breezy13 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 so i met this girl that was very friendly to me. She showed me kindness and i did something stupid. I liked her so much that i didn't want to blew it and come on to strong. That i started to ignore her on purpose, coming accros as being indifferent(which was stupid of me). So the week after, she repayed me by doing the same and i got angry. Without thinking i unfriended her on facebook and now she doesn't want to speak to me anymore. But i feel really bad, because she was being nice to me and i repayed her in a way that was really childish of me. Now i want to apologize but everyone i know is against me apologizing they say it make me seem weak. What do you guys think i should do?
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 so i met this girl that was very friendly to me. She showed me kindness and i did something stupid. I liked her so much that i didn't want to blew it and come on to strong. That i started to ignore her on purpose, coming accros as being indifferent(which was stupid of me). So the week after, she repayed me by doing the same and i got angry. Without thinking i unfriended her on facebook and now she doesn't want to speak to me anymore. But i feel really bad, because she was being nice to me and i repayed her in a way that was really childish of me. Now i want to apologize but everyone i know is against me apologizing they say it make me seem weak. What do you guys think i should do? First, ask yourself why you thought cold indifference was a wise idea. Really. There is something that motivated you to behave that way and you need to figure out what that is so you don't treat other people that way in the future. Second, apologize if you wish but out of sincere remorse and not as a ploy to win her back. She may or may not be receptive to it but I don't think it matters if it comes across as weak. You need to learn not to make ego-based decisions like that. 4
Guyouthere Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 You did mess up, and pretty bad. Your only option is to explain how sorry you are….. and hope that she accepts it. 2
StBreton Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I'm so glad there's a backlash against the "indifference" movement. How exhausting. How do you young people have time for such games? And for a guy to use this ploy ...you know you're supposed to be the hunter right? Call her and tell her you're a compete idiot ...throw yourself on the mercy of the court ... tell her you really like her. Maybe she'll come around. If not ... At least you know you acted honorably at the end. Change your game for next time. Don't lead with your ego. 1
unbeknown Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 What do you guys think i should do? Stop playing games for one. I got suckered in to the whole game playing thing when I first started dating. Quickly (or rather, slowly) lerarned it's a complete waste of everyone's time. Just be upfront and honest. Play it cool by all means but purposly ignoring is a waste of time. Also a sincere apology doesn't mean you're weak by all means. Be true to yourself. If she doesn't accept it and reciprocate - move on 1
Satu Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Give some thought to the meaning of the word, 'sincerity.' If you adopt strategies with people, like acting disinterested, you will appear false and insincere. Be exactly the same person on the outside that you are on the inside. No strategies, no ploys, no acting. Good luck. 1
Author breezy13 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 Yeah, I know I was wrong. I never do this, I'm always honest. But my insecurities told me to be a douchebag for once, because otherwise I'll end up being the one getting hurt again:mad. But I hate how I feel now even more. Because I was being a childish, insecure ******* and she acted as she should, but it bothers me that a hurted a good person for no good reason. 1
EricaH329 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I don't know if you can fix it. That would be up to her. What you can do though, is apologize for acting the way you did. Don't apologize hoping it'll get her back, but do it because it's the right thing to do. Lesson learned. 2
StBreton Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 OP ...with time you'll learn to finesse these situations ...neither coming on too strong nor displaying indifference. The next time you really like a girl ...talk to your parents about it ... Hopefully just talking it through will release some tension and maybe they'll give you some guidance about how to temper your emotions and approach ...tell you ways to show the girl you care without "blowing it" cheers
StBreton Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 Yeah, I know I was wrong. I never do this, I'm always honest. But my insecurities told me to be a douchebag for once, because otherwise I'll end up being the one getting hurt again:mad. But I hate how I feel now even more. Because I was being a childish, insecure ******* and she acted as she should, but it bothers me that a hurted a good person for no good reason. Getting our heart hurt just feels bad ... I can totally understand your not wanting that to happen. But if you don't take the risk ...you'll never bask in the glory of the reward. The key is to moderate your risk ...in love and in life. In love that means don't date the players ... But liking a really nice girl you're not assured she'll like you back. You can just hope. Be grateful for what you have ...always ...and if a really nice girl loves you back ...that's the icing on the cake. If she doesn't ...you haven't really lost anything. Go make yourself the best you that you can be.
LoveRefreshed Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I think cold indifference works on those girls who desperately need male acceptance... I don't think I'd want to date anyone that worked on anyway. Trust me, the key to a girls vagina is her heart, and the key to that is making her laugh and feel good. Or having a six pack abs works too. 1
LoveRefreshed Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I don't know if you can fix it. That would be up to her. What you can do though, is apologize for acting the way you did. Don't apologize hoping it'll get her back, but do it because it's the right thing to do. Lesson learned. I disagree with this. Don't apologize. Just fade away and learn your lesson. Apologizing just refreshes it all. You don't owe anyone an apology for not wanting to be just their friend.
sandylee1 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I'm not sure how old you are....and her age...but if I was her I wouldn't be interested in hearing from you again. When people act that way, it makes me feel I've done something wrong or that they have mental problems. Once I reflect and analyse my behaviour and I can't see how I did wrong - I'm left with one conclusion and it's not worth the stress. An apology wouldn't go amiss - then at least she'll know for sure it was all on you.
EricaH329 Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 I disagree with this. Don't apologize. Just fade away and learn your lesson. Apologizing just refreshes it all. You don't owe anyone an apology for not wanting to be just their friend. The OP feels remorse for ignoring someone he likes due to the fact that he thought 'playing it cool' and ignoring her would win her over. The OP stated that this girl was nice to him, and he feels bad for treating her the way he did. If that doesn't warrant an apology, then I don't know what does.
LoveRefreshed Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 The OP feels remorse for ignoring someone he likes due to the fact that he thought 'playing it cool' and ignoring her would win her over. The OP stated that this girl was nice to him, and he feels bad for treating her the way he did. If that doesn't warrant an apology, then I don't know what does. Why apologize to someone not even if your life? It does nothing but to rekindle awkward feelings and make it even more odd. He only feels bad because of the outcome, not because she feels bad. There is nothing more selfish in this world than an apology. Apologies serve only to relieve guilt of the offender. An offender changing his future behavior is the only meaningful thing that can occur after an offense as occurred. There is nothing for offending than that last sentence.. sorry kids. Also, **** being nice as some sort of qualifier for anything. People are nice for all sorts of selfish motives. I know you girls know all about nice guy . An article that I hate.
joseb Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 OP, were you two actually going on dates, or was this all a facebook friends thing? What did you do to come on too strong?
Satu Posted October 25, 2015 Posted October 25, 2015 No experience is entirely wasted if you learn something from it. This is something you can learn from.
Author breezy13 Posted October 25, 2015 Author Posted October 25, 2015 No we weren't going on dates, I know her trough some dancing classes. I wasn't in the same group as her but she would always make sure to come talk to me. She called me several times off guard and she was so nice to help a family member of mine with a trouble she was having. I wasn't sure she liked me and got the feeling she was playing hard to get, what kinda angered me because I hate when people, especially girls do that. So I didn't want to run a risk to ask her out and getting rejected, so I start playing the same game but a little harder and I went overboard and she started to ignore me, so I unfriended her. I kinda regret it because my reaction was too harsh, I should have taken the time to also understand her position as a women. That I played the game, I've seen been played so many times that it actually hurt her. I should have acted like a man and just told her straight up. My apology isn't for winning her back, if it gets her back that's great. But it's more because of how much I understand it hurts and I went out and did to somebody else. I really want to make amend for doing something so childish. 1
Author breezy13 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 What it basically comes to is that I want to show her that being nice to someone is OK. Now it may seems to her that being gets her into trouble which is not OK for me. People being nice to each other is something I want to help promote, that's why I feel strong about doing this. I shouldn't make somebody else feel miserable because of mine bad experiences. That's all.
Author breezy13 Posted October 26, 2015 Author Posted October 26, 2015 Because I'm almost certain she isn't going to forgive me, so...
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