ZHguy Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 What is the number one thing you hate about being the other person. And what is the number one thing you wish other people knew, about how it's like being other person.
goodyblue Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 What is the number one thing you hate about being the other person. And what is the number one thing you wish other people knew, about how it's like being other person. Why? Are you writing a book?
Author ZHguy Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 No, I'm the other man. I'm new to all of this as well, I'm just confused,
cocorico Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 What is the number one thing you hate about being the other person. And what is the number one thing you wish other people knew, about how it's like being other person. What I hated - the way the BW treated him and the kids. What I wished others knew - that being an OW doesn't mean you have to be second best, or hidden, or have low self-esteem. 2
Author ZHguy Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 What I hated - the way the BW treated him and the kids. What I wished others knew - that being an OW doesn't mean you have to be second best, or hidden, or have low self-esteem. Yea, but doesn't being the OP give you less confidence and self-esteem. How do you deal with it?
Inaa Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I was the OW. It was disgusting and made me feel like a trash. The number one thing I hated was that I couldn't contact him whenever I wanted or needed to. 2
Got it Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Yea, but doesn't being the OP give you less confidence and self-esteem. How do you deal with it? No, not necessarily. If that is how you are feeling then it is not a good relationship for you to be in. Any relationship that makes you question yourself, question your self esteem is not a good place to be. 2
SammySammy Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 As the OM, the things I hated most were: 1. Potentially tearing a family apart. The husband and kids didn't deserve that. Luckily it ended before it got that far. 2. The deception and ... ugliness ... it took to justify and carry out the affair. I didn't like what I saw in her or myself. Had to end it because I never wanted to be that type of person. 2
cocorico Posted October 27, 2015 Posted October 27, 2015 Yea, but doesn't being the OP give you less confidence and self-esteem. How do you deal with it? No - only if you are willing to be treated badly. If you value yourself, you don't put up with poor treatment. It is a common myth that OW and OW are always second best, and simply have to put up with that. And so many OW and OM accept less than they ought, because they think it is inevitable in the situation. It's not. I had the same expectations - or higher - of my (f)MM that I had of any guy. His being married was his problem, not mine. I was not about to start accepting excuses or poor treatment just because he had some unfinished business back home - and he knew that. He knew that being with me meant living up to my standards, and that I was free to walk away anytime I wanted, if I wasn't getting what I wanted. So he delivered. He worked hard at it, convinced me that he was the one, and now we are married (and have been for many years). You sound as if you are prepared to accept any scrap, just for some affection or intimacy. He probably sees that, and gives you as little as he can, to keep you around. Why do you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you? Would you not rather be with someone who thinks you are a prince, who would work their butt off to win you? Get out there, meet better people. Make friends, and spend time with family and others who tell you how wonderful you are - not someone who makes you feel disposable. Learn to love yourself, and when you know how lovable you are, you will attract people who love you and don't just want to use you.
Author ZHguy Posted October 28, 2015 Author Posted October 28, 2015 You sound as if you are prepared to accept any scrap, just for some affection or intimacy. He probably sees that, and gives you as little as he can, to keep you around. Why do you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you? Would you not rather be with someone who thinks you are a prince, who would work their butt off to win you? Get out there, meet better people. Make friends, and spend time with family and others who tell you how wonderful you are - not someone who makes you feel disposable. Learn to love yourself, and when you know how lovable you are, you will attract people who love you and don't just want to use you. You're probably right. I do want that. But who's gonna give me that? I don't see anyone treating me like that. There comes a point where you're sick of spending the hours to 'look good' outside in some town centre, wasting time, 'making conversation', then watching that person walk away. When you don't have time to begin with to waste because of your busy schedule. Thank you though
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