7th date sex

[SwordofFlame]

If I agree to go to his house (during the day) for lunch for the 7th date, does this mean I am implying we will have sex? So far we have only kissed and we’ve never been alone together (only in public spaces like restaurants, cafes etc). I am not ready to have sex yet. Is it still OK to go to his house?

I would definitely try to escalate it to sex or at least to 3rd base if before that all we had done is only kiss and make out.

[RoseWater]

Yep, it's perfectly fine. (Assuming you're confident he's not a secret ax murderer lol.) The only thing that implies sex is implying sex.

 

He does keep an ax in the trunk of his car now that you mention it [joke]

[kpl]

I think going to his house for lunch is fine but I wonder about all the hoopla. If he has been a perfect gentleman for 6 dates the chances he would jump on you in private is probably slim. If you didnt feel like you can trust him to not respect that, I wouldn't go at all.

 

But at the same time....I wouldn't fault this guy for trying it's more if he doesn't respect what you want then there is a problem.

 

I don't really like this idea of counting dates and saying we went on 6 dates and that's not enough and I need at least x amount of dates. You just have sex when it feels right whether you are in his apt or not sex is not a guarantee. I feel like women who think this way are more testing men if anything to see how long they can hold out and how interested they really are. Don't worry about what this guy is thinking you do what feels good for you.

[RoseWater]

I would definitely try to escalate it to sex or at least to 3rd base if before that all we had done is only kiss and make out.

 

Why? What about 2nd base? What's the rush?

[RoseWater]

I think going to his house for lunch is fine but I wonder about all the hoopla. If he has been a perfect gentleman for 6 dates the chances he would jump on you in private is probably slim. If you didnt feel like you can trust him to not respect that, I wouldn't go at all.

 

But at the same time....I wouldn't fault this guy for trying it's more if he doesn't respect what you want then there is a problem.

 

I don't really like this idea of counting dates and saying we went on 6 dates and that's not enough and I need at least x amount of dates. You just have sex when it feels right whether you are in his apt or not sex is not a guarantee. I feel like women who think this way are more testing men if anything to see how long they can hold out and how interested they really are. Don't worry about what this guy is thinking you do what feels good for you.

 

Doing what is right for me is precisely what I am doing. It's quite odd the way not feeling I want sex with a guy I only met last month is seen as somehow game-playing or trying to test him.

 

I don't owe anybody sex.

[BluEyeL]

I hope it was great, too :bunny:

 

It was pretty awesome! Went at it 3 times then

 

There are no guarantees, the school that says to have sex early argues that he could end up being rubbish in bed and you invested too long until you find out. I am willing to take that risk though.

[RoseWater]

It was pretty awesome! Went at it 3 times then

 

There are no guarantees, the school that says to have sex early argues that he could end up being rubbish in bed and you invested too long until you find out. I am willing to take that risk though.

 

Me too!:bunny:

[SwordofFlame]

Why? What about 2nd base? What's the rush?

Well I personally think 7 dates is long enough to know if you want to have sex with someone or not. I think sexual compatibility is pretty important. Unless, those 7 dates were really short and there's been a lack of communication between dates. Don't really think another 3-4 weeks would make much of a difference in terms of getting to know the person. That's just my opinion. In my experience, the few times where I've waited this long, the woman ended up not being into me and breaking it off anyway.

[kpl]

I mean more that if things are going well and you want to just wait until you are comfortable do that, you don't owe anyone sex. This isn't a thing that ever really occurred to me in the context of healthy relationship with healthy communication. Sex happens naturally, I wasn't worried about going to his house for sex b/c I knew where I stood and what I wanted. I think asking these questions is more odd. You initiated the question but seem to prove where you stood and why you didnt owe anyone sex, of course you don't. Why all the talk if you have this figured out and it's a non issue. This is why is seems like game playing to me the drama around a very innocent lunch date with a guy you like.

[xcupid]

A critical moment in the relationship for you. Going to his house doesn't imply anything on your part and shouldn't be inferred by him as wanting sex. Now you'll see what he really has in mind.

[LoveRefreshed]

The rush is that if I'm going to keep investing in a relationship with a woman and want things to progress in terms of the relationship and my emotional connection, I'm going to try to be sexual, as I am a sexual being. I also want to make sure we are sexually compatible before I enter into a committed relationship with someone.

 

 

I once dated a woman for 4 months without having sex with her. It turned into a 2 year relationship that ended with me being completely unsatisfied with our sex life in terms of how, what and how often. Waste of my time and a lesson learned.

 

 

Also, obviously you don't know what it's like to be a man and get friend zoned because we weren't assertive enough. If I go on more than 5 dates with a woman and we were on first base, I'd feel like a teenager, not the other way around

[RoseWater]

Well I personally think 7 dates is long enough to know if you want to have sex with someone or not. I think sexual compatibility is pretty important. Unless, those 7 dates were really short and there's been a lack of communication between dates. Don't really think another 3-4 weeks would make much of a difference in terms of getting to know the person. That's just my opinion. In my experience, the few times where I've waited this long, the woman ended up not being into me and breaking it off anyway.

 

When did we human beings get so clinical about sex? Sex should happen when you both want it. Not because you've been on quite a few dates now. Or because the guy might lose interest if you don't at least blow him. That's gross. Sex should be fun, joyful and something you both feel comfortable doing at that time.

 

I've no idea why some people are in quite such a rush to have sex. Sure, sex feels good. But it's not like the world is about to end or everybody is about to drop dead. Relax. Exhale. Your genitals will still be in working order in a few more weeks.

[RoseWater]

The rush is that if I'm going to keep investing in a relationship with a woman and want things to progress in terms of the relationship and my emotional connection, I'm going to try to be sexual, as I am a sexual being. I also want to make sure we are sexually compatible before I enter into a committed relationship with someone.

 

 

I once dated a woman for 4 months without having sex with her. It turned into a 2 year relationship that ended with me being completely unsatisfied with our sex life in terms of how, what and how often. Waste of my time and a lesson learned.

 

 

Also, obviously you don't know what it's like to be a man and get friend zoned because we weren't assertive enough. If I go on more than 5 dates with a woman and we were on first base, I'd feel like a teenager, not the other way around

 

I'm the opposite. I want to make sure I am emotionally and intellectually compatible with somebody and in a committed relationship, before I have sex. My vagina is not a commodity that needs to be tried out to see how good it is before a man can commit. If I ended up with a man with whom the sex was simply awful and we weren't compatible (that's never happened yet) then we'd have to deal with that along the line and possibly break up.

[katiegrl]

Doing what is right for me is precisely what I am doing. It's quite odd the way not feeling I want sex with a guy I only met last month is seen as somehow game-playing or trying to test him.

 

I don't owe anybody sex.

 

I didn't interpret kpl's post that way at all.

 

I understand that you haven't felt comfortable having sex yet, and that is OKAY!

 

But you say you won't be ready for another month, how do you know that? How do you know you won't feel ready on your lunch date ...... or on your 8th or 9th date?

 

Or maybe you won't feel ready for another two months! How do you know??

 

There is no way for one to know when exactly she/he will be ready.

 

That is what kpl meant, assigning an arbitrary time/amount of dates to when you will be ready.

 

Have sex when you feel comfortable having sex, which you determine on each date, how comfortable you are and how connected you feel....on each date.

 

When people assign an arbitrary amount of dates to when they will have sex, it does indicate a bit of calculation which often gets interpreted as testing or game playing.

 

That is what kpl meant IMO.

 

Have fun on your lunch date! Play it by ear ... be spontaneous. While on the date, if you feel comfortable and are connecting and feel ready, then have sex!

 

Don't be like "well I need to have 15 dates or another month of dating him before I will " be ready?". That's a very rigid way of thinking.

 

You have had 7 dates, it's okay!

 

Love/sex is spontaneous, not calculated and rigid.

[LoveRefreshed]

When did we human beings get so clinical about sex? Sex should happen when you both want it. Not because you've been on quite a few dates now. Or because the guy might lose interest if you don't at least blow him. That's gross. Sex should be fun, joyful and something you both feel comfortable doing at that time.

 

I've no idea why some people are in quite such a rush to have sex. Sure, sex feels good. But it's not like the world is about to end or everybody is about to drop dead. Relax. Exhale. Your genitals will still be in working order in a few more weeks.

 

You are quite defensive here. No one is telling you to jump into bed, but what scares you so much about sex? Of course our genitals won't expire, but the initial romantic high just might.

 

Sex should be joyful and fun, and it's not about expectations or feeling entitled to it after X dates. It is about doing it when both people are ready, but what we are saying is that it seems strange that after a month and a half, you are not ready.

 

 

However, like everyone said, just because a guy invites you into his home, doesn't mean he's expecting or intentionally asking you to have sex with him. He could maybe want to show you: A: He's single and living alone. B: He's clean and hygienic. C: His tastes and preference and style. D: That maybe he can cook a mean lunch and wants to spend time with you in a comfortable, more private setting.

 

 

If he's into you and wants to have sex with you, what is the crime in that? There's nothing wrong if he does, and noting wrong if you don't.

[kpl]

I didn't interpret kpl's post that way at all.

 

I understand that you haven't felt comfortable having sex yet, and that is OKAY!

 

But you say you won't be ready for another month, how do you know that? How do you know you won't feel ready on your lunch date ...... or on your 8th or 9th date?

 

Or maybe you won't feel ready for another two months! How do you know??

 

There is no way for one to know when exactly she/he will be ready.

 

That is what kpl meant, assigning an arbitrary time/amount of dates to when you will be ready.

 

Have sex when you feel comfortable having sex, which you determine on each date, how comfortable you are and how connected you feel....on each date.

 

When people assign an arbitrary amount of dates to when they will have sex, it does indicate a bit of calculation which often gets interpreted as testing or game playing.

 

That is what kpl meant IMO.

 

Have fun on your lunch date! Play it by ear ... be spontaneous. While on the date, if you feel comfortable and are connecting and feel ready, then have sex!

 

Don't be like "well I need to have 15 dates or another month of dating him before I will " be ready?". That's a very rigid way of thinking.

 

You have had 7 dates, it's okay!

 

Love/sex is spontaneous, not calculated and rigid.

 

well said!

[LoveRefreshed]

I'm the opposite. I want to make sure I am emotionally and intellectually compatible with somebody and in a committed relationship, before I have sex. My vagina is not a commodity that needs to be tried out to see how good it is before a man can commit. If I ended up with a man with whom the sex was simply awful and we weren't compatible (that's never happened yet) then we'd have to deal with that along the line and possibly break up.

 

 

 

I know it all now, defensive feminist here who thinks all guys are nice guy TM. I for one would rather know sooner that it's not going to work before I get my heart broke... but that's me.

[RoseWater]

I didn't interpret kpl's post that way at all.

 

I understand that you haven't felt comfortable having sex yet, and that is OKAY!

But you say you won't be ready for another month, how do you know that? How do you know you won't feel ready on your lunch date ...... or on your 8th or 9th date?

 

Or maybe you won't feel ready for another two months! How do you know??

 

There is no way for one to know when exactly she/he will be ready.

 

That is what kpl meant, assigning an arbitrary time/amount of dates to when you will be ready.

 

Have sex when you feel comfortable having sex, which you determine on each date, how comfortable you are and how connected you feel....on each date.

 

When people assign an arbitrary amount of dates to when they will have sex, it does indicate a bit of calculation which often gets interpreted as testing or game playing.

 

That is what kpl meant IMO.

 

Have fun on your lunch date! Play it by ear ... be spontaneous. While on the date, if you feel comfortable and are connecting and feel ready, then have sex!

 

Don't be like "well I need to have 15 dates or another month of dating him before I will " be ready?". That's a very rigid way of thinking.

 

You have had 7 dates, it's okay!

 

Love/sex is spontaneous, not calculated and rigid.

 

I don't know whether I will want sex in a month. What I actually said was something like "I can imagine it being another 3 to 4 weeks" [before I feel ready]. But maybe I won't feel ready for another 3 months. Or maybe I will end up feeling ready 3 days from now. I don't know yet. It depends how I feel and what my gut instinct tells me.

 

I will have sex when I want to, thank you very much.

 

These posts suggesting that because there have been a certain number of dates I should be having sex are absurd.

 

I accept that some of you are comfortable having sex within just an hour or two of first meeting somebody. Those of you who do this also need to accept that not everybody is like you. Those of who like to take our time do it this way because it's what feels good to us. It's not about rules or playing games. If sex feels better to me when I know and love a man, why on earth would I have sex earlier just because it's what 'most' people apparently do?

[katiegrl]

I'm the opposite.

 

 

 

**I want to make sure I am emotionally and intellectually compatible with somebody and in a committed relationship, before I have sex. ***

 

 

My vagina is not a commodity that needs to be tried out to see how good it is before a man can commit. If I ended up with a man with whom the sex was simply awful and we weren't compatible (that's never happened yet) then we'd have to deal with that along the line and possibly break up.

 

Quote in asterisk ....as well you should!

 

But again how can you determine when that will be?

 

Love just sort of hits you when you least expect it!

 

It could happen on your lunch date! What if you're really connecting, more so than on previous dates, what if he then brings up exclusivity, and it just feels *right* to have sex?

 

Are you really gonna say "no I need another month/x amount of dates"?

 

I don't understand that mentality.

[RoseWater]

You are quite defensive here. No one is telling you to jump into bed, but what scares you so much about sex? Of course our genitals won't expire, but the initial romantic high just might.

 

Sex should be joyful and fun, and it's not about expectations or feeling entitled to it after X dates. It is about doing it when both people are ready, but what we are saying is that it seems strange that after a month and a half, you are not ready.

 

 

However, like everyone said, just because a guy invites you into his home, doesn't mean he's expecting or intentionally asking you to have sex with him. He could maybe want to show you: A: He's single and living alone. B: He's clean and hygienic. C: His tastes and preference and style. D: That maybe he can cook a mean lunch and wants to spend time with you in a comfortable, more private setting.

 

 

If he's into you and wants to have sex with you, what is the crime in that? There's nothing wrong if he does, and noting wrong if you don't.

 

Nothing scares me about sex. But everything scares me about the more promiscuous types of people who have sex very early on and then judge those of us who don't do things that way.

[RoseWater]

You are quite defensive here. No one is telling you to jump into bed, but what scares you so much about sex? Of course our genitals won't expire, but the initial romantic high just might.

 

Sex should be joyful and fun, and it's not about expectations or feeling entitled to it after X dates. It is about doing it when both people are ready, but what we are saying is that it seems strange that after a month and a half, you are not ready.

 

However, like everyone said, just because a guy invites you into his home, doesn't mean he's expecting or intentionally asking you to have sex with him. He could maybe want to show you: A: He's single and living alone. B: He's clean and hygienic. C: His tastes and preference and style. D: That maybe he can cook a mean lunch and wants to spend time with you in a comfortable, more private setting.

 

 

If he's into you and wants to have sex with you, what is the crime in that? There's nothing wrong if he does, and noting wrong if you don't.

 

That's one of the most bizarre things I've heard this year.

[katiegrl]

I don't know whether I will want sex in a month. What I actually said was something like "I can imagine it being another 3 to 4 weeks" [before I feel ready]. But maybe I won't feel ready for another 3 months. Or maybe I will end up feeling ready 3 days from now. I don't know yet. It depends how I feel and what my gut instinct tells me.

 

I will have sex when I want to, thank you very much.

 

These posts suggesting that because there have been a certain number of dates I should be having sex are absurd.

 

I accept that some of you are comfortable having sex within just an hour or two of first meeting somebody. Those of you who do this also need to accept that not everybody is like you. Those of who like to take our time do it this way because it's what feels good to us. It's not about rules or playing games. If sex feels better to me when I know and love a man, why on earth would I have sex earlier just because it's what 'most' people apparently do?

 

>>I will have sex when I want, thank you very much."<<

 

No need to get snarky Rose, that is exactly what I meant... and you're welcome!!!:bunny:

[BluEyeL]

I didn't interpret kpl's post that way at all.

 

I understand that you haven't felt comfortable having sex yet, and that is OKAY!

 

But you say you won't be ready for another month, how do you know that? How do you know you won't feel ready on your lunch date ...... or on your 8th or 9th date?

 

Or maybe you won't feel ready for another two months! How do you know??

 

There is no way for one to know when exactly she/he will be ready.

 

That is what kpl meant, assigning an arbitrary time/amount of dates to when you will be ready.

 

Have sex when you feel comfortable having sex, which you determine on each date, how comfortable you are and how connected you feel....on each date.

 

When people assign an arbitrary amount of dates to when they will have sex, it does indicate a bit of calculation which often gets interpreted as testing or game playing.

 

That is what kpl meant IMO.

 

Have fun on your lunch date! Play it by ear ... be spontaneous. While on the date, if you feel comfortable and are connecting and feel ready, then have sex!

 

Don't be like "well I need to have 15 dates or another month of dating him before I will " be ready?". That's a very rigid way of thinking.

 

You have had 7 dates, it's okay!

 

Love/sex is spontaneous, not calculated and rigid.

You kinda can estimate roughly based on how the emotional connection is building up. People are different. I'm like her. Sex means something. Men who feel differently can move along of course.

[LoveRefreshed]

I can be pretty strange! Maybe I'm just a emotional slut who can make connections with people easily, IDK. Usually I know by the 2nd date if I am going to like someone's personality or not, and that's being conservative. Usually I can tell on date one.

 

 

I totally understand about wanting that genuine emotional, intellectual, and personal connection first! I absolutely must have it. However, I need more for a romantic relationship. Otherwise, she's just my friend.

[RoseWater]

Quote in asterisk ....as well you should!

 

But again how can you determine when that will be?

 

Love just sort of hits you when you least expect it!

 

It could happen on your lunch date! What if you're really connecting, more so than on previous dates, what if he then brings up exclusivity, and it just feels *right* to have sex?

 

Are you really gonna say "no I need another month/x amount of dates"?

 

I don't understand that mentality.

 

As I have stated several times now I will have sex when I feel comfortable doing so. It is possible that I will suddenly feel I am in a committed relationship and am in love during the lunch date and jump into bed with him there and then. It is not especially likely it will happen that fast though, and that is just fine. I'm not a hormonal teenager.