Decipher_Man_Speak Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Hi, everyone! I've was a member here years ago and forgot my information so signed up for a new account. I recently got out of a committed relationship (3 months ago). We were engaged for a year, dated two. I left and am just now back on the dating market. I have to say, every time I've gone on dates, I've known the person first and didn't need to have the whole "relationship" or "just dating" or "friends with benefits" etc. discussion. It was just kind of like we were friendly, we went out, it got serious or we just remained friends. However, I'm now on a dating website, because I moved to a new town not too long ago, and this guy I really like asked me out to dinner and a movie, but said he wanted to meet for drinks first. He qualified it with, "Nothing serious, just fun." Actually, I'll go ahead and put that portion of the message in here for context: Maybe we could meet for a drink one night to get to know each other. Nothing serious just fun. Okay, so I originally interpreted that to mean, "Let's just go out and have a good time and get to know each other." But a friend of mine said that is man-speak for, "Let's just meet and hook up with no strings attached." Personally, I think my friend is a little jaded on men and thinks they all just want one thing with the least amount of commitment required. But this guy doesn't strike me as a "one night stand" kind of guy. Maybe. I mean, I don't know him well enough yet. But, I'd like to go out with him and see what happens. That said, I am not a one night stand person, so, hopefully, that's not what he's implying... My questions (for guys, preferably): what is usually meant by "nothing serious, just fun"? Thanks in advance!
Odinani Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 It means "I'm interested in having casual sex with you or a one night stand. I'm not interested in dating you properly." 3
BLND Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I'd interpret it like you did. Just a casual drink, talk and have a fun time. 1
Redhead14 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Hi, everyone! I've was a member here years ago and forgot my information so signed up for a new account. I recently got out of a committed relationship (3 months ago). We were engaged for a year, dated two. I left and am just now back on the dating market. I have to say, every time I've gone on dates, I've known the person first and didn't need to have the whole "relationship" or "just dating" or "friends with benefits" etc. discussion. It was just kind of like we were friendly, we went out, it got serious or we just remained friends. However, I'm now on a dating website, because I moved to a new town not too long ago, and this guy I really like asked me out to dinner and a movie, but said he wanted to meet for drinks first. He qualified it with, "Nothing serious, just fun." Actually, I'll go ahead and put that portion of the message in here for context: Okay, so I originally interpreted that to mean, "Let's just go out and have a good time and get to know each other." But a friend of mine said that is man-speak for, "Let's just meet and hook up with no strings attached." Personally, I think my friend is a little jaded on men and thinks they all just want one thing with the least amount of commitment required. But this guy doesn't strike me as a "one night stand" kind of guy. Maybe. I mean, I don't know him well enough yet. But, I'd like to go out with him and see what happens. That said, I am not a one night stand person, so, hopefully, that's not what he's implying... My questions (for guys, preferably): what is usually meant by "nothing serious, just fun"? Thanks in advance! He doesn't want to date you. And, when someone says that or anything close to that, you don't date them and then hope that they decide they really want to date you because that rarely happens. When they say something like this, they mean it. And, "you are not a one-night stand person" . . . there are tons of posts on these boards from women who have said the same thing or -- "I don't know what happened, I never do that", gone out with a guy who said what he's said, decided to have sex anyway because she just really, really like him and hoped he would call again . . . he didn't. 1
jam.over.jelly Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I agree with BLND. It might just mean let's go out, have a couple drinks, have fun with no pressure. Eventually, whether or not he can take you home is entirely your call, he can't control what you want. So act accordingly. Feel him out when you meet him face to face, you'll be able to gauge his intention rather than just through messages. 2
SammySammy Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Interesting responses. As a man, I would have meant what she interpreted. Let's get to know each other. 3
Author Decipher_Man_Speak Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 He doesn't want to date you. And, when someone says that or anything close to that, you don't date them and then hope that they decide they really want to date you because that rarely happens. When they say something like this, they mean it. And, "you are not a one-night stand person" . . . there are tons of posts on these boards from women who have said the same thing or -- "I don't know what happened, I never do that", gone out with a guy who said what he's said, decided to have sex anyway because she just really, really like him and hoped he would call again . . . he didn't. Well, I've only ever slept with one man and that was my ex-fiance. So, I really--REALLY--doubt I would have sex with him on the first date. Just, nope. Not that there's anything wrong with doing that. It's just not for me. Well, maybe I'll let him know that's not going to happen in advance, just so there are no misconceptions on either end. Thanks to those who responded. However, I would love a guy's perspective here... God, dating is hard. I keep wondering if I did the right thing leaving my fiance. But, at least this guy is honest about his intentions if that is indeed what he's saying. My fiance, on the other hand, was "monogamous" and "a one woman man" and "loved me," yet wanted to inappropriately chat, meet up and send pictures to all of his old girlfriends and colleagues and students (he was a dean of a college and faculty member) and mess around, but have me all to himself. So, there's definitely something to be said for guys who are upfront about who they are and what they want. 1
Eighty_nine Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 To me, it's clear: he just wants a hook up/sexual relationship. Not necessarily the first night you meet, but that would be the end goal. Don't do it. Or, just ask him specifically what he means. You don't have anything to lose. 1
Author Decipher_Man_Speak Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Opps! Sorry, posted twice...ignore this! Haha
Redhead14 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Well, I've only ever slept with one man and that was my ex-fiance. So, I really--REALLY--doubt I would have sex with him on the first date. Just, nope. Not that there's anything wrong with doing that. It's just not for me. Well, maybe I'll let him know that's not going to happen in advance, just so there are no misconceptions on either end. Thanks to those who responded. However, I would love a guy's perspective here... God, dating is hard. I keep wondering if I did the right thing leaving my fiance. But, at least this guy is honest about his intentions if that is indeed what he's saying. My fiance, on the other hand, was "monogamous" and "a one woman man" and "loved me," yet wanted to inappropriately chat, meet up and send pictures to all of his old girlfriends and colleagues and students (he was a dean of a college and faculty member) and mess around, but have me all to himself. So, there's definitely something to be said for guys who are upfront about who they are and what they want. It's OK if you do. Just always assume when you sleep with a man that it will be a one-night stand until he shows you that it wasn't. It could be 10 dates down the road . . . just pay attention to how they date you going forward if they call you again And, you're right, the guy is being honest and an adult and treating you as such. Dating isn't hard as long as you stick to your dating goals and date men who show you that they have the same goal in mind And, if you decide to go off the "path", you can accept that and keep moving 1
xcupid Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) In the context of the quote you provided I'd say it could be either: He wanted to get to know you and just have a fun time. (There are some decent guys left in this world.) OR It's his way of saying he's looking for sex ("fun"). Doesn't really matter what he says. You'll find out from his actions. Edited October 27, 2015 by xcupid 1
J21 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Listen, it can mean "lets just go out and get to know each other" or it can mean "lets bang no strings attached". Depending on what a person's past experience was, they're either gonna jump to the worst possible conclusion (if they've been burned before) or they're going to tell you it means nothing. It's ambiguous enough to interpret it either way. If you don't have plans that night, and feel some level of attraction to the guy then go for it. No need to over think things and jump to the worst possible conclusion based on a few messages. Edited October 27, 2015 by J21 2
TheBathWater Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 My questions (for guys, preferably): what is usually meant by "nothing serious, just fun"? Single here in his early thirties... It could mean a lot of things: "I think you have potential but am kind of scared and so am going to play it super cool and say 'nothing serious, just fun.'" "I am totally not seeing long-term potential in you, but I'd be willing to go to bed with you." And though this one is rare, it can also be true: "I am not too sure about you just yet, even though you're cute, and I just want to meet and talk with you for a little while." It could mean other things too. Those are just a few. My advice is to know what you want and do what you want without infringing on anyone else. And if you don't know what you want, know what you don't want. 2
Versacehottie Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Listen, it can mean "lets just go out and get to know each other" or it can mean "lets bang no strings attached". Depending on what a person's past experience was, they're either gonna jump to the worst possible conclusion (if they've been burned before) or they're going to tell you it means nothing. It's ambiguous enough to interpret it either way. If you don't have plans that night, and feel some level of attraction to the guy then go for it. No need to over think things and jump to the worst possible conclusion based on a few messages. Agreed. And depending on what the guy's past experience has been is often the source of why he's prefaced it like that. He can be the victim of stage 5 clinger after stage 5 clinger too. Trust yourself to figure it out. You know what makes dating REALLY hard: being afraid of everything. And jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. Trust yourself to get clarification on that as it fits into your dating needs when you need it. If you honestly believe it's a huge waste of time to meet someone for a few hours without knowing exactly what his intentions are, then don't do it. BTW, people tell other people all the time about good intentions they have dating-wise and then don't follow through on them, so....... 1
Author Decipher_Man_Speak Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 I just thought I'd let everyone know that I just went ahead and straight asked him. Of course, a person could still lie. So, I definitely agree with everyone saying that his actions will speak louder than words. But, anyway, his response was: Goodness no on the NSA hookup thing. Just meet and see if we hit it off. So, now he probably thinks I'm an over-analytical fruitcake (which, by the way, I am), but at least we're both on the same page! I guess if you want to know something, it's best to approach the source. Thanks to all of you for your helpful insights! I'll go and see what happens and then give you all an update!
La Trese Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 To me, it's clear: he just wants a hook up/sexual relationship. Not necessarily the first night you meet, but that would be the end goal. Don't do it. Or, just ask him specifically what he means. You don't have anything to lose. Your friend is right. 9/10 it means he wants to hook up after a few dates. But 1/10 it doesn't. I think its important to ask anyways and establish expectations so you know whether you are wasting your time or not.
Zippy2000 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Nothing serious just fun. Us men use that phrase if we just want to see how it goes but if I was into a girl I wouldnt really use that phrase as fun just means, well, "fun" and if things didnt work out we can use it against you by saying: "I did tell you in the beginning, it was just for fun".
phineas Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Interesting responses. As a man, I would have meant what she interpreted. Let's get to know each other. Yep. A no pressure meeting.
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