MerAlene Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 I posted this along with a response as a thread on another post, but I'm sure I'll get more answers if I start my own. I really do need some feedback. I am 30 and my boyfriend is 27. He is quite mature and responsible - and definitely marriage-minded. We have been dating seriously for 7 months. What I want to know is, how much time is plenty of time to know how you really feel about someone? I told him I loved him after 3 months. I wouldn't take it back, but right at that moment, I knew that not only was he not ready to say it, but he wasn't even ready to hear it. He has a history of bad relationships behind him - he's been cheated on and emotionally abused by women a lot. We communicate very well, and I know he's honest and sincere with me about everything. The problem is that, after 7 months, he still just "doesn't know." He likes me a lot, but he admits he's still wants to make sure he doesn't settle. I am pretty sure it's just his fear of being hurt again talking. It's like he wants to love me, because he knows how great we are together and how great of a future we could have (we both refer to it all the time), but there's that one little bridge he's afraid to cross. At the age of 27, shouldn't he know how he feels by now? Knowing I love him, yet being unsure of how he feels about me, how long should I wait for him to change "I just don't know" into either "I do love you" or "I just don't and won't"? I should mention that he had a counseling appointment a week ago - the appointment that was made after my requesting him to do so for a few months. He says he didn't get much out of it, but he'll try going again to build a rapport/relationship with a therapist. He needs to deal with his past demons and trust issues and lack of ability to allow himself to be vulnerable emotionally. How long should "I don't know" really be ok with me? I just fear that I'll keep losing month after month - and he may never have an answer. If I were to decide to put a final date on it, how far out should that date be?
Tyric Posted May 23, 2005 Posted May 23, 2005 Originally posted by MerAlene How long should "I don't know" really be ok with me? Hmmm, for me it would come down to one simple question: how important are seven months of my life? If seven months are a significant amount of time, I would certainly abandon ship. That's more than enough time to figure out if you're truly in love with someone. However, if seven months mean nothing and perhaps you're still dating other people, then what's the loss? It really depends on where you are in life. For me, I wouldn't waste another second with Mr. Indecisive. Find someone who knows that your the best thing on the face of the planet and hold on to them!
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