tall guy or a skinny girl. You miss my complaint. It's the arrogant attitude of some women, not women. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex as a man or a woman. It's literally the point in life. Like without a doubt, the point in life is to procreate and make more of us. There is nothing wrong with wanting to reserve it for wanting to be special. There is nothing wrong with sex from any point of view, unless that point of view is selfish. On the article: Will read, but quick note. One to Three.. I have wanked it 3 times for every single time you have... Makes sense. ok I agree with a part of this...I, personally, am not a fan of discrimination on any physical characteristics, I hate both the woman/man height thing and the men/ skinny women thing. But that's another story. BUT you do bring up a good point about how some women treat men. I think women get overwhelmed at times from the type of "only want sex" guys and it becomes harder to differentiate between the good ones. There are many guys who will convincingly pursue women and pretend they don't want just sex but then all of a sudden they get it and ghost. so what women are really doing is trying to protect themselves a bit. But I also think if you have core values and stick to those you are less likely worried about being around this type of guy and getting played. All guys do not just want to have sex, they probably want to but other stuff too just like many women. I think the fact the OP is worried about the impression she will give her suitor is telling b/c while it seems simple saying "i just don't want to give him the wrong impression" she is really saying I don't want to find out he only wants sex from me b/c I'm hoping this might go somewhere. It's unfortunate b/c the good guys have to deal with all the stuff the bad guys have done in the past. And this guy might be thinking I just wanted to spend some time in private with her to get to know her better and not I just want to sleep with her. But past relationships or experiences may have taught OP to be on guard and "not give the wrong impression." Which I personally don't think should be the OP's concern about a lunch date. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts