SoulCat Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I think with first love, the emphasis is focused more on loving the other person. It is the excitement of loving. I think with the next person you love and the next, it is more about how they make you feel. I think there is an emphasis on the receiving end than on the giving end. That is at least how it is like when you reflect on past lovers. Oh dear, dear me. You couldn't be more wrong if you tried. 3
Maxtor Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Since you dont listen to anyones opinion, I just have to say this: kids are starving to death and you are here complaining about not being a girl's first love. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I think with first love, the emphasis is focused more on loving the other person. It is the excitement of loving. I never read such a load of bull in my life.My so-called first love was a total dickwad and acewhole, who frankly doesn't even merit acknowledgement... I think with the next person you love and the next, it is more about how they make you feel. I think there is an emphasis on the receiving end than on the giving end. ...What....? I mean, seriously.... whut...!? That is at least how it is like when you reflect on past lovers. Of which you have had.... how many, exactly? How would you know? Does that make sense? Not in the slightest..... 4
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Since you dont listen to anyones opinion, I just have to say this: kids are starving to death and you are here complaining about not being a girl's first love. It's not that I am not listening. It's just I am coming up with more theories.
SoulCat Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 It's not that I am not listening. It's just I am coming up with more theories. And that's all they are. Theories. With no basis in reality. 1
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) I never read such a load of bull in my life.My so-called first love was a total dickwad and acewhole, who frankly doesn't even merit acknowledgement... ...What....? I mean, seriously.... whut...!? Of which you have had.... how many, exactly? How would you know? Not in the slightest..... Maybe I put it in the wrong context. I am saying I am thinking (now I could be wrong) that often times when you first fall in love with someone, it is the most natural and pure love. Meaning you never loved someone before so there is no comparing. You just find yourself loving that person and truly unguarded. That person didn't have to do anything necissarily special except love you. Next time around, when you fall in love again, you already loved before. So it is like "what is this person going to do differently or how is this person going to make me feel". I guess there is a lot more effort and precision put into it than the first time. Because with the first time, it is already fiery from the start. When you look back after having many boyfriends/girlfriends, you look at most and remember traits, things they did, and how they made you feel. With the first, you have a special place regardless of the external stuff they did. Just simply because they were your first they are special no matter what. I still feel like I am not explaining this enough. I guess with the first, it is more of the desire to love that fuels the relationship. It is the newness. The excitement of experiencing it for the first time. The guy didn't have to do anything in terms of actions to be special. The relationship is driven with the desire to love. Because let's say the second guy comes around and didn't do anything different than your first love did. Literally look at it as he is an exact replica of your first. Like someone stuck him in a copy machine and made a copy. They are two seperate people, but loved the same way, didn't do anything special in terms of actions that distinguished one from another, except one was your first love and the other is your second. Lets name the first one Tom and the second one Jimmy. Someone asks, which one is more special? The answer is Tom. Because Tom was the first. Excitement and memories brought about from Tom came about him being the first and the "wow" factor. When you met Jimmy, you already knew what love felt like. So it was nothing really new and it wasn't an explosion of emotion. Since Jimmy didnt do anything different from Tom, there isn't really anything to distinguish him from the other. Edited October 30, 2015 by loverage21
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) Maybe I put it in the wrong context. I am saying I am thinking (now I could be wrong) that often times when you first fall in love with someone, it is the most natural and pure love. Meaning you never loved someone before so there is no comparing. Aaaah....You mean naive, unrealistic and romaticised. Basically, before falling in love with someone, all you have to go on is Hollywood pap, and 'happy ever after' stories. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty - all fell in love with their respective Prince Charmings and apparently were smitten to an end of perpetual and eternal happiness. Yeah, right... Movies and Walt Disney have an awful lot to answer for. You've been fed the fantasy, and fallen for it hook line and sinker. You just find yourself loving that person and truly unguarded. That person didn't have to do anything necissarily special except love you. If a person has never known love before, chances are that first love is infatuation, and the wonder of loving being in love. First loves rarely last. That's because they're based on unrealistic expectations, not a true essence of companionship and affection. Next time around, when you fall in love again, you already loved before. So it is like "what is this person going to do differently or how is this person going to make me feel". I guess there is a lot more effort and precision put into it than the first time. Because with the first time, it is already fiery from the start. No. The first time is a leap into the unknown. It's a desire to fulfil an unrealistic dream based on hearsay, illusion and fabrication. As I say, you're lapping the lies up and expecting it to all be roses, spring sunshine and purity. The reality is all-too-often very far removed from that. When you look back after having many boyfriends/girlfriends, you look at most and remember traits, things they did, and how they made you feel. With the first, you have a special place regardless of the external stuff they did. Just simply because they were your first they are special no matter what. True. I have a special place for my first, reserved just for him. It's called a swamp, and he should be about a foot under it. I still feel like I am not explaining this enough. Oh no, after all these pages, you've explained plenty. The problem is, many have tried to show you you're incorrect. You can explain as much as you like until you're blue in the face. You're not listening. I guess with the first, it is more of the desire to love that fuels the relationship. It is the newness. The excitement of experiencing it for the first time. The guy didn't have to do anything in terms of actions to be special. The relationship is driven with the desire to love. No. From the guy's PoV it's driven by a desire to feed his little trouser-friend. With guys, most of the time, the desire is sexual. There is a need to fulfil a sexual want. There are many threads here from guys lamenting they are still virgins at 'such-and-such' an age. Having sex seems to be more important to them than finding someone to 'love'. Women, on the other hand, are conditioned, far too often, to be the archetypal little princess. *swoon*. It is normally the woman who has been fed the fantasy of being swept off her feet by Mr Wonderful. Hence the term 'Chick flick' for all those puerile, pappy, sentimental romantic movies that do nothing whatsoever to reflect the reality of things.... Because let's say the second guy comes around and didn't do anything different than your first love did. Literally look at it as he is an exact replica of your first. Like someone stuck him in a copy machine and made a copy. They are two seperate people, but loved the same way, didn't do anything special in terms of actions that distinguished one from another, except one was your first love and the other is your second. Lets name the first one Tom and the second one Jimmy. Someone asks, which one is more special? The answer is Tom. Because Tom was the first. Good grief, no....This is a pointless argument because first of all, no two guys are ever alike. I could show you glaring differences between all the men I was with, because it was their very different individuality that drew me to them. I didn't WANT replicas - I WANTED someone different, to stimulate different attractions. Secondly, by the time you hit #2, you realise the first wasn't actually that big a deal. Otherwise, wouldn't you still be with them? Wouldn't the 'specialness' of the first love, be enduring and attractive? No. Because the gloss has worn off, and you've seen 'dating' for what it is. A shot in the dark and a hope for the best. Excitement and memories brought about from Tom came about him being the first and the "wow" factor. Read this thread again. How many women have told you that there WAS no "wow factor" with their first? Why aren't you listening?? When you met Jimmy, you already knew what love felt like. So it was nothing really new and it wasn't an explosion of emotion. Since Jimmy didnt do anything different from Tom, there isn't really anything to distinguish him from the other. You will never get this scenario in real life, because first of all a woman will only gravitate towards the same type of man if she's emotionally damaged. This is how women remain in cycles of abuse; because they get drawn to similar attitudes and behaviours. A woman with a healthy mind-set will not necessarily want or gravitate towards clones. In fact, I would suggest she will work with determination to never make the current anything like the previous. I'm with husband number 3. Please believe me when I tell you, this is a greater experience than the other 2 put together. Edited October 30, 2015 by TaraMaiden2 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 The bizarre irony is that if you avoid any girl for whom you wouldn't be this idealized "first love" and continue to fixate on it, you won't ever experience love. Your other threads indicate some soul-searching is in order. And not because of this quest for "first love." This obsession is - from my perspective - a manifestation of deeper problems. 2
Empyrea Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Face, meet palm. But hey, listen, have you experienced your first love? With all these preconceived notions SO DEEPLY engraved in your brain, I'm sure YOU WILL think your first love is the most magical experience ever - so enjoy that! Why does it matter so much how she ends up feeling about it? Also, after reading all these books and watching all those romantic movies (where else would you get those idiotic notions from) - I can't understand how you're already so jaded to ASSUME that this first love you speak of won't stick? Maybe you meet a girl and she will be the one and there will be none of this 'remembering with a special fondness for the first'. Why are you obsessing about how some other person will end up remembering you? Fact remains, if you're a good boyfriend, they will all remember you fondly. It's no hall of fame, but it's something. Now stop the nonsense and focus on something more healthy.
EricaH329 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Since Jimmy didnt do anything different from Tom, there isn't really anything to distinguish him from the other. Ok, i'll play the hypothetical game. If you had sex with someone, and it was your first time, it's probably not going to be that great - right? Sure, it might be exciting and different (because you've never had it before), but don't you think the next time you have sex - since you'll be more 'experienced', you'll search out a lover who can help you become better in bed? You try to explore your sexuality and see what you like and don't like. You'll have the little bit of experience under your belt, so the next time should (theoretically) be better than the first - right? Same concept. The theory you are trying to describe doesn't make sense. If something failed the first time, why would you go out searching for the same thing? You'd want it to be a better experience. Yes, you'll remember your first, but that doesn't mean it was the best.
kendahke Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I don't want to be in a relationship unless I am a girl's first love. Otherwise I am just loving up to a blueprint her first love set in her life. I don't want a girl to be my first love if I am neither her first or last. The older you get, the less likely this will happen and the less important it becomes. I'm 55. The chances of me being someone's first wife are extremely remote. I really expected to be 35+ years down that path, but my life didn't work out that way. They'll be my first husband, but I don't expect reciprocity. I'll most likely be their last wife, and that's good enough for me. This is a "first blush of youth" kind of thing, unless you meet a very, very, very religious woman who is saving herself. They are out there, but you will have to apply yourself if you want to meet them. Again, why am I even still alive? If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts, 1 (800) 273-8255 <--national suicide hotline.
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 The bizarre irony is that if you avoid any girl for whom you wouldn't be this idealized "first love" and continue to fixate on it, you won't ever experience love. Your other threads indicate some soul-searching is in order. And not because of this quest for "first love." This obsession is - from my perspective - a manifestation of deeper problems. So do you or do you not agree with the answers on this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/553551-you-never-forget-your-first-love-what-does-mean-you
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Aaaah....You mean naive, unrealistic and romaticised. Basically, before falling in love with someone, all you have to go on is Hollywood pap, and 'happy ever after' stories. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty - all fell in love with their respective Prince Charmings and apparently were smitten to an end of perpetual and eternal happiness. Yeah, right... Movies and Walt Disney have an awful lot to answer for. You've been fed the fantasy, and fallen for it hook line and sinker. If a person has never known love before, chances are that first love is infatuation, and the wonder of loving being in love. First loves rarely last. That's because they're based on unrealistic expectations, not a true essence of companionship and affection. No. The first time is a leap into the unknown. It's a desire to fulfil an unrealistic dream based on hearsay, illusion and fabrication. As I say, you're lapping the lies up and expecting it to all be roses, spring sunshine and purity. The reality is all-too-often very far removed from that. True. I have a special place for my first, reserved just for him. It's called a swamp, and he should be about a foot under it. Oh no, after all these pages, you've explained plenty. The problem is, many have tried to show you you're incorrect. You can explain as much as you like until you're blue in the face. You're not listening. No. From the guy's PoV it's driven by a desire to feed his little trouser-friend. With guys, most of the time, the desire is sexual. There is a need to fulfil a sexual want. There are many threads here from guys lamenting they are still virgins at 'such-and-such' an age. Having sex seems to be more important to them than finding someone to 'love'. Women, on the other hand, are conditioned, far too often, to be the archetypal little princess. *swoon*. It is normally the woman who has been fed the fantasy of being swept off her feet by Mr Wonderful. Hence the term 'Chick flick' for all those puerile, pappy, sentimental romantic movies that do nothing whatsoever to reflect the reality of things.... Good grief, no....This is a pointless argument because first of all, no two guys are ever alike. I could show you glaring differences between all the men I was with, because it was their very different individuality that drew me to them. I didn't WANT replicas - I WANTED someone different, to stimulate different attractions. Secondly, by the time you hit #2, you realise the first wasn't actually that big a deal. Otherwise, wouldn't you still be with them? Wouldn't the 'specialness' of the first love, be enduring and attractive? No. Because the gloss has worn off, and you've seen 'dating' for what it is. A shot in the dark and a hope for the best. Read this thread again. How many women have told you that there WAS no "wow factor" with their first? Why aren't you listening?? You will never get this scenario in real life, because first of all a woman will only gravitate towards the same type of man if she's emotionally damaged. This is how women remain in cycles of abuse; because they get drawn to similar attitudes and behaviours. A woman with a healthy mind-set will not necessarily want or gravitate towards clones. In fact, I would suggest she will work with determination to never make the current anything like the previous. I'm with husband number 3. Please believe me when I tell you, this is a greater experience than the other 2 put together. So do you or do you not agree with the answers on this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/553551-you-never-forget-your-first-love-what-does-mean-you
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 So do you or do you not agree with the answers on this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/553551-you-never-forget-your-first-love-what-does-mean-you I'm not going to read a whole thread and pick it to pieces while you hope to hear something you WANT to hear. That 'You never forget your first love' - I agree with. Two things though: One: To now look back and call it 'Love' is highly arguable. Questionable even. Two: The fact you never forget it, doesn't necessarily mean it's a good, positive, constructive memory. You might remember it for all the "wrong" reasons.... 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 So do you or do you not agree with the answers on this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/553551-you-never-forget-your-first-love-what-does-mean-you I'm also quite surprised you even asked me the question, given the comprehensive content of my previous post.... But anyways..... Remembering your first love is not the same as 'enjoying the memory of your first love'. Hopefully, that's now pretty clear.
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) I'm not going to read a whole thread and pick it to pieces while you hope to hear something you WANT to hear. That 'You never forget your first love' - I agree with. Two things though: One: To now look back and call it 'Love' is highly arguable. Questionable even. Two: The fact you never forget it, doesn't necessarily mean it's a good, positive, constructive memory. You might remember it for all the "wrong" reasons.... But, nonetheless, it is still powerful enough when you "never forget your FIRST love"... Does that make sense? The emphasis is on the 'FIRST' Because I never head the statements "you never forget your second love" or "you never forget your third love".... Does that make sense? Edited October 30, 2015 by loverage21
GorillaTheater Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 But, nonetheless, it is still powerful enough when you "never forget your FIRST love"... Does that make sense? The emphasis is on the 'FIRST' I remember the first girl I had sex with, too. Although it's a fond memory, it doesn't mean anything beyond that. This business with first love is pretty much the same. The emphasis you're placing on it is misplaced and frankly a little weird. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 But, nonetheless, it is still powerful enough when you "never forget your FIRST love"... Does that make sense? The emphasis is on the 'FIRST' Because I never head the statements "you never forget your second love" or "you never forget your third love".... Does that make sense? It does, but what you're missing, by contrast, is the fact that the word 'love' doesn't necessarily apply the way you want it to. And 'Love' has as much emphasis in the phrase, as 'first'.... It's a figure of speech, rather like 'I'll love you to Hell and back' or "I'd take a bullet for you" or "did the earth move for you?" Bear in mind also, that 'first Love' may not really apply to the first person you entered into a relationship with. My first love was definitely by no means the first guy I went out with. My 'First Love' was very definitely my second relationship. I really think, rather like Gorilla Theater, that your emphasis and obsession with being a 'first love, is excessive and odd. Remember the Great Romantic songster, Barry White? A woman isn't necessarily concerned about which love you are. All she wants, is that you to be her first, her last, her everything!
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) It does, but what you're missing, by contrast, is the fact that the word 'love' doesn't necessarily apply the way you want it to. And 'Love' has as much emphasis in the phrase, as 'first'.... It's a figure of speech, rather like 'I'll love you to Hell and back' or "I'd take a bullet for you" or "did the earth move for you?" Bear in mind also, that 'first Love' may not really apply to the first person you entered into a relationship with. My first love was definitely by no means the first guy I went out with. My 'First Love' was very definitely my second relationship. I really think, rather like Gorilla Theater, that your emphasis and obsession with being a 'first love, is excessive and odd. Remember the Great Romantic songster, Barry White? A woman isn't necessarily concerned about which love you are. All she wants, is that you to be her first, her last, her everything! I understand...but what if you are not her first or her last? What if you just end up as one of her subsequent exes.....what special value do you have? Her first will never be forgotten...her last is the most special in a different sense. But what about the guys in between? I just don't want to give my heart and all to a girl if I don't hold that much of a memorable mark to her if things were to go south, especially if I never had a first love I feel a girl will always have a sweet spot for her first love no matter what. But if things end badly in other relationships that follow she will just think sour about them. Like first love is bittersweet. But other failed relationships are just bitter without the sweet. Edited October 30, 2015 by loverage21
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I understand...but what if you are not her first or her last? What if you just end up as one of her subsequent exes.....what special value do you have? Who cares? If you're one of a number, what special value does SHE have? Your worth is what you make of yourself. It's not up to anyone else, or any situation to validate your worth. It's up to you. Her first will never be forgotten...her last is the most special in a different sense. But what about the guys in between? What about them? Their significance in this relationship is being one of some. Where they have come in the order of things is immaterial; if they're first, then they may feel discarded and bettered by all the following. Their self-esteem is theirs to nurture. It's not dependent on being a notch on a bed-post... I just don't want to give my heart and all to a girl if I don't hold that much of a memorable mark to her if things were to go south, especially if I never had a first love There is no predictor; no crystal ball. if anyone had told me about my first husband that he wouldn't be a lifetime partner, I wouldn't have believed them. I was with him for 3 years. I was with my second, for 22. if anyone had told me my second marriage wouldn't last, I would have been less sceptical, because in spite of our long time together, I knew, without any shadow of a doubt that there is absolutely nothing, anywhere, that lasts for ever. I feel a girl will always have a sweet spot for her first love no matter what. But if things end badly in other relationships that follow she will just think sour about them. Again, what predictor do you have that will guarantee this? A first relationship will always end badly., By virtue of the fact that it was your first, inevitably its demise will be a disappointment, to say the least.... Like first love is bittersweet. But other failed relationships are just bitter without the sweet. Sadly, you're talking out of the back of your fantasy again. That's utter bull. And everyone so far has told you that. What delusion keeps you from believing us? 1
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 Who cares? If you're one of a number, what special value does SHE have? Your worth is what you make of yourself. It's not up to anyone else, or any situation to validate your worth. It's up to you. What about them? Their significance in this relationship is being one of some. Where they have come in the order of things is immaterial; if they're first, then they may feel discarded and bettered by all the following. Their self-esteem is theirs to nurture. It's not dependent on being a notch on a bed-post... There is no predictor; no crystal ball. if anyone had told me about my first husband that he wouldn't be a lifetime partner, I wouldn't have believed them. I was with him for 3 years. I was with my second, for 22. if anyone had told me my second marriage wouldn't last, I would have been less sceptical, because in spite of our long time together, I knew, without any shadow of a doubt that there is absolutely nothing, anywhere, that lasts for ever. Again, what predictor do you have that will guarantee this? A first relationship will always end badly., By virtue of the fact that it was your first, inevitably its demise will be a disappointment, to say the least.... Sadly, you're talking out of the back of your fantasy again. That's utter bull. And everyone so far has told you that. What delusion keeps you from believing us? I don't think you understand what I am saying. There is something always special about first love (or young love). There is just something powerful about it. I mean it even musters up certain emotions into our adulthood. But you can't always say the same about other relationships.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I don't think you understand what I am saying. There is something always special about first love (or young love). There is just something powerful about it. I mean it even musters up certain emotions into our adulthood. But you can't always say the same about other relationships. No, and we have told you that you are incorrect. I fail to understand why you persist in this illusion when you have patently not had this experience, and never will....
Author loverage21 Posted October 30, 2015 Author Posted October 30, 2015 (edited) No, and we have told you that you are incorrect. I fail to understand why you persist in this illusion when you have patently not had this experience, and never will.... Well think about it this way. When you fall in love for the first time, there is an explosion of feeling. It is overwhelming. You remember romanticising marrying that person. That person is your everything. It is intense and rich in emotion. You cant tell me you don't know what I am talking about. It makes it so sweet and memorable. You don't quite love the same way afterwards, especially with such intensity. And the more and more people you let into your life it just becomes more routine. Edited October 30, 2015 by loverage21
CarrieT Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 Well think about it this way. When you fall in love for the first time, there is an explosion of feeling. It is overwhelming. You remember romanticising marrying that person. That person is your everything. It is intense and rich in emotion. You cant tell me you don't know what I am talking about. It makes it so sweet and memorable. You don't quite love the same way afterwards, especially with such intensity. And the more and more people you let into your life it just becomes more routine. Many of us have told you that you are wrong, that you *do* get the explosion and overwhelming romance with subsequent relationships and you are choosing to either A) not believe us, or B) ignore us.
hippychick3 Posted October 30, 2015 Posted October 30, 2015 I barely remember my first love...not even a blip on my radar. The only blip on my radar is my current love. And you know what? If I were to ever lose my current love, I would still not think of my first love. I would only think of the one I loved the MOST (which happens to be my current love). The first love is not always the greatest or most special (it's usually not).
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