Is this the end?

[Rationality]

Hello everyone.

Must start off by saying I've been wandering here and there all over the internet for the past month or so.As a Broken Hearted guy,Ive gone through every possible psychological trick in order to try and make my thoughts disappear,Or at least break off for a while.

 

Im not sure why i am posting this,Or what exactly i am expecting to get out of this.For the last month i have gone from being completely hopeful to being a hopeless Guy.

 

Well,here goes.

I am 22 now.I have been with my ex for a year and a month.She was almost 17 when i met her,And she moved in to my place(where i live with my mother and little brother) just a couple of days after we started dating.

As you can tell,It was all a fairy-tale to me.We were in love,living together,and making it work.

 

We had our fights every once and a while,But well,who doesn't.The fights were a bit rough at our beginning,but as we progressed i managed to maintain calm at every fight,Trying to show how i truly change,For her and for me.

 

Anyways,Long story short.As she finished her high school,things went downhill.She started being a lot more dramatic,Bitter,and well-not so talkative.She was never there when i needed to talk.She wanted to have fun,while i focused on studying for med school,Trying to convince her that this is whats right for our future.

I understand that we were in different phases in our lives.She wanted to have fun and couldn't bare seeing me sitting to study.She wanted to go on restaurants and movies,anything but staying home.

 

We talked about splitting up a few times,And i even stated it once,But i never thought it would hurt that much.During another fight we had she decided we need to end this.She dumped me via text,While i was at work,And by the time i got home she was long gone.Our pictures were facing downwards on the table,And there started my nightmare.

The next day i tried calling her just to hear her crying and saying how she didn't want to hurt me but had to do this,And how she still isn't willing to even give me a decent reason,let alone Speak to me face to face in order to get some closure to our relationship.

 

I was a wreck.I am not a guy with ANY friends,due to some serious trust issues from my past.I texted her that week about all our relationship and how it shouldn't end this way,just to get a cold 3 lined message about how she is not "feeling it" anymore,and how she suddenly does not see any future with me.

Two weeks afterwards she came to pick up her passport.We sat and had a chat,Where i told her i think she was making a mistake,But can't make her love me.She went on about how she thinks its the right thing for both of us.

 

I even took her back home in my car,Pretending to be brave.Trying to be manly at last.I even smiled when i headed her saying "please,If you need to talk,call me.i want us to be friends"

The last time she contacted me was to ask if i know where her jeans are,As she couldn't find them.I replied coldly "I don't know" and that was it

 

Now,My head is really spinning.I can't think of anything else.I can't eat,I barely sleep.I just wander at bed like a complete zombie.All i do is go to work,come back,and get back to bed.I deleted her from Facebook,phone,anything that could make me want to contact her.But man,Does this hurt.

 

This is my first real love.I did not have any other experience with this,And its hurting like a mofo.I don't want her back,But i do.Im thinking of how her coming back can suddenly make my life Whole again.I keep thinking about that quote from Fight Club,Regarding the sofa-

"You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you're satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you've got your sofa issue handled."

Its just like me in way.I had a girlfriend and told to myself,Well,Ive got this covered.

And now I'm empty.Without anything else on my mind.I can't study properly,As my mind just keeps going back to square one.My life is really going downhill.All i had was her,my mother and my little brother.Now that she's gone,Its just too much to bare.

 

Her sister and her sisters boyfriend hate my guts,So as far as they are concerned,they will keep her away from me at any cost.

I NEVER saw her talking the way she did when we broke up.I didn't recognize her,Not even her voice.It felt like there was another person in there.Not the one i fell in love with to begin with,Not the one i loved,I love.She was cold,Using words she never used before.All i was thinking was "Where the **** did you go?"

 

I can't recall any bad things through the relationship,even tho there were many bad things.I can't remember any of them.All i think of are the good things,The fun.I can't hate her,I can't be mad at her.nothing.

 

 

We've been through so much.Few weeks before the break up we've been to Berlin together,Having fun.I never seen it coming.I suddenly don't want to study.I don't have the same drive to go to med school,Or do anything in fact.Its just gone.The spark is gone.

 

Man,Ive been going through a lot during my 22 years.Ive had tragedies and stuff i needed to bare and somehow,I pulled through.How come right now-It seems like the end?

Edited October 26, 2015 by Rationality

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Although you didn't realize it, you probably made her into your whole world. Now that she's gone for good & it's over, you're lost. You've gotta go through the normal process of loss. Best to go full & hard no contact and pretend she's dead. Eventually you'll get over her.

[Rationality]

Although you didn't realize it, you probably made her into your whole world. Now that she's gone for good & it's over, you're lost. You've gotta go through the normal process of loss. Best to go full & hard no contact and pretend she's dead. Eventually you'll get over her.

 

I guess i did.the problem is i cant get out of the loop.nothing seem to take me out of this horrible circle im in.

[mightycpa]

It is probably the end, and it will take some time to wash out of your system. Don't ignore the pain and try to find a way to express how you feel without involving her or her friends or her family.

[greenleaves54]

When you're through this crisis in your life you will find yourself and come out as a better person, I promise you.

 

But naturally, it's very hard now. No matter how sad or upset you feel - don't contact your ex. Disappear from her life. As "mightycpa" said - find a way to deal with your pain. Run long distances, spend time in nature, spend time with friends, write a book/log maybe. Whatever you feel works.

[Rationality]

Definatley not thinking of contacting her.

 

The problem is me hoping she at last will come around and contact me.I see it happening,her doing 180 and asking to get back.I dont want to be hoping.i want to be able to move on with my life without that voice in the back of my head asking "Has she called yet?"

 

I am sinking really low.Im in a position where my life seem unbareable at times.

Wether its the taste of food which is blank,Or studying which has become a real pain in the ass.My life i have built for both of us in some way come crashing,And its awful.

[Ryan_XD]

I feel for you here mate. I had a similiar situation - I lost a lot of friends and didn't keep in touch with any of them once I had gotten with my ex-girlfriend, I made her my world.

 

Once she'd split up with me, I was gutted, I couldn't eat, drink sleep or anything. I had no friends to turn to or anything...

 

I just concentrated on myself, got myself in good shape, took up some hobbies and kind of persued the things that I always wanted to do but never could when with her?

 

It's good that you've deleted her off of social media, you could be tempted to check up on her and see some things that'll only set you back in the future.

 

Keep strong, time is a great healer and it will get better.

 

Good luck.