CarrieT Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 This one is the big one: We Never Forget Them: Are Our First Loves Really The Deepest? You are citing a news platform for bloggers. I'm talking actual hard, cold psychological data from a reputed doctor. The doctor mentioned in the article? No medical journals to her name other than - and I can't believe I am saying this - an investigation which explores the Twilight Saga phenomenon. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
Guyouthere Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Well I'm sorry about that Was that her first love she was comparing you to? according to her, yes. so in her case, 99 percent of the guys coming after SHOULD be seen as much better quality (after all, what kind of guy tries to actually murder his lady?). But she still missed and "loved" him. What can I say. The mind can be very strange.
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 You are citing a news platform for bloggers. I'm talking actual hard, cold psychological data from a reputed doctor. The doctor mentioned in the article? No medical journals to her name other than - and I can't believe I am saying this - an investigation which explores the Twilight Saga phenomenon. :rolleyes::rolleyes: I mean do you agree with the content of the article?
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 according to her, yes. so in her case, 99 percent of the guys coming after SHOULD be seen as much better quality (after all, what kind of guy tries to actually murder his lady?). But she still missed and "loved" him. What can I say. The mind can be very strange. So you agree first love does influence all relationships that follow?
Guyouthere Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 So you agree first love does influence all relationships that follow? Depends on the women. Not all let it, no. Some do, yes. It is my experience that the ones who have some serious are the ones who do. Normal ones just remember it and concentrate on the current guy. That is your reality.
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I mean do you agree with the content of the article? No, I do not. I stated it before and will again, "Because - for many of us girls - our first "loves" were HORRIBLE and we would never want to make them a benchmark for standards for our future."
basil67 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 So you agree first love does influence all relationships that follow? ALL loves influence the relationships which follow. They teach us to recognise the traits we want to find again and the traits which make us run a mile. We don't stop learning and growing after the first romance
neowulf Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 But do you or do you not agree with this article? I mean hey, I don't like the thought of her first love relationship being a big influence on ours. Firsts always have a big influence. First time you kiss a girl, first time you have sex. First job, etc. But you're placing a massive weighting on just how big a deal it all is in the context of a life. What this really comes down to is your own insecurity. You're super concerned with being weighed, measured and found wanting. The only reason you care if you're a woman's first is that you can't deal with the idea of being compared and found some how *less* than the lovers she's had before. That, my friend, is *purely* in your head. As you grow older and gain experience you'll come to understand that you're worth plenty, on your own terms. Any woman who doesn't want you for who you are and what you bring to the table isn't worth having. If you want to spend your energy on something, spend it on building yourself up and having belief in your own worth.
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Firsts always have a big influence. First time you kiss a girl, first time you have sex. First job, etc. But you're placing a massive weighting on just how big a deal it all is in the context of a life. What this really comes down to is your own insecurity. You're super concerned with being weighed, measured and found wanting. The only reason you care if you're a woman's first is that you can't deal with the idea of being compared and found some how *less* than the lovers she's had before. That, my friend, is *purely* in your head. As you grow older and gain experience you'll come to understand that you're worth plenty, on your own terms. Any woman who doesn't want you for who you are and what you bring to the table isn't worth having. If you want to spend your energy on something, spend it on building yourself up and having belief in your own worth. But do you think first love sets a benchmark for what you want in all relationships that follow?
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 ALL loves influence the relationships which follow. They teach us to recognise the traits we want to find again and the traits which make us run a mile. We don't stop learning and growing after the first romance You don't think the first love creates a benchmark of what we want in future relationships?
Buddhist Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I want to be girls first love and really bad. They say your first love creates a blueprint for the future lovers you have afterwards. In other words it lays a foundation. It is really powerful. I am 21 and I feel it is too late to be a girl's first love. And I feel like I am living by a "blueprint" or a standard some other guy has set in her life. I think being a girl's first love is special and I wish I could of been a girl's first love. I have had a lot to drink tonight and I just want to to die. I feel like I missed the boat. Therapy rather than alcohol is the go here. Your rampant insecurity will ruin your future relationships not how many previous boyfriends she's had.
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 No, I do not. I stated it before and will again, "Because - for many of us girls - our first "loves" were HORRIBLE and we would never want to make them a benchmark for standards for our future." But do you find yourself a lot more guarded. Meaning can you ever give yourself the same way you did your first? Can you get the same "butterfly" feelings
lana-banana Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Of course you can. Most people's first love isn't the best, the greatest, the most significant, or most memorable. It's just the first and there isn't anything particularly special about it.
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 But do you find yourself a lot more guarded. LIFE and EXPERIENCE makes one more guarded. That is called growing up and maturing. Meaning can you ever give yourself the same way you did your first? One can give themselves moreso, because we learn the pitfalls and mistakes and are able to open our hearts more openly. Can you get the same "butterfly" feelings Yes. Bigger and better "butterfly" feelings. Much more substantial, ardent and love-worthy. 1
Empyrea Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Dear god.. please be a troll. Dude, you are fixating. Clearly you've never been in love yourself that's why you sound like you have NO idea what you're talking about. Get your nose out of the god damn textbook of love and relationships and wait until you experience the real thing. There's no benchmark! You remember the first one, because it was the first. Like you remember the first time you got drunk. Doesn't mean you compare every other time to that one trainwreck or that you consider it the best in any way. My god man. You need to work on not being so obsessive and controlling or no girl will ever want to date you. And FYI the first time I fell in love, I was 18 years old. You could be 30 and still date a 18 year olds if you're so obsessed. But on a more serious note, see a therapist. 5
RoseWater Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Do you have the funds to retain a psychiatrist OP?
deadelvis Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Yeah, like I mentioned... my first love ended up being a total turd. She was a stuck-up preppy girl from a rich family who left me for some popular jock. My GF's first love became a heroin addict and now he's homeless and shooting dope in a cardboard box somewhere. They were our first loves, but more than anything they taught us what to avoid. I can barely remember what she even looked like. I certainly don't remember what it was like kissing her. I have a few hazy memories of having sex, but I certainly don't remember any of the details. The only thing I remember is sex always being painful for her, and never being able to give her an orgasm. It just isn't as significant as you're making it. Now that I'm grown up, my first love is nothing more than a few notes written in the back of my high school yearbook, buried in storage somewhere. I don't really understand the fixation with being her first love. Are you wanting to be her first sex? or just her first love? I think sometimes I get too focused on being the "best love" or maybe just the "best lover" but in my mind that seems like a realistic goal, and it pushes me to be become better, both in the bedroom and as a partner. I often find myself trying to raise the bar so high that any guy who comes after me will be perpetually living in my shadow. That's probably not a very healthy way to live, but that's just how I am. But I can tell you, based on talking to numerous women... most guys don't think that may. From what my GF has told me, most guys don't even to be "great in bed". Most guys are really selfish, both in bed and in dating. If you show consideration and make a consistent effort to please your partner, you're already doing better than most guys out there. And trust me, when women are sitting around the nail salon talking about guys from their past, they certainly aren't reminiscing about their "first love"... You will only receive an honorable mention if you were the "best love" and the probability of being "the first" and "the best" is almost zero. It's much better to be the best than the first. Unless you're the type who gets off on deflowering underage girls. That's a whole different can of worms. 1
Httm Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Just needing to ask such an absurd question means that you desperately need to seek professional help. Forums online are not professional help.
Ic1 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 OP, If I had heard about any of what you've mentioned in this thread as you courted me, I'd have sirens going off in my head saying: RED FLAG!!! RUN!!! Your goals with these concepts are a bit creepy. 1
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 OP, If I had heard about any of what you've mentioned in this thread as you courted me, I'd have sirens going off in my head saying: RED FLAG!!! RUN!!! Your goals with these concepts are a bit creepy. I have an appointment appointment with my psychiatrist this week
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Being a late bloomer, I don't really care about that anymore although it would be nice, I am chatting with this cute indian girl who claims she will be 25 next year and has never had a boyfriend and not even her first kiss yet and I find her gorgeous, unfortunately she lives on the East Coast while I live on the west coast
Author loverage21 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 Being a late bloomer, I don't really care about that anymore although it would be nice, I am chatting with this cute indian girl who claims she will be 25 next year and has never had a boyfriend and not even her first kiss yet and I find her gorgeous, unfortunately she lives on the East Coast while I live on the west coast I live on the east coast.
theredpill Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 I want to be girls first love and really bad. They say your first love creates a blueprint for the future lovers you have afterwards. In other words it lays a foundation. It is really powerful. I am 21 and I feel it is too late to be a girl's first love. And I feel like I am living by a "blueprint" or a standard some other guy has set in her life. I think being a girl's first love is special and I wish I could of been a girl's first love. I have had a lot to drink tonight and I just want to to die. I feel like I missed the boat. You need to grow the f**k up dude, have you re-read this post? You will never be happy with this kind of mind set.
Author loverage21 Posted October 29, 2015 Author Posted October 29, 2015 I think with first love, the emphasis is focused more on loving the other person. It is the excitement of loving. I think with the next person you love and the next, it is more about how they make you feel. I think there is an emphasis on the receiving end than on the giving end. That is at least how it is like when you reflect on past lovers. Does that make sense?
kismetkismet Posted October 29, 2015 Posted October 29, 2015 Not true. that's a huge blanket statement about something very complex and different across cases. That definitely was not how my first love was at all. You are making a crazy amount of assumptions about something you have never even experienced. Let go of your fears and expectations and try just experiencing things for once. 1
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