I'm smitten. But he seems like a player.

[jam.over.jelly]

I am a guy and am married. But I was a wreck dating. It worked out against all odds

 

But apparently it took the right woman to prove that you weren't a wreck after all, you just hadn't met her yet.

[kilgore]

But apparently it took the right woman to prove that you weren't a wreck after all, you just hadn't met her yet.

 

Very sweetly put. But I don't want to hijack your thread with my stories

[Versacehottie]

You're totally right! He already asked to take me out tomorrow. But I have so many things to do tomorrow so I told him another time, didn't tell him when I'd be free because this week I already have plans filled up (halloween, bday parties and stuff). He told me to let him know when he could take me out. I said I would let him know. Guess we won't go on this date til like the week after next.

 

Well kilgore has a point. If I were in your shoes, squeeze him in for a drink before or after one of your events this week. If they are halloween parties, those are about the easiest thing in the world to invite a new friend to--though I would use some caution about that--depends on party, group there, how you think he will take the information. How better to meet for a drink on the way to a halloween party when you are in some sexy halloween costume? Think easy, breezy--don't make it overly difficult or tortured. A quick drink and then you are on your way. That leaves him wanting more and you will probably keep texting whatever throughout the night. Sometimes the best relationships start this way--kinda built up good tension. Plus even better you want to give the impression that you have a full life that he needs to bring his a-game to squeeze into.

[kilgore]

Well kilgore has a point. If I were in your shoes, squeeze him in for a drink before or after one of your events this week. If they are halloween parties, those are about the easiest thing in the world to invite a new friend to--though I would use some caution about that--depends on party, group there, how you think he will take the information. How better to meet for a drink on the way to a halloween party when you are in some sexy halloween costume? Think easy, breezy--don't make it overly difficult or tortured. A quick drink and then you are on your way. That leaves him wanting more and you will probably keep texting whatever throughout the night. Sometimes the best relationships start this way--kinda built up good tension. Plus even better you want to give the impression that you have a full life that he needs to bring his a-game to squeeze into.

 

Jelly - listen to her and ignore me. I knew and know nothing

[jam.over.jelly]

Well kilgore has a point. If I were in your shoes, squeeze him in for a drink before or after one of your events this week. If they are halloween parties, those are about the easiest thing in the world to invite a new friend to--though I would use some caution about that--depends on party, group there, how you think he will take the information. How better to meet for a drink on the way to a halloween party when you are in some sexy halloween costume? Think easy, breezy--don't make it overly difficult or tortured. A quick drink and then you are on your way. That leaves him wanting more and you will probably keep texting whatever throughout the night. Sometimes the best relationships start this way--kinda built up good tension. Plus even better you want to give the impression that you have a full life that he needs to bring his a-game to squeeze into.

 

Good idea! I was just thinking since we already met at my friend's house, were chatting and everything, I thought it'd only be appropriate if we actually go for a dinner date, I want to set the tone for how it goes from here, he needs to wine and dine me, lol. I would totally invite him to those parties if I have been on a couple dates with him already. But you're right I can squeeze him in for a drink or two before I head to the party this weekend, that way it doesn't seem too long before we can go on a date.

[kilgore]

Good idea! I was just thinking since we already met at my friend's house, were chatting and everything, I thought it'd only be appropriate if we actually go for a dinner date, I want to set the tone for how it goes from here, he needs to wine and dine me, lol. I would totally invite him to those parties if I have been on a couple dates with him already. But you're right I can squeeze him in for a drink or two before I head to the party this weekend, that way it doesn't seem too long before we can go on a date.

 

Then you'd better have a good costume (no ghost or Bill Clinton mask)

[jam.over.jelly]

Then you'd better have a good costume (no ghost or Bill Clinton mask)

 

I'm thinking Queen of Hearts.

[kilgore]

I'm thinking Queen of Hearts.

 

Good one. Again, don't listen to me. I once dressed as s female prostitute for halloween

[fitnessfan365]

Haha.. Jam you have to admit it's ironic you're worried about a guy being a player when you recently had first dates w/five different guys Ms Playerette

 

But in general, I agree that it's best to manage expectations a bit. It's awesome you met a guy organically in real life though. Hopefully you see the guy again and continue to have fun on a date by date basis.

[Inaa]

wanted to hold my hand the whole time, which I didn't mind at all because I really like him, stroking my back when we were sitting next to each other.

 

Excuse me, I live in Europe, different culture maybe but is this normal? With someone you've just met in a friend's house? You are not even on a date. And the selfie part? I hate guys who take selfies all the time and with everyone they meet.

[h0000]

Can I ask a completely unrelated question because I'm just curious : how tall are you OP?

[h0000]

Excuse me, I live in Europe, different culture maybe but is this normal? With someone you've just met in a friend's house? You are not even on a date. And the selfie part? I hate guys who take selfies all the time and with everyone they meet.

 

Haha in my culture stroking the back means time to bang

[Inaa]

Haha in my culture stroking the back means time to bang

 

Haha that's what I thought

[jam.over.jelly]

Haha.. Jam you have to admit it's ironic you're worried about a guy being a player when you recently had first dates w/five different guys Ms Playerette

 

But in general, I agree that it's best to manage expectations a bit. It's awesome you met a guy organically in real life though. Hopefully you see the guy again and continue to have fun on a date by date basis.

 

Haha. Oops!

[jam.over.jelly]

Can I ask a completely unrelated question because I'm just curious : how tall are you OP?

 

I am 5'3". Fun size

 

Excuse me, I live in Europe, different culture maybe but is this normal? With someone you've just met in a friend's house? You are not even on a date. And the selfie part? I hate guys who take selfies all the time and with everyone they meet.

 

I would hate that too, unless it's a guy who's clearly a perfect 10 and I have amazing chemistry with, who happens to be this guy . Call it double standards because I would be creeped out if a guy I'm not too keen on does the same thing to me.

[kilgore]

I am 5'3". Fun size

 

 

 

I would hate that too, unless it's a guy who's clearly a perfect 10 and I have amazing chemistry with, who happens to be this guy . Call it double standards because I would be creeped out if a guy I'm not too keen on does the same thing to me.

 

I wasn't the only one who noticed the selfie!

[kilgore]

Haha. Oops!

 

Did you just get called out for being a player

[Versacehottie]

Good idea! I was just thinking since we already met at my friend's house, were chatting and everything, I thought it'd only be appropriate if we actually go for a dinner date, I want to set the tone for how it goes from here, he needs to wine and dine me, lol. I would totally invite him to those parties if I have been on a couple dates with him already. But you're right I can squeeze him in for a drink or two before I head to the party this weekend, that way it doesn't seem too long before we can go on a date.

 

Remember, easy breezy. Just tell him. Hey since i wasn't sure about my schedule for when we could go out, I was thinking maybe we could meet for a quick drink before we each head onto our festivities on x,y,z evening. Don't stress if he can't or says no. You never gave him an answer of when you could meet so it's you that kinda needs to resurrect that with some effort. He may just be busy or angling for more time like you were if he tries to say the following week. No big deal. Here's the thing that's good about those quick ones: there is more of a rushed, adrealine (f*ck I can't spell that) paced quality that's good. Rather than a chunk of time with heavy expectations set far, far in the future. No pressure (fun) vs. pressure (not so much fun). Of course the big dinner date can be fun too but it can also be stiff, formal and expectations too much. I think it's good to keep the momentum going with something small but exciting. Queen of hearts good. Sexy queen of hearts, better. You know there will be inside jokes about that between you two.

 

Hmmmm so surprised the selfie thing is such a red flag to people. It was of both the OP and the guy, right? That's cute. Like he wanted a little photo memento.

[jam.over.jelly]

Remember, easy breezy. Just tell him. Hey since i wasn't sure about my schedule for when we could go out, I was thinking maybe we could meet for a quick drink before we each head onto our festivities on x,y,z evening. Don't stress if he can't or says no. You never gave him an answer of when you could meet so it's you that kinda needs to resurrect that with some effort. He may just be busy or angling for more time like you were if he tries to say the following week. No big deal. Here's the thing that's good about those quick ones: there is more of a rushed, adrealine (f*ck I can't spell that) paced quality that's good. Rather than a chunk of time with heavy expectations set far, far in the future. No pressure (fun) vs. pressure (not so much fun). Of course the big dinner date can be fun too but it can also be stiff, formal and expectations too much. I think it's good to keep the momentum going with something small but exciting. Queen of hearts good. Sexy queen of hearts, better. You know there will be inside jokes about that between you two.

 

Hmmmm so surprised the selfie thing is such a red flag to people. It was of both the OP and the guy, right? That's cute. Like he wanted a little photo memento.

 

RIght? I don't know but it didn't scream red flag to me. I asked him if he wanted to go to happy hour on Friday but he said he would leave work to go to NYC right after so he doesn't have time. He wanted to see me today (?!), which kind of annoys me a bit to be honest, since we spent a lot of time yesterday hanging out at my friend's house (6pm-10ish when he dropped me off). I told him I couldn't, and I suggested next Monday to which he agreed. No set plans yet, though.

[Versacehottie]

RIght? I don't know but it didn't scream red flag to me. I asked him if he wanted to go to happy hour on Friday but he said he would leave work to go to NYC right after so he doesn't have time. He wanted to see me today (?!), which kind of annoys me a bit to be honest, since we spent a lot of time yesterday hanging out at my friend's house (6pm-10ish when he dropped me off). I told him I couldn't, and I suggested next Monday to which he agreed. No set plans yet, though.

 

riiiight. Guess it's people's personal preferences. Kinda nitpicking-y if you ask me. But then I've probably had some of my own that make no sense lol.

 

Well that's good you both made an effort. Delayed gratification is a good thing. Why would it annoy you about today? Other than it's too close in time--too much, too quick. Although i'm glad you were "busy". and have something set for a week. Momentum has a pace to it. If it's not his strong suit, make sure you set it Be cunning like that.

[jam.over.jelly]

We JUST saw each other yesterday! Hmmmm, after all that initial attraction wears off, I need my space after all. Maybe he's just not the type to "play it cool" or any sort of silly games, which is good.

[losangelena]

We JUST saw each other yesterday! Hmmmm, after all that initial attraction wears off, I need my space after all. Maybe he's just not the type to "play it cool" or any sort of silly games, which is good.

 

Orrrrr ... maybe he just wants to get in your pants.

[jam.over.jelly]

Orrrrr ... maybe he just wants to get in your pants.

 

Yep. Could be!

[katiegrl]

From everything you have written...this sounds a little like blowtorching so be careful about that.

 

 

Remember, guys who come on strong and fast tend to disappear just as fast!

 

 

From what you described, he does sound rather "playerish" and I agree with losangelina, sounds like he just wants to get in your pants.... as soon as possible....

 

 

Was maybe even hoping he would tonight! Then he's off to New York, how convenient....

 

 

I smell a rat -- just my spiney senses.

 

 

I am glad you declined and suggested Monday. We shall see if he comes through...

 

 

G'luck.

[losangelena]

Yeah, I've had several guys do this, and it's always a good kind of test.

 

I once had a good lunch date with a guy, and later that afternoon already he texted, asking if I'd like to watch a movie at his place the next evening (yeah, right). I demurred, but said I'd be willing to meet him in public a few nights later. We met at a bar, and he put the moves on pretty quickly. Again, he asked me to his place, and I said no, not yet. Well after that he promptly ended the date and I never heard from him again. Go figure.

 

Pushing off is a great "tool" to check intentions. It's not foolproof but it does give a better sense. No man who is interested in MORE than sex will be turned off if you make him wait a little bit.