jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Just got back from my friend's house watching the football game. Met a smokin hot guy (a bit younger than me). We talked, joked around a lot, totally hit it off. He was so charming. Everything seems great, but I can't help but thinking he's a player. He's so smooth, really affectionate, wanted to hold my hand the whole time, which I didn't mind at all because I really like him, stroking my back when we were sitting next to each other. I took a cab there so he offered to drive me home, opened the car door for me and such. Very chivalry. We ended up making out for a bit. Then I kissed him goodbye at the door. He didn't try to come in. He told me it was so nice to meet someone like me. He even asked to take a selfie with me to send to his friend in Texas who's also an Asian, he said she'd love to see that he hangs out with an Asian girl (whatever that means, lol). Soon as he dropped me off, he texted me telling me he had a great time chatting with me, and would like to take me out sometime soon. I'm very smitten with this one, but at the same time I feel like I need to tread very carefully, because in the past when I'm smitten with someone, usually it doesn't end up very well. Well, we'll see. 1
TheBathWater Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Just got back from my friend's house watching the football game. Met a smokin hot guy (a bit younger than me). We talked, joked around a lot, totally hit it off. He was so charming. Everything seems great, but I can't help but thinking he's a player. He's so smooth, really affectionate, wanted to hold my hand the whole time, which I didn't mind at all because I really like him, stroking my back when we were sitting next to each other. I took a cab there so he offered to drive me home, opened the car door for me and such. Very chivalry. We ended up making out for a bit. Then I kissed him goodbye at the door. He didn't try to come in. He told me it was so nice to meet someone like me. He even asked to take a selfie with me to send to his friend in Texas who's also an Asian, he said she'd love to see that he hangs out with an Asian girl (whatever that means, lol). Soon as he dropped me off, he texted me telling me he had a great time chatting with me, and would like to take me out sometime soon. I'm very smitten with this one, but at the same time I feel like I need to tread very carefully, because in the past when I'm smitten with someone, usually it doesn't end up very well. Well, we'll see. Sounds like you're going to do what you're going to do. I'm honestly not even sure if you're asking for advice or just wanted to think out loud publicly. Regardless of whether or not he is a 'player', he has a way that charms you, and that is what you are attracted to. Do you think you're attracted to players? 2
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 Sounds like you're going to do what you're going to do. I'm honestly not even sure if you're asking for advice or just wanted to think out loud publicly. Regardless of whether or not he is a 'player', he has a way that charms you, and that is what you are attracted to. Do you think you're attracted to players? Not exactly asking for advice, but I'm sure I will have questions after we go on a date. In the meantime, I kinda just wanted to share this I think I'm attracted to guys that show me that they like me, but at the same time they don't overdo it. If I feel like I can get the guy to eat out of my palm, I lose interest. I definitely feel the chemistry with this guy, it's kinda off the chart. 1
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Yeah, don't jump the gun or let your anxiety get the best of you. As much as "players" are a common theme, so is anxious, overthinking in your stories (not trying to be mean-you know i love you--just dont want you to mess this up). It's too soon to be worried about anything. Worry about yourself. Whatever you did up until the point he kissed you--guessing you showed that you were cool not overly impressed--keep doing. don't change and jump 10 steps ahead. Ultimately, you should be thinking like this: that kiss was nice, I had fun with him today, but I'd still need to know a lot more about him to LET him be my boyfriend or have a place in my life. And then you do that. Let him prove that he is up to that task. You be the best you (not jumping through hoops) but like friends getting to know one another with a flirty vibe and let him be the best him. Playfully call him out of stuff that reeks of player stuff--and then rightfully pull back. That's how you make someone show you what they are about and hold them to a standard that is appropriate to open your life to. 3
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Not exactly asking for advice, but I'm sure I will have questions after we go on a date. In the meantime, I kinda just wanted to share this I think I'm attracted to guys that show me that they like me, but at the same time they don't overdo it. If I feel like I can get the guy to eat out of my palm, I lose interest. I definitely feel the chemistry with this guy, it's kinda off the chart. That's exactly what you give back. In your own mind and in your own actions. 1
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Not exactly asking for advice, but I'm sure I will have questions after we go on a date. In the meantime, I kinda just wanted to share this I think I'm attracted to guys that show me that they like me, but at the same time they don't overdo it. If I feel like I can get the guy to eat out of my palm, I lose interest. I definitely feel the chemistry with this guy, it's kinda off the chart. Sounds like a great night. The selfie bit is kinda weird but maybe I'm just old
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 Yeah, don't jump the gun or let your anxiety get the best of you. As much as "players" are a common theme, so is anxious, overthinking in your stories (not trying to be mean-you know i love you--just dont want you to mess this up). It's too soon to be worried about anything. Worry about yourself. Whatever you did up until the point he kissed you--guessing you showed that you were cool not overly impressed--keep doing. don't change and jump 10 steps ahead. Ultimately, you should be thinking like this: that kiss was nice, I had fun with him today, but I'd still need to know a lot more about him to LET him be my boyfriend or have a place in my life. And then you do that. Let him prove that he is up to that task. You be the best you (not jumping through hoops) but like friends getting to know one another with a flirty vibe and let him be the best him. Playfully call him out of stuff that reeks of player stuff--and then rightfully pull back. That's how you make someone show you what they are about and hold them to a standard that is appropriate to open your life to. You!!!!! You always give me one of the best advice! I do tend to overthink it especially when I find someone I'm excited about. He's merely a stranger, and you're right, there's a lot more to see and decide later on whether or not he's even worth my time. In the mean time, I'm gonna go ahead and enjoy his attention for now 2
Guyouthere Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 If he doesn't like jam and jelly, or smoked salmon, you must find another. Life is tough
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 Sounds like a great night. The selfie bit is kinda weird but maybe I'm just old The thing is I like him so I thought that was adorable. Haha! 1
Guyouthere Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 That's exactly what you give back. In your own mind and in your own actions. Versace,,,, South Beach is calling you 1
joseb Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Ultimately, you should be thinking like this: that kiss was nice, I had fun with him today, but I'd still need to know a lot more about him to LET him be my boyfriend or have a place in my life. And then you do that. Let him prove that he is up to that task. This. When I hear about people being 'smitten' after one meeting I'm always a bit worried. Sure, he might be good looking, charming and likes you, but it's just one date. You barely scratched the surface yet. 6
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 The thing is I like him so I thought that was adorable. Haha! I am just old. Lol
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 This. When I hear about people being 'smitten' after one meeting I'm always a bit worried. Sure, he might be good looking, charming and likes you, but it's just one date. You barely scratched the surface yet. Me too. I get worried too, because I know I shouldn't be smitten too soon. 1
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Me too. I get worried too, because I know I shouldn't be smitten too soon. No, don't resist that. But just keep your eyes open
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 haha, i try. Think about it like this. Would you have respect/constant attraction for someone who with a little scrap of attention, laid right down and acted like it was the best she'd ever gotten and was sure that he was IT? No, of course not. That's why the behavior of guys (and girls) who feel like they've won you over before they've put in any effort, showed you their true self goes downhill. Basically, you (general you), ie people who do this show them they are not worthy of more effort. You just have to think of your entire self as having a gate and you only open the gate when someone shows you they have the keys to get in. That's not solely attraction--it's not a hope for what could be either. It's a combo of those things as well as showing you along the way that they have the qualities that make them worthy of a place in your life and getting in. They reveal that over time and you should be looking for evidence of it/testing it in a way of speaking along the way BEFORE you open up. You can open up at the pace he shows you he has the goods. Chemistry alone is not the goods. 2
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 haha, i try. Think about it like this. Would you have respect/constant attraction for someone who with a little scrap of attention, laid right down and acted like it was the best she'd ever gotten and was sure that he was IT? No, of course not. That's why the behavior of guys (and girls) who feel like they've won you over before they've put in any effort, showed you their true self goes downhill. Basically, you (general you), ie people who do this show them they are not worthy of more effort. You just have to think of your entire self as having a gate and you only open the gate when someone shows you they have the keys to get in. That's not solely attraction--it's not a hope for what could be either. It's a combo of those things as well as showing you along the way that they have the qualities that make them worthy of a place in your life and getting in. They reveal that over time and you should be looking for evidence of it/testing it in a way of speaking along the way BEFORE you open up. You can open up at the pace he shows you he has the goods. Chemistry alone is not the goods. Wow. Well said. I wish I had your help when I was single 2
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 The thing is I like him so I thought that was adorable. Haha! I think that's adorable too. But again it's just a little gesture. Don't jump all the way to the end or 6 months in. These adorable things like this which are just cute things, not a real reflection of character, should just mean you will reply to his next text, take his next phone call, accept his next date--don't think beyond that. And if he is a not so forthcoming in the texting, phone call area before the next day, just because you had chemistry and he made this cute gesture doesn't mean you will accept the next date. Think baby steps of proof. 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 Wow. Well said. I wish I had your help when I was single Kilgore, shut up . You are happily married now. Your crisis is over. Enjoy it! 1
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Kilgore, shut up . You are happily married now. Your crisis is over. Enjoy it! Totally. I was just a lousy dater
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 I think that's adorable too. But again it's just a little gesture. Don't jump all the way to the end or 6 months in. These adorable things like this which are just cute things, not a real reflection of character, should just mean you will reply to his next text, take his next phone call, accept his next date--don't think beyond that. And if he is a not so forthcoming in the texting, phone call area before the next day, just because you had chemistry and he made this cute gesture doesn't mean you will accept the next date. Think baby steps of proof. You're totally right! He already asked to take me out tomorrow. But I have so many things to do tomorrow so I told him another time, didn't tell him when I'd be free because this week I already have plans filled up (halloween, bday parties and stuff). He told me to let him know when he could take me out. I said I would let him know. Guess we won't go on this date til like the week after next. 1
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 You're totally right! He already asked to take me out tomorrow. But I have so many things to do tomorrow so I told him another time, didn't tell him when I'd be free because this week I already have plans filled up (halloween, bday parties and stuff). He told me to let him know when he could take me out. I said I would let him know. Guess we won't go on this date til like the week after next. But don't blow him off if you are interested either
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 Wow. Well said. I wish I had your help when I was single I thought you were a guy? haha I like when guys post and need help with the mind of a girl. We are both simpler and more deviously complicated than a guy can fathom sometimes. But since you're married now, I doubt you needed help. Congratulations:bunny: 1
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I thought you were a guy? haha I like when guys post and need help with the mind of a girl. We are both simpler and more deviously complicated than a guy can fathom sometimes. But since you're married now, I doubt you needed help. Congratulations:bunny: I am a guy and am married. But I was a wreck dating. It worked out against all odds 1
Author jam.over.jelly Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 But don't blow him off if you are interested either I'm not. Haha. I just can't cancel my plans. They are pretty solid. 1
kilgore Posted October 26, 2015 Posted October 26, 2015 I'm not. Haha. I just can't cancel my plans. They are pretty solid. Nor should you. Screw him. Just kidding. Best to take it slow anyway (making out aside) 1
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