alsudduth Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Long story short - Been dealing with marriage issues the last couple years and in that time caught up with an old friend and feelings got involved...complications arose etc etc etc.... Problem...while my husband and I are on the verge of divorce (not 100% but close) I feel like I need to cut the strings with this "old friend" because I firmly believe the decision to divorce has to come strictly from me and not have any other third party involvement swaying my decision. I just can't stop thinking about this person. He is on my mind 24/7 making it nearly impossible to either A. work on my marriage or B. make a decision for myself and not have it clouded with thoughts of a fantasy. I need your opinions on what I can do to start the process of not letting this person infiltrate my every thought. I've tried putting more time into my kids (they are at the age though where I'm boring), reading, reaching out to friends, and every time I come back to wondering what he's doing or engaging in a conversation with him. It's stressing me out and adding to my confusion in my current situation. As a side note, this other person has expressed his feelings are mutual, however several factors outside the obvious of my still being married would keep us from being together and so it makes the most sense to try to end it now instead continuously feeling sad about not being to make the fantasy a reality.
mystikmind2005 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I never put much stock in romantic interest outside of the main relationship. It is a fairy tale, a mirage, what you perceive it to be is simply not real. You don't have the experience of living with that person for 10/20 years, and 9 times out of 10 these things lead to disappointment - the reason being is that 'reality' is a bitch that is just waiting to burst your bubble with this other guy. Fools gold is what it is. The safe bet is to assume it won't work out with that new guy, assume your marriage is the primary means of finding happiness and try to make it work with these assumptions in mind. This will give you the right mindset to determine the best course of action - which could still be divorce. 1
Author alsudduth Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 Thanks. You're right of course. It's just easier said than done. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted October 28, 2015 Posted October 28, 2015 Thanks. You're right of course. It's just easier said than done. easier said than done,,, yes indeed! I knew my marriage was in trouble for a long time, but i did not know how to deal with it - more to the point though, i did not 'want' to deal with it, i was like an ostrich with my head stuck in the ground hoping it would solve itself!! She moved out last January, well and truly over.
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