oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Why does she have to be to blame? Maybe it just didn't work out I think this has typically happened to women...Man conquers, gets sex, then doesnt call..it probably happened to many women on this forum. So as soon as a guy comes here asking for advice, women posters immediately tell him he isn't good in bed. And they keep saying it over and over, without having any idea of who this guy is, who the girl is etc.. I am just presenting what I feel is a more likely scenario. I mean an escort can have sex with the hottest best lover in town and she will feel nothing..it doesnt mean the guy was "bad in bed". She is just in a place where the sex means nothing..
kilgore Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I think this has typically happened to women...Man conquers, gets sex, then doesnt call..it probably happened to many women on this forum. So as soon as a guy comes here asking for advice, women posters immediately tell him he isn't good in bed. And they keep saying it over and over, without having any idea of who this guy is, who the girl is etc.. I am just presenting what I feel is a more likely scenario. I mean an escort can have sex with the hottest best lover in town and she will feel nothing..it doesnt mean the guy was "bad in bed". She is just in a place where the sex means nothing.. wouldn't the same apply for a make prostitute?
oregon0011 Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 wouldn't the same apply for a make prostitute? At the end of the day, people who are basing life partners based on a one time sexual performance are probably not who you want to be with.. I can have the best sex ever with some crazy bipolar girl, but that really doesn't mean she would be a great person to date..
joseb Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 I think this has typically happened to women...Man conquers, gets sex, then doesnt call..it probably happened to many women on this forum. So as soon as a guy comes here asking for advice, women posters immediately tell him he isn't good in bed. It's not about being bad in bed most of the time, it's about being incompatible, not gelling, etc. It's not a performance. I mean, maybe some women judge guys like that, but I don't think most do. The recent girl I didn't see again after sex wasn't "bad in bed" we just didn't click sexually. I've actually been with very inexperienced girls that you could say were "bad in bed" but we had pretty good sex cause it just felt right.
Author Panatana90 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 Hello all, I have been dating this woman for the past few weeks. We get along amazingly well, she's a little bit older (I'm 27 and she's 32) but that's not the issue. We had our fourth date last night and we slept together for the first time. Now, as much as I find her face and personality attractive, I couldn't help be not turned on at all by her body. I know this sounds extremely shallow but it was quite off-putting. The dating has been quite intense and we have both acknowledged how well get along and that we could see this developing into something more serious. I would even go as far to describe it as a 'whirlwind' romance type. We text all day, speak on phone and all that stuff. In the past (after being dumped out of the blue after a 5-year relationship) I have had dated girls and for some reason, after having sex with them, I will lose interest. Why is this? Even though I think they're nice and great people, the interest just drops after sex. It's odd. Would it be linked to some fear I may have of getting hurt again? Any advice on what I should do? 24 hours ago I was all for seeing this girl for a long time and now I'm not so sure.
LydiaLong Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 The conquest often takes the fun out of a relationship for men. I'm not saying all men are like that, but many are. Once you bed a woman, the challenge is over. What specifically did you not like about her body?
Author Panatana90 Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 The conquest often takes the fun out of a relationship for men. I'm not saying all men are like that, but many are. Once you bed a woman, the challenge is over. What specifically did you not like about her body? Just a bit too flabby around the mid-section. I feel absolutely awful even saying that.
sin miedo Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 I hate to say it, but you slept with her too quickly and did not put in the time needed to develop a genuine bond. My gf doesn't have a rockin body but I had spent a lot of time with her, getting to know her as a person and letting chemistry develop, before having sex (about 2 months in). I've gotten to the point where I look over her imperfections and actually come to like them as they are intrinsically "her." I've been in your position before and let me tell you that it doesn't get better. If you feel disinterested, I would firmly disengage as soon as possible so that you don't hurt her feelings even more. 4
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 You could: 1) Never have sex again so that your interest doesn't wane, or 2) See a therapist to try to get to the bottom of your 'hang-up'. Because I sure as hell have no idea why, once they give you sex, you go off 'em. Warped, really, doncha think? Love 'em an' leave 'em....?
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Just a bit too flabby around the mid-section. I feel absolutely awful even saying that. Don't feel bad it's perfectly normal to feel that way. You don't have to accept it if you don't want to. You are attracted to what yo are attracted to. IMO I think you just get so caught up emotionally, you overlook other things that would be turn offs or deal breakers. It's also possible you are trying to fill the void of what was lost, and no one can compete with what you had with your GF. You are not ready to be in any kind of commitment.....I say stop racing to the next relationship and just have fun.
katiegrl Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) Hello all, I have been dating this woman for the past few weeks. We get along amazingly well, she's a little bit older (I'm 27 and she's 32) but that's not the issue. We had our fourth date last night and we slept together for the first time. Now, as much as I find her face and personality attractive, I couldn't help be not turned on at all by her body. I know this sounds extremely shallow but it was quite off-putting. The dating has been quite intense and we have both acknowledged how well get along and that we could see this developing into something more serious. I would even go as far to describe it as a 'whirlwind' romance type. We text all day, speak on phone and all that stuff. In the past (after being dumped out of the blue after a 5-year relationship) I have had dated girls and for some reason, after having sex with them, I will lose interest. Why is this? Even though I think they're nice and great people, the interest just drops after sex. It's odd. Would it be linked to some fear I may have of getting hurt again? Any advice on what I should do? 24 hours ago I was all for seeing this girl for a long time and now I'm not so sure. Since you were in a relationship for five years prior to her, safe to assume you did NOT lose interest after having sex with your ex-girlfriend (the five-year ex)? If so, then yeah after being dumped, and hurt, you are experiencing some sort of fear of intimacy or commitment... which usually manifests after you become physically intimate with a woman...which results in your getting turned off. Therapy would help you with exploring these issues IMO. Good luck! Edited December 27, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author Panatana90 Posted December 30, 2015 Author Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) I'm a 25-year-old guy who has had one serious relationship that lasted four years. It ended in me getting my heart broken completely out of the blue. Anyway, in the 18 months that I've been single I've probably slept with about 10 girls. I can honestly say I haven't felt "it" with any of them despite trying to like some of them and forge a relationship. In the end, I don't feel the connection. After having sex with these girls, I find myself wanting to leave the room or them leave my house very soon after we're done. Why is this? I can't recall ever feeling like this with my ex (who was my 'first' and vice versa). It's like just before the sex, I really want to do it and when I'm done...it's the least thing from my mind. Almost as if I could never do it again. Then the cycle starts again soon after. Why am I feeling like this despite meeting some very beautiful and really friendly girls? Am I being too picky? I want a relationship again but I just don't feel right with any of these new people. Edited December 30, 2015 by Panatana90
katiegrl Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 (edited) fear of intimacy and/or commitment as a result of being so hurt by your ex in the past. It's a defense mechanism... and since sex represents intimacy and commitment .... afterwards you turn off and want to run away. You're not running away from the sex -- but from the intimacy it represents (in your mind). It's doubtful you will be able to resolve this on your own -- I recommend therapy to help you work through it.....it's a tricky fear. Good luck! Edited December 30, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 If you don't feel a connection with any of these girls you have sex with, what do you expect? It is just a physical release. If you waited until you had established an emotional connection with someone special before having sex, you would probably feel quite differently.
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 I was about to reply that "Oh my goodness, we had a guy a couple of days ago who posted the same thing...." When I realised you were the guy who posted the same thing, a couple of days ago. Why are you posting again? You got some good advice there.....
Glitters Posted December 30, 2015 Posted December 30, 2015 Abstain from sex till your emotional connection is made.
Recommended Posts