RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If I agree to go to his house (during the day) for lunch for the 7th date, does this mean I am implying we will have sex? So far we have only kissed and we’ve never been alone together (only in public spaces like restaurants, cafes etc). I am not ready to have sex yet. Is it still OK to go to his house? Link to post Share on other sites
BLND Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Of course it doesn't mean you're implying you want sex. And even if he thinks you are, how is it your fault? If you're not ready for it, then nothing will happen. You can still kiss, just tell him that it's not time yet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Speaking as a guy, if I'd made an effort to take it slower and planned six public dates, I'd take a woman's acceptance to private settings as a green light. If not for sex, at least to heat things up a bit. At that point, you're dating for at least a month or more. So to be honest, I kind of feel bad for him because he's been a gentleman and not tried to rush things. I mean it'd be different if it'd only been a few dates. Then if he tried making a move you say it's too soon. But if he tries to escalate things, I think it's a reasonable assumption on his part based on how long you've been dating. The real question is what's preventing you from still not being ready yet? Edited October 27, 2015 by fitnessfan365 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 We've been dating for 5 weeks. I like him very much and would like to have sex with him eventually. However, I don't consider knowing somebody 5 weeks enough time to feel ready to have sex with them. I only have sex if I'm in love and in a serious relationship. Going out to dinner or coffee with a man 6 times does not necessarily equal a serious relationship, exclusivity etc 9 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If I agree to go to his house (during the day) for lunch for the 7th date, does this mean I am implying we will have sex? No, you are only implying that you will be going to his house for lunch. If he implies anything else from that, it's his problem, not yours. You agreed to lunch and have every right to say no to anything else. I don't consider knowing somebody 5 weeks enough time to feel ready to have sex with them. I only have sex if I'm in love and in a serious relationship. If he tries for sex or anything more than what you're comfortable with then I suggest saying this, exactly as you've written it here. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveRefreshed Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I think holding out for so is okay but over a month and a lot of dates is just crazy slow for me. I would think our labido wasn't a match and move on. Sex catalyzes emotions imo. For me.. sex leads to love not the other way around 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BLND Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 We've been dating for 5 weeks. I like him very much and would like to have sex with him eventually. However, I don't consider knowing somebody 5 weeks enough time to feel ready to have sex with them. I only have sex if I'm in love and in a serious relationship. Going out to dinner or coffee with a man 6 times does not necessarily equal a serious relationship, exclusivity etc This is exactly how I think. And the same thing happened where the guy suggested I sleep over, I just mentioned that we'e not there yet. We have been dating for a couple of months but not at the frequency of which I ll be comfortable to have sex with him. His attitude hasn't changed towards me. If he's really into me, he'll be able to wait. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 As a guy, I have had a girl be awkward about me inviting her over to my place after dating for like 1.5 months. I just wanted to hang out at my place instead of always having to "go out" (especially since it seemed like I was always paying). After confronting her that it seemed like she wasn't interested in me and her lack of response that satisfied me (she was saying she wanted me to know her better and basically saying that when I got to know her more I wouldn't like her) I gave up bothering to try anymore. If hadn't been expecting things to escalate physically beyond what they had but even cuddling on the sofa or whatever would have been nice. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) If I agree to go to his house (during the day) for lunch for the 7th date, does this mean I am implying we will have sex? So far we have only kissed and we’ve never been alone together (only in public spaces like restaurants, cafes etc). I am not ready to have sex yet. Is it still OK to go to his house? If I wasn't ready for sex, I wouldn't go to his house. Things may get messy unless he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing will transpire and he's not going to try to take things there. If he's not clear on that or if he thinks he can maneuver you into his bed, then a long, long talk at one of these public places is in order. Continue to meet in public if you're not ready for him to make that move. Edited October 27, 2015 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Speaking as a guy, if I'd made an effort to take it slower and planned six public dates, I'd take a woman's acceptance to private settings as a green light. If not for sex, at least to heat things up a bit. At that point, you're dating for at least a month or more. So to be honest, I kind of feel bad for him because he's been a gentleman and not tried to rush things. I mean it'd be different if it'd only been a few dates. Then if he tried making a move you say it's too soon. But if he tries to escalate things, I think it's a reasonable assumption on his part based on how long you've been dating. The real question is what's preventing you from still not being ready yet? Why do you feel bad for him? Sex is something two people are supposed to enjoy when both of them feel comfortable and ready to indulge in it. Sex is not something a man has a right to just because he's seen fit to eat dinner with you 6 times without sex. Going out to eat, talking, grabbing a coffee together is stuff normal well-adjusted adults do while getting to know each other. It's not a momentous achievement or hardship to do this 6 times without getting naked. I don't understand the entitlement attitude. Presuming my guy really cares for me - and I think he does - he wouldn't want to pressure me into doing something I wasn't ready to do. He is a decent person. If he needed sex very quickly after meeting a woman there are plenty of other women he could have chosen instead of me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I think holding out for so is okay but over a month and a lot of dates is just crazy slow for me. I would think our labido wasn't a match and move on. Sex catalyzes emotions imo. For me.. sex leads to love not the other way around I don't call it holding out, I call it getting to know a man and enjoying his company, enjoying some physical contact, and taking things at a moderate pace. Five weeks is no time at all! What's the rush? We are not hormonal teenagers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 This is exactly how I think. And the same thing happened where the guy suggested I sleep over, I just mentioned that we'e not there yet. We have been dating for a couple of months but not at the frequency of which I ll be comfortable to have sex with him. His attitude hasn't changed towards me. If he's really into me, he'll be able to wait. What did you say to him exactly and what was his response? How frequently have you been seeing each other? Once a week? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I think him inviting you for lunch is him continuing being a perfect gentleman. If he had something else in mind he would have invited you over at night and dinner and alcohol would be involved. Inviting you over for a lunch is pretty innocent. Go and enjoy yourself and use that opportunity to tell him about your dating style and that you are the traditional type and need a serious committed relationship to be intimate. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakechammah Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Rose, please tell us where you found this man? Are there more of him so we can hurry and pick one too? Seriously, I think you've found a GEM of a man! Please keep updating us! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BLND Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) What did you say to him exactly and what was his response? How frequently have you been seeing each other? Once a week? I told him I have to leave, he said why don't you stay with me until tomorrow , I said in a playful manner, Nooo we're not there yet. And that was it. He didn't try anything else. We kept kissing for a while then he took me home. But this is different, because this man has been pursuing me for 5 or so months. I went on a date with him 4 months ago, then always declined or found an excuse not to go when he invited me afterwards. Then in September we started seeing each other every week, once a week. We are both very busy and we both have a child each. And I wasn't too eager to see him more than once a week. But he makes sure to text me everyday and let me know what he's doing where he's going without me asking. He took me once for a drive, to show me where each person of his family lives, neighborhood where he grew up... I know a few of his friends already. Now I'm starting to like him more, and I appreciate that he's being patient. But until we talk about what we're doing together, I don't see a reason for me to take it one step further. By the way, last week was my first time ever at his house. The next day he contacted me as usual. Edited October 27, 2015 by BLND 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Rose, please tell us where you found this man? Are there more of him so we can hurry and pick one too? Seriously, I think you've found a GEM of a man! Please keep updating us! You may be shocked to hear that I met him on Tinder!! But yes he is lovely Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I think you could go but this will speed things up a bit on the physical side. So it really depends how far along you are. If you think you'd be ready for sex within say 3 more dates max, creating a precedent where you are not in public, is fine. But if you think you'll need significantly more time to be ready for sex, maybe tell him "i'd love to go to your place soon, however what about this time we meet for lunch at X place, my treat!". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 I think you could go but this will speed things up a bit on the physical side. So it really depends how far along you are. If you think you'd be ready for sex within say 3 more dates max, creating a precedent where you are not in public, is fine. But if you think you'll need significantly more time to be ready for sex, maybe tell him "i'd love to go to your place soon, however what about this time we meet for lunch at X place, my treat!". So far it's just been lots of passionate kissing. I'd say probably another 3 to 4 weeks before I'll feel really comfortable to have sex with him. What I would really like to do is go his house like he asked. But just make out and that's it and not feel any pressure. It is possible that I could have a change of heart on the day and feel it is the right time for sex. But I don't think that's very likely. I suspect that given he's been fine with taking things slowly physically he maybe just wants to show me where he lives and is not necessarily assuming we will have sex. But it's best not to make assumptions..... Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 So far it's just been lots of passionate kissing. I'd say probably another 3 to 4 weeks before I'll feel really comfortable to have sex with him. What I would really like to do is go his house like he asked. But just make out and that's it and not feel any pressure. It is possible that I could have a change of heart on the day and feel it is the right time for sex. But I don't think that's very likely. I suspect that given he's been fine with taking things slowly physically he maybe just wants to show me where he lives and is not necessarily assuming we will have sex. But it's best not to make assumptions..... Well, yes, you have a good chance by the sound of it. But I don't think he'd run away if you suggested lunch out and said what about next time at your place and this time lunch at X. To slow it down a little. It happened to me with my current boyfriend. I've been to his house and he didn't make assumptions, we didn't have sex, we made out but kept it above the waist. He later told me that to him being at his house didn't mean I wanted to have sex. But he's a good guy, yours sounds the same, so maybe you could do that how you planned. However, the following week I invited myself to his house (what about we meet at yours again this time?) and we did have sex, I initiated it, he again didn't assume it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I greatly suggest you do not counter offer for a lunch outside. You have invested some time in the man and it's time you see how he lives. Don't invest another 4 weeks then discover he's a filthy hoarder. Also visiting each other's home is a way to progress the relationship to a more personal level even without the sex. It's a window into their life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Well, yes, you have a good chance by the sound of it. But I don't think he'd run away if you suggested lunch out and said what about next time at your place and this time lunch at X. To slow it down a little. It happened to me with my current boyfriend. I've been to his house and he didn't make assumptions, we didn't have sex, we made out but kept it above the waist. He later told me that to him being at his house didn't mean I wanted to have sex. But he's a good guy, yours sounds the same, so maybe you could do that how you planned. However, the following week I invited myself to his house (what about we meet at yours again this time?) and we did have sex, I initiated it, he again didn't assume it. thanks for your post. This sounds good! How long had you two been dating by the time you had sex? When you say you initiated it what do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 thanks for your post. This sounds good! How long had you two been dating by the time you had sex? When you say you initiated it what do you mean? Three months dating before we had sex. We met once a week for 2 months and twice a week for the third month. I mean, after first time I've been to his house when he cooked dinner, we watched a movie and we made out, we had another date outside and then the following weekend I said "what about we meet again at your place this Saturday?". And then when we made out I used body language and all suggesting I want to go further, and he asked how far do I want to go and I said you know.... so we did it. And lived happily ever after 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 If I agree to go to his house (during the day) for lunch for the 7th date, does this mean I am implying we will have sex? So far we have only kissed and we’ve never been alone together (only in public spaces like restaurants, cafes etc). I am not ready to have sex yet. Is it still OK to go to his house? Yep, it's perfectly fine. (Assuming you're confident he's not a secret ax murderer lol.) The only thing that implies sex is implying sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoseWater Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Three months dating before we had sex. We met once a week for 2 months and twice a week for the third month. I mean, after first time I've been to his house when he cooked dinner, we watched a movie and we made out, we had another date outside and then the following weekend I said "what about we meet again at your place this Saturday?". And then when we made out I used body language and all suggesting I want to go further, and he asked how far do I want to go and I said you know.... so we did it. And lived happily ever after I hope it was great, too :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 What I would really like to do is go his house like he asked. But just make out and that's it and not feel any pressure. .. Because you do not want to have sex I suggest you de-escalate the physical while at his place for lunch. Sit in a chair, not on the couch. By your body language & positioning make it clear that you are trying to keep things cerebral rather than physical. If you make yourself comfortable on a surface where it's easy to get horizontal -- the couch or worse, his bed -- it may be harder to reign in your own hormones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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