Somedude1234593 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Let me give some background information to start off. My wife and I got divorced, her choosing, and after having some time to myself, figuring out what I want to do with my life, learning to be able to love myself again, etc... I have began going on/interested in dating. We were only married 10 months, and to put it bluntly, I came home to a letter on our kitchen counter saying that she no longer wanted to be married as it was "holding her back from who she really wanted too be." Pretty ridiculous if you ask me. Other than that, I was really given no reason behind it or why it even happened. She just bailed. Of course, hind-sight is usually 20/20 and long story short, her true character came out and it ended up being for the best. Now, this leaves me currently in a bit of a conundrum, I want to start going on dates again, meeting women, etc... But I don't know how exactly to bring up the fact that I am divorced to them. Also, I am young, with no kids, house or anything so no real attachments to my ex anymore. I feel like bringing it up will make me appear as "used or tainted" compared to someone who hasn't been married yet. What are some ways to deal with this/bring it up to someone new? Should I even mention it? Thoughts? Thanks in advance.
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Yes you should mention it. It's all part of getting to one another on the first date. Don't say "I'm divorced" say "I was married once" sounds better don't it?
Vintage79 Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I wouldn't bring it up prior to date 1, or even on date 1 unless they ask about your history. Don't lie about it, just make sure to communicate that you're over it. Don't try to drag her through the mud either...just be at peace with it and illustrative of the fact that you've moved on...you really can't do anything else about it. That said, if it hasn't come up by date 4+, make sure that it gets out there at some point before too much time passes... 1
Miss Peach Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Is the divorce final? As long as it's final I think it's OK to wait to bring it up until you get to the prior relationships talk. If it's not final I would want to know.
Author Somedude1234593 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 I wouldn't bring it up prior to date 1, or even on date 1 unless they ask about your history. Don't lie about it, just make sure to communicate that you're over it. Don't try to drag her through the mud either...just be at peace with it and illustrative of the fact that you've moved on...you really can't do anything else about it. That said, if it hasn't come up by date 4+, make sure that it gets out there at some point before too much time passes... This sounds good too me. I definitely agree that bringing it up on or prior to the first date would be unnecessary as it is the first date. Also, being definitive that I am over it, etc... sounds good as well and is true. It's just not something I have dealt with before, which is why I am looking for advice on how to handle it, etc... Thanks for your response!
pteromom Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I definitely agree that bringing it up on or prior to the first date would be unnecessary as it is the first date. ...as long as you realize that there will be a % of women who will not be interested in a divorced man, and that you may waste 3-4 dates just to have them disappear when you tell them. I find it is better to just be upfront about these kinds of things. If she is cool with it on date #1 before your interest in her grows, you don't have to worry about when/how to tell her and what her reaction will be.
pteromom Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I would just bring it up casually in conversation, and wouldn't make a big deal of it. If she has questions about it, she can ask.
Author Somedude1234593 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 ...as long as you realize that there will be a % of women who will not be interested in a divorced man, and that you may waste 3-4 dates just to have them disappear when you tell them. I find it is better to just be upfront about these kinds of things. If she is cool with it on date #1 before your interest in her grows, you don't have to worry about when/how to tell her and what her reaction will be. Yeah, that is my overall fear. I feel like there is a kind of stigma against divorced people in general. Again, I could be wrong, but everyone has their own opinions. In my case this wasn't my own doing, rather I was forced into it by her lack of even wanting to try. This is also very true, it's not too much information on the first date, though? I guess I can understand being upfront from the beginning, I just don't necessarily want the first date to be a bunch of questions about a previous relationship.
Guyouthere Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I am older than you, but your situation and how it all played out is very similar to mine. You had 'easy one". Mine showed up with the police, and even the policeman who came (who I knew some prior), was shaking his head at her, telling me to keep calm, that "it was the wrong way for her to go about this". Mind you my 87 year old mom is also here in the house at the time and crying her eye out and I also have to worry about her dying in front of me. But anyway, yes, do be honest with your dates. They will ask. Don't belittle the ex, even if they truly deserve it. It isn't good to do that. It has been over a couple years now, and mine is gone. My divorce has also been final. I am glad. I have healed and moved on, at peace, and had 2 women in my life since her (one not really romantic). I am single now after what happened to this last lady. Overall I am very happy and know that God has a plan, and I just have Faith. I believe you will find that a lot of women will like the fact that you were married, even if it was less than a year, but they might be suspicious too, because they might think the wife left you for good reason. The last lady I was with, she told me that "if I was married 15+ years, that was good enough for her". I would still be married if my wife wasn't who she was. My parents were married nearly 50 years before my dad died. They would still be married (now it would make it 65 years if he was alive).
Guyouthere Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Yeah, that is my overall fear. I feel like there is a kind of stigma against divorced people in general. Again, I could be wrong, but everyone has their own opinions. In my case this wasn't my own doing, rather I was forced into it by her lack of even wanting to try. This is also very true, it's not too much information on the first date, though? I guess I can understand being upfront from the beginning, I just don't necessarily want the first date to be a bunch of questions about a previous relationship. The first date should consist of you not letting out the secret that you will add her to your mummy collection in the bedroom closet and basement. You can show her your exes at another time when opportunity arises
SugarLips72 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I wouldn't being it up at all on the first couple dates unless she asks. If she does just say that you were married once, briefly and unfortunately it did not work out and you look forward to doing it again right.
Recommended Posts