Guyouthere Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 You can't be serious? That's a rather immature thought. You can't control whether or not a girl has loved someone else before you. Chasing after that is like chasing after a unicorn. Not real. If you happen to be her first love, great, if not, what's the big deal? First love doesn't always mean the best, my first love was definitely not the best. Sure I loved him but after everything, all I remembered was I wish I didn't love him, and I wish he weren't my first. First love means something, but not everything, And plus, wouldn't you want to be a woman's last love? Not just her first? Wait a second…. Unicorns are real…. They live in the subway system of New York City, order genuine Italian pizza, and shop at Macy's when they have sales and offer coupons.
Author loverage21 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 OP you need to see a psychiatrist. The thing that kills me inside is knowing that first love sets a benchmark (or a standard) for all other relationships that follow. That I am living up to whatever impression some other guy gave her in her life and that I am being compared. Because people always tend to compare their first to any other person they are with, even if it is unintentional.
Author loverage21 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Guys, OP has serious issues, real issues. He needs professional help, not us. I don't understand why it is so wrong to feel this way. To know that I will be compared to someone's first love and not as remembered when we break up. I am pissed because I want to go back in time but I cant
Vintage79 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 The thing that kills me inside is knowing that first love sets a benchmark (or a standard) for all other relationships that follow. That I am living up to whatever impression some other guy gave her in her life and that I am being compared. Because people always tend to compare their first to any other person they are with, even if it is unintentional. Ok - so it sets a benchmark - it's obviously a low one as it failed. Moreover - you'd be surprised, but people forget about their first crush pretty quick...the person you're always compared to (if anyone), is the last one they dated, not the first one. Moreover, setting yourself to be compared to someone that lost out isn't a bad thing - it gives you the opportunity to look more amazing - if you're the first, the other person is always wondering what's next/better.
casey.lives Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 every love is different. stop sounding a egomaniac
deadelvis Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Not really man. My first love was special because I was like 15 years old, but to be honest... she ended up being a real turd. This is actually the first time I've thought of her in years. I wonder if she's even alive? But guess what? I don't even care if she is. The second, third, fourth and fifth (current) loves had way more of an impact on my life. My first love was forgettable. The ones that came after were much more significant. My 5th love (current) is the one I would consider the love of my life. And FYI helium is the wrong choice for a suicide attempt. That will just make you talk like a chipmunk and float around the ceiling. You're thinking of nitrous oxide.
MissBee Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I want to be girls first love and really bad. They say your first love creates a blueprint for the future lovers you have afterwards. In other words it lays a foundation. It is really powerful. I am 21 and I feel it is too late to be a girl's first love. And I feel like I am living by a "blueprint" or a standard some other guy has set in her life. I think being a girl's first love is special and I wish I could of been a girl's first love. I have had a lot to drink tonight and I just want to to die. I feel like I missed the boat. To be honest, not to belittle your feelings, but I think this is a VERY BIZARRE thing to worry about or want to die over. I haven't met anyone who has wished this...and these people happily date, fall in love, marry etc. I'm not sure why you're getting this information from, but I can assure you "first love" often doesn't mean shyt and isn't even the best usually and majority of women get over it and go on to be in love with others. You're working yourself up over nonsense.
Author loverage21 Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 To be honest, not to belittle your feelings, but I think this is a VERY BIZARRE thing to worry about or want to die over. I haven't met anyone who has wished this...and these people happily date, fall in love, marry etc. I'm not sure why you're getting this information from, but I can assure you "first love" often doesn't mean shyt and isn't even the best usually and majority of women get over it and go on to be in love with others. You're working yourself up over nonsense. But again, all other people you fall in love with by default will be compared to your first love experience, whether it be intentional or not. Studies show and psychologists have agreed that first love sets "benchmark" standards for future relationships. Meaning I will always be compared to her first So what if I am not her first nor her last? What am I to her really in the long-run? Just another experience? While she gets to be my first? Where's the mutuality in that?
kismetkismet Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 My first love only provided me with a blueprint of what to AVOID and how dangerous love can be to the mind. This is not something worth worrying over. Being a person's first love is nowhere near as important as being someone's great love, or even just their right - now love. Focus on the present and what you have before you. Seriously.. I have been in love 4 times, and my first love was certainly not the best, most memorable, or most important to me in any way. I don't think of him any more than the others. 3
SoulCat Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Studies show and psychologists have agreed that first love sets "benchmark" standards for future relationships. Meaning I will always be compared to her first Utter nonsense. Sure, some folks will have very fond memories of their first brush with 'love', others will remember it as just a phase in their lives. I can just about remember my first love's fist name. Can't remember his surname, barely remember what he looked like. I was 16. Do I compare the wonderful guy I am with now to some ghost from the past? Absolutely, categorically not. No comparison, no benchmark. I agree with the folks who have suggested looking after your mental health first and foremost. 3
basil67 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Almost all of us have broken up with our first loves, so the blueprint those loves would have left was "I won't want one like him/her again". Why do you want to be remembered as the one who failed?
basil67 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Second response from me: There are times when most of us have irrational thoughts. The trick is to recognise that we are being irrational and stay strong. You DO realise that you're being irrational, yes? If so, the solution will be easier than if you actually believe that what you're saying has some truth to it.
deadelvis Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I agree with the other posters on this. The first love is generally a disaster. If anything, it sets a standard for what to avoid in the future. Myself and my partner are in our early 30's and we've dated tons of people and had numerous "loves" in our lives. The love we have for each other is so much stronger than any of our previous partners. Really, if you want something to worry about, it's not the first love or the last love. You should be more worried about the most recent love and the next love. Those are the ones that will end up coming to bite you. 1
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 I agree with the other posters on this. The first love is generally a disaster. If anything, it sets a standard for what to avoid in the future. Myself and my partner are in our early 30's and we've dated tons of people and had numerous "loves" in our lives. The love we have for each other is so much stronger than any of our previous partners. Really, if you want something to worry about, it's not the first love or the last love. You should be more worried about the most recent love and the next love. Those are the ones that will end up coming to bite you. Here is a other scenerio: Let's say your first love kissed a certain way. You two broke up. Moved on. Then lets say you meet your second love, and he/she kissed just like your first did and you liked that. When you are kissing your second love, would you be thinking of your first? So later in life when you think about kissing your second love, would you really be linking it back to your first love?
avintagegirl Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I want to be girls first love and really bad. They say your first love creates a blueprint for the future lovers you have afterwards. In other words it lays a foundation. It is really powerful. I am 21 and I feel it is too late to be a girl's first love. And I feel like I am living by a "blueprint" or a standard some other guy has set in her life. I think being a girl's first love is special and I wish I could of been a girl's first love. I have had a lot to drink tonight and I just want to to die. I feel like I missed the boat. My first love did not love me. If you want to be remembered, be the man who changes a woman's mind about how good love can be.
avintagegirl Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 I dont want to pursue a relationship with anyone unless I am their first love. Otherwise I would be letting a girl be my first love and I am neither her first or last. You can't ever know if you are someone's first love. If you think this way, you will miss out on love altogether. Dont worry about being her first or last, be her BEST. Then in turn if it doesnt work, you can know you gave it your all. 2
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Not really man. My first love was special because I was like 15 years old, but to be honest... she ended up being a real turd. This is actually the first time I've thought of her in years. I wonder if she's even alive? But guess what? I don't even care if she is. The second, third, fourth and fifth (current) loves had way more of an impact on my life. My first love was forgettable. The ones that came after were much more significant. My 5th love (current) is the one I would consider the love of my life. And FYI helium is the wrong choice for a suicide attempt. That will just make you talk like a chipmunk and float around the ceiling. You're thinking of nitrous oxide. Do you agree with this statement? This is a response from someone: "[First love is] no more special than the rest. People tend to use the first of anything as a standard/benchmark for the next. That's the reason why most of us never forget it."
CarrieT Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Studies show and psychologists have agreed that first love sets "benchmark" standards for future relationships. Meaning I will always be compared to her first Please cite those studies, because I believe you are wrong on so many levels. Because - for many of us girls - our first "loves" were HORRIBLE and we would never want to make them a benchmark for standards for our future. First loves are like First EVERYTHINGs: Experiments and a learning process. Some people hate their first taste of guacamole, but should that be a benchmark for comparing all over guacamole?
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Please cite those studies, because I believe you are wrong on so many levels. Because - for many of us girls - our first "loves" were HORRIBLE and we would never want to make them a benchmark for standards for our future. First loves are like First EVERYTHINGs: Experiments and a learning process. Some people hate their first taste of guacamole, but should that be a benchmark for comparing all over guacamole? This one is the big one: We Never Forget Them: Are Our First Loves Really The Deepest?
neowulf Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 This one is the big one: We Never Forget Them: Are Our First Loves Really The Deepest? Man, you really need to ask yourself; "How does fixating on this help my situation? Does it actively improve my chances of finding a long term partner?" I can tell you, it doesn't. There are so, so very very many factors that ACTUALLY matter about the quality of long term partnership. Being each others first? It's not one of them. 1
quankanne Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 why settle for being a first love? Because you've heard that's the one a person never forgets? Bull-caca. If that's the love they were meant to be with, they'd still be there, so chances are, it was a faulty relationship to start with and there's only some unrealistic ideal they're clinging to that isn't even *real*. I'd rather be someone's sure love, the one they've come to realize that I"m not only where they're meant to be, but where they want to be in life. Because trust me, it doesn't get any better than that. 1
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Man, you really need to ask yourself; "How does fixating on this help my situation? Does it actively improve my chances of finding a long term partner?" I can tell you, it doesn't. There are so, so very very many factors that ACTUALLY matter about the quality of long term partnership. Being each others first? It's not one of them. But do you or do you not agree with this article? I mean hey, I don't like the thought of her first love relationship being a big influence on ours.
Guyouthere Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 well if it makes you feel better…. Ill say this,,, last girl I was with, she compared me to her ex. She had said he was the love of her life, and she flat out told me she compared me to him. Normally that might bother a guy. It didn't bother me. Her ex tried to kill her a couple times, burned her during sex, you name it, he did it. Need I say more? In the end, that was what love was to her, so I have to say I know it is best we are no longer together.
Author loverage21 Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 well if it makes you feel better…. Ill say this,,, last girl I was with, she compared me to her ex. She had said he was the love of her life, and she flat out told me she compared me to him. Normally that might bother a guy. It didn't bother me. Her ex tried to kill her a couple times, burned her during sex, you name it, he did it. Need I say more? In the end, that was what love was to her, so I have to say I know it is best we are no longer together. Well I'm sorry about that Was that her first love she was comparing you to?
kilgore Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Well I'm sorry about that Was that her first love she was comparing you to? My friend I think you are focusing on the wrong things. Love is hard enough;being first is not that important 1
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