JonasD Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Hi! I'll keep it as short as possible. I met a girl about a month ago in Uni. I kind of liked her since I met her, but we've become pretty good friends in a short time and now I REALLY, REALLY like her. We hang out very often, and I know from the way I act around her it's very obvious that I like her. Almost a month ago, I invited her to come along to a night out with me and my friends and she did. Surprisingly, a week after that, she invited me to go watch a movie being played by a "society/group" with her; that got my head thinking about my possibilities. Then, a week later, she was coming over to visit some of her friends that live near my flat, and she suggested we two should cook and have dinner together in my place; this got my head thinking about my possibilities even more. After that, I decided to invite her to another movie being played by the "society/group" and she said yes. This weekend, we had diner together again and we've planned to meet again next weekend. Besides that, we also meet at least twice a week to have lunch together with other friends and we text almost every day. I'm a very pessimistic guy, but this time my gut tells me that she does like me back. This is where it gets tricky... The only time I have ever fallen in love was a year and a half ago and I was friendzoned (I'm finally getting over it now), so now I'm VERY, VERY scared of that happening again, which makes it very hard for me to take chances unless I'm 100% sure. Problem is I'm not 100% sure about her because I don't know If she thinks we're kind of dating or she sees it only as hanging out with her friend; there's pretty much no physical contact... we don't hug even when we say goodbye. I know she's a very reserved person (as am I) but I'm not liking those signs. Some people have been telling me I should keep it up with her and take it slow, but it's driving me crazy and I need to know if I'm just heading straight to the friendzone again, or if I should just take a chance and tell her I like her. What do you think?
fitnessfan365 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Well you've only known her a month. So it's not like you've been "friends" forever. Also, she wanted to cook together and be alone w/you in your place. That comes off like kind of a hint IMO like she knows you like her and wants you to make a move. The "taking it slow" advice is actually what will get you friend zoned IMO. So if I were you, I'd just ask her out on an actual date. Then if it goes well, kiss her goodnight and let things develop from there.
mortensorchid Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Unfortunately I don't think you will ever know if you have been friendzoned until you try a move. Once, a few years ago, I had this guy friend who was/is positively GORGEOUS, but I was ice cold towards him. I knew he had women all over him because he is/was so gorgeous and I figured he and I were just going to be friends. And then one day he leaned in and kissed me. Because I was so cold towards him. We dated for two months afterward. And then another time about a year ago I had a thing for someone and I got his cell number and asked want to hang out sometime? He texted back "I am not interested in you romantically." No contact since. So you will never know unless you try. And I say, try.
La Trese Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Hi! I'll keep it as short as possible. I met a girl about a month ago in Uni. I kind of liked her since I met her, but we've become pretty good friends in a short time and now I REALLY, REALLY like her. We hang out very often, and I know from the way I act around her it's very obvious that I like her. Almost a month ago, I invited her to come along to a night out with me and my friends and she did. Surprisingly, a week after that, she invited me to go watch a movie being played by a "society/group" with her; that got my head thinking about my possibilities. Then, a week later, she was coming over to visit some of her friends that live near my flat, and she suggested we two should cook and have dinner together in my place; this got my head thinking about my possibilities even more. After that, I decided to invite her to another movie being played by the "society/group" and she said yes. This weekend, we had diner together again and we've planned to meet again next weekend. Besides that, we also meet at least twice a week to have lunch together with other friends and we text almost every day. I'm a very pessimistic guy, but this time my gut tells me that she does like me back. This is where it gets tricky... The only time I have ever fallen in love was a year and a half ago and I was friendzoned (I'm finally getting over it now), so now I'm VERY, VERY scared of that happening again, which makes it very hard for me to take chances unless I'm 100% sure. Problem is I'm not 100% sure about her because I don't know If she thinks we're kind of dating or she sees it only as hanging out with her friend; there's pretty much no physical contact... we don't hug even when we say goodbye. I know she's a very reserved person (as am I) but I'm not liking those signs. Some people have been telling me I should keep it up with her and take it slow, but it's driving me crazy and I need to know if I'm just heading straight to the friendzone again, or if I should just take a chance and tell her I like her. What do you think? To be honest, I don't even think the friendzone is that big of a deal and I am not sure why people here make it a big deal. Its only a problem when you are friends with a girl and you try to subtly throw hints at her and either she doesn't get what you are trying to do or doesn't feel that way about you and gets creeped out. I do think the longer you are just friends with a girl the less likely she will see you romantically, but even then its not impossible. Also you haven't been friends for that long so I think the chances of her being open to a relationship are higher with you. Here is how I think all friendzone cases should be handled. Ask to talk to her, make it seem serious. Now decide whether if she says no if you can continue being her friend or if you can't. Tell her you are developing feelings for her and ask her if she would be open to giving a relationship a shot. Tell her if no thats fine you can get over it and not to worry about it. If you can't get over it then tell her it might be a good idea for you to distance yourself until you get over it because you want to be fair to her.
joseb Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Well you've only known her a month. So it's not like you've been "friends" forever. Also, she wanted to cook together and be alone w/you in your place. That comes off like kind of a hint IMO like she knows you like her and wants you to make a move. The "taking it slow" advice is actually what will get you friend zoned IMO. So if I were you, I'd just ask her out on an actual date. Then if it goes well, kiss her goodnight and let things develop from there. Yeah, taking it slow is what probably got you FZed first time. Personally, I would start introducing some flirting, try to steer conversations towards something romantic, try some lingering eye contact and light touch etc, and see if she seems ok with that. Cooking together would be the perfect chance to have all kinds of "accidental" contact, etc.
jen1447 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Lack of balls will steer you directly into the friendzone. Consider this her ball-weighing phase. So, you need to demonstrate that you have balls. What's a good way to do that? Don't wait around passively for sth to happen (or not). That's leaving the 'balls' in her court so to speak and it'll turn her off. I think it's a bad idea to spring the "OMG you think this is a date?" thing on her unannounced by trying to randomly kiss her etc. tho. What a direct, deliberate guy with balls will do instead is say "I want to take you on a date," and if she's agreeable, do just that. (And if she's not, no big deal, at least you know and you won't have to deal with friendzone danger. If you want to be her friend, fine, if not, move on at that point. But no uncertainty purgatory for you, bc you have balls and you addressed the issue.)
Author JonasD Posted October 27, 2015 Author Posted October 27, 2015 Thank you all for trying to help out. I really like your suggestion jen1447. We're both kind of shy, reserved people, so trying to randomly kiss her or something similar when we haven't really gotten past the touch barrier may be awkward if we're not on the same page. I think when I see her this weekend I'll straight up tell her something like: "You know what? I really like you and want to take you on a proper date. What do you say?". In a date, both on the same page, it will be much easier to break the touch barrier. Do you agree with my idea?
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